Is he the abuser or am i? help

He doesn't treat you with any respect.

She said she is 18

To all honesty this isn’t a relationship. This is some messed up rude abusive guy you are talking to online whom you met only once in 3 years. The rest of the time he is just some guy who is incredibly rude and mean to you online. That’s about it. He is a total stranger whose rudeness you tolerate for whatever reason. I don’t know why you are referring to it as a relationship.

I would say that going to the youth center program would be a good start. They may be able to refer you to a therapist there. You don't have to be on meds to go to therapy. It's been recommended to me by my therapist to see my GP for meds for my anxiety, but I have avoided doing so. I still see her every couple weeks because she really helps me find ways to handle stress and anxiety.

I only want to add that you both live in different countries, continents, even and this is all done virtually. My advice is to take a step away from your computer and get outside and surround yourself with in person connections, innocent aquaintances and friendships. This clearly saps and drains you.

He is a narcissist and an abuser,proof of this is the mantra that he makes you repeat,also he has isolated you from your friends and no your sole purpose is not to please him.Bdsm without a safe word is not good and dangerous if you ask me.he is not a God.He can hurt you badly and probably will.Note all abusers that commit domestic violence turn their partner's family and friends away from them, so they,the abuser, are the only influence and the partner has no one to turn to and no reality check.Leave him he is no good.

Sorry for the late reply, i´m 18. An adult. I should be able to deal with this on my own. I feel like i´m still about 10 years old on the inside. Thank you all for your concern.

I used to have an eating disorder and social phobia, and just general anxiety like most people. The medication actually did help in a way. Sir said they made me numb and drugged up and that it was disgusting. That he didn´t want to speak to some drugged up *insert bad word here*
I disagree with him completely but i still stopped taking them. Thank you for caring and replying to my post.

Replying to my own thread again, i apologize.
I wanted to thank you all for your wonderful advice.
I did bring up how i felt about us recently. I talked to him about how i don´t think our interactions are healthy, that i think our relationship might just hurt us.
He´s acted so nice and sweet and kind toward me lately. Even talking about his day and being a bit more personal. He´s been very sweet and interested in my thoughts. This is either: A) him realizing his behavior is bad and trying to change, genuinely or b) him just pretending to be sweet to keep me from leaving. If it´s the latter, i´ll notice. Because after he´s sweet he´ll be mean again. And if that happens, i´ll try my hardest to really distance myself from him.
Thank you all, again.

Sigh...this just so unhealthy.

First, it's okay to need help. Even adults need other people to lean on in their lives. No one deals with anything alone. We all need people to talk to.

Second, PLEASE see a therapist or even talk to your family or a close friend about what this guy is doing to you. You were on those meds to help you. He wanted you to stop taking them, even though they helped you, because of some side effects to your mood? This is your health and life we are talking about.

It's okay to like being submissive and BDSM, this isn't about that. What he is doing is beyond controlling, it's manipulative, and he isn't concerned with your health and well-being, which any partner, regardless of sexual lifestyle, will care about.

PLEASE see a therapist. And tell them everything you told us here.

I would also recommend you just cut off this guy completely. He is abusing you and hurting you. Getting him out of your life is imperative. I know it seems like maybe you won't find anyone else. But you are young and I assure you there are other men out there who will treat you with respect.

Seesaw

A lot of this trouble is on me, though. I know that i´m not "normal". Had i been i would have blocked him without doubt. But i made a pact, i swore to myself to stay with him forever. to never be with another man unless it´s him. That even if he did not want me anymore i would be loyal to him. I know i am obsessive, crazy. Maybe if i went to therapy i could realize that there are other options for me in life.
I´m too scared and ashamed to talk to my parents. I live with them, but we don´t talk about feelings. I don´t have any close friends. I do have the option to see a therapist or counsellor though (**** i can´t spell). It´d feel so incredibly nice to unleash all of this unto another person. To tell them everything. But i would feel so guilty i would not know what to do with myself.

I’d have to say that no, most people don’t have general anxiety. Many do. There is really nothing that “most” people have.

I’d go to your doctor and let him know that you stopped meds and ask if you still need it. It’s very concerning that this abuser control your medication intake. That’s extreme level of abuse. He is a horrible human being who is praying on vulnerable young women.

You´ll probably dislike me now, making a post about how "bad" he is and then defending him. He´s as young as me, no one has their **** together at 18. He´s not like most guys who´ll pretend to be sweet and loving on the outside but secretly check out other girls butts. Sir is strong and special and the world may never understand what we have. I know better now than to accuse him of being "abusive" I´ve read about women who have been abused, or men even. Abusers are horrible and Sir would agree with me that they are pathetic remnants of human souls. Sir may be stern with me sometimes but only because in my soul, deep in my heart, i love it.

He's an 18 year old predator. And no pact that you made with someone who has manipulated you and abused you should be honored. You have no responsibility towards someone who doesn't love you. And he doesn't love you.

Him being young doesn’t excuse abusive behavior.

I understand that you might love being mistreated but it doesn’t make abuse ok and that’s why you need to talk to a professional asap.

Reminds me of song lyrics, can’t remember who sings it tho.
“A kiss with a fist is better than none”

We are going around in circles fluffy, all the advice has been given, all the wisdom dropped, is there something more we can offer you?
If you haven’t already I would suggest that you start from the beginning and read this entire thread again.

Thank you. I know i am frustrating. I go through phases of disliking him and loving him. I made my first post in the "disliking" period. Now i´m in a period of loving him. Maybe if i get sad again or feel like it i´ll go to that therapy place. It could be nice and useful, get to relieve myself of some of my feelings. Otherwise i have my stuffies and Taurus and my diary, i know that i´m strong and i can do this.
Thank you all for your wonderful advice!

You can love the person but not be with them if it interferes with health and safety. This man is dangerous for your well being

You are welcome fluffy, frustrating or not, I hope you stick around and keep posting.
And it doesn’t just have to be about your online relationship.

I got this far:

Every single one of those paragraphs points out another way that he is abusive, controlling, narcissistic and a person you need to get away from. I didn't even need to read anymore in fact just about stopped at

I'm baffled as to why you actually have to ask the question as you so aptly pointed out everything very clearly that shows how this person is abusive. there must be a part of you that already knows this and you're just here for confirmation. But really, do you need it? Get out of the friendship, get away from this person and do not look back.

Yeah well i used to complain to my friends and therapist about him and he found out i guess. Said he was a monster, that i never defended him like he defended me, that i was making him out to be worse than he was. That doesn´t make me feel very good. I don´t understand why he´s doing this. He talked so much about how he wants to be noble, how other men are bad, how he´ll protect me. Where did everything go wrong....
I´ll just wish for him to meet someone new so i can be alone and be left unbothered.

well the fact that he found out and how he is appalled at how you are "making him out to be worse" is kind of what an abuser does in such situations. They get very indignant and try to project what they do on you. They turn things around to make it seem as though everything they do is "noble" but what you did by being honest with someone or a therapist about things is so horribly mean to them. It's a very skewed view of things that they have.

How did he find out what you tell your therapist???

Good question.....I hardly remember. I told him literally everything going on in my life. Told him my therapist did not like him. Not a smart move by me. There was a lot of therapy related drama in our relationship. My friends got so worried about me (i think?) that they visited my therapist and we had an awkward session with all my friends and the therapist.
Sir claims my therapist was shady and bad, and that he liked me. Sir was in therapy too at the time, but the therapist quit, hah...

You said before that you don't have friends. Now you are mentioning friends. Are they not your friends anymore?