Is he the abuser or am i? help

Thank you, sincerely. It felt good to pour my heart out a bit. I will be careful. I know loving him will be difficult for me at times, and i may cry but it is worth it. It´s my purpose in life. I have my stuffies and my imaginary friend and i´ll be fine. When he´s sweet to me i feel like i´m on clouds! (Sorry i know i sound slightly crazy, but i´m just being honest)

not sure what to say fluffy, you seem impervious to reason.
Sounds like he knows exactly how to soothe your anxiety and quiet your doubts.
I think he’s got you figured out while you are still confused by him.

He told me if i wanted a relationship with him it´d have to do it his way. He was really sweet to me, he always is.

I fantasize a lot about an angelic boy coming to kidnap me. I´d hate it at first but it´d feel so nice to be saved, helped, without having a choice. Sorry, i know i sound just plain ****ed up now. Guess i´m trying to invoke some reaction. Since the therapy place rejected me i really have no one to talk to. As it should be.

How is telling you it has to be his way sweet??

If your decision is to stay with him, then stay. But if one day he caused you pain that you can't take anymore, please seek for help. I wish you well

Please please please seek help. Your idea of a healthy relationship is seriously warped. You place your identity up in this guy who has clearly been abusive,.whether you want to admit it or not.

We'll be hee for you regardless, but I hope you will be very careful in continuing a relationship with him.

It means he wants to be with me. Do i wish he´d let me call him by his name and that one day when i wake up we´d be boyfriend and girlfriend again? Yes.
But this is nice too. He said he loved me in his own way, in a way that would be good for us.

You can't call him by his name? Red flag.

Can only call him "Sir" or some other similar name. Owner, God, Daddy. I like it. It makes me so sad. Sometimes. But i like it. I have to. There is no turning back, ever. He said today that he did this because i liked it. He said overthinking is hurting him, and myself. I´ll just stop thinking.

Please show this thread to your doctor or therapist or in fact anyone else. He wants you tocall himdaddy? Say what????

Maybe i would if i had someone. Too ashamed to tell my family, don´t go to therapy anymore. They said i didn´t have any illnesses so they were like, bye.
Honestly i´m amused. I want something bad to happen to me.

Also, a lot of people call their partner Daddy, disturbing as it sounds. He calls me little girl all the time. I guess it´s sweet.

I have only read the original post (first post in this thread) so excuse me if I am saying something others have stated...

I see in the original post that you are 16. BDSM sites online have age limits .....usually...(my wife and I are in a few)

if you read your sites home page you may find some info that says things like....

BDSM is a fetish where there is one or more dominant persons (the one that is all controlling, doles out discipline/ punishments for anything that the dom person feels is wrong that the other person is saying or doing.( the other person is called the sub, submissive = person who has no control, or decisions)

in BDSM anything goes and is not called abusive.....unless.... the dom does not stop / honor the code word that means stop.

everything that I have read in the original post does fit with what goes on in the BDSM situations. including you stated in your post when you want to stop your dom does stop.

if you dont want to be in a BDSM relationship online or off my suggestion is tell your dom you are no longer interested in BDSM then have no more contact with him if he wants to continue to be in the BDSM world. he will find another "sub" who is into the same things that he is into (his being the dom controlling everything.)

another suggestion is contact your doctor or a therapist who can help you figure out why at age 16 you wanted to be in a BDSM which is a world where one wants to be abused/ disciplined and the other wants to be in complete control.

Do you understand that nothing about a healthy relationship should make you sad? It makes you sad that you can't call him by his name, and yet he tells you that it's because you like it when you clearly don't like it, since it makes you sad?

He tells you what you like and don't like, even though you say you don't like it? Relationships are about nurturing each other and being equal partners. He does not nurture you nor are you two equals in the relationship. He's telling you your overthinking it because you are thinking about your own needs and he doesn't care. In a healthy BDSM relationship, if you told him you don't like something, he would respect that. But he doesn't. He doesn't care about your needs.

I hope you can see this.

Seesaw

You want something bad to happen to you? News flash: something bad is already happening to you. Trust me, you don't want worse to happen to you. It's almost obscene that you would say that when so many people here have been abused and raped and you want something bad to happen to you?

You don't have to have an illness to see a therapist. You can see a therapist to learn better communication skills or to be more assertive or to work on not accepting bad relationships. You need to work on your self esteem and self worth because clearly you do not value yourself and your own needs enough. You talk a lot about the things that you want but you seem to think you have to settle for this guy because he's the only guy you've ever known. You're afraid to accept that you are worth more and deserve better.

Seesaw

I see a therapist. I have no mental illness at all. I see her about once a month to cope with few troublesome events: my mother is very ill and potentially losing her battle with cancer and I am grieving death of my son in law. In the past I saw a therapist for help with managing my financial habits, one time I saw a therapist because I needed help with managing full time job, graduate school and a kid at home. Etc etc i never saw a therapist for illness as I don’t have one.

I don’t know if a lot of people call their partners “daddy”. I am in early 50s and know a lot of people on two continents and no one I know call their boyfriends that. But it’s not even the point. There is nothing cute or sweet about your situation. It’s s terryfing

Thank you for your response. Sorry for spamming my own thread but i feel the need to reply because everyone is being very mature and honest with me. Thank you so much.

I´ve been in therapy since i was 13, when i turned 18 they sent me to the adult psychiatrist. I met with her twice, and after evaluating me she concluded i was not in need of any treatment. She literally said i could not come back. I hid under a tree in the rain and cried.
I´ve been thinking of going to this other, more chill and free therapy place. Just need to gather bravery.

Thank you. I´ve probably triggered every single person who´s seen my post by how immature and naively stubborn i act. Believe me, i know how stupid i sound.
This relationship feels right and good and cute and lovely half of the time, and excruciatingly terrifying and wrong half of the time.

I think he knows our relationship is bad too. He said once that he knows there´s a wrongness in our relationship but that he likes it. Said once he didn´t want to go to jail because i liked feeling like a victim.

Sorry that this will be a long reply, but so many nice people have responded to my post that i feel the need to write something that i´ve gotten out of/learned from everyone´s advice.

-Option 1, i stay and love him and things probably most ****ing likely go to hell
-Option 2, i leave him and heal (too impossible, i can´t)
The best option: He gets a girlfriend so i don´t have to be with him anymore, him leaving would fix everything
What i´m going to do in the near future: I won´t be able to do anything drastic, but i will NOT travel to visit him, and i will contact a therapist and tell them about all of this mess.

Thank you again.

Psychiatrist said you aren’t in need of treatment doesn’t mean you can’t see therapist. I don’t know where you live but I am not aware of free therapy. Maybe some reduced payment type of thing.

Good idea!

I'm glad to hear you're not going to visit him!

Just want to say one more thing....leaving him is not impossible! It's the best thing you can do for yourself. Yes, it might be incredibly hard, it will hurt and it will seem like you'll never get over it.... But you will!!

You don't need this guy who is ruining you, who doesn't respect you and who constantly brings you down.

You don't even see this guy IRL. How do you know he doesn't already have another gf and is just playing with you? How can you trust him?

He might have someone else. I´m okay with that, as long as she is too. We agreed he could see people. But he said he didn´t want to be in a relationship with anyone for like 20 years.
Maybe i will leave him, maybe i won´t. He just wants a non commitment sexual relationship and that´s cool. Does´t mean he´s a terrible person. I think i´ll just treat him with the same amount of respect he treats me with.

In many cases psychiatrists primarily prescribe meds. Their main goal is to make sure the meds you are on are working well and any side effects are bearable. Some go a little deeper than that, one being my daughter's psychiatrist, but that seems to be quite rare anymore. I see you mentioned in another post that you will start seeing a therapist again, I think that is a great idea.

Best of luck and please be kind to yourself!

Thank you! There´s this like "youth" place you can go to and just talk to an adult about feelings, sex, stuff like that. It´d be nice actually.
Therapist gave me meds, too them for like half a year, then quit them without telling anyone. Not a good decision but oh well.

If you have no illness then why were you prescribed meds? Is it possible that your abruptly stopped medication caused issues with how you make decisions? What was the meds for?

I am at a total loss here.. You have been given stellar honest advice..

Maybe you answered this before and Im sorry I didnt see it.

How old are you ?