[Aviza]

I live with her for now, he wants me to move in with him and get away from her negativity. I'm called dumb lazy blind by mom. He'll be visiting she says he eats too much, and she will change the tv on him. Done it twice despite him saying he's watching that. She's just rude and controlling. I want out honestly but

Too soon people say. Far from family, daughter, and friends. Far from doctors. Mom's house is prettier, more comfortable, and cleaner.

He's a farmer, volunteer fire fighter. Housing is cheaper down there, people are friendlier. He would get me a job where he works in manufacturing, I've always worked in offices.

[curley]

Originally Posted by Aviza

I live with her for now, he wants me to move in with him and get away from her negativity. I'm called dumb lazy blind by mom. He'll be visiting she says he eats too much, and she will change the tv on him. Done it twice despite him saying he's watching that. She's just rude and controlling. I want out honestly but

Too soon people say. Far from family, daughter, and friends. Far from doctors. Mom's house is prettier, more comfortable, and cleaner.

He's a farmer, volunteer fire fighter. Housing is cheaper down there, people are friendlier. He would get me a job where he works in manufacturing, I've always worked in offices.

Hi Aviza, It is never a good thing to constantly be exposed to negativity or someone that is puts you down. You say people say it is to soon, butyou do not say how long you have known your farmer/fire fighter. If family, daughter and friends are an issue maybe you could look for a room mate to get a place closer to them and continue working in an office! I did not read anything about your feelings for this man so I am thinking maybe it is not a really in love situation. So dont move in with this man just because you want out of your moms. I think finding another living situaiton may be somehting to think about.

Curley has some good questions and suggestions. I agree fully.

[divine1966]

I think your mother might be suspicious and overprotective due to your previous experiences with men: con artists/criminals etc

I'm inclined to agree with several points made above: your past relationship experience and that your OP does not mention the very nature of this relationship and what it is built upon. I also strongly support the idea that you try first to gain your own independence.

I do not know you or your present situation. How old is this daughter of yours and what is the present situation and relationship you have with her. Do you live with her currently? Is she an independent adult? Why do you live with your mom in the first place? The answers to each and everyone of these questions will determine that which you seek.

[Aviza]

I'm in love with him, we've been dating since Oct of this year. He claims love at first sight for me I was comfortable with him from the start. My daughter lives with her dad, she is 15. I had visitation that I lost when I had my recent breakdown following the divorce from the con and the subsequent financial issues, still recovering financially. My family loves him, he's a good guy, and my mom is asking when he plans to propose. He waited 16 years before marrying his first wife, rushing isn't his nature but he says he loves me more than anyone before. I let it slip that I want to marry him early on because I love so much about him.

I live with my mom because I'm on a waitlist for section 8 housing and got pushed down the list because I'm in a safe environment with my mom. I was homeless sort of living in hospitals and crisis centers.

[divine1966]

I don’t recommend you move in with a man you met two months ago. Take it slow

[Aviza]

Well my parents moved in together right away, I don't see what the big deal is with moving in together. I am talking to him about taking the section 8 apartment and traveling back and forth for a year. They called me so I'm hoping the apartment is nearing my name for availability. But he has an interview up here next week, and says he will move up here. He doesn't want to lose me, I told him he won't.

[divine1966]

Originally Posted by Aviza

Well my parents moved in together right away, I don't see what the big deal is with moving in together. I am talking to him about taking the section 8 apartment and traveling back and forth for a year. They called me so I'm hoping the apartment is nearing my name for availability.

It’s a big deal to move fast if you generally dont have a good judgement re men. I don’t think it’s appropriate to take section 8 housing if you don’t intent to live there full time. There are people who truly need it. If you intent to just go back and forth you should not get government subsidized housing

[~Christina]

Obviously your mom must not like him that much as your OP is about her being rude to him or did I misread it ?

How far away does he live? How did you meet ?

I think everyone brought up important questions that you should answer before moving in with him.

If you do move and it doesn’t work out where will that leave you ? Back to living where?

If he can get you a job in manufacturing why do you need section 8 housing? Are you unable to find a job where you live?

Originally Posted by Aviza

........My family loves him, he's a good guy, and my mom is asking when he plans to propose...... He waited 16 years before marrying his first wife, rushing isn't his nature but he says he loves me more than anyone before.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! This is completely counter to what you are saying. You started this thread by saying how rude your mother is to this man and that it is apparently an intolerable situation. Yet you state here that mom actually approves of him. Just what is the situation because I am at a loss here.

I have additional concerns too. The fact he waited 16 years to marry another woman should be a big red flag to you that making a commitment is difficult for him.

Have you sat down with him to discuss and plan out what a relationship would look like? What will the finances be? Are you expected to contribute and to what degree? In what manner will the household be maintained and run? Will you be the sole person responsible? You will be taken away from your support network. What arrangements then can be expected to maintain this? How often will you get to return to visit your daughter and family? etc.

Please iron this out. In fact, it would behoove yourself and he to draw up a legal agreement.

[Aviza]

He says it's cheaper to get a car payment and gas than to live in my area. But I found a reasonable place, he hasn't seen yet. He says he'll move up here, but his actions want me to move down there. It's 2 hours away, 3 hours from my daughter.

I work part-time and am on disability. It was difficult for me to find a descent job that will work with my disability. My mom says I shouldn't count on this job because it's a small office, he's old and likely will die soon. She just lost her 2nd husband.

Basically my mom is a condescending negative person. She's mean, only nice in public and sometimes not even there. But she thinks my boyfriend is a descent guy, not the brightest but descent.

[~Christina]

Im still confused

Now I'm confused too. If mom is rude to your boyfriend, yet accepts him and likes him, then is it your rude and negative mother who is the issue, it's driving you crazy and you need to get away from her? Or is your boyfriend upset over your rude mother? Sorry.... I'm lost.

[Aviza]

My boyfriend is upset by my mother's negativity and rude behavior. He doesn't want to drive up here now because I live with her so he's exposed to her often. I told him he has learn to let it slip off his back, in one ear out the other. It's just how she is.

Oh I see. Yes, I would tend to agree with you. He needs to learn how to deal with it and accept it if he wants to see you. I'm sure you've communicated to him that this is just how she is and that she does accept him in your life. It's not really fair to make you drive all the time to see him, either. It has to be on equal ground, or should be.

[divine1966]

If you already lost visitations once, moving 3 hours away is a bad decision. courts would likely look at it that you chose total stranger over your child.

Your boyfriend is so old that likely to die soon? What? What kind of office? You said he is farmer and a firefighter. Plus how old about to die guy is a firefighter? Did you look him up?

[~Christina]

Do you want to move farther away from your daughter to be with a guy you have only dated 2 months? Do you see your daughter?

Who is old ? The boyfriend? Die soon ?

I’m throughly confused

You found a reasonable place ? For him? For you both? Your waiting for section 8 housing? Or a regular place to live ?

[Aviza]

No my boss is old. I'm seeing my daughter Saturday. Well if he gets the job on Friday he will move up here. But we are together looking at a place. And I myself considering section 8.

[Buffy01]

Originally Posted by Aviza

I live with her for now, he wants me to move in with him and get away from her negativity. I'm called dumb lazy blind by mom. He'll be visiting she says he eats too much, and she will change the tv on him. Done it twice despite him saying he's watching that. She's just rude and controlling. I want out honestly but

Too soon people say. Far from family, daughter, and friends. Far from doctors. Mom's house is prettier, more comfortable, and cleaner.

He's a farmer, volunteer fire fighter. Housing is cheaper down there, people are friendlier. He would get me a job where he works in manufacturing, I've always worked in offices.

There could be two reason one reason is she may feel overly protective of you because she is suspicious of him. Or she doesn't want you be with anyone. Have you asked her what is that she doesn't like about your boyfriend?

[Buffy01]

Originally Posted by justafriend306

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! This is completely counter to what you are saying. You started this thread by saying how rude your mother is to this man and that it is apparently an intolerable situation. Yet you state here that mom actually approves of him. Just what is the situation because I am at a loss here.

I have additional concerns too. The fact he waited 16 years to marry another woman should be a big red flag to you that making a commitment is difficult for him.

Have you sat down with him to discuss and plan out what a relationship would look like? What will the finances be? Are you expected to contribute and to what degree? In what manner will the household be maintained and run? Will you be the sole person responsible? You will be taken away from your support network. What arrangements then can be expected to maintain this? How often will you get to return to visit your daughter and family? etc.

Please iron this out. In fact, it would behoove yourself and he to draw up a legal agreement.

I can understand why she is mean because in the eyes of other people who a breaking up someone else relationship it doesn't matter why they are not together the point is if it didn't work with the other girl it not going to work with you. You should dump this guy immediately. Your mom may feel that you are having an affair with the guy. She may be trying to protect you from the ex.

[Aviza]

He's been single 6 years im not breaking him up from anyone.

[Aviza]

She thinks I'm too giving towards him. I bought a lot of Christmas presents for him. And his birthday was 4 days before Christmas so I bought him seemingly more stuff than he bought me. She wishes he was smarter and rich. He's more brawn than brain.

[divine1966]

Originally Posted by Aviza

She thinks I'm too giving towards him. I bought a lot of Christmas presents for him. And his birthday was 4 days before Christmas so I bought him seemingly more stuff than he bought me. She wishes he was smarter and rich. He's more brawn than brain.

Since men took advantage of you before, it’s understandable she worries

[Nammu]

I have a different perspective, he's pushy and controlling. It's your moms house and her TV, the guy comes in takes over and tells you what you want to hear. If he has a house and a job farmer/fire fighter why is he moving there? He sounds like a loser who is using you. Get your own apartment don't let him live with you and mend fences with your daughter.