New Relationship Concerns

I didn't sleep with him "right off the bat" but it was rather quick. I bought him a gift because I thought it would be a nice thing to do. It felt right. He bought me one, too.

Maybe he is supposed to be the rebound guy for me anyways. Maybe it's not meant to be longer-term.

I just need to let out my feelings & thoughts right now.

I am not sure if I can continue with him. I found out something about him that has me seriously questioning the possibility of a future, and I think I may need to cut my losses. I don't want to talk openly about it yet because I want to sit with my own thoughts right now on the matter without input.

But I feel disheartened and disappointed. It's not like I had such high hopes -- I was just going with the flow of things to see how things unfolded, and I don't feel very emotionally attached yet. I am attached to all the fun we were having, but I can do that on my own, too, without him.

PS: edited to say: now I am crying. Maybe I DID have high hopes.

I am beginning to think I should wander this earth alone for the rest of my life. I'm 47 and nothing seems to ever work out. I have dated PLENTY of men. I've had a ton of boyfriends and relationships. I'm sick of this crap. I cannot find a decent person to be with.

Eve, please don't feel bad and don't base your feelings on a man. Go out and do as you please and be happy. If he is not the one for you, there are plenty of other men out there, so don't despair. And, please don't worry about being exclusive so soon. Some men need their time to wander around while others only want exclusivity which also could be suffocating. Thus, please just enjoy what you have and don't mind him too much. Have fun and enjoy life!!

TY bp.

I will divulge the additional details I learned of when I'm ready, but I don't think I can move forward with him as it is. I don't think it is too soon to ask about exclusivity -- nearly two months of dating. I think that is ample time for him to have wandered and to have decided that he wants to focus on me alone .. or not. Besides, I said either way is fine -- I wasn't pushing for it -- I just wanted to know where we stand right now.

Yes, plenty of other men, but there were so many things I really clicked with with this guy. SO many things. It's very disappointing.

I can have fun on my own though. I have plenty of friends and a good social circle.. and there's my music scene, which is mine and not his.

If you don't feel comfortable, put an end to this relationship. I understand it's disappointing but it's the best thing to do.
Wish you good luck, perhaps you will meet a decent man in the future

thanks Mickey.

Yeah, it's not the easiest decision because I like really enjoy my time with him.

If this ends I think I'm giving up completely on men & relationships.

My heart feels SO heavy right now. Like the weight of the world lives in my heart. I am SO discouraged, so disappointed, and so disheartened.

I really thought we were building something that seemed SO positive, SO fun, SO uplifting and SO amazing. It's not like I fell in love, but I could have with him eventually. The potential was there for certain. And now I think I need to let him go. I am very sad.

I am sorry you are sad. It’s understandable you are sad. We are here for you

Please don’t give up. 47 is not 90. Most certainly it’s not too late for fun or meaningful connection.

At this moment (for at least next few months) I’d focus on obtaining either full time employment or two employments and complete independence (it might also open up possibilities of attracting higher quality men). Make enough money to rent your own small place.

I would also sign up for meetup groups that go out, movies, outings, hobbies, concerts, book clubs or the ones that aren’t spending money like walking in the mall. And I’d be out and about, not dating but having fun. Unless you live in the middle of nowhere there are ton of meetups for various interests and hobbies. That would keep you busy.

My therapist says that we subconsciously attract people at the level where we are at. And if we are a mess, we attract same kind of mess. I know it first hand and agree with my therapist.

If you feel lonely, it doesn’t always mean you must have a lover. It could mean you need to be busy and you need company of others, which don’t need to be men. I go out and do stuff with ladies groups from meetups every other weekend, we have ton of fun. If I was single, I’d go every weekend. You don’t need to sit home lonely. Sign up today and you might be going doing something this weekend if not earlier

Give yourself few months to get your life in a better order and then as you are more confident and are over last two dating experiences, get back on a horse!

Thanks so much, Divine. I do need the extra support right now. I am not devastated, but I feel despair coming on. and perhaps a bit of a broken heart.

Those are all great suggestions. I don't believe that I will continue with dating at this point and if things need to end. I am done for now. I give up. I cannot keep trying or doing this to myself.

I do need to get my life more in order. Perhaps I am attracting the wrong types because of my own energy or level as you put it.

TY.

You don’t need to stop dating forever, just for right now I’d stop and give it some time. Minimum few months. 6 months the best. Have a list of goals and actions to take to better your own life right now. Talk to your therapist about it too

yeah, just for a while I will stop dating. My therapist is on vacation right now -- argh!!! I really need to see her this week.... this SUCKS. Dammit. I do have a few goals, so that's good at least.

Ok, so here it is -- here is what I found out about him.

He told me on Saturday that he has a history of cheating in most his relationships (if not all). I knew he had kissed other women while in his marriage, but I chalked it up to a one-off and because they lacked intimacy throughout their marriage. On Sat he told me he is a "man who.re".

So... that's what I've been holding back on talking about on here and why it needs to end.

I could never trust him with my heart and feelings. I cannot get serious with him in knowing that he may cheat on me at any time. I could never trust him, even IF he tells me he wants to change. His track record says he has a serious commitment problem and a problem being monogamous. AND, IF I did proceed and then got hurt, he has an excuse because he told me already and I have only myself to blame.

I am beyond disappointed and disheartened. He seemed like such a great guy. Someone on here had said before that maybe because he looks in the mirror a lot that he would want a lot of attention from women. Now I know this to be the case, given this new info.

Dang it, I posted and it didn’t post. Try again. Yeah. He is not “the one”. If he is in his 40s and is a cheater then that’s who he is

Exactly.
SO disappointing.

I just ended it over text. Screw it. He hasn't written to me ALL morning and has been backing off since yesterday. I got impatient so I ended it over text. I said maybe we could hang out at some point so he can give me his Christmas present - that it would be nice to have. I told him that I am really disappointed, that I thought we had something pretty amazing, but that I know he's going to hurt me and that it's too hard to not be able to trust someone.

This thread should be renamed "old relationship concerns."

Done. Kaput. Over. Just like that.

I am so sorry to hear you are hurting. I wish I could hug you in person. Please know its not you. Its him. Don't give up. You are such a sweetheart and you deserve to be loved and respected. You are worth so much more than he could give you. I'm sending you a gigantic virtual hug.

Oh, I'm gutted for you! What an eejit he is!

TY SO MUCH! You are SO sweet. I wish I could hug you too! I really need it right now. I am bawling my eyes out.

TY Purple! HUGS! Thanks so much for your empathy!

He just wrote that he feels physically sickened by this. He knows what he's lost. And he says he needs help.

I have an interview to prep for tomorrow morning and I don't even care! I feel so sad, so forlorn, so upset. I really thought we were building towards something wonderful and amazing. The last seven weeks, aside from the few concerns, were incredible. Dreamlike. It's a loss for sure.

I am so sorry, Golden Eve. I wish I could give you a hug.
Please try to focus your attention for tomorrow’s interview.
People hide their true colors for a very long time. Seven weeks is certainly not enough to figure out what someone is made off.

You learned something in this relationship. This guy is all about himself and he won't be able to have the kind of relationship that you want to enjoy with someone. This kind of guy "can" be fun, but they are not the kind of individual who can stay satisfied with just one partner because they need to "feel" adoration too much and typically prefer to experience that part the most. That is what he was saying when he described himself as a man H.

Time to move on and allow yourself the freedom to keep looking.

TY vm! So appreciated. Hugs!

I will try my best.

He did hide this from me the whole seven weeks. I mean, I knew he kissed a few other women while he was with his ex wife, but I figured it was an anomaly and because they were not intimate. Then I find out it's a whole history of cheating instead.

TY -- hugs!

I did learn something. Maybe he's a narcissist. Maybe that's why he loves to look in the mirror at himself. That was my first gut reaction to that.

He says he needs help with his problem. He knows it's a problem and it seems to now be bothering him. I know he REALLY liked me a LOT. Maybe this will be eye opening for him. I highly doubt he is going to find a similar connection. We had a rare connection. Unless he truly just wants casual for now and the remainder of his life. But he genuinely seemed distressed and distraught over the destruction of our budding relationship over this.