Bad Advice Given? And Why Is It Bad?

I was once given an advice which now actually seems like negative advice. It's no wonder I had a negative reaction to it.

"Everyone has baggage". Why? It's a broad statement, and it doesn't help the person in trouble. It's a way to tell the person to "stop whining". And the statement also obliterates the fact that baggage comes in numbers, sizes, weights and carriers.

It's pathetic I only now notice how bad this advice is.
I'm open to hear otherwise about it.

But besides that, what about you?

“Why don’t you just try to be positive?”- From my well meaning mother. She only realized that was useless when I told her “telling someone with bipolar and ptsd that is like telling someone with cancer to try not having cancer.”

You have a good life, what have you got to be depressed about!

Ugh. Massive guilt trip for being depressed when I had a good life. I know he meant well, but that hurt.

My mother texted me "you are dwelling in your PTSD diagnosis. I can't believe you are doing this to your self". After telling her how UNinformed she is about mental illness I promptly notified her I was BLOCKING her. Very strongly AGREE with Apokolips.

That reminds me:
"You need to stop thinking about it"
or one of my worst enemies... "You need to stop letting it bother you"
- Well guess what? It BOTHERS me, and you won't change that

"Other people have it worse than you."

Yes, I know that, but it still doesn't make my pain or trauma any less. And I'm not in a pissing contest with anyone over my pain. My pain is still real and valid and someone else's pain has no relevance to me. Thinking that others have it worse actually makes me feel bad because I had it so terrible, I can't imagine someone having to deal with worse!

I think people do not realize how these statements invalidate our pain and emotions. They just want to offer some cookie cutter wisdom that is really only patronizing and insensitive. I don't think they realize how hurtful that kind of "advice" is.

I hesitate posting this because I don't want to offend anyone. That said the advice was: turn to god to take care of it.

Yes spirituality has a place in health, but no it can't replace my medicine and therapy. I can't pray my mental illness away.

My reply to the 2 above go something along the lines of "I would love to NOT think about this trauma! I did suppress these memories for decades! I want my happy, sparkly soul back. Who would "choose" to have to remember this kind of stuff. I HATE being depressed, sad, and crying every day and being on the verge of tears every time I have to venture into social interaction."

Yes, this!
It's like the classic "There are children in Africa who have no food", or "There are people with no food on their tables".
HOW are these statements supposed to make me feel better?
Would you tell this to a person suffering from a chronic illness, heck, even cancer? Would you tell them "At least you're not starving to death in Africa"?No, you will give him the best help you can ever give him to get them as high on their feet as possible in your LOCAL area (UNRELATED to what's not physically related!).

My frustration

Or just a "You also need to be a friend and help me through this. I can't do this all by myself".

I had a therapist ask me if I thought my suffering was worse than God's suffering on the cross when he died for us. I told T God was very aware of my life long struggles with the swords of sorrow & anguish. I know armies of angels have been holding my mind, body & spirit together through this human experience. Before I left the session he screamed at me "I tried to change your meds, but YOU refused!" The he summoned the police to take me to a state hospital for involuntary 72 her mental evaluation. He & the P were fired immediately. Unfortunately, I live in an area that has a higher demand than current providers and it took me a long time to replace both.

This makes me feel sick. I can't believe you went through that. Hugs.

I want to make sure I get the story right.
Can you elaborate on the following:
Who is P? Where were they fired from, and how?

In the middle of abuse....you need to learn to love yourself...

Or my all time favorite. There's a lesson to be learned-while in mourning.

My psychologist (therapist who does NOT have a license to prescribe Rx) & Psychiatrist were in the same office. I fired them as my mental health service providers.

“Don’t take it personally.” They say this when they personally hurt you.

Right, just like when people say "no offense" right before being offensive or "in all honesty" before telling a lie.

I think they're saying this to focus on the objective issue rather than the subjective feelings which could rise up during the conversation.

Someone says "no offense" before telling a blond joke or a joke about women...it's because they're about to say something offensive. I stand by what I said.

"Get over it."
"It can't be that bad."
"I've had the same 'experience' and you don't see me harping about it."
"You should stop taking so many pills and be stronger. It is unwise to depend on them."
"Your psychiatrist doesn't know what he is talking about. You just need to stop thinking negatively and concentrate on the positive."
"For God's sake would you just get out of the house!"

I want to clarify though that I understand the situation in which you're referring, like when you are discussing a delicate topic and may be unsure as how to phrase things, and so don't want your possible poor phrasing to offend someone...but that's not what I was referring to.

Yes, I understand

I was basically told that "I was over-reacting to the loss of my computer engineering career" a year after I had a breakdown & couldnt get another position because aerospace had crashed in Calif & no one wanted to hire a high salary computer person in the business end of computers even though I had my degree in Accounting also.

BUT what they failed to help me dig into was the fact that ALL my suicide attempts & depression had a mych deeper reason that no one helped me understand UNTIL I finally left my bad marriage of 33 years that I was then financially trapped in. Wow was that an eyeopener for me to finally realize that. It became obvious when I left & moved 2100 miles away & my depression didnt follow me & I started feeling better than I ever had in my whole life.

That opened my eyes to my chikdhood & the similarities my marriage had to my parents. Bith my parents had died & the ONLY close family I have is my daughter who lives 1000 miles away. I was finally free to figure out myself, something I had never really done because I was ALWAYS reacting to dysfunction & focused on my degree or my career.

I now have a wonderful psychologist who has helped me get through a bad trauma & helped me learn skills & finally helped me integrate my present with my past to understand what I had in reality experienced.

Its awesome to have a new book of life & close the old one.

Do I hold it against those past MH care givers? NO. they had no idea what I was going through because it was subtle & it took me a lit of research & understanding my reactions. I could have never expected them to get it while I was living in the middle of it. I am just thankful I left & was able to observe the difference & figure it out then get the validation that showed me I was now correct.

“Everyone has baggage” or the equivalent - a ********, inane statement. Not exactly helpful...

The problem with the “everyone has baggage/issues” sentence is its broad personality, giving the illusion of equality. Because the truth is, people have different sorts of baggages, each its own weight and each person with his own skills to move forward regardless.

For example, the difference between depression and an argument with a spouse is vast

I know I’m being pessimistic, but I am frustrated of the fact I had friends who’d talk about the minor occasions like it’s a big deal, yet when I talk about a topic they’d show lack of intervention and interest