[Artchic528]

Stalking is serious. It's real, unsettling, and can lead to some long lasting trauma that is hard to deal with.

I've been stalked and it felt like no part of my life was safe, that no matter what I did, I was taunted, degraded, made out to be less than human. I still have some minor trauma from that, and because of such, don't really feel as safe as I once did on the web. I've blocked all avenues that the stalker could use to get to me, but it made me feel like I was living in fear rather than living my life on my own terms.

Why was I stalked? I probably won't ever know the answer, but I know why stalkers do what they do. It's a psychosis, an obsession to they have that goes beyond to the very fringes of mental illness. A delusion that the person feels is real. That in their twisted and warped minds, they must target the object of their obsession no matter what, no matter how many lines they cross.

The point of my thread is that I want to talk about the methods of self care one can take to minimize the threat these horrid, awful people pose in your life, and to openly offer support to anyone who may have been, or is currently being stalked.

Block your stalker, ignore them at every turn. Try your best to live your life on your own terms, and above all, don't give in to their taunting and let them have the power. If it gets serious enough, call the police. Cyber stalking in and of itself is a crime that is punishable by law under the anti bullying act in the US and in several other countries.

Thankfully, I was able to block my stalker before it came to the point where calling the police would have been an option. Their stalking was completely online and I just learned to ignore such childish and psychotic behavior. It's gone now, but the constant threat of my stalker doing something to scare, humiliate, or threaten me is always there.

Please, take care and let's help support each other.

[seesaw]

I understand the fear that comes when someone targets you online. I think it's important to manage privacy settings and only friend people on social networks that you actually know.

There are different kinds of stalking including romantic stalking and revenge stalking. I was the victim of the latter. It was very scary to be targeted and have the stalker trying to find ways to cause me emotional distress.

I coped by focusing on strengthening my privacy settings and culling my friends' lists back to people I was sure of. I had become lax and allowed someone in who, for whatever reason, wanted to do me harm.

I think also, as I have said previously, making sure you document all the behaviors so if you do have to go to the authorities, you can show the pattern of behavior.

It's scary to think that someone you interact with, usually in a very limited way, develops a fixation on you and then delusions.

The best offense I'd a good defense. Crack down on privacy settings, cull the friend list, and do self care. Sometimes removing old accounts and starting new ones is even necessary.

Seesaw

[Artchic528]

Yes, Seesaw brings up a good point. Document, document, document. Make as detailed notes as possible about your stalker, what they do, and when they do it so you can provide them as evidence if it comes down to contacting the authorities.

[divine1966]

Art didn’t you just have exact same thread few days ago? Is that a new thread with exactly same content?

[Artchic528]

Originally Posted by divine1966

Art didn’t you just have exact same thread few days ago? Is that a new thread with exactly same content?

No. This thread completely abides by the guidelines.

[TishaBuv]

What is this, a public service announcement? What’s the point of this thread? Do you want help and support with being cyber stalked?

[Open Eyes]

Artchic, people who turn into stalkers on the web are typically lonely and dysfunctional people who try to target others in a negative way so they can feel like they have some kind of power and they try to find ways to get their target to feel bad about themselves. These kind of individuals were often neglected as children and this neglect made them angry so they began learning to gain attention in unhealthy ways. They often pick targets that remind them of the parent that neglected them too. They are individuals who don't take rejection well so when they are blocked and not engaged they tend to look for ways to still get at the individual who is choosing to reject them. It's also not unusual for these kind of individuals to try to find others who will join in with their effort to pursue and challenge the individual they are trying to target. Their identity revolves around taking away the identity of others. This is an effort to make up for how their parent or someone in their own life failed to help them form their OWN identity and develop healthy "self" respect.

One of the bad things about this Cyber technology is that it has become an effective tool toxic individuals can use to hurt others. Even the creators of Facebook have admitted that the use of the likes and dislikes when it comes to whatever a person posts on Facebook is actually unhealthy for a persons mental health. Studies have shown this to be true. The truth is that just because something is new and popular doesn't mean it's something healthy and "safe". Actually, the individuals that create and put out all this technology make it a point to limit their own children from being exposed to it and instead choose to have their own children educated the old fashioned way without the help of this technology.

That being said, the computer technology we do have can also be a source that someone can find helpful and look for information that provides that person with ways to learn and gain personal knowledge. It's always important to remember that when it comes to engaging on any kind of social site that you can most definitely come across other individuals who use these sites in unhealthy ways.

[seesaw]

Originally Posted by Open Eyes

Artchic, people who turn into stalkers on the web are typically lonely and dysfunctional people who try to target others in a negative way so they can feel like they have some kind of power and they try to find ways to get their target to feel bad about themselves. These kind of individuals were often neglected as children and this neglect made them angry so they began learning to gain attention in unhealthy ways. They often pick targets that remind them of the parent that neglected them too. They are individuals who don't take rejection well so when they are blocked and not engaged they tend to look for ways to still get at the individual who is choosing to reject them. It's also not unusual for these kind of individuals to try to find others who will join in with their effort to pursue and challenge the individual they are trying to target. Their identity revolves around taking away the identity of others. This is an effort to make up for how their parent or someone in their own life failed to help them form their OWN identity and develop healthy "self" respect.

One of the bad things about this Cyber technology is that it has become an effective tool toxic individuals can use to hurt others. Even the creators of Facebook have admitted that the use of the likes and dislikes when it comes to whatever a person posts on Facebook is actually unhealthy for a persons mental health. Studies have shown this to be true. The truth is that just because something is new and popular doesn't mean it's something healthy and "safe". Actually, the individuals that create and put out all this technology make it a point to limit their own children from being exposed to it and instead choose to have their own children educated the old fashioned way without the help of this technology.

That being said, the computer technology we do have can also be a source that someone can find helpful and look for information that provides that person with ways to learn and gain personal knowledge. It's always important to remember that when it comes to engaging on any kind of social site that you can most definitely come across other individuals who use these sites in unhealthy ways.

Omg, the first paragraph you wrote completely described what happened to me! Thank you for putting into words what it was like. It's nice to feel like someone else understands how the situation develops and becomes so aggressive, and there is nothing you can do.

[Open Eyes]

(((seesaw)))

Primary Dx: PTSD and Severe Chronic Treatment Resistant Major Depressive Disorder[/SIGPIC]
Secondary Dx: OCPD, Generalized Anxiety Disorder with mild Agoraphobia.

All of this? This is reflecting your own personal struggle when it came to your trying very hard to find a structured personal pathway in your mind where you felt safe in having your "own" identity. We are all very dependent when it comes to being exposed to a presence that nurtures each of us to slowly make gains on being allowed to develop our own personal identity. The way you are treated by others is a reflection of what others know and what they don't know and what their unmet needs are. Unfortunately, when we are young we don't understand this about others and this makes us very vulnerable and this is when a lot of these symptoms begin to take shape in each of us.

I spent years teaching very young children and I most definitely learned a lot from working with all different children. One child in particular really puzzled me and this child would pay attention for a few minutes and then state that she needed to rest a bit before she could do more. I taught very young children beginning at age 4 how to ride my ponies. This little girl would act out being tired and would ask to rest and I watched her sit there for a certain length of time and then state it was ok to do some more. This little girl talked about how some day she would have her own pony to ride and I began to tell her that the only way she would get that is if made it a point to pay attention and learn more and learn how to keep engaging even if she felt she needed this "rest" she kept asking for. Well, this was a challenge for me to break and oddly enough a challenge for this little girl too. After a while I finally found out how this "need" developed in this little girl, a need her own mother failed to see and tended to describe this little girl as not very athletic which was not the problem. Instead when this little girl was much younger her mother found out she had breast cancer and had to go through treatment and with that this girl's mother would engage her for a little while but then say to this little girl, "ok, mommy needs to rest now for a while". That is what this little girl was showing me she had learned to do herself and the mother had no idea she was teaching this to her little girl either.

I have watched mothers turn around to a crying baby and literally say to that "baby", grrr, sigh, rolling eyes and say " not today because mommy is not in the mood today for this so gimme a break already". So basically this mother is engaging this little baby as if this baby can actually understand what she is saying like an adult would.

The worst flashback I experienced that was extremely painful for me and scared me the most was of me being in my crib crying and crying and shivering badly and my stomach was in horrific pain. I would relive that pain in my stomach where it was so bad I felt my stomach was going to explode or something. I was so lucky that not only did I have a therapist that could talk me through that flashback with his calm and caring gentle voice, but that he talked about how babies wake up wet, cold, and hungry and that they experience so much stomach pain that it makes them cry out. That helped me think about this experience in way where I did remember how my mother had two other small children and that I probably woke up cold, wet, and extremely hungry and I had to wait with these stomach pains until she finally came to me and made these problems go away. I have a feeling I experienced this challenge more than once too.

However, one of the things I NEVER let happen with my own baby was to let her experience being hungry where she was left to cry. It really bothered me and it was not until I struggled with this flashback that I realized this. So, it's important to realize just how early in life we are learning and needing and how our own life experience from such a young age is stored before we even realize it. Actually we are all basically living computers and we begin filling our data base at a very young age. This includes the foods we eat that provide us with a sense of nourishment and help us feel good.

Here is an example of that too, my mother grew up and lived through the depression and the one thing she grew to feel "full" and comforted by in terms of food was "potatoes" that were prepared in different ways. The other thing that she grew to understand as VERY SPECIAL was when she got to have "meat" and often that meant ground beef in a stew with "potatoes". Her favorite food throughout her life remained "hamburg and potatoes". My father always picked on her for wanting this and considering this meal so special, he even tried to make her "feel" guilty about it too. Yet, if you really think about it, he was making fun of her and making her feel bad for something that really became deeply important to her and provided her with something that really did bring her a deep sense of comfort. What he did was "disrespect" this about her instead of respecting what this really meant to her as a human being. This is how a human being can hurt another human being without realizing how they are hurting this other human being.

Omg, the first paragraph you wrote completely described what happened to me! Thank you for putting into words what it was like. It's nice to feel like someone else understands how the situation develops and becomes so aggressive, and there is nothing you can do.

I believe you, it's happened to me too. There is often little you can do to change that other person, but you can learn to understand how that other person is practicing this kind of behavior because that other person is missing something and all they learned to do is develop a behavior that is toxic so they at least feel "heard" in some way.

[Artchic528]

Originally Posted by TishaBuv

What is this, a public service announcement? What’s the point of this thread? Do you want help and support with being cyber stalked?

Do you know how triggering your post was? This is a serious issue and I think the point of this thread is very clear.

[Buffy01]

Originally Posted by Artchic528

Stalking is serious. It's real, unsettling, and can lead to some long lasting trauma that is hard to deal with.

I've been stalked and it felt like no part of my life was safe, that no matter what I did, I was taunted, degraded, made out to be less than human. I still have some minor trauma from that, and because of such, don't really feel as safe as I once did on the web. I've blocked all avenues that the stalker could use to get to me, but it made me feel like I was living in fear rather than living my life on my own terms.

Why was I stalked? I probably won't ever know the answer, but I know why stalkers do what they do. It's a psychosis, an obsession to they have that goes beyond to the very fringes of mental illness. A delusion that the person feels is real. That in their twisted and warped minds, they must target the object of their obsession no matter what, no matter how many lines they cross.

The point of my thread is that I want to talk about the methods of self care one can take to minimize the threat these horrid, awful people pose in your life, and to openly offer support to anyone who may have been, or is currently being stalked.

Block your stalker, ignore them at every turn. Try your best to live your life on your own terms, and above all, don't give in to their taunting and let them have the power. If it gets serious enough, call the police. Cyber stalking in and of itself is a crime that is punishable by law under the anti bullying act in the US and in several other countries.

Thankfully, I was able to block my stalker before it came to the point where calling the police would have been an option. Their stalking was completely online and I just learned to ignore such childish and psychotic behavior. It's gone now, but the constant threat of my stalker doing something to scare, humiliate, or threaten me is always there.

Please, take care and let's help support each other.

I completely understand how you feel! I am currently being stalk in a support group. I was falsely accused of something that I didn't do and all the sudden I was mobbed an attacked by several people. Same people found me at another support group and had attacked me again. This time they had threaten bodily harm to me. They made more accusation that was false about me. I was scare to go online because of what had happen. I was constantly worry about what was being said about me or being threaten.

[seesaw]

Originally Posted by Buffy01

I completely understand how you feel! I am currently being stalk in a support group. I was falsely accused of something that I didn't do and all the sudden I was mobbed an attacked by several people. Same people found me at another support group and had attacked me again. This time they had threaten bodily harm to me. They made more accusation that was false about me. I was scare to go online because of what had happen. I was constantly worry about what was being said about me or being threaten.

Wow, sorry to hear that Buffy. I think the good thing to remember is that social media and online groups are totally optional and we can be as anonymous as we want. You can change your user name to something no one will ever recognize, you can change details/names/places of your story so you can get support without people having to know who you are.

Seesaw

[Loose Screw x 2]

Originally Posted by Artchic528

Stalking is serious. It's real, unsettling, and can lead to some long lasting trauma that is hard to deal with.

I've been stalked and it felt like no part of my life was safe, that no matter what I did, I was taunted, degraded, made out to be less than human. I still have some minor trauma from that, and because of such, don't really feel as safe as I once did on the web. I've blocked all avenues that the stalker could use to get to me, but it made me feel like I was living in fear rather than living my life on my own terms.

Why was I stalked? I probably won't ever know the answer, but I know why stalkers do what they do. It's a psychosis, an obsession to they have that goes beyond to the very fringes of mental illness. A delusion that the person feels is real. That in their twisted and warped minds, they must target the object of their obsession no matter what, no matter how many lines they cross.

The point of my thread is that I want to talk about the methods of self care one can take to minimize the threat these horrid, awful people pose in your life, and to openly offer support to anyone who may have been, or is currently being stalked.

Block your stalker, ignore them at every turn. Try your best to live your life on your own terms, and above all, don't give in to their taunting and let them have the power. If it gets serious enough, call the police. Cyber stalking in and of itself is a crime that is punishable by law under the anti bullying act in the US and in several other countries.

Thankfully, I was able to block my stalker before it came to the point where calling the police would have been an option. Their stalking was completely online and I just learned to ignore such childish and psychotic behavior. It's gone now, but the constant threat of my stalker doing something to scare, humiliate, or threaten me is always there.

Please, take care and let's help support each other.

This happened to Dan, our host self on a video game forum years ago that has a reputation for being abusive to new members.
He got into an argument there with the ring leader of a clique who (unknown to him at that time) ruled that forum with an iron fist.
The other guy attacked him in two threads without having been previously provoked so, G stepped in for Dan and called the guy out and they eventually had it out in a part of the forum setup for conflicts. After the argument was over or seemed to be over, DH taunted the clique leader in a PM because that's how DH messes with people who mess with Dan. It was a bad move that ended up causing Dan a great deal of stress and trauma as the clique leader and his friends began attacking Dan in unexpected, various, psychological ways using just about every form of emotionally distressing methods one can think of. They made it hard for him to leave the forum because he had unknowingly entered into a transaction with one of the clique members before things got out of hand.
Enduring weeks of abuse from these people over a measly thirtyfive dollars Dan finally gave in and admitted defeat at which point the clique leader stepped out and took a bow, proudly revealing that he'd orchestrated the entire asault
Still this wasn't enough as they all continued to abuse him and not a one of the people who claimed to have liked Dan tried to put a stop to it, nor did any of the moderators one of whom was in on it but, careful not to incriminate himself and the other mod in charge just flat out didn't care. At the end of it all a few people tried to get Dan to stay on the forum but, too much damage had been done and the experience almost turned him off to video gaming intirely. Dan left the forum after recieving his two games in the mail that he know longer had an interest in playing that still haven't been played to this day and will be sold in 2020 when they become official antiques. Though he partly brought the attack on himself by not doing research on that forum before signing up and lurking for a while to see how they treated people there before posting and ultimately made things worse by letting DH taunt the clique leader a bit, the overall abuse from these people was brutal and heartless and they derived great pleasure in carrying out the assault. The harassment continued even after pleas for mercy were issued by Dan and after leaving the forum behind Dan was cyber stalked with emails being hacked, viruses sent to emails, an entire small time email server being rendered useless (still a mystery that one) and Dan stopped foruming after that for five whole years. Also his taste in video gaming changed greatly and his interest in internet activities dwindled. When he got himself under control again he did extensive research on the clique and found that they had done this to many more people over the years but, had never been caught. Also we discovered that the clique leader is a self professed sociopath and very much proud of it. Dan is still wary of that clique even today and is careful to inspect his emails carefully and to stay away from that forum and other forums and groups associated with them. Dan may be naive but, he is no fool. He knows things about the stalker and his clique friends because it pays to know your enemies. So it was a hard lesson that cost us but, we survived it and are much more careful online and even in forums as a result.

[seesaw]

Originally Posted by MavriforceK9r

This happened to Dan, our host self on a video game forum years ago that has a reputation for being abusive to new members.
He got into an argument there with the ring leader of a clique who (unknown to him at that time) ruled that forum with an iron fist.
The other guy attacked him in two threads without having been previously provoked so, G stepped in for Dan and called the guy out and they eventually had it out in a part of the forum setup for conflicts. After the argument was over or seemed to be over, DH taunted the clique leader in a PM because that's how DH messes with people who mess with Dan. It was a bad move that ended up causing Dan a great deal of stress and trauma as the clique leader and his friends began attacking Dan in unexpected, various, psychological ways using just about every form of emotionally distressing methods one can think of. They made it hard for him to leave the forum because he had unknowingly entered into a transaction with one of the clique members before things got out of hand.
Enduring weeks of abuse from these people over a measly thirtyfive dollars Dan finally gave in and admitted defeat at which point the clique leader stepped out and took a bow, proudly revealing that he'd orchestrated the entire asault
Still this wasn't enough as they all continued to abuse him and not a one of the people who claimed to have liked Dan tried to put a stop to it, nor did any of the moderators one of whom was in on it but, careful not to incriminate himself and the other mod in charge just flat out didn't care. At the end of it all a few people tried to get Dan to stay on the forum but, too much damage had been done and the experience almost turned him off to video gaming intirely. Dan left the forum after recieving his two games in the mail that he know longer had an interest in playing that still haven't been played to this day and will be sold in 2020 when they become official antiques. Though he partly brought the attack on himself by not doing research on that forum before signing up and lurking for a while to see how they treated people there before posting and ultimately made things worse by letting DH taunt the clique leader a bit, the overall abuse from these people was brutal and heartless and they derived great pleasure in carrying out the assault. The harassment continued even after pleas for mercy were issued by Dan and after leaving the forum behind Dan was cyber stalked with emails being hacked, viruses sent to emails, an entire small time email server being rendered useless (still a mystery that one) and Dan stopped foruming after that for five whole years. Also his taste in video gaming changed greatly and his interest in internet activities dwindled. When he got himself under control again he did extensive research on the clique and found that they had done this to many more people over the years but, had never been caught. Also we discovered that the clique leader is a self professed sociopath and very much proud of it. Dan is still wary of that clique even today and is careful to inspect his emails carefully and to stay away from that forum and other forums and groups associated with them. Dan may be naive but, he is no fool. He knows things about the stalker and his clique friends because it pays to know your enemies. So it was a hard lesson that cost us but, we survived it and are much more careful online and even in forums as a result.

God, that is awful. I am so sorry for Dan. Forums can be dangerous places because you never know how they will be run. Not speaking of here, just in general, they can be rife with trolls.

I was part of a forum for cycling a while back. I had gone on a midnight group ride and was upset at how they had treated me, the only female in the group. One of the members pretended to befriend me and riled me all up about the treatment I had received and convinced me to post a scathing review of the bike ride, which got picked up and posted on the forum, and then I got torn to pieces. What was worse, is this "friend" then commented on the thread and tore me to shreds himself, criticizing me, nothing he had said to my face, and joined the clique of people saying super hateful things about me.

I felt bad that I had been goaded into writing a more critical review than I had felt. Also, I was very young and impressionable at the time, and while they had treated me not so great, it also wasn't necessarily done out of hostility or dislike for me or women. They were just kind of ignorant about what their actions and words were doing. He had a choice to defend the group to me and help me see things in a balanced way or to light fire under me and talk me into writing the review that I did. I got used. Yes, it was my choice, I take responsibility. I learned from it. But man, that was a harsh thing to do to someone, because he knew that they would tear me apart.

However, the leader of the ride actually took some of the things I said seriously and took them to heart and instituted some changes in how they did things. I came out and participated in it again and had a much better time and became a regular of the group. They forgave me and I forgave them and bygones were made bygones...as time went by I witnessed how the "friend" interacted with people on social media and realized that he liked to befriend unsuspecting people then turn on them and turn people against them. It was his MO. I still see him do it to this day. He'll seem so reasonable and friendly and then you might do something taking his advice even, and he will turn on you and criticize you for taking his advice and call you an idiot.

I think the fact that the community saw his part in what happened is why they ended up forgiving me. I was very thankful that they saw what had really happened. And I felt very bad for my part in it, and I did apologize. It was a growing experience for me, learning to not let myself become someone's pawn and really think for myself. (Not that I didn't think for myself, but in a moment where I was upset, I let someone use my emotions against me, basically. I'm very careful about that now.)

So my point is, until you know anyone well, it's best to just assume you can't trust them. People have to earn trust. Especially online.

Seesaw

[Open Eyes]

What the stories shared here have in common is experiencing what happens when joining a group where if the leader feels threatened in any way, the new member ends up being attacked and/or punished.

If you don't like the leader of a group, chances are you won't do all that well in the group if you happen to excel or gain attention where the leader feels threatened. An individual can join a group not even realizing they are being carefully evaluated to see if they fit into whatever that group considers acceptable.

This is what human primates do and it's practiced even within a family unit. One's own family dynamics can cause a lot of the different challenges where so many individuals end up with labels that make up this entire board of labels on this site with a list of challenges that present with each label. It's no wonder the two busiest forums on this site is the relationship forum and the depression forum.

It is actually not surprising that different members can share an experience with being stalked or having some kind of online dysfunctional experience. Trust is most definitely not something that comes easy for anyone. Anyone can be taken in and fooled and hurt. It's not surprising a lot of bad experiences happen online either in places where other human beings can hide under the rock of anonymity.

It is however important to learn that what predators like is the chase and that some predators do continue to pursue when they come across someone who tries to run away. Human beings by nature tend to be "hunters and gatherers". Human hunters and gatherers are smart enough to design nets knowing that a good strong net can most definitely bring in a good catch. The interNET has proven to most definitely catch many millions including all kinds of predators. So, it's not surprising there are a lot of stories that individuals can share where they had a bad experience "on the net". One can learn from a bad experience and learn where your own weaknesses are and most if not all people have weaknesses.

It's not as bad as stalking but it's kind of harassment. I've had some guy keep messaging me while professing their love for me while they have a gf. omg, he was obsessed with me. It was a year and then all of a sudden he emailed me telling he has always loved me and he liked sex with me. I blocked him on email and fb. This behaviour does scare me if they are really obsessed. I find it scary too. No more from him, I'm glad he's out of my life.

[Fuzzybear]

Originally Posted by happycheeks

It's not as bad as stalking but it's kind of harassment. I've had some guy keep messaging me while professing their love for me while they have a gf. omg, he was obsessed with me. It was a year and then all of a sudden he emailed me telling he has always loved me and he liked sex with me. I blocked him on email and fb. This behaviour does scare me if they are really obsessed. I find it scary too. No more from him, I'm glad he's out of my life.

Something similar happened to me... I don’t like sharing details of this sort of stuff. It is scary.

[seesaw]

Originally Posted by Open Eyes

What the stories shared here have in common is experiencing what happens when joining a group where if the leader feels threatened in any way, the new member ends up being attacked and/or punished.

If you don't like the leader of a group, chances are you won't do all that well in the group if you happen to excel or gain attention where the leader feels threatened. An individual can join a group not even realizing they are being carefully evaluated to see if they fit into whatever that group considers acceptable.

This is what human primates do and it's practiced even within a family unit. One's own family dynamics can cause a lot of the different challenges where so many individuals end up with labels that make up this entire board of labels on this site with a list of challenges that present with each label. It's no wonder the two busiest forums on this site is the relationship forum and the depression forum.

It is actually not surprising that different members can share an experience with being stalked or having some kind of online dysfunctional experience. Trust is most definitely not something that comes easy for anyone. Anyone can be taken in and fooled and hurt. It's not surprising a lot of bad experiences happen online either in places where other human beings can hide under the rock of anonymity.

It is however important to learn that what predators like is the chase and that some predators do continue to pursue when they come across someone who tries to run away. Human beings by nature tend to be "hunters and gatherers". Human hunters and gatherers are smart enough to design nets knowing that a good strong net can most definitely bring in a good catch. The interNET has proven to most definitely catch many millions including all kinds of predators. So, it's not surprising there are a lot of stories that individuals can share where they had a bad experience "on the net". One can learn from a bad experience and learn where your own weaknesses are and most if not all people have weaknesses.

In the events that I described, fortunately what you describe was NOT the case. The group, while I had had some bad experiences with it, was not exclusive or unwelcoming, and the group leader was a very nice guy (who I am still close friends with to this day, even though I no longer live in the same city). What happened to me was a member of the group who had a beef with the leader took advantage of me not knowing the group dynamic.

So, anyways, what you say is true, and I paraphrase, that it's really important to spend a little time observing the group dynamic before getting too involved or divulging any personal information.

The leader of the group that I was involved with was a super nice guy and even after I wrote that scathing review, he was super humble and apologetic about what had happened to me and said publicly that the group could be more welcoming to newcomers. I can't speak highly enough about what a stand up guy he was. But again, like I said, I think he and others saw that I got played by this disgruntled group member.

I think if there's one thing I could stress to people joining forums is to a) lurk a bit and try and decipher the group dynamic and b) try to resolve conflict one-on-one and with compassion and reason. That can help prevent the cyber-mob mentality coming after you.

Seesaw

[Open Eyes]

Good points seesaw, and it's good you pointed out that a group leader can be nice and someone in the group can be a bad apple as you have described.

[eskielover]

typically lonely and dysfunctional people who try to target others in a negative way so they can feel like they have some kind of power and they try to find ways to get their target to feel bad about themselves.

so if you have a self-confidence level that doesn't easily feel bad about ones self then these cyber stalkers will leave you alone & go find someone who will?

I have never experienced it but know how horrible it must feel. It was stressful one time in Calif when a crazy guy folliwed me on the freeway for 40 miles. Turned out the sheriff had to finally take him down with mace. He had just been released from the mental part of the jail the day before. Sad but scary at the same time.

I tend to end situations very quickly that seem like they are getting out of control or I sense something nor right very quickly.

Just wondering if there is an attitude that one can have that does keep people like that away?

[seesaw]

Originally Posted by eskielover

so if you have a self-confidence level that doesn't easily feel bad about ones self then these cyber stalkers will leave you alone & go find someone who will?

I have never experienced it but know how horrible it must feel. It was stressful one time in Calif when a crazy guy folliwed me on the freeway for 40 miles. Turned out the sheriff had to finally take him down with mace. He had just been released from the mental part of the jail the day before. Sad but scary at the same time.

I tend to end situations very quickly that seem like they are getting out of control or I sense something nor right very quickly.

Just wondering if there is an attitude that one can have that does keep people like that away?

Well, they do prey on the weak. And not to say that we are weak, but many of us here are vulnerable, emotionally.

I think confidence does help. When they see that their attacks don't bother you, they tend to go find someone else to target.

[Open Eyes]

so if you have a self-confidence level that doesn't easily feel bad about ones self then these cyber stalkers will leave you alone & go find someone who will?

It depends on the kind of stalker. Some want the challenge of a person they think is strong.

[eskielover]

Originally Posted by Open Eyes

It depends on the kind of stalker. Some want the challenge of a person they think is strong.

Usually a strong person usually won't engage in the first place or at least catch on quickly what is going on & immediately take action to stop engaging if they initially did in the first place.

That abusive home care person I caught abusing my mom & traumatizing me lasted 5 days before I took action to get her out of there. She had been living across the street from my mom's BF. By the time I got done with her & the police, she disappeared from sight & left the area. No idea where she went but Im sure she went looking for easier cancer patient prey. It wasnt stalking as such but the abusive effect was the same & when I had my mom taken away by the paramedics she had the nerve to ask if she could still be with my mom in the hospital. The snswer to that was not only NO, but #@[[ NO!!!! I even had security escort my mom's BF out of the hospital when he found where she was.

Yes, it didnt mean I didnt end up dealing with PTSD from what happened but realize how much worse it could have been if i hadnt gone into attack mode to protect my mom even when people tried to make me feel guilty for doing it because they didnt understand what all had happened. I told them better safe than sorry at the end of my mom's life. I am not easily guilted into anything.

Sadly in many ways I learned to be a tough fighter. I have had to work hard at mellowing out yet still staying cautious after moving to my new home far away from there.

I actually started off striking out at those who caused problems in my life but sion realized I could back off on the attack but still stay strong & not get messed with by people. It was a whole new approach I had to learn but it seems to work well to use logic rather than emotion in dealing with problem situations & figuting out the best way to handle them.

HOWEVER, one NEVER KNOWS when there may be someone out there who tries something foolish like stalking that has to be dealt with no matter how strong one may be. Knowing the best tactics to deal with it ASAP is critical as it is just as bad mentally as being sexuslly assulted or harrassed.

[Open Eyes]

HOWEVER, one NEVER KNOWS when there may be someone out there who tries something foolish like stalking that has to be dealt with no matter how strong one may be. Knowing the best tactics to deal with it ASAP is critical as it is just as bad mentally as being sexuslly assulted or harrassed.

Often a stalker is way ahead of their target eskie. They look for certain things in their target that they have learned in their own stalking practices that they can manipulate and play around with psychologically. They also tend to get good at practicing these games under the radar where they even appear to be a "good" person who looks like they respect others and can be trusted. They know how to camouflage themselves really well and it's not unusual for them to have a group of individuals around that like and respect them either. So, when they target someone they have their groupies that they know won't believe their victim and not only that but they can actually convince their groupies to also attack their victim. They can learn how to slither away like that homecare person you mentioned where they avoid facing being held accountable too.

[seesaw]

Originally Posted by Open Eyes

Often a stalker is way ahead of their target eskie. They look for certain things in their target that they have learned in their own stalking practices that they can manipulate and play around with psychologically. They also tend to get good at practicing these games under the radar where they even appear to be a "good" person who looks like they respect others and can be trusted. They know how to camouflage themselves really well and it's not unusual for them to have a group of individuals around that like and respect them either. So, when they target someone they have their groupies that they know won't believe their victim and not only that but they can actually convince their groupies to also attack their victim. They can learn how to slither away like that homecare person you mentioned where they avoid facing being held accountable too.

YES! They are so good at doing it that they are abusing you before you even know what is happening!

God, Open Eyes, you should write a book about it, you have it so clearly described.