LTR with a LD cluster b stupid me.

If you asked him though, he'd say it was never an LTR, because he never asked or accepted me as a girlfriend, pretty open about the fact that he wanted to keep dating and all, so, how stupid am I?
He has always been open and up front about the fact we'll never be anything serious because we live so far away, and other facts, meanwhile, with me feeling like I can't date, like I can't move on, even though I've tried, I feel emotionally tied to him, and that I can't have another relationship at the same time. I am just a boring old monogamous type.
We only get to see each other face to face maybe 2 times a year. And this has been going on for almost 7. Not that he's counting. As a matter of fact, I've never told him most of my feelings, and when I do he seems like it's a little inconvenient. In between seeing each other. we talk a lot, we keep a friendship that has become important to me, we know each other very well.
When we see each other though it isn't all wine and roses because we know each other so well, we tease each other and carry on like we're old friends.
So, for all this time I've pretty much carried this torch for him, and held this dream that I would someday move closer to him. And one thing has never led to another - I've never been able to make it happen, and I feel like more and more of a loser. And a dimwit for carrying this unrequited love for him when he's done nothing, really, except be a good friend and care for me, and give me emotional support when I needed it.
Go ahead, people, tell me how I should move on, tell me how I'm a loser. I know it already.
What I wish you could tell me though, is how DO I do this? Lets say I can push this thing where it belongs, and lets say I do try dating again, do I tell him? Do I make an announcement? What?

You built more of a life in your head with him than it really is. Logically, you do know that he’s just a long distance friend and you heard him when he said it will never be more. But you dreamed, hoped, pined. What you think you are in love with is the him that you dream he is together with you, but that guy doesn’t exist. When you get together, there isn’t even that chemistry, you are really just more friends.

You put your life on hold, didn’t date anyone else, thinking you just want him.

Did you do that because you are actually terrified of a real life relationship?

Are you seeing a Therapist ? If not please do.

One can help you process this long term one sided relationship.

I’m am glad he is being honest with you about it can’t be more, that shows he is indeed a decent guy and you didn’t fall for a lousy human being.

I'm not so much terrified as completely burnt on the few I've had, lets just say, I have a bizarre magnetism for people and relationships, even friendships that really are toxic. I know part of it is because I have all the characteristics of a classic co-dependant. I've tried the lessons in books, counseling, and just trying to pretend I'm not, but, I am, and my personality type and even my general appearance all contribute to the over-all thing. Its so frustrating to me I have isolated myself to keep from letting these toxic types into my life, but this guy is right on the cusp.
Like I said, he's been a really good friend too. Which makes the entanglement even more confusing and difficult to analyze.
I am pretty sure when I say that I have a magnetic draw for people like that, its actually because deep down I believe that this is all there really is. I have known so few people who aren't like that.
I also believe that there are people who aren't like that, who knows where?
I just go through life feeling like I want to introvert like crazy and not get involved with anyone.

Me too, I know he is decent. I know I'm the one whose wrong because I continue to invest in this lie to myself. I am the one paying for nothing. I'm the one wishing for something that for all the world looks impossible.
I know this.
And about seeing a therapist. I would love a therapist. I just haven't been able to make that happen yet. But, I will.

And, I guess I can assume, under the circumstances, and with things as they are, telling him would really just contribute to looking like a delusional fool. So, I'll just keep it to myself, does that seem like the right thing to do?
I have been looking at meet ups in my area, and I'm going to start small, just join in a group that doesn't require much interaction from me.
And maybe in another year I'll be ready for dating again? I dunno, seems kinda risky at the moment. It's too soon for me to feel ready for that.

I can relate to you in your situation. I did tell the person at the risk of looking like such a fool. It helped me put it all in perspective and move forward.

I sent an email with this explanation, that I realized these things and hoped we can maintain a strictly platonic friendship, and I feel very uneasy and uncomfortable about it, but, yeh, taking care of my psychological well being should be a priority for me, and allowing myself to be split in my reality, just isn't good. Although it gave me a sense of hope, it wasn't a healthy preoccupation, now I wait for the reply and I bet it isn't going to be great.
From now on, I'm promising to take care of myself by creating a reality that exists in the here and now. No matter what a person appears to be, if they can't fit into the here and now, I can't waste my time and energy on it.

why is cluster b in your title?

Sorry, to take so long to reply, work schedule, etc.
My understanding of cluster b , narcisistic, sociopathic, psychopathic is that its a pretty broad range of a borderline personality disorder, I didn't want to name all the ways he has demonstrated some of these tendancies because the only way this posting has anything to do with him is my reaction to it, which, has been predictable.
I haven't had the total affects because of living so far away, but, there were all the discards and such when I would try to assert my needs, or ask for more, as long as I played along with the 'rules' things were ok, but for most of this time its been me hanging on to him loosely but, enough to start making me feel like a twit for doing this.
Maybe he just kept a better head knowing it would never be anything more than fwb type relationship, which I think he has a nice little collection of those already.
But, like I said, I think I've gained some better perspective now that I communicated my point of view. Not that it makes it all go away. I think I am going to feel like an idiot for quite a while.