Everyone I’ve ever looked up to stopped liking me simply because I looked up to them. They all say I never leave them alone.

Recently, someone at work turned on me for looking up to her. She used to like me. The other day, she accused me of calling her name constantly and never leaving her alone. She hasn't talked to me since.

I asked her if it’s bad to look up to someone and she admitted it’s not. I then asked her why she gets mad at me for looking up to her. She said I obsess over her and it’s not healthy. I asked her if other ppl looked up to her. She said yes but they don’t come see her on their days off and they leave right after their shift.

I know I stay after each shift just because she gets off later. I also come in on my days off each week just because she's working. Also, when she was talking to the district manager, I moved from where I was sitting to a table near hers. I know she's a good person, so how could she justify rejecting someone who looks up to her?

I like almost everyone but I look up to very few people. Shouldn’t they be flattered to have specially good qualities that I would look up to them? Yet they ALL accused me of being all over them. Why?

[Shazerac]

I think it depends on what "Looking up" to someone means to you. Listen to what these people are telling you. They are telling you that you are smothering them. Coming to work on your day off to see someone is a little odd. I personally would not feel flattered if someone was obsessed with me. I think you to back off a bit.

I was just never aware of being obsessed or stalking anyone. I had always behaved this way and she just recently got mad about it. idk...

(((hugs)))) Shaz has a good point. You may be smothering them and being a bit too close for comfort without realizing it. There's nothing wrong with looking up to and admiring others, but how that is expressed does matter. When you follow people around, they won't like it. You can most certainly admire people without following them around. I would back off, as Shaz suggested, and listen to what these people are telling you. It's helpful feedback. Best wishes to you.

[Grizabella]

Remember that everyone has the right to decide how they want to spend their time and with whom. I would be extremely uncomfortable if a person was waiting for me every day and coming to see me on their days off. Perhaps the best thing to do would be to set up a time with the person to chat, or go out for coffee, or go shopping or something.

All I know is she used to like me. Everyone I've looked up to start off liking me. Then once it sinks in that I look up to them, the start rejecting me. I honestly thought this person at work would be different. I shoulda known better. Yet, I never stopped hoping that someday, I'll be able to look up to someone w/o them turning on me. I wouldn't be mean to someone who looks up to me. I'd be flattered.

[Shazerac]

Originally Posted by ruby2011

All I know is she used to like me. Everyone I've looked up to start off liking me. Then once it sinks in that I look up to them, the start rejecting me. I honestly thought this person at work would be different. I shoulda known better. Yet, I never stopped hoping that someday, I'll be able to look up to someone w/o them turning on me. I wouldn't be mean to someone who looks up to me. I'd be flattered.

Maybe YOU would be flattered. However you don't have the right to expect other people to feel that way. I don't think you are listening to feedback from others.

[MickeyCheeky]

I'm guessing you just come across as too clingy.. try to take a step back.

[Sunflower123]

These people you look up to are telling you something and that is that you’re smothering them. It’s ok to admire someone but it’s sounds like you get a little bit obsessive about them and get to a point where they’ve had enough. It would be good if you can admire someone without being all over them.

Everyone I’ve ever looked up to reject me. I’m just not aware when I’m obsessing. Besides, I always had the same behavior. She just recently got mad at me for it.

[Bill3]

They are not rejecting you for looking up to them.

They are rejecting you for obsessing over them and smothering them.

Therefore a possible solution would be to continue to look up them but become aware of the obsessing and smothering behaviors, and stop doing them.

[TishaBuv]

This whole ‘look up to’ thinking seems faulty. Why do you look up to these few people? Does look up to mean they are better than you? Then you want to be physically close to them. So close you are stalking them. Like they are a God or something? No, this whole idea is not healthy thinking.

You could think of someone as a friend. Or you could admire someone you know. But that never means you are to become physically attached to them. Where did you get the idea this is a thing that happens? People don’t think like this.

You got a faulty idea somewhere.

[Shazerac]

Originally Posted by ruby2011

Everyone I’ve ever looked up to reject me. I’m just not aware when I’m obsessing. Besides, I always had the same behavior. She just recently got mad at me for it.

My guess is she got mad because she got tired of you smothering her.

[divine1966]

I'd be very uncomfortable if my colleagues showed up to work on
Their day off to see me or stay late until I am off. In fact id feel stalked and harassed and likely would complain to hr if they didn't stop. It's very likely they liked you but not after you started a bit of stalkerush behavior. Just be nice to them but do not see them on your day off.

[~Christina]

I agree with the others advice given.

Sometimes it can be hard to realize you are doing something that really bothers people.

You should write down every time you think about staying late after work or coming in your days off. I think you just dont realize how much time you are investing in seeing her or other people...

Its okay to look up to people just not the way you are going about it.

[it'sgrowtime]

Originally Posted by ruby2011

Everyone I’ve ever looked up to reject me. I’m just not aware when I’m obsessing. Besides, I always had the same behavior. She just recently got mad at me for it.

once you feel that you "look up to someone" that is your hint that you're obsessing.

You are going to put your job in jeopardy with this behavior at work. You must respect boundaries - this is very important. If someone does not want an admirer, you have to back away. It does not matter how you feel in this situation; this person has not accc

You are going to put your job in jeopardy with this behavior at work. You must respect boundaries - this is very important. If someone does not want an admirer, you have to back away. It does not matter how you feel in this situation; this person Is not accepting your attention anymore.

[Lolina]

I agree with Tishabuv: this idea of looking up to somebody in the way you present it is quite faulty. I think you should speak to a psychologist about it and learn about boundaries. It's both ways, don't do to others what you wouldn't like unto you. Put yourself in your colleagues' shoes.

[Entity06]

I'm 100% certain people like this person aren't rejecting you because you look up to them. Everyone likes to know people admire and think highly of them.

From what you said, it is clear that unfortunately the way you act towards people when you look up to them(or care about them) can be a big overwhelming and intrusive. It's nice to give people attention and so on but there should be a balance, especially when you're not on best friend status, otherwise they might find it a bit too much and even off putting.

Again, it's not the feelings you have, it's that you exaggerate sometimes. Did you act similarly with the other people you looked up to? I'm guessing the answer is yes. You have to consider that what to you is normal and fine, to others might be too much.

So maybe just try to be friendly in a way that gives people a bit more space.

[Rose76]

It's inappropriate to stay late on the job, after your work is done, or to show up at the workplace on your day off. Most employers have a rule against that.

Your coworker and others have been doing you a favor by telling you that your behavior is objectionable. If you really "look up to them," then why not take that advice to heart? What you are doing is trying to win an argument by trying to make words mean what you want them to mean. "Looking up" to anyone, firstly, means showing them real respect. What you're doing is not respectful, in the least. You are being "intrusive." That is a very dislikeable trait. Learn to curb that tendency. It's, basically, a form of attention-seeking. It represents an attitude that says, "Notice me, notice me, notice me."

You owe your coworker an apology . . . not an argument.

Yes I agree I’m not always aware of my actions. When I constantly called her name that day, I really didn’t feel like I was actually doing that. Or when she talked to the DM and I sat at a table near hers. She got really mad about that. She subsequently complained to the hourly manager below her. I approached that hourly mgr last night. He basically said the same thing as you guys. And the fact that he used to have a stalker who, aside from more extreme behaviors, behaved just like me. I figured that that stalker was one crazy b!tch.

How is it easy for others to be aware of their actions and not for me?

[Bill3]

I wonder if you were not aware of these actions because you did not know that they are a problem.

In general, aside from people you look up to, how aware are you of your actions being right or wrong?

I’m generally aware of my actions when I don’t have strong feelings towards something.

[Spangle]

Originally Posted by ruby2011

I’m generally aware of my actions when I don’t have strong feelings towards something.

Do you see a therapist? I’m assuming not (sorry if my assumption is wrong) but it seems to me, that you have little awareness of boundaries. It would be very helpful to you to work on this with a t. You need some help with understanding & recognising your own & other ppls boundaries. Good luck.