Your definition of LOVE

What kind of love? There are many different types IMO. I liked the discussions in Plato's Symposium, for example, as an exploration of the variety.

My own favorite thought about it is that when we feel love for someone/something, it is usually a response to some of our own values, whether we are aware of it or not. It involves projection, even if only abstract ones. I personally do not believe in totally selfless, unconditional love and think that's more a beautiful ideal and myth. Even things that are often associated with unconditional love, such as the love of parents for their children, the love of saints, or of animals, are without personal interest and reward from the side of those that love. Both the human and animal brain is wired in a way that we seek experiences and company that reinforces the source of the seeking itself and without that source and reinforcement (even if only imagined), it will not last long. It can be a very powerful force that can lead to both great constructive acts that goes beyond the self in its manifestation and great destruction if it becomes harmful and only self-serving in the moment.

Yeah, that is the hardest part, isn't it! It's a rare and special thing to find someone who can genuinely accept all of you and still make you feel safe and loved.

But never give up! People can surprise you and be more accepting and loving than you expected if you try to give them a chance.

I don't know. I don't have a clue what love is. I don't think I've ever had it in almost 44 years. I think people think they love, but I don't know if they truly do

I’ve been sick but kept going to work and finally went to urgent care on the way from work. My husband called me while I was there and told me to drive straight home and he’ll take care of the rest. While I was in urgent care he went and got pizza and salad (we have pizza infrequently so it’s a treat), and then he drove to pharmacy. He now sits there and for whatever reason prescription got delayed. While sitting there he texted if I want any over the counter stuff. We live in a very congested area and it’s rush traffic. Driving around isn’t a picnic.

I think it’s love. Kind of love is a verb meaning. That’s what I think love is.

Love is... An unconditional positive regard/bond. It's both spiritual and grounded.

The people I really love have this unconditional positive regard/bond for/with me. I feel real love is unconditional. I try to show unconditional love toward everyone.

Unconditional positive regard...And possibly more, depending upon the situation.

Love does not judge others, is patient and kind. Love is healing.


WC

I have a big problem with unconditional love. I think love should have conditions. Would you still love someone if they started abusing you? What if they murdered people you cared about? At this point, it's healthier to stop loving.

But then again, I'm not even sure I'm capable of love.

Then with great regret and painful honesty, I must say that I certainly have never experienced love from another. That's beyond depressing. I'm therefore going to the bars and will try to borrow some conditional love for a while a little later, after people start misbehaving in prep for more misbehaving for the Derby tomorrow that coincides with Cinco de Mayo. Two American-made holidays that don't make any sense to me. But, we'll see what happens, here in the big city of the FFT. My conscience won't let me have sex with a drunk woman, even when I'm drunk and even when I was dating or even married to her. Buzzed slightly I might consider. Dunno.
Coffeehouse first. I feel like crap and right now I am going to nap for 20.

When the person doesn't choose to attack you or go angry at you because of their own problems

You ask a very good question.
I cannot say I fully understand this. I think some of it comes from a personal commitment to living with a heart wide open, no matter what?

Within my own life experience, I have had people do things others find "unforgivable." I set boundaries, I experience anger, I sometimes experience trouble forgiving, etc.

Whenever we judge others, we have something to learn.

Yet, in my heart and in the end, a love for other human beings wins out. I may not like what they are doing or did. I may not be able to deal with them personally; yet, a love for them -- a sincerely unconditional well wish -- prevails.

It's not because I need more experience with human nature and all it can do. I live with C-PTSD and know, first hand, all about human nature, etc.
As I have written, I cannot fully explain the reason I feel this way. I have ample reason to be closed off and bitter, to be unforgiving, even hostile. It just doesn't sit well with me to be anything but open-hearted.


WC

This is where my T and I started. I said this many times in the beginning. Not just about love. So, a major part of my therapy has been in creating situations, events, and connections such that I actually get to feel different things and have experiences that help create a foundation from which I can heal. One activity we've done has been using children's books to help process feelings. My most recent book is a book called Love.



I gave it to her on Thursday to read and said that I want us to go through it very slowly.

The “heart wide open” is why I don’t feel like I belong “here” because it’s too painful.

I’ve always had a heart that looked and hoped for the best in people. I’ve put myself out there wanting and waiting for that feeling that I never experienced before.

Being known fully and accepted, and understood with compassion in my weaknesses, with safety, and to also have that accepted with no motive on their part.

If that makes sense.

Ya know,

To just be fully known and accepted and feel safety in that,

there’s so much to say about that and feel in that.

I don’t know that I have words for it.

Vulnerable of course is THE word, but there is more that I can’t really put a word to.

It feels like it comes from something deep that has been neglected.

It’s a feeling of wanting to be safe enough to experience it without having to earn it.

I’m repeating myself from before, I know. I’m just there.

http://As I have written, I cannot f... open-hearted.

This is so me! I don’t know how to be open and not protective, it’s a painful bind.

I don’t think romantic love can be unconditional. Perhaps ‘unconditional’ love is only that of parent/child. Maybe there’s a built-in genetic bond that provides for that in that relationship.

I like the ACOA definition of love: feeling heard, understood, safe, comfortable, trust..seems simple, but don't know that I've ever felt all these things with one person.

I agree with Tisha that unconditional love could only be between parent/child. Romantic partners wouldn’t go on if certain conditions aren’t net. For example you can move on from
Romantic love but you can never move on from your love for your child

Feeling safe, appreciated and respected ..

Contrary to what most people think, I do not believe Love is a feeling at all. the feelings and attraction one has for someone else are just the catalyst for motivating you to want to love them. Love is what you do about it.

Some may over complicate things in their description of it but I'll keep it short and say that loving someone is very much just giving of yourself, your caring, your compassion and support unconditionally to this person you choose to love. Every other detail can fall under that simple description. It is not what you get out of it, it's what you do in spite of ever receiving anything in return.

When 2 people care for one another through good times and bad times, and when they both do the littlest gestures for one another.

s4ndm4n2006 summarizes what I would say very well.

The only thing I might say different is where "unconditional" comes into play. The older comments have good points on that. I'm torn where I want to say it's not exclusive to parent/child relationships. Other family relationships would fall under that too I think. In those cases though it's because you "have to" - you're stuck in the relationship until the end of your life so unconditional in this case is forced. Of course, you can hate your family, but you're also more inclined to try to forgive them because of what that relationship means. Hope I'm making sense. >.< Unconditional doesn't make it better I don't think.

My problem with conditional love is the conditions. Some people have too many or are unreasonable about them. I'm probably one of those people thanks to my MI making it hard for me to trust and feel secure. Once I do trust and decide I really like or love a person, I find it's rather easy for me to love them and work out issues where most people tend to give up if things get difficult.

Also .. not giving up on the person or the relationship if things get difficult, as inevitably they will.. not because either person is “defective” but because of the nature of this... imperfect.... world.

I don't think the unconditional part that I described, in my mind, is debatable. The reason being, is that I stated what is the ideal form of love and indeed it is unconditional but that's not to say very many of us are capable of that purest form of love. If we were, the world would be a vastly different place. Only one person I know that is capable of that but that's a subject for a different forum.

if you're a family member and stuck in the relationship as in you can't stop being a brother, son, etc... that's not love either, that's a relationship and relationships exist without love being present.. It only represents a description of who you were born sharing the same parents. There is no unconditional love requirement for being a sibling or a child.

Being more specific, my definition of love is not anything that has to do with obligation, expectations or a framework that exists based on traditional ideas, it's simply this: A choice.

You can be a brother, sister, friend or child etc and not love those people. The fact that you are in a relationship does not by any means mean you love those people it simply means there is a social or familial connection.

Love is separate from that. I am my mother's son but I haven't really loved her for awhile because I cut off ties from my whole family years and years ago.

I think the point in what I said got missed, but I don't know how to explain it better, so I guess I'll just plop this here and hope people can see the intent I was trying to get across if anyone else reads it.

The tragedy of my life is not the trauma I endured... But after all these years I realize
I have never experienced love.

Love is when you can put the other’s needs before your own, not to your own detriment but because you care that much about the person’s happiness. That’s true love.

I had never thought of it from the perspective you shared... as a form of obedience. That’s interesting. I guess love is a lot of things. For me it’s acceptance of each other and wanting happiness for another as much as you want it for yourself.

Putting your fragile, glass heart in someone else's hands.