Can't discern this guy's level of interest

I personally never schedule anything last minute. Everything is planned ahead of time. Doing things spontaneously isn’t my style. Others are more spontaneous but frankly all working adults schedule things ahead of time. I am surprised how these guys plan nothing ahead. I absolutely don’t change my plans unless it’s Emergency. Or family. For strangers? Nope. Hope this guy redeems himself tomorrow and the one who texts “wyd” sounds like he is 16. Ugh

Oh, I can be spontaneous, but I do have things very planned out. It's the only way I can actually get the things done that need to be done in my life. It's also the best way for me to manage my depression and anxiety. BUT, I don't drop everything for a stranger. So the WYD guy can take a hike. Like I said, if it was like 3pm, and he asked me to meet up for happy hour, I might make that happen, but if it's 9pm and he wants to meet up now...um, no.

This guy you are having a hard time meeting up with sounds like he has a very critical position if the moment demands in his company that he really can't just postpone until tomorrow. Guess this is a true test to see if you can tolerate the demands of his business while having the own demands of yours. Sounds like flexibility will be needed if it is this diffucult to coordinate a first date.

Sounds like if he has kids every other weekend & his own company that he has some high priorities already existing in his life & probably used to doing things when he determines they need done. It may take him some time to get used to working another priority (you) into his life. Patterns do take time to change especially if someone hasn't had to be concerned about that for awhile.

It will be interesting to see how this works out.

I can’t stand it when people cancel last minute either. I’d take it as a red flag that this guy is struggling to keep the date. Even if he is interested, some people are just incredibly flaky. I actually ended a relationship once because my girlfriend just couldn’t be trusted to keep plans. It wasn’t that she didn’t WANT to— something just always came up or she miscalculated her time management. At first I thought that it was disinterest but I eventually realized that’s just her— she does it with her family, friends, etc. So I hope this guy shows up tomorrow, but I would worry going forward that he’s just somebody who struggles to keep plans. I know you value your time and you’re busy, so it’s not worth it to put up with that!

I’m glad you stopped responding to “wyd?” guy. He’s clearly looking for a booty call or a distraction when he’s bored. No one who’s looking for a real relationship acts like that. Yuck. And I can’t stand text speak (but that’s probably the professor in me).

I can't stand the wyd texts either. Just spell it out.

This last guy sounds like one to ditch.

I'd have to go back into this thread. How long ago did the attempt to make plans begin? I get your frustration, but I'm getting an impression of someone trying to juggle a demanding, yet possibly decent paying career? Which could actually mean being a responsible individual? Of course I could be projecting a couple types of men like that, that I'm aware of personally.

healing, that's what I get too, but we have been trying for a couple of weeks now to make something happen. Like since the end of April.

I totally get trying to juggle a demanding schedule, but if he doesn't have time for me, then it's just not meant to be, right? I mean, the person has to have room for me in their life, right?

Wow, that's 3 weeks now.

I'm with you on pause for concern about whether there is a priority for making time. I'm in agreement about why join a dating site if it's not realistic for someone to have time to date and pursue an opportunity to seek potential.

I’d say when one is too busy to date, he probably shouldn’t date. But honestly even busy peopke can schedule dates. Maybe infrequent and shorter dates but still it could be planned

When I joined dating site I realized I had no time to date and wanted to cancel but they wouldn’t let me without making me pay all 6 months. So I decided to stick around a bit and I’ve met my now husband right away.

At the time I worked two jobs and we worked opposite schedules (he works nights and i work days) and we lived an hour an a half to two hours apart so I told him I can see him only every other week for few hours. He said it would be fine. But we planned and stuck to it, didn’t cancel. Eventually things changed and we were able to see each other more often. But the bottom line: people can plan and keep plans or they shouldn’t date

Sometimes if someone is in a routine it takes time to make change happen.....see whst the first date is like (if you can end up with one)....it may be his incentive to change quicker or not.....but at least then you will know for sure whether he us willibg to add another priority into his life

Okay, now I'm the sucky one. I need to not schedule things during the week. I need to cancel on him tonight. I have too much crap that needs to get done during the week...I want to meet him, and now I'm afraid if I blow him off that it won't happen at all...but I really will be so stressed out trying to get this stuff done, and worrying about it, that I won't be able to have fun.

Okay, well, hopefully if I could understand getting blown off yesterday, he can understand my life getting crazy today.

Seesaw

Maybe you both understand each other better than yiu really thought you did.

Understanding how you yourself feels, can put yiurself in how he feels when his company has time contrained requirements.

Lol....if you can ever find a common time to get together you may find out just how much you do have in common.

Yeah, I already let him know. I should have known better because mid-week is ALWAYS like this for me. I can cut things off on Friday at 5, but between like Tuesday through Friday morning, it's a little like being on call.

Seesaw

I think it’s common to be busy during the week. I never went on dates during the week. In fact I never do anything during the weeks but work and do stuff at home. So you might have to set up dates strictly on the weekends

I normally don't schedule stuff during the week but it's been so rough...I needed to do something!

Two updates: we are supposed to have drinks tonight...I sent him a text a minute ago to confirm.

Other update: wyd guy texted me Sunday night at 8:02pm to see if I was available that night, to which I had replied now...and then last night at 11:02pm, I got a text from him again that was "Hey wyd"...to which I didn't even bother responding because I was already in bed. Seriously? He needs to take the hint. I'm not even responding to him anymore. I am curious how many more attempts he'll make. I do think it could be an ongoing random thing I get because he clearly does it when he's just bored.

Another note: I got a message from a new guy through the dating site. I saw he doesn't want kids, while I do. So I responded and thanked him for his compliment but considering he does not want kids and I do, and it's a deal breaker for me, that I'm not interested. He then tried to convince me that we should just "see where it goes..." Um, that's player speak for I just want to use you. And I responded that I'm not going to date someone with the hopes that I can change their mind on something so important to me. And I wished him luck and ended that conversation. I wasn't expecting anything, certainly, just thought that was an interesting interchange to share here. In fact, I only responded to him at all to see how he would respond to the rejection based on that. It was sort of an experiment. I find that people who say "Well, let's see what happens" really have no intent of committing. In my experience, men who say they are looking for new friends and will see if anything comes out of that, usually mean they are looking for a hookup or something short term, FWB, that they don't have to commit to.

I find it interesting that when I'm clear in what I want, and let a guy down by telling him that what he's looking for and what I'm looking for aren't the same thing, and they try to argue with me on it...I'm not looking to fix someone or try and change their mind or expect them to mature into wanting what I want. That's just silly. Why would I waste my time, energy, and emotions on that? Why put yourself through that stress?

Anyone, interesting interchanges for anyone following my dating saga.

Seesaw

I wouldn’t respond at all to anyone you are not interested in meeting. Since many don’t respond to messages unless there is interest, simply replying— even if it’s to say you’re not interested— is interpreted as an opening. Even with the guy texting you wyd, the fact that you even said “no” is probably being read as “not this time, maybe next time.” Responding to people you aren’t interested in is also a drain on your time. When I did online dating, I just didn’t respond to anyone who I wasn’t interested in. Even if they messaged me through the site multiple times, I just deleted the messages unread. They eventually took the hint and saved me time & energy.

You know, I tend to agree with this. It sends a strong and clear message when you don't reply at all. And who cares really if you don't, especially when there's no interest. I too, found that men would try to argue me out of my "not interested" stance, no matter what, and many times over with different men. It became super annoying, and like you said, it was a drain on my time to continue replying. I agree that it gives them an inch, when you don't want to at all.

As I said, I was interested in what his response would be, which is why I replied. As for wyd guy, I don't respond to him at all. I'm not sure how that is unclear.

Geez. :/ I just was agreeing.

I understood that you no longer planned on replying to wyd guy, but you said in your post you had been responding by telling him “no.” That’s what I was responding to. You also said he was texting you, so I thought you likely gave him your phone number at one point. Maybe when you were deciding whether to meet? Or maybe when you saying “texting” you are referring to direct messages through the site? Perhaps I misunderstood, but i just thought— from my own experience— that not responding at all to people unless there is interest, and not exchanging numbers until after meeting (to weed out people) might be a time saver. I know some people who feel obligated to return all messages out of politeness, and was just saying *if* you felt that way, it really is common (and not rude) to not respond if there’s no interest. But since you wanted to hear his response to you, I hope it satisfied your curiosity.

No, I haven't responded to the last couple of texts from wyd guy.

Yeah, I don't typically respond, especially when I can tell they just want a hook up. With the guy from this morning, I was running a little social experiment to see what his response would be.

Seesaw....I would probably do exactly what you did since it is obvious they don't look at the profile very closely.....it is good to point out that the difference is spelled out & next time he needs to be more discerning about who he choses especially if he has a problem with being turned down (thus asking "well see where it goes")

Honestly too many women accept every male that comes into their life then have to sort out the problems later.....I think what you did is wise & also it in a kind way told him to be more careful in finding a match in the future.

The annoying "wyd"guy.....yep, that is the kind to ignore especially after seeing it has become his MO.

So...tried to confirm today with the guy I've been texting back and forth with (not long texts, just to confirm a date) and...he had to cancel. His ex asked if he wanted the kids this weekend since he ended up having to work last weekend and she took them (so they switched weekends basically). And he decided to take his kids. I'm slightly disappointed, but I'm also just exhausted so I'm taking the out...lolz...

I just don't know if this is ever going to happen. I feel like once we have the first meeting and decide if we want a second, it will be easier. Cause we would probably talk more freely about our lives at that point...I'm going to be out of town all next week, so unless we decide to meet up on Monday for happy hour before my flight on Tuesday morning...it's going to be a whole week again before we can meet. And I just want to get the first meeting over with. LOL.

Unless he's blowing me off purposely. I'll suggest Monday to him and see what happens.

I do like him, as much as you can like someone you've chatted with a bit and seen pics of, so I'd like to meet. And I do appreciate he's been easy going about my schedule and his own, really.

Eh, we'll see. I'm kinda glad to get the out tonight...I really didn't feel like getting my hair brushed and presentable and picking an outfit, lol.

Seesaw

lol....I have that feeling way too often & it's not even for dates but all the activities I'm involved in. Some days it us just too MUCH WORK