This post may look like a 5 year old's scribble. Meandering, all over the place.

I feel kind of sad. It's true I didn't eat healthy today, and I think I am officially addicted to sugar now, too. And I've been kind of isolated lately. But the relationships part of my post: that guy and I who went out. I think he really likes me. I like him too! He's very nice and sweet. And I'm paranoid that he's bisexual. Not that that would matter. I am kind of analyzing everything in my mind and I'd really like not to. I think I just need to talk here.

I am back on OkCupid (I'd deactivated my profile for a few days). I feel good with the way things are right now. I don't want to commit to him. I want to get to know him better first. And I don't know. I just feel like we are casual dating, and that's fine with me! And fun. But I also feel a disconnect. And a little sad, but maybe thats my own issues and doing. And not related to him.

I don't really have a problem, per se. I think I need to be around people more. My friend called me, and I might call her back to say hello.

In terms of this guy. He calls me "babe" "baby" and "hon" in his texts to me. He did tell me though, that his coworker calls everyone that too, and that it rubbed off on him. So maybe its just him being casual. Or maybe he really likes me. Idk. We haven't had like any kind of talk saying "let's be monogamous and bf / gf." So.

I want to get to know him better though. He is pretty lovely, and impressive, inspiring, and intelligent. he's also kind of got some emotionally immature world views that really rubbed me the wrong way (he thinks its ok / good for some people to have misfortune if they've been mean to someone else, for example, if they're openly racist. they got what they deserved, basically). I guess I just think differently. He also thinks that its ok to take your anger and frustration out on someone else, though, he never did with me, and he also said he lives by the golden rule, and he was quite caring and concerned for me and wanted me to be comfortable and feel safe.

I feel like I'm just rambling tonight. But there you go. Please respond if you have something supportive or helpful. Thank you.

[crushed_soul]

Nonsense to your claims about "scribble." A meandering mind is an active mind. Meander as you will for you might meander to somewhere that you are choosing to be.




I wish for your weekend to be most delightful and that your sadness changes into happiness, starrysky.

Originally Posted by crushed_soul

Nonsense to your claims about "scribble." A meandering mind is an active mind. Meander as you will for you might meander to somewhere that you are choosing to be.




I wish for your weekend to be most delightful and that your sadness changes into happiness, starrysky.

Thank you Crushed_Soul!!! Right back at you.

I just deleted my OkC account completely. It was impulsive. But I was sick of getting perverted messages. It also seems like many many people are there for messed up reasons and are immature.

[seesaw]

Originally Posted by starrysky

This post may look like a 5 year old's scribble. Meandering, all over the place.

I feel kind of sad. It's true I didn't eat healthy today, and I think I am officially addicted to sugar now, too. And I've been kind of isolated lately. But the relationships part of my post: that guy and I who went out. I think he really likes me. I like him too! He's very nice and sweet. And I'm paranoid that he's bisexual. Not that that would matter. I am kind of analyzing everything in my mind and I'd really like not to. I think I just need to talk here.

I am back on OkCupid (I'd deactivated my profile for a few days). I feel good with the way things are right now. I don't want to commit to him. I want to get to know him better first. And I don't know. I just feel like we are casual dating, and that's fine with me! And fun. But I also feel a disconnect. And a little sad, but maybe thats my own issues and doing. And not related to him.

I don't really have a problem, per se. I think I need to be around people more. My friend called me, and I might call her back to say hello.

In terms of this guy. He calls me "babe" "baby" and "hon" in his texts to me. He did tell me though, that his coworker calls everyone that too, and that it rubbed off on him. So maybe its just him being casual. Or maybe he really likes me. Idk. We haven't had like any kind of talk saying "let's be monogamous and bf / gf." So.

I want to get to know him better though. He is pretty lovely, and impressive, inspiring, and intelligent. he's also kind of got some emotionally immature world views that really rubbed me the wrong way (he thinks its ok / good for some people to have misfortune if they've been mean to someone else, for example, if they're openly racist. they got what they deserved, basically). I guess I just think differently. He also thinks that its ok to take your anger and frustration out on someone else, though, he never did with me, and he also said he lives by the golden rule, and he was quite caring and concerned for me and wanted me to be comfortable and feel safe.

I feel like I'm just rambling tonight. But there you go. Please respond if you have something supportive or helpful. Thank you.

I feel kinda sad right now too...and maybe in the same place? My new male friend also calls me "hun" a lot. He also refers to me as "beautiful." Part of me is certain it's just what he refers to every woman he flirts with, and part of me accepts it as a term of endearment. People use the same pet names with everyone, in my experience. He's not the first man I've referred to as "hey handsome." But I no less mean it.

I kinda hate myself right now. I had a really hard day yesterday. He knew it. He sent me a couple of texts to see how I was doing. I knew he was going to be busy with his kids last night so I said if he had time for a call I would love to talk to him but if not, I totally understand. He said he would try. To me, based on past experience, I just decided to count that as no call last night. Then while I was at happy hour, closing up the business trip with client and colleagues, he called! And so I couldn't talk. When I called him back an hour later he didn't pick up. I almost cried I was so upset that I missed him.

So part of me hates myself for wanting to cry because I missed a man's phone call. But part of me also knows that I was so happy that he had called, it's like everything seems too good to be true...I dunno...

He did end up texting me later in the evening, although I missed that too because I fell asleep.

One of my colleagues, who is married, who I shared this story with, was like, what he is doing is what a normal man does when he likes a woman. That's what he's SUPPOSED to do. You are used to all those men who play games and stuff. But you SHOULD expect him to do what he says he'll do and not be so surprised by it. And I'm just like, I literally have never had a boyfriend who kept their word. So it makes me very wary and super appreciative when someone does.

Okay, now I'm meandering...

Hope you're feeling a little better, starrysky.

Seesaw

[Bill3]

(((((starrysky)))))

Hmmm.... Starry, I don't like that he thinks it's OK to take your anger and frustration out on someone else. Maybe you feel sad because he matches you in some ways but not in others? Or, you could just be feeling a bit lonely and needing more person-to-person contact.

He may/may not be the perfect match for you, so it's good to get to know him better, date him casually and see what unfolds. Like you said, you don't need to commit to him right now.

I hope you find some fun things to do this weekend, perhaps spend time with a friend & do some self-care activities, and I hope you feel better soon.

[divine1966]

I am not sure about wanting to be monogamous or boyfriend/girlfriend after one date. Even if you really like someone, it’s unrealistic.

Even the most fast developing relationship need more than one date.

It is normal to expect decency and good treatment from men regardless how many dates you had, but I wouldn’t expect to know for sure if they are right match. Go on few more dates.

Calling someone “baby” “babe” or “honey” after one date isn’t my style and I’d be a bit wary of a man who does that. Simply because it’s just not my style to flirt that early and I prefer men who don’t love bomb me too soon regardless how much they like me. But some people just talk like this. It doesn’t mean much imho.

Just focus on his actions and see how you feel around him. Just go on a second date. Did you plan it already?

[MickeyCheeky]

Feel free to vent here when you need. Take your time with this guy and see if you like him.

Originally Posted by divine1966

I am not sure about wanting to be monogamous or boyfriend/girlfriend after one date. Even if you really like someone, it’s unrealistic.

Even the most fast developing relationship need more than one date.

It is normal to expect decency and good treatment from men regardless how many dates you had, but I wouldn’t expect to know for sure if they are right match. Go on few more dates.

Calling someone “baby” “babe” or “honey” after one date isn’t my style and I’d be a bit wary of a man who does that. Simply because it’s just not my style to flirt that early and I prefer men who don’t love bomb me too soon regardless how much they like me. But some people just talk like this. It doesn’t mean much imho.

Just focus on his actions and see how you feel around him. Just go on a second date. Did you plan it already?

I don't want to be his girlfriend. Is that what you're saying? That you think that's what I want? I have no clue at this point and am just casually dating this dude. He seems more interested. But it also seems fake to me. Idk why. But I will date him again. No we haven't set another date. Honestly, I'm not in the mood today to do that. I'll let him contact me if he wants another date.

It might be good for me to get clarification from him on where his mind is when calling me "babe" and hon". Not in the mood for that either today. But yeah.

And yeah I understand there's a get to know a person process.

Thanks.

Originally Posted by MickeyCheeky

Feel free to vent here when you need. Take your time with this guy and see if you like him.

Thanks Mickey. I will.

Originally Posted by golden_eve

Hmmm.... Starry, I don't like that he thinks it's OK to take your anger and frustration out on someone else. Maybe you feel sad because he matches you in some ways but not in others? Or, you could just be feeling a bit lonely and needing more person-to-person contact.

He may/may not be the perfect match for you, so it's good to get to know him better, date him casually and see what unfolds. Like you said, you don't need to commit to him right now.

I hope you find some fun things to do this weekend, perhaps spend time with a friend & do some self-care activities, and I hope you feel better soon.

Hey GE, I really appreciate this, thanks. Yes, he matches me in some ways, not others. I want to keep my options open, too, but also see him again. I see him as at least a friend.

And yes, I did do some things today that made me feel better. I walked with a friend, and it was really nice. I'm currently eating a healthy lunch and just taking care of myself and planning my future a little. That is something that makes me feel better, lol.

[divine1966]

Originally Posted by starrysky

I don't want to be his girlfriend. Is that what you're saying? That you think that's what I want? I have no clue at this point and am just casually dating this dude. He seems more interested. But it also seems fake to me. Idk why. But I will date him again. No we haven't set another date. Honestly, I'm not in the mood today to do that. I'll let him contact me if he wants another date.

It might be good for me to get clarification from him on where his mind is when calling me "babe" and hon". Not in the mood for that either today. But yeah.

And yeah I understand there's a get to know a person process.

Thanks.

Oh I didn’t mean you want to be his girlfriend. You just said that you two didn’t talk about monogamy or gf/bf, and it’s perfectly normal not to have that talk yet.

If he keeps calling you affectionate names but isn’t bringing up second date, I’d feel weird about it. I think if he contacts you and asks about a date then I’d go see him again but if he contacts you but no date talk, I’d move on.

Trust your guts. If things feel fake, they often are

Originally Posted by divine1966

Oh I didn’t mean you want to be his girlfriend. You just said that you two didn’t talk about monogamy or gf/bf, and it’s perfectly normal not to have that talk yet.

If he keeps calling you affectionate names but isn’t bringing up second date, I’d feel weird about it. I think if he contacts you and asks about a date then I’d go see him again but if he contacts you but no date talk, I’d move on.

Trust your guts. If things feel fake, they often are

Thank you for clarifying!

And yeah, you're right I'm sure, that it's normal to not have the monogamy conversation yet.

I really appreciate you saying to trust my gut. Yes, he seems kind of fake. I'm not sure what it is. But yeah.

[Bill3]

I completely agree with trusting your gut as to whether or not you fit well with him.

It is okay to see someone as a good guy and also to sense that he isn’t a good fit for you.

Originally Posted by Bill3

I completely agree with trusting your gut as to whether or not you fit well with him.

It is okay to see someone as a good guy and also to sense that he isn’t a good fit for you.

Thank you! Thank you so much Bill

I would ideally like to trust my intuition every single day. We can all make mistakes with that, of course. But I've been kind of bad at trusting my instincts lately (aka: I've gotten whispers and red flags, and ignored it). I even do it with a worker of mine. It is clear to me she likes to "Tell tales." She is also unhelpful with me and gives me advice I don't need and that doesn't help me and that invalidates me. Just saying that out loud, is a form of trusting my gut. I can't not see her anymore, due to I must see her, but I can set boundaries and I can be assertive with my needs and complain if I need to. I just went on a tangent, but whatever.

Originally Posted by Bill3

I completely agree with trusting your gut as to whether or not you fit well with him.

It is okay to see someone as a good guy and also to sense that he isn’t a good fit for you.

And in terms of the guy.....I really appreciate your reassurance and validation on this.

Bill, I guess I was also like, giving him the benefit of the doubt bc I don't know him. Ya know? But I do get a gut feeling he's not going to be my boyfriend. Though he does feel like friend material. I may date him again. I will see if he asks me. But yeah I think I'd rather be friends

He texted me today and said "I wish I could take a nap with you in my arms." I told him right then I just wanted to be friends. He seems hurt / disappointed. I was nice about it. He said we can be friends, he didn't think we were moving too fast, and that he hopes I find what I'm looking for.

Man. I made the right decision I think. But I also don't feel any better. I wonder if something is psychologically wrong with me?

I really think I need some support.

[seesaw]

Originally Posted by starrysky

I really think I need some support.

Are you okay?

I just need someone to talk to.

Originally Posted by seesaw

Are you okay?

Did you read post #19?

[divine1966]

You did the right thing. I am yet meet any decent man with whom any kind of future is possible who’d say he wants to take naps with me in his arms after one date. No thanks. In a long run you’d feel better because you just dodged the proverbial bullet. I think he is bad news. Hang in there.

[seesaw]

Well, I disagree with you, Divine. I think people can connect on the first date and want to be together. I know I am going through that.

Starrsky, if it wasn't for you then he wasn't for you. Don't judge yourself. You'll know when it's right. You are under no obligation to give anyone a chance if you don't feel right about it. You did the right thing for you.

Seesaw