[msinfiniti]

Well, I finally talked to my husband and is NOT coming over for Thanksgiving. I have been waiting on him for over a week now. He has not contacted me since last Sunday and unfortunately I broke down tonight and contacted him via IM on the computer. I was honestly surprised he replied. He told me he is going to visit his family 3 hours away. I can't help but wonder if I wouldn't have contacted him tonight if he would have just left me hanging.

I am so tired of all this. I know he is sick, but this is so ridiculous. He has a loving wife who has forgiven him for infidelity and so many other things that most women would not forgive. What is wrong with me?

I need to get a life.

[Doh2007]

I'm so sorry you're going through this difficult time. It must be hard.

[Perna]

It's so hard rearranging things at the last moment, getting hopes upset.

{{{msinfiniti}}}

[msinfiniti]

I have decided to spend Thanksgiving with a family member. I am very hurt by my husband's behavior. I feel alienated and disrespected by him and its just not right........no matter how sick he is, he is a human being and has to understand how his behavior is affecting his loved ones.

I've had it!

[old_one]

Your husband is apparently being very selfish atm but that is part of the sickness. He is so wraped up in himself he doesn't see your pain. I'm not making excuses for him just saying.

My advice will be hard but you need to think about you. Just think of him as being gone for awhile, like on a business trip or such. The expectation, and inevitable disapointment, of constantly waiting to be with him again can tear you apart.

He wants space, give it to him. But don't just sit and wait. Try and put him out of your mind (not out of your heart) and go on about living. Enjoy the holidays, let yourself have a break from the worry. Set a time, a month, two months, when you will plan to see him again. Then move forward.

If he contacts you before then it will be a pleasent surprise. If not you can contact him at the time you had decided and confront him to make a decision. Is he going to work on the marriage or not. You will be in a better frame of mind then and will have given him his space.

Good luck,

[msinfiniti]

Thanks for the excellent advice 'Old One'.

I actually just got off the phone with his mother and she basically told me the same thing. She says that he is being selfish and unfair and because of the bi-polar he doesnt realize how mean he is being. Its as if his heart and his mind are fighting with each other and I'm fighting both of them.

Thanks again.

[msinfiniti]

My husband told me Tuesday night that he wants a divorce. He claims he has already contacted his attorney and he is done with our marriage. I went to our house that night to see him because he refused to talk to me on the telephone and he was very cold and callous. He laughed at me when I professed my love for him and he was very mean. When he let me in the house he said, "you've got 5 minutes to talk and then you need to leave". I was destroyed.

I don't know what to think. I called my attorney AGAIN and told him the divorce is back on. I wonder if my husband will stick to his guns this time or if he will change his mind again. I need to stay strong and not let him sideline me again. I still love him very much and this thing is going to be so hard.

[katheryn]

sorry you were treted like that by your husband, if hes had enough of the marriage it doesnt give him a right to treat you that way , you deserve to be respected
(((((((((((((((((((((msinfiniti)))))))))))))))))))

[msinfiniti]

I ended up staying home today. I just couldn't bring myself to get out for the holiday. I am extremely depressed and I am missing my husband desperately.

I have emailed him 3 times today to tell him how much I love him. I feel pathetic. He has thrown me away as if I never meant anything to him and I am chasing him like a silly school girl. I love him so much my heart aches.

I did receive a phone call yesterday from my pastor which was very nice. He was just calling to check on me. He also sent me a text message today and told me that my husband had sent him a text or email saying, 'happy Thanksgiving'. I was surprised because my pastor has really been pulling for our marriage and my husband has quit returning his phone calls over the past few weeks because he was feeling pressured. I wonder if the text/email that went out to him was a bulk message.

Anyway, I called my attorney yesterday and told him to put my divorce papers through. My husband claims he contacted his lawyer already, but I don't know the exact day. I am very nervous and I can't believe this might actually be happening. I am scared to death and even after all the fighting, cheating, lying, and every other hell my husband has put me through, I still love him.

My T says I should not believe anything until I am standing in front of a judge or signing final divorce papers. My husbands bi-polar has wreaked havoc on my life, but I still can't let go.

What is wrong with me? Will I ever get over this man? I feel as if he is the only one for me and I can't live without him. I have loved him since our first date almost 7 years ago.

This is the worst pain I have ever felt.

[old_one]

((((msinfiniti))))

I'm so sorry you are giong through this. Your husband has his own issues and he is handling them in a very selfish and uncaring way. But as i said in my previous post, you need to take care of you right now.

I know it is hard, love doesn't just go away no matter how he treats you. You still feel what you feel. But you have to step back and let it go for your own state of mind. You need to be a little selfish yourself right now, and that is ok. You can be a little selfish, and take care of yourself, without hurting others and there is nothing wrong with that.

There is nothing 'wrong' with you, you are just hurting. That is totally understandable. And you can 'get over' him. It will take time but the pain will go away. You are on an emotional roller coaster right now and the only way to make it stop is to just say 'that's it, i'm done'.

Breaking up is always hard, especially someone you have loved for 7 years, but there comes a point where you have to let go. You can't change his behavior and make him be the loving and caring man you fell in love with. Its time to take care of you and find your own happiness.

You can live without him, eventually you will even be happy again even if that doesn't seem posible right now.

Misinfiniti.... distraction, distraction, distraction.... find distractions. Don't let yourself stew over all of this. It will just make you sicker. It won't make you feel better and it wouldn't give you any answers.

You need to give your thinking a break..... to occupy it with other thoughts. Acknowledge the pain and the thoughts as they come into your head but don't let yourself listen to them. Push yourself to do something to keep you busy and keep your mind occupied with something else.

Don't try not to think about your ex because that will just cause you to think about him more. When the tought comes, say, I hear you but not now.... right now I'm.....

It's the only way you can regroup and re-energize and sustain yourself through these days and weeks when sorrow is so close.

Minister to your broken heart with acts of love and kindness to yourself. Bless yourself. Accept what is and trust God for the rest.

Force yourself to smile. I'm serious. Force a smile on your face. It will minister to you if you let yourself feel the love and peace attached to that smile. Just compare the difference. Put a smile on your face.... hold it there for a minute and you will notice how it can help you rest in God's love and trust the next moment, the next hour, the next day will be okay.

You are in my thoughts and prayers. May the angels continue to gaurd you and protect you through these times.

[TYMBERWOLV]

infiniti,

Have a great time hon i know these days look dark but in due time the light will shine into ur life. people are here to support you ...




dave

[PsychJoey01]

Msinfiniti:

I understand and sorry for what you're going through yet time will heal the stress and pain we put to ourselve, indure to ourselve. Live life to it's fullest and always take care of yourself. I had been married for 15 years and divorced for 10, now I am in the professional arena and look back to laugh as to what happen to my marriage. Of course my xxxguy/husband still try to get back yet I had moved on just a note to you.

This is not an advice nor I can tell you what to do here are several issues or situation you might want to consider in the realm of your relationship. A relationship just it is a relationship one of the most challenging aspects of one's life. Figure out what are the advantages and disadvantages in getting back together with someone who apparently had given himself the boot in the relationship. You did not do it he had made that choice when he had the affair last summer as you've stated you have to acknowledge that his other half walks out the door and will never comeback. If you stay in this relationship I will be honest with it is selfish to get angry be mad and resent your husband because it is what you're feeling at this time. It is useless and hurtful towards you and only you. Time will heal it and time keeps rolling. Asks yourself this is morning and evening stops because he is not around? No the world still keep moving so be kind for yourself maybe this might not make sense to you now but it will.

Be kind to yourself and treat yourself go out with a girlfriend and enjoy life. It is short and there is no point in dwelling with someone who apparently had move on and give yourself a chance to be happy. Do not force your emotion and feelings on someone who do not deserve it, think yourself as a special person that you deserve someone better and believe me you will find someone fitted just fo you.

[msinfiniti]

Thank you for the advice. It's funny that you mention how your ex tried to get back with you because as soon as I moved into my apartment and it looked as if I was getting on with my life my husband came back to me. My pastor just told me today that if my husband were to find out that I might possibly be dating he would probably want me again.

I don't want to play games, nor do I want to date, but I have been asked out by a few men so I'm thinking I will give it a shot. I guess it is a waste of time for me to sit around waiting for my sick husband to come running back to me.

Anyway, thank you again for the advice and hopefully I too will look back on all of this one day and laugh.