I am really struggling

If I’m not enjoying my life, seek help? he said he broke up with me in November 2016. I can’t let him go .

I know he’s not abusing me. I can’t let go but I can be quiet.

Yes I’m in ACA. I’ll never give up hope.

leomama, I responded to you in your ptsd thread and I think what I said rings true for you.
It think you struggle with abandonment issues leo and you are trying to overcome something you experienced with your father who also failed to connect and relate with you normally.

It's important you understand that some people genuinely cannot connect and have relationships in a normal way, NOT your fault and nothing you do can change that person either. You have a confused way of looking at things because you never really experienced "normal". This guy just isn't normal, not capable of connecting with you either do you understand leo?

He’s working his way back to me. I found more email. I told you I’m not giving up on him. And I know I have “daddy issues” and he knows it too. We’ve dealt with those already and have a structure in place to address them.

He is not working his way back to you, he is confusing you because he is challenged leo. This not giving up will only lead you to more emotional confusion and disappointments that will trigger you into having these confusing cycles where you reach out for help and support but you don't want to hear the reality of what you are really dealing with fully. This guy doesn't have the ability to handle relationships never mind the confusion you add to that challenge with him because of your own challenges. That is why he goes silent.

No he went silent because our relationship totally fell apart. I’m getting through to him and he’s telling me he loves me. Yes he and I both have ptsd, yes he and I both have father issues. Ironically enough we get along with each other’s father’s. There’s not going to be another confusing cycle. I know from my work in the bpd family community that I have to be the emotional leader in this relationship and I can handle it now. He couldn’t handle his previous circumstance but that’s over. It’s going to work out now.

Unfortunately it’s not going to work out. Is this the same man who proposed to you before he actually met you in real life and only after you got “engaged” and started planning to get married you discovered that he is actually married to someone else?

It can’t work with people like him. You’ll waste another how many years on trying to get him to commit to you or become a decent person. It’s actually very possible that he never got divorced as he wouldn’t show you his divorce decree. You havent been together for years, who knows what he was and is up to. He had personality disorder, then he had PTSD but then all of a sudden he has autism. Is he constantly self diagnosing or you are diagnosing him to explain his outrageous behaviors and lies?

He plays games. Sure he says he loves you in emails. His actions speak louder than words. Life is too short to sit around waiting for this guy. How many more years?

I found out he was married after I met him online but before I met him in person.
We haven't been together for 2017 and most of 2018. I think I'm about to find out what he was up to. I don't think he is up to anything now. He has both dx PTSD and autism. He acted like he has BPD, that was the aspergers.
I'm not sitting around waiting for him, I'm living my life, but in terms of a man, I don't want anyone else but him. That's my choice.

Why do you care, if I may?

His TELLING you he loves you has NOTHING to do with your getting through to him. Lots of people say they love someone but don't mean it. Actions speak louder than words & his actions sure don't say "I love you" you are just wishing they would & wishing doesn't create reality.

You excuse his bad behaviors away but hope to get back together. Why in the world would yiu even waste your time & energy on someone like that? Do you enjoy the drama yiu are creating?

Since he is now talking to me through email I think the reason for this thread has ceased to exist. I didn't come here to get accused of causing drama. Thank you for all supporting me through this difficult time.

Not sure what you mean. You post on online forum asking what you should do in regards to this man. But when a poster replies to your questions, you respond by asking “why do you care?” Lol It doesn’t make any sense. If you don’t want replies, I am not sure why you post?

fair enough. As I said he started communicating with me again so I’m ok now. Thank you for your support.

leomama, you're allowed to make your own choice about this. Good luck.

I have and I am choosing him. Thank you.

That really sucks! Not to be rude, but that was insensitive of him to do that. What kind of guy does that??

Hope everything goes well for you.

A guy with Aspergers. I’m far from well today.

What you consider is wrong or hurtful is how "you" think and feel. Well, when dealing with someone who is different it's important to remember that other person's limitations.

We reunited. I now know the man I love has aspergers . I found a Facebook from 2 years ago that said I had ended it , so basically we had a 2 year war or separation. We are very happy to be back together.

I wish you well leomama, as you move forward with this it's important to keep in mind that he will be at a loss at times and is not going to respond in a way you want and it sounds to me like when that happens he just stops interacting. Given that you struggle emotionally accepting and can get triggered you will have to work harder on managing your own reactions instead of getting overwhelmed and confused.

I would have to say my entire life has been dealing with someone very close to me that had challenges and the individual was wired differently so everything about this person was different from me and different than what is considered the norm. I have had to learn a great deal about dyslexia and ADHD for example and I had to understand how they learn differently and they have different ways of seeing things than I do. I had to see these individuals picked on when they struggled to read or made what seemed like simple spelling errors or did not empathize the way people expect too or express sensitivities that many consider weaknesses.

We are really just beginning to understand how people are different and develop ways of compensating that can prove to be a challenge, not just for others but themselves. Some day we will be able to better understand instead of reacting to these individuals in ways that only make a challenge even worse because they are expected to interact in ways they are simply not wired for. A person can be very gifted at some things, yet genuinely lack in other ways. Because the person seems smart and has compensated, often when they fail to do what many expect they are often considered some kind of terrible human being. Oh, look, everyone else was reading and saying all the words except him, he doesn't care and is a bad person. Instead of recognizing that reading and following along is actually hard for him to do. Some that struggle that way tend to be more visual learners and pick up their knowledge in a more visual way and compensate, often instead of reading the individual does better by watching others talk about a topic. Sometimes like with dylexia and ADHD, the individual may seem like they don't want to listen and are distracted, yet often that's how that person is wired and they might even need to have several things to think about before deciding which path to follow. Some individuals not only have ADHD but also have some autistic characteristics as well. We are only JUST beginning to understand these different challenges.

He had dyslexia before. I def need help to be with him for my own peace of mind.

What do you mean he “had” dyslexia? It’s not something that ever goes away. One might develop strategies how to cope but it’s not something that all of a sudden goes away

He was misdiagnosed with dyslexia as a child, it was aspergers.

So it’s not that he “had” dyslexia, but rather that he was “misdiagnosed” with dyslexia. When was he diagnosed with “Asperger”? For the past 5 years it’s not a recognized diagnosis. Is he diagnosed wuth Autism Spectrum Disorder? Or you think he has it? There were many different diagnosis that you mentioned before

It’s autism level 1 in the last 2 years, and ptsd. I don’t want to talk about his dx.