Husband Walked Out

I never thought of this, might have to do it.

So update for everyone;

I cleaned the house while he was gone, did the laundry, even made some dinner, and at first he said nothing about it. Then later on he said “I see what you’re trying to do here and it’s pathetic. You’re trying to score points. There’s no point so you may as well stop trying; it’s over” then he turned over and went to sleep. I am so beyond hurt now

I'm so sorry you have to put up with this kind of behavior from him. Maybe he can try sleeping on the couch for a while. Sleeping on the same bed with his back turned to you sounds like he wants you to pay attention to the fact that he is giving you a cold shoulder. You shouldn't have to tolerate this kind of passive-aggressive behavior from him.

Uh, yeah......

:group hug:

Unbelievable...(and he has no idea you've got tons of friends here on PC supporting you!)

We just moved in and don’t have our living room fixed up yet so we have no couch. Otherwise I would definitely be on it.

Thank you for this❤️

Yeah, he would probably be shocked to know I have so many people that care. I am really appreciative of you all; you’re the only thing that’s given me any kind of hope

I tried telling him that this is a huge overreaction to what I did, but he says it’s the quantity of how often I get upset and freak out. Now I’m starting to feel insecure and think maybe he’s right; maybe I have pushed him to the limit. He also mentioned divorce and said “we’ll talk about it” because “our relationship is basically over now anyway”

Can you try this? When he is calm some time, ask if you can have a chat. Sit next to him, not opposite. Try something like: "I love and respect you babe. I see that you are unhappy. As your wife and closest friend I of course want you to be happy and well. I heard you when you said things are basically over. I am now seeing that you've been unhappy for a while now. I'm sorry I couldn't see that before. That must have been really hard for you, maybe even lonely. I see your unhappiness now and I am ready to help. I am not sure how best to help you and I want to understand your point of view. I think we need to go back a few steps in order to develop an understanding of our problems...before we got to this point today. When you are comfortable (that need not be right now) I am ready to listen to how you've been feeling. Let's stay calm and respectful toward each other. Let's hear each other out."

Maybe try to avoid evaluating his behaviors as a "huge overreaction" etc. Even though that could be true from your perspective, from his perspective it possibly felt justified...the phrasing could be hurtful to him and possibly trigger more anger and stonewalling. Try coming from a non-judgmental place of listening and understanding if you can.

He's NOT right. He's just trying to make you scared. Trying to provoke you into being upset, then, dollars to donuts, he'd say, "See!" That's straight up nasty manipulation there.

Hold strong. We're in your corner.

Wow, this gave me a whole new perspective. You are absolutely right, maybe he doesn’t see it the same way as me. I hope he will let me talk to him so that I can say those things to him.

So you don’t think maybe I’ve pushed him here by constantly getting upset and freaking out? Because I’m starting to get scared and thinking maybe I do deserve this. I don’t know if I would want to deal with me either 😕

Space and time first, right? The talk will only go well when you are both calm, ready, and able to stay calm throughout. Perhaps he's in a panic too about the situation and acting out is his way of dealing with his panic?? I don't know him. Just an idea.

Anger is often an expression of underlying fear. Just something to think about.

Me three. Your husband’s response, behavior, replies, and lack of understanding/emotional support are red flags and unacceptable, in my opinion.

Read many threads here to see what is happening to people in long term marriages and relationships; you just might decide that you are getting early clues and that it is better to cut this cord now than have it escalate. Just read and absorb - it would be beyond educational.

Many people in bad marriages saw red flags as early as during engagement, their own wedding, and honeymoon. Yet they rationalized it or were in denial or felt they can’t leave because of kids or were afraid to be alone or quickly became financially dependent on their spouses so they stay for many years: 20, 30, 40 etc

Do you want to be in the same boat 30 years from now? You are very young. You don’t even need to be married at your age. Certainly don’t need to be miserable

I don’t agree wuth people who want you to focus on cuddling him and helping him to see the light so to speak. Analyzing why people do what they do is a waste of time because we might never get an answer. We can only analyze WHY we do what we do and control our actions, not other people’s

Anyone who behaves like he does after only a month of marriage is not marriage material, at least not now. I believe your focus should be solely on improving YOUR own life, your health, your safety and your future. Take focus off him

Yes, I agree with Divine, focus on you, especially your future.


I really think that even if he comes back this time, unless he is willing to go to couples' counseling with you and work on his own issues, he is probably going to pull the same stunt in the future.

It worries me that you don't seem to have a support system and are financially dependent. If I were you, I would work on setting money aside in an emergency fund. I think you said you are working part-time. Is it possible for you to work more hours or find a full-time job? Or, maybe, you can do something on the side to bring in some extra money that you can save? You need to look out for yourself.

Gosh no, you didn't cause him to not know how to be civil and respectful and compassionate. Besides....he turns his nose up at marital counseling which would help you both build better communication skills to break free of the toxic path you are both on. Remember that....he said No to working on your marriage.

I agree with Divine about the notion on focusing on better communication skills, despite those being great skills to have, because without two willing participants with a shared goal to reach a more harmonious union, it's wasted energy. Been there, tried that myself.

Don't feed into his childish manipulations. He is manipulating you yet again to make you think it's all your fault.

Stay strong in your stance. I like that you told him he was overreacting. That showed strength and courage. You stood up to him.

I don't agree with the poster who suggested you try and tell him how unhappy he is, how hard that must be for him and that you love him, etc. That is coddling him and giving into his manipulations.

This man is outright abusive. Please see him as this. He is manipulating you and is behaving just like a child -- exactly as Open Eyes put it -- a child having a tantrum.

Make him sleep on the couch if he is going to stay until he leaves. Draw the line; draw the boundaries. Tell him HIS behavior is unacceptable to you and that you're not going to put up with it. Take back your own power.

This. My life experience has shown that there's a wealth of do gooders in this world and usually the workplace is where many have existed....wouldn't hurt to mention to your director. Strings are oft available to pull in many cases.

This man keeps threatening to leave her whenever she breaks down because he is mean to her. He stormed out the other night over a movie. He blames her for their problems because she reacts when he become mean. She is not allowed to say "ouch" when he becomes mean, which is abusive. Trying to reason with a bully and an abuser does no good; it's like trying to squeeze blood from a rock.