Husband Walked Out

i already addressed this. read the thread.

He is expecting you to be codepent with him, this is what his parents allowed him to be with them. Don't accept this role, it's unhealthy for you.

I have seen this movie, and even then it struck me as pretty familiar. Thank you for your support, it means a lot ❤️

Yep you are right. I have become completely codependent and it’s so hard to just erase this part of me all of a sudden. I’ve been vomiting all day that’s how upset I am, I can’t take it. I don’t even know what to do right now, it’s all so overwhelming. I honestly want to die. What you said about me being desperate since I posted in multiple threads is true. I just needed someone so bad, I’ve never been this alone in my life. I feel pathetic.

Yeah, he definitely said a lot of things out of anger. It’s not even that that bothers me; it’s the ignoring me for days that I can’t put up with.

That's his way of punishing you. That's also a part of abusive behavior. Ignoring you for days when you don't do what he wants exactly as he wants you to. I think it would really benefit you to read up on emotional and verbal abuse tactics. It helped me tremendously when I've been in an abusive situation. It helps to identify the behaviors and also distance yourself emotionally from the person.

Here's an article I wrote on the topic:
Verbal and Emotional Abuse in Relationships Defined

And here's an article I wrote on recovering from emotional abuse:
How to Recover From Emotional Abuse in Relationships

(I have a blog)

You're not pathetic. You are now seeing the light and you are making major strides with all your realizations about your relationship and husband.

Give yourself a big dose of self-compassion. You've been in pain and have been through a lot with him. It IS painful. Even the realizations are painful. Be compassionate with yourself... be a good friend to yourself, and give yourself a big hug. I congratulate you for how far you've come in just ONE DAY!!!!

Trust me if you're gonna comment you're going to want to read past the first posts of any thought or comment. I say that because I've done the same and you end up with egg on your face when like this one, something has already been answered or resolved.

Agreed. @op, you're not pathetic and on top of that it's one of the things that people will use to manipulate you - to make you feel one way or another, less than them, crazy, pathetic, not worthy of them etc.

Then I recommend that you work two part time jobs or leave that job and find ful time one. If you only work part time what do you do the rest of the day? Do you have family you can ask for help to get on your feet? Can you find roommates? Take a loan? I understand financial struggles but what would you do if you weren’t married? Many women have never been married yet they function and thrive without depending on a man.

Focus on becoming independent and one way to do it as go to a shelter (you can even call them and tell them you have no transportation), tell them you are being mistreated and abused and your husband abandoned you and now you have no place to live as you can’t afford that place you live now. They might suggest resources and assistance.

Please also don't be afraid to utilize a crisis helpline or even call 9 1 1*sadhug*

I know he told you that if you try to get help or feel this way it's over but honest to goodness, this is not a safe frame of mind to be in and I'm also so worried that you're dehydrating from being so physically sick right now.

If you feel like you want to die call 911 and get yourself to ER. Please get help ASAP. Help is out there

I can understand not wanting to leave a county job but there are other divisions that probably pay into the same retirement programs. I work municipal and can fully appreciate where the OP is coming from. But my experience is that part time employees and full time employees historically pay into different pension programs. I know I was and have to buy out my part time time now that I bumped up to full time. But I also know that one can switch departments entirely and maintain longevity years that have accumulated.

I've known and continue to know people that do take on second jobs even within the umbrella. I think it sounds like the vehicle situation is a roadblock. I've been there. I've hit my bottom just to get out of a crap situation. Almost 9 years later, life continues to improve. Every time I thought I wouldn't get through the next hurdle, opportunities opened. Probably, no definitely, would not have happened if still stuck in a bad marriage because my focus would be diverted to the horrible marriage.

About to read your articles, I’m sure they will help open my eyes even more. My husband is about to get home from work and I’m terrified because I don’t know what to expect. Thanks so much for your support❤️

I think that you’re right that I’m dehydrated. I have also tried to eat but I can’t keep anything down.

The main problem with work is that I don’t even know how I’ll get to the job I have, much less a second job. I hate that I made myself this dependent on him, and I never meant for it to be that way.

Thank you for your encouragement and for caring. I’m trying to figure things out, it’s just really hard to think straight right now.

Thank you, I’m glad you don’t think so. I definitely do feel crazy and less than him. It hurts.

Honestly, don't be terrified of him, instead picture him as the little "child" he really is. He is acting like a child bully with you, don't let that child bully have any control over you. If he chooses to not talk to you? So be it, don't beg and plead or even show fear or cower, that gives that child bully power and he doesn't deserve to have that power over you

Do not buy into that feeling, it's a lie, you are NOT LESS THAN HIM.

Okay, maybe thinking like this will help me calm down. Thank you. I don’t wanna give him power over my every feeling. It’s just hard because I’m a very sensitive and empathetic person.

It's ok to be empathetic, BUT NOT TO BULLIES. He is a spoiled bully child that is mad at you for not giving him his way in the sandbox and he is wa waing about running home to his mommy. Seriously, that is so pathetic.

Is it possible you could share your emergency with your employer? Could they provide you with a shuttle? A ride with someone else?

Quote:

Originally Posted by s4ndm4n2006 Trust me if you're gonna comment you're going to want to read past the first posts of any thought or comment. I say that because I've done the same and you end up with egg on your face when like this one, something has already been answered or resolved.

No need to show off wise man. Focus on the original problem instead of trying to derail the thread to get likes. We already closed that.

This actually made me smile for the first time today, so thanks!

I will try to hold onto the things you all have said when he gets here, and not give in to his bullying by begging or pleading him.

Ok, and don't sit there looking like you have been waiting for him to let you know how HE is going to have the control either. Find some music to play, look for something you can be busy doing when he walks in. Or put on some music and be looking on the net for jobs or people looking for room mates that have apartments. If he sees you pouting and waiting he will THINK he has control over you, no you KNOW that would be allowing a child to tell you what to do, you have decided not to give that child bully any power over you, not even when he wa wa's and threatens to run home to his MOMMY.

I had cleaned the whole house today (I clean when I’m anxious and upset) and he came home and didn’t say a word about it or anything to me. Really makes me see how it doesn’t matter what I do, he won’t ever notice anything but the bad. I was watching a video when he walked in, I said hello, and when he didn’t respond I didn’t say anything else and I’m being silent right back now. There is something just so unnerving about sharing a house with someone that won’t talk to you

Can you ask him to move out until he is ready to be civil with you? Giving you a silent treatment is an act of (silent) aggression and you do not deserve that. By saying that he can move back in when he is ready to be civil, you won't burn bridges and will make it clear that it is his behaviors and not him personally that you are objecting to.