am going to meet a new man

Hi,

So, I am still on bumble and met another nice man whose pics were not all over the internet. He is from my neck of the woods too in America. He is nice and funny!! He is younger. He works for the US government. He would like to meet me next week. I think I will meet him. He wrote me a message this morning wishing me a good day. I also wished him a good day. So far, things are going well. He is tall and like a foot ball player. He is cute. I think he liked my pics too. There were other guys too I met online but they were not my type. I will not pursue contact with them any further. I am not the type to serial date. I hope it works out with this nice man. He lives almost literally 10 minutes from me by train. I am happy!! I hope it works out this time.

Exciting, but I can see you're getting ahead of yourself, so my advice is to take it SLOW... get to know this man. It takes a long time, several months, to see a person's full and true character. Know this going into it and don't get ahead of yourself with too much excitement before you really know him.

So, we talked about our past marriages and experiences. He seems quite open. He is very rich too and has a house here. I like him much but you're right, I need to take it slowly. He wrote me this afternoon and will write me again tonight. I think he has nothing to hide. I told him my past too. He does not want to retire here though. But, that is so far off, I'm not worried about it. I think we will be just friends and lovers. I don't think I want to get married. I will just go with the flow. Thank you for your advice!!

For safety reasons, send him a photo of you holding a piece of paper saying "HI (Username)!" And ask that he send you the same so you can show a friend that he's real.

If he continues to find excuses not to send a photo of a piece of paper, DO NOT GO.

I'm a little worried about you already. I feel like you've shared too much prematurely which can put you in a vulnerable state. He's told you he works for the government, owns a house, and shares enough to make you feel like he's "rich". Careful. Use your filters and listen carefully.

Well, he told me his marriage, divorce, his past girlfriend, etc. He is ok, so far. He is not lying. Tonight, we will talk again. Thank you for everybody's concern. He is wealthy and owns a house in the wealthier area of this city. He also owns several European race cars. He has pictures!! He built his house because that's what he does- build buildings. Yes, I will be careful. He is real, so far I feel good vibes from him. He is funny and makes me laugh. Nothing wrong about this. I'm not really into his acquisitions. That's his life he built for himself. I just like chatting with him because he is nice and friendly. I just want a boyfriend. His pictures are funny too!! Yes, he sounds too good to be true? I don't think so. He is successful but has his problems too. He also did not photoshop his pictures.

That's a LOT of personal info to share right off the bat without having met yet - far too personal in my opinion. When I used to online date, we typically kept initial conversations very casual and about our interests kind of thing. Personal conversations happened later down the road about our respective lives after we've met and after several weeks. This is sending red flags for me all over the place. And yes, it sounds far too good to be true -- he sounds like he's trying to impress you -- European race cars? He could be lying. And yes, you are definitely getting ahead of yourself. Be careful. Get his name and Google him. I like the idea of the picture.

I'm also wondering where you are in the world where you're able to physically meet this man during a global pandemic?

I don't even know if dating is a good idea during a global crisis. It's a strange time in my opinion to try and date.

We're going to wear masks and meet somewhere next week. There are places to sit down and talk near where I live. Kids and their mothers congregate at these places but sit far apart. Yes, we shared a lot of personal information already. He and I may be lonely. He is going to send me a message before he works again tomorrow morning. He seems decent and kind. I will reply as well when I wake up. I feel good about him. I have encountered other men whom I felt bad about, such as the scammer. I am receiving good vibes from him so far. He works hard and gives me a good feeling when he chats with me. I know I have a tendency to fall fast for the wrong man so I will take your advice to heart.


There was another man whom I met in person who I just liked as a friend. It did not work out with him because I never was attracted to him. We took it slow but nothing ever happened. Then, I met a French man online who was abusive. Afterwards, another married man said he wanted to meet but has not because of covid-19. Thus, this has been a series of men online and in person whom I met but did not turn into anything serious. Now, I am free and want to have a boyfriend.


This funny man seems to be ok, so far. May be he is the one for me, I don't know until we meet. I am older and so is he. May be at our age, we just move fast because we know what we want.

Hi BPforever1,

I will encourage you to take it very slow. I see red flags too. The biggest red flag I notice it there are no fault with him. We all have faults. With true transparency and autonomy, someone who take ownership of their flaws and are not afraid to expose them, is so much more trustworthy.

Food for thought - Create a pros and cons list, if nothing shows up under cons - you may have a potential problem.
What are YOUR needs, desires, and requirements? Knowing those in advance aids in screening potential partners, and provides you with reassurance and confidence with your own boundaries.
And finally, how much of this introduction are you basing it only on what you have seen to date, is making him to be the “perfect guy”, rather than using caution and filtering through your standards?

I hear your excitement, I hear he’s perfect, I hear your ready to throw caution to the wind. What I don’t hear is who he really is. Hoping you’ll take it slow, and give yourself something to base and guide your goals in moving forward.

Fingers crossed for you.

All my best,
SMS20

I echo that. What I hear is idealization and romanticism of someone you haven't met yet -- he's perfect right now. What I also heard was your tendency to rush in with the wrong man. All of this glaringly sends a lot of red flags. Why not instead approach this with healthy skepticism and a "we'll see" and "this all depends on what he's really like". You do not know this person at all except for how he's made himself out to be so far, all online and in his photos. People say anything online and frequently LIE.

It would most wise of you to learn from past mistakes of rushing in with all the wrong men. You don't want to keep repeating that, right? So be more skeptical. Be wise. TAKE IT SLOW AND SLOW DOWN. Wait and see to find out who this person REALLY is. You really know not much of him yet.

Well, he works a lot. He fell asleep while chatting with me. lol, I was on the phone and chatting with him at the same time, then he just fell asleep. Oh well, I am not too worried about it. He seems overworked. I am doing ok myself nevertheless. But, I must be boring for him to fall asleep while chatting. No, he is not perfect. He is a bit boring to talk with. But, I must be even more boring. I still like him and hope for the best. But, if it does not work out, it is ok too!! I am into sleeping, eating, working, and exercising at times. This is the best I can do for now. It would be nice to have a boyfriend. But, it is not the end all be all for me.

Hi, bpforever1! It's so great hearing from you & that you're ok there! I hope it all turns out good with your new guy. And you can't get to really know him untill after you've met him. I'll keep my fingers crossed for you. Hugs!

Back when I was dating, we did very basic talking first about who we are, what we do, where we’re from, etc... Then we’d meet in a public place (yikes, sometimes I’d even have them pick me up in their cars- I don’t think anyone does that now). As the date progressed, all that more detailed, personal information would come out.

My mother trained me to be like that saying there’d be nothing left to talk about on the date. So, my observation is you have been doing too much online chatting before ever meeting him. If he fell asleep while you were chatting...

I think the idea of meeting during the pandemic wearing masks is funny, but that’s what will have to be during this time, so go for it. Just be sure you are in a public place with others around.

I hope there hasn’t already been sex talk yet. That would have put this budding relationship onto the wrong track from potential boyfriend to hook up. This is just my old school way of thinking talking...but I still believe in it.

When I met my husband, at a bar, he told me his occupation which was very successful. My cousin told me the next day, when I repeated it, that I was an idiot to believe him and how he must have lied. But he didn’t lie. All he said was true. Our struggles didn’t start until after we were married and had a baby. . Good luck to you!

So many wise advices.
We are all crossing fingers for you.
Hope everything goes well.

Well, he said he was going to a bar tonight, but did not invite me. So, I said I could meet you if you want, no answer. I don't think this is going well.

Well, he invited me finally. hahahaha!!! We will meet tonight!!

If your being told to wear masks , I cant imagine a bars being open since you'd have to take the mask off to have a drink.. I dont think you live in the USA , Maybe your country is open?

Yes, he and I are Americans living in East Asia. The bar opens only in the afternoon according to the guidelines here. He is going to message me about where we meet then go to the bar. I have to work tomorrow so can't stay all night. We shall see what happens.

Wait -- the bar opens only in the afternoons, it's during the week, and he didn't invite you initially? I smell trouble. Why is he going to a bar in the afternoon?

Well, we met at the coffee shop. He and I went back home afterwards. We just talked and will meet again next week. He is interesting and nice!! He loves to talk!! He loves his cars. He kissed me on my mouth when we left each other. He and I did not go to the bar.

He did say he does not like mentally ill people. He met a gal who had mental illness and was strange to him. Well, given this fact, I won't tell him about my illness ever. He is in for a ride!! So, he is not understanding. So, he is not perfect.

Why would you do that? He won't be able to tolerate mental illness. And why would you want to be with someone who cannot tolerate mental illness and be understanding of it?

Lying will lead to trouble, and this will end badly, I am afraid. Not a good plan, and not a good idea. And why is he kissing you on the mouth during a pandemic? That is not being cautious.

Yes, I understand. Not many people are understanding about mental illness. I am going to just be myself but not disclose it. We are not going to get married or anything. I find him interesting and fun. He is someone I see as fun to be with but not somebody to have a close relationship. He is a playboy who wants a woman who is a regular person. I understand. We are just going to be friends and lovers for awhile. Eventually, he would like to go to another country to retire. I will not be going with him. So, our relationship will be for awhile but not for a long time.

Yes, although many people are understanding and tolerant of mental illness. Even if you intend for things to be shorter-term and you say you're not going to marry him, you said you want a boyfriend -- you also said "he is in for a ride". He will pick up on it eventually and then he may leave out of anger because you weren't honest with him and hid the truth. I feel that being honest is always the best policy, but it's your decision.. you seem headstrong on your interest this man.

Here the same. I didn’t like that he didn’t invite her from the beginning.