am going to meet a new man

Agreed. One shouldn't have to invite oneself -- the invitation to join should have been extended.

Kissing a stranger on the mouth with a pandemic going on? Hes already showing what kind of person he is ( his apparent hatred and no compassion for mental illness)

When someone shows you who they are believe them..

And No .... You will not be able to hide your mental illness from him or anyone on the planet if you have a real face to face dating relationship with someone..

Yes, I understand what everybody is saying. For me, he is ok. I do tell some men about my mental illness, but some tried to take advantage of me after telling them. I think to have someone accept you as a person with mental illness, you have to get to know them well enough to determine if they would be receptive or not. I think he will accept me after he gets to know me well enough. Right now, we barely know each other. I don't know if we will be able to see each other that often with his work schedule and mine. I work daily and have strange hours. I am not too absorbed or obsessed about him. I just want to go places with him and have some fun. And, if we turn out to really like each other and become friends, this would be nice too. I like him because we are both American and have similar values. He said he does not want drama with the person who he knew had mental illness. She was an odd duck. She asked for sex the first time they met, then demanded he take her back home the next morning to take her antidepressants. I am not like this. But, some people are. I think as someone with mental illness, I am very aware of how people perceive others with mental illness. I don't need to disclose my illness unless it is absolutely necessary. I don't with so- called casual friends and don't at work. I used to want to be accepted for my mental illness first. However, my mental illness is not the total me. I am a person with a mental illness, not a mental illness in itself. I have come a long way to realize that the best policy is to have people know you for your character and behavior. If I feel comfortable talking with them and they know me well, then may be I will disclose my illness. But, at this point, what for? It is unnecessary and not in my best interest.


He and I may not go too far, may be. But, he is still messaging me after he wakes up and tells me how is day is going. I think he likes me. I like him, I admit. But, in the long run, we may just move apart because of our schedules or due to my lack of interest. I have other men on Bumble whom I have not talked with. I am concentrating on this man. I really don't think I'm going to disclose my illness initially to anyone. I know some people who I have never disclosed it and we get along just fine. Of course, we never talk about mental illness so it never comes up as a discussion point. We are just casual friends, I don't mind.

It seems the people who are writing on this thread are saying that it won't work with him and me if I don't disclose my illness. May I ask you individuals about why I need to disclose my illness to him? What is the point? I am not lying about anything. I just am not going to say anything about it. I hardly see what is the advantage of disclosing one's illness initially to someone who you don't know well. All it will lead to is your vulnerability and shows rather poor judgment. Poor judgment because to say that your mental illness is who you are is not going to buy you any brownie points. I am not a mental illness as I said. I am a person first and foremost. For me, I want people to know me as a person, not for my mental illness. To accomplish this, you must act like yourself and not as if you are mentally ill. I am thinking that I am high-functioning now and don't see myself as an illness.


So, this man is not perfect and probably likes me for me as a person and probably for my looks. I want to have fun with him and that is it. He probably feels the same way about me. He and I are not going to get married. We are going to live for the moment and relish each other's company for now. We may become good friends too, who knows, without him knowing about my illness. As I said, my illness does not define me.

The vibe you feel you are getting is at least on my part because of what you posted.. Him not liking people with mental illness..

Im not saying you need to disclose your mental illness to him right off the bat , but... he was sure quick to tell you he dislikes people who have a mental illness, Now that would bother me as I would see him lacking compassion for others, but that is just me and how I think

If you were to start dating then he does have a right to know you have a mental illness.

Just go slow or jump in fast, Just becareful... good luck

How would you kiss during COVID unless you had both been tested on the same day, and then before each time you meet? Asymptomatic carriers are not unusual.
I just read the first page of responses. Its a good example of how complicated dating is with COVID.

I personally said I didn’t think it would work because you stated here that you will never tell him about your illness, and because you said “ he is in for a ride” - though I am not exactly sure what you meant by that?

And now I’m confused based on your last post. Are you now planning on telling him, but after he’s gotten to know you better? And I agree with you that it's not necessary right off the bat to reveal, and that it's important to let him see you for who you truly are so no judgements are made early on. I do get that part fully. But I do think generally speaking it's best to reveal a mental illness at some point and earlier than later within a relationship.

The only reason why I didn’t think it would work is if you never tell him and he finds out on his own.

What also is troubling is that he cannot accept someone with a mental illness -- so you would be hiding a part of yourself from him that he does not accept or want.

I personally wouldn't get involved with someone who couldn't be at least understanding of a personal struggle and compassionate about it. It tells me he may not have much compassion for those who struggle.

I would tell him that I have a disorder or the mental illness you have and see what his reaction is.

Obviously, if you don’t expect a long-lasting relationship with this guy, it might worthy take the risk but I saw too many red flags.

Well, I don't think it is going to work out anyways. He did not invite me anywhere again today. So, I'm not going to worry about it anymore. Yes, he sounds wrapped up in himself.

I'm just curious... were you expecting another date just after and following your first one, what was it? Two days ago? That would be rather soon and quick to ask for a second meetup, don't you think?

We both have our week off this week. So, I was expecting to meet him this week again. He talks about meeting others and doing things. But, he just talks about himself only.

Ahhh... I see. He does sound self absorbed. Forget him. Next! lol.

There's an old saying, "live & learn". And you can't learn if you don't live.

Well, he finally asked me out for this week. I did not invite myself. I agreed to meet him. I don't know where this is going. He is ok. He likes me, I believe. And, I feel ok about him. He talked the whole time we met last time. He is the type that wants to be the center of attention. I don't mind because I am the opposite. He is average looking but big. He is intelligent and talkative. He is very wealthy and likes to talk about his acquisitions. He is down-to-earth though. I do realize he had a relatively easy life. He does have compassion for those he likes. He is sending money to those in Thailand because they used to help him there and they lost their jobs because of the corona virus situation. Thus, he may not be compassionate towards people with mental illness because some of them act strangely. He does have a heart for the needy. I must say he is not that bad of a person. I can't turn him down just because of his stance on mental illness. I will see him again and listen to what he says and does.


I had another guy who had a stroke and who pretended to be my friend. He then started asking for naked pictures and for sex. I want sex with you in the bathtub he kept saying. He said theses things after about a year of talking with him and meeting him a few times. I was turned off. I blocked him. I don't want to repeat this incident again. Men usually want sex although they may act like friends initially. I learned from him that men may say they would like to be friends but their ulterior motive is that they are interested in sex too with women they befriend. He had compassion for the mentally ill. But, we were not compatible.

The majority of men I meet don't accept others with mental illness and the ones that do have a disability or have some chronic illness. I am not in the position to be so understanding either of other's problems. I do understand why others with no illnesses don't like people with mental illness. They have not experienced it and they have no clue. But, it is not my business to be a spokesperson for the mentally ill. It is my business to take care of myself and that is about it.


I do like him except for his remark about the mentally ill. My parents are the same way and have no compassion for the mentally ill. They avoid them because of me. Thus, I understand how others feel about mental illness. I can't say my parents are all that bad, they are not. I am grateful towards them for helping me. People's views about the mentally ill are not always positive although they may not be bad people. However, as I said before the man with the stroke was receptive about mental illness, but was not for me.


People who say they are understanding about mental illness usually have experience with it or know friends/family members with it. The former is more common, meaning they have had experience with it. I hate to say this, but I prefer people who are not mentally ill either. I had a mentally ill ex. He was a nightmare!! As a result, I don't advertise my illness to anybody anymore. And, my situation has been going well so far. I have taken it upon myself to be responsible and go to the doctor and take my medication. And, as long as I take care of myself, I don't need to advertise myself as mentally ill.

My mental illness does not define me or my life now!

Well, I thought about him and slept over it. I've decided to let him go because I am not too attracted to him. I believe, he wants sex. He does not need me. He says he is seeing a local girl for sex but she gets around too with other men. I don't know what is going on with him and her, and don't really want to know. I have another man who is nice to me and supportive. He is married and wants a mistress abroad. He knows about my illness and is good to me. He will visit me as soon as the virus dies down. We've been talking on social media app. So far, we get along great. He tells me his problems and vice versa. He is Muslim and brought up in Europe, he is half- European. He is a former diplomat to his country. He is well-educated and mannered. And, very sexy and good looking! He tells me to behave when I am mad and gives me good advice. I have fallen for him. I know, people are going to criticize me for trying to become a mistress. But, this is my life! I like him and he likes me. He is good to me. Besides, I'm not interested in marriage at this point. It works out for me in the long run and for him too.

You’re going down a wrong path.

Well, let me decide whether or not it is the wrong path. Thank you!!

I am saying it's the wrong path for several reasons. Typically, affairs lead to trouble. But do whatever you want. I really don't care. It's your life. Ducking out of your thread now. I think you're making bad decisions.

Yes, his wife and he are separated but he remains married and will not divorce her. They are both doing their own things and living their own lives. Yes, from a Christian perspective, mistresses are not permissible, I understand. But, as someone who is living abroad and in an East Asian society, mistresses are not seen as taboo here. You are quick to judge me, but don't know the whole situation which I'm involved. I also think that being a mistress is not ideal for everybody but know that for me, it is acceptable. I say this because I don't want to get married. I also say this because most men my age who are decent are married. I have no plans to marry whatsoever. I don't think any man could stand my family and the way I live. I am happy the way I am. I live for myself and can't please all. I also don't need to be acceptable by all. Thank you for your input though. I expected it. I am not angry but understand your viewpoint. I used to be like you too. However, life is not so perfect where one's ideals are met all of the time. I don't know how old you are, but for me, I'm happy with him. And, his wife is doing her own thing and happy too. I would not get involved with someone who is Christian though and is married because I understand his values are being compromised. This man is Muslim and is allowed three wives by his teachings.

No you’re right - I did not have all the details. I personally find polygamy offensive as well as the idea of being a mistress. But like I said it’s your life and what you do in your own life has no bearing on me personally. You just seem to be flitting from one man to the next. You say you’re happy with the married man yet how long have you known him and have you even met. You were just exploring things with someone else. You couldn’t have known this married man too long. You said you rush in all the time with the wrong men. I guess just be careful. That’s all I can say.

Well, I have been talking to the muslim man since last year. I talked to another married Muslim man though and he told me this man is a bad apple. He told me to block him. So, it is sad for me. He told me that he is a player and not a good Muslim man. Hmmm, well, I see his point. I have to think about it though. I will block him if I feel it is not good for me. I have been talking to him for half a year and the ending is sad for me. Well, such is life!

Good Lord, the whole thing is just gross. Why do you feel you deserve nothing but someone's leftovers?

Just out of pure curiosity: why would you only talk to someone for six months without ever meeting them to 1) see if they’re legit and for real 2) to know his true character? If another man says he’s bad news and you haven’t known this all along or until he told you, you’re being fooled. People say anything online.

I understand that you don’t want to marry or living with a possible romantic partner. There are many circumstances by which someone decided against giving this step.
I myself, if my relationship with my partner doesn’t work. I’m not ready to be with anybody else. For our age, our circumstances, avoid headaches, etc.
Luckily the times where a woman or a man were seem as spinsters and oddly if they didn’t live with a spouse passed away.

Said that, it’s understanding you have your needs, as everybody have, as a person, as a woman. But surely, what people who wrote here in the thread, and I think I’m not gonna be very wrong, are worried about the way you are making now decisions only with your heart. It’s very human so please, don’t feel judged.
This is the hard part to do and to learn here, in my opinion. Make the impossible in these situation to allowed your head also be cool and help to make the right decision. Especially for you.

Of course, we can’t tell you for sure whether any of these two men you have mentioned are or aren’t the right ones. We can only tell you from the clues we get.

Correct me if I’m wrong but I see disappointments behind your words in many of your replies in this thread, what it was not right for you before now you are able to put up with.
My question for you to wonder is if you truly are able to renounce to your own convictions and change them or you are telling this only out of pain.
I tell it because in relation to the first guy, you nearly give him the reason because of his prejudices about people with mental illness.
Now, this other guy, you seem to accept a situation of mistress that you didn’t accept in the past. And even you dare to have him as a professor, someone who is gonna tell you how to behave. As if he was the most appropriate person to do it.

Can I ask you something? In which context the other Muslim friend told you this friend was a bad apple?

Don’t feel judged, please. It’s up to a point normal that we don’t want you to give a step that can affect you if it depend on us giving you some insight.

Finally, do you know this last guy face to face? It has been already pointed out that there’s a big difference between knowing someone only from online contacts than when you know them also irl. This last, can give you a lot of information that I’m sure you are gonna catch.
In general, online things seem more intense because of the distance, because it’s easy to led us drive by words and what your own head make up about the other person. So, this is a difference to also consider.

You are being very opened here and this is good because it’s easy for others to have a big input when expressing their concerns and questions about the matter.
So, I think you are doing a brave and correct thing here. Take each response as a way to try to help you and of course, a personal opinion, without knowing all the circumstances you live in.

I’m sorry for the long post. I don’t use to write so long posts. This time, I think and maybe it’s also what happen with other people in this thread, I felt very close to you because you touched a topic I an very familiarised with in different senses.

Yes, the muslim men are online chat buddies. So, I have never met the married muslim man. I was thinking about it. He is right. He just is playing me.

So, back to square one.

I am meeting the wealthy man for lunch. I like him still. He likes me. He wants lunch to talk and to know me better. As I said, we kissed so I know he is attracted to me. Yes, he is not compassionate about mental illness but we shall see. I will broach the subject after seeing him a few times, not now.


I guess, I am lonely so am trying to find someone who I can confide in and be my friend who will be my lover. I thought it would be not that hard. But, so far, it has not been easy.


There are other men I'm in contact with online. But, these are online people.

Thank you all for your advice and input.


If he dumps me after telling him about my mental illness, then I will be ready for it. I will wait until we feel more comfortable with each other.

He went out with his friend and his wife and spent over 300 dollars on dinner for just himself. His friend and his wife also spent this much money . I looked at what they ate and wondered if it was worth it. But, those are the prices around here for a decent dinner. I just eat at home.

I think he likes to brag about his money. It is ok. I realize this is his passion-making money. I don't mind. I will just keep on listening and let him do the talking.

Thank you all again. Yes, I am open and like to receive comments and advice. It helps me to think and know what to do next.