overweight girlfriend

Hello Champion........ Will you answer one question for me?

Was your gf like this when you first met her or did she put the weight on over the years you have known each other?

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champion said:
What do you do if you are attracted to someone but maybe not so much their body? Its biologic to look for fit mates, unfit mates are naturally not as appealing.

>> Let's ask you the question...You marry her as she is today. She gets pregnant. Gains more weight. It's even harder for her to lose weight now. She's depressed. Doesn't have the willpower to get up and move. Are you going to turn your back on her and run? Are you so perfect that she should stay with you? Who says she's going to want to see your fat butt and bald head as you age? Or your droopy 'boys' and limp 'friend'? Why is all this 'attraction' but on her shoulders?

For her there was no exercising, very poor diet, low physical activities, etc. This was a lifestyle that would make anyone overweight.

She was aware of her looks, she was clearly not proud (before i mentioned anything) and she was self conscious. I say this all in the past tense because things have changed.

Nearly all food now is organic, most low/no fat. We are exercising a few times a week, together. This is something we are doing as a team and the response has been very positive. I think she has gone down 1-2 sizes from the way her pants fit, which she was very proud of. She also made some goals for herself.

>> Wow! Something positive. You've helped her see that she is worthy of being a beautiful girl inside and out. Just watch out when all those other men out there notice it to. Maybe she'll end up dumping you. ~Just giving you a hard time ~ This positive reenforcement is good for both of you. >>>

There are other hot girls around, why not take one of them and leave this girl be....? On most days I realize that after you see enough naked women, they all look the same. Inside though, some make you want to hang around.

>> You answered your own question here. Naked is naked. What is going to count with this girl is on the inside. When my hubby was almost paralyzed a year and half into our marriage he questioned..is she still going to want me? I didn't care if he was paralyzed. I love him for his mind, body and soul. The body-no matter what shape it was in. So, asked yourself what you really want...Looks that fade with time...Or a heart and soul that will love and support you even when you're old, bald, and fat.>>>

Clearly, there are other issues at work here, im sure. Maybe I could just talk to her about it. I wish my thoughts would be clear.

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>> It sounds like you are thinking about a future with this girl. You really should sit down and talk about it together. Talk about the expectations you are expecting. And visa versa. If you two are able to partner and exercise together now why would this change later on? Through friendship & marriage you have to be best friends, lovers, and most all partners in life.

Best Wishes

Ocean13

It is probably better that you have broken it off with this woman so she can find someone who loves her for who she is and not what she looks like. You must hang with some anorexic women cause 5 foot 4 and 140 never looked bad to me.

yikes. this is a tuff situation. I understand what you are saying but weight is a sensitive issue for some woman. I have lost weight,gained, and now am losing again! I think you need to know that for some of us, changing our eating or diets is not just that. It is giving up a crutch or addiction. I ate because I needed comfort from the abuse I suffered. I don't want to be overweight, I don't want to be limited physically, but I am. It took a lot of therapy to start changing my eating patterns, your girlfriend may have a similar situation. I hope you two can work it out. good luck!

This is what I have always told my son... now age 23...when you are looking for a "life partner"..... someone that you really want to marry.... know that "looks" change... that life can "change on a dime".... that you or she could end up with a life threatening illness... or any sort of thing...

Then ask yourself... will this person "stay the course"... will this person "be there" forever and a day... and let that also factor into your decision on whether or not this "is the one"...

And perhaps... having a "person stick with you" no matter what is not important to you...

For me... at 19.... I had no advice... and married a man that physically abused me... there are reasons.. why that happened....

Just a thought... and not trying to stray from your original question....

Dude, What are you thinking???
She probably looks just fine. maybe just a little toning?
I was up to 190 punds at 5'4". I came down to 140 and I looked great! Now I'm 125. I was down to 116 at my lowest. How little do you want her top weigh?? I was 132 at one point when I was working out alot and I looked fabulous. You should calm down a bit and apprecite your girlfriend for who she really is. From what I hear, most men like curvy women. Guess I was wrong, huh?

Now, on the other hand i know how you feel because i lost nearly 70 pounds and my husband has put on alot of weight. at one point he had asked me if I was too comfortable in our marriage that I didn't care about my appearance anymore.
By the way, I'm bipolar and on alot of weight gaining meds.
He has gotten quite large to me. I do not say a word to him. I do not want to hurt his feelings. He's still good looking. But recently i've been noticing how over weight he's become, so i know where you're coming from.
I do not think of other men though. i just am not as turned on as I used to be by him.

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freewill said:
when you are looking for a "life partner"..... someone that you really want to marry.... know that "looks" change...

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best way of putting it, weight comes and goes , aging always comes, the heart is what matters

yes... that is it....

did you ever whack a hornets nest!

DANG....this is still here!

That's not overweight. Actually I think that's really sad you feel that way. Women have enough pressure to be thin seeing models and celebrities and it's depressing to feel like your not beautiful because your not thin. What if she get's pregnant? Her body changes and it will be hard to get the baby weight off. Are you gonna be turned off more. A women's beauty isnt her apperance it's her thoughts, her personality, the way she treats people, and the way she carries herself. Maybe she hasnt tried because she knows your not attracted to her and maybe inside she's depressed. Talk with her not about how you feel or your need for her to be thin but ask her how she feels about herself. Suggest things that arent overwhelming. Sometimes it's hard to make yourself go to the gym. Maybe she could do a video at home theres this one by a mari winsor it's pilates very good excersise and it's not long or hard you see results fast not just in apperance but in how you feel it takes your stress away and makes you refreshed. That's just my oppinion. If she dont wanna change tho and you cant handle it dont cheat just let her go cause there is someone out there who can love her for all that she is no matter what she looks like.

Geesh!!!! Do her a favor and let her go so someone else can love her for who she is and not what they want her to be.

I am 5'4" tall, have a medium frame and I weigh 146 LBS.

I struggled with weight in my early 20's weighing in at my largest at 210 LBS.

My most recent ex and I had this mutual attraction to each other at that time. The weight had nothing to do with the way he felt about me. He tells me all the time that I was drop dead gorgeous at 210 lbs.

Weight loss is like fighting an addiction to food. At this point - she is not overweight. I admire you trying to eat healthy, excercise, etc.....but.......if SHE WANTS to loose the weight she has to find what works for her. Did you ever ask her what her own opinion is on her weight?

I think you are being a little selfish. You have every right to be attracted to super-thin women but why torment her for your WANTS?

If that is what you desire -then go for it but don't make her miserable in the process?

I don't know really what to say to you. My most recent ex and I are trying to work out our problems. One of the things he's brought up in our many conversations is how I obsessed over my weight and how I thought he was going to leave me for a skinny chick. What he said to me was, "I love you for you - not your weight - that is not what I fell in love with."

I don't know. Maybe you should ask her about her feelings. If she doesn't want to loose weight, and that is something that will constantly bother you, then maybe you need to move on.

Either you love her for her or you don't! Do not belittle her and drag down her self esteem, in fact be just the opposite. She is dealing with it the best she knows how right now and with love and support she might change...but then again she might not.