overweight girlfriend

Exactly bebop!

well with a name like champion, he did sound a bit stuck on himself, ppl need to look beyond skin, look at me I got a Bee as my friend and several other critters and boy am I glad

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Perna said:
He hasn't been back since he posted, since before the first reply so hasn't read any responses.

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While he may have not posted any replies....... I bet he has probably read the post made by other members.

According to his profile, he has not logged on since making this post. Perhaps he came in as a guest and was scared away.

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AAAAA said:
According to his profile, he has not logged on since making this post. Perhaps he came in as a guest and was scared away.

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Yeah that is what I thought as well....... he probably came onto the board in stealth mode and saw the responses and got scared away - for one can still read the board without having to sign into their account.

P.S.

You know what? - I think the "Last Seen" on his profile may be when he last posted and not necessarily when he last logged into PC.

ya all, i wanted chime in a while ago, but didnt have my thoughts formed... still not sure i do, but here goes..

i'll start by saying i'm a real skinny guy.... ive always been super self conscious about it cause when i was a teen and couldnt find a girlfriend, a girl looked at me one time and said 'i could kick your butt myself' ... i was confused by all the thoughts i had at one time...

she said i was weak... she said even a girl could beat me up... how could i even think about fighting a girl? what if she did kick my butt? what then?

so i was kinda floored and it made me really self-conscious about my looks...

so, i go on living and see how everyone puts alot of emphasis on looks, but everyone denies they do.... ok, not everyone, a whole lot of people are enlightened and know beauty inside is what really counts...

but as i go on living, i still cant find a girlfriend... i blame it on my skinniness cause none of them ever talked to me much to begin with... so i knew it wasnt my confused state of being that was turning them off..

well, a few did talk to me and then they found out how mixed up i was and so they moved on....

so i know how it feels to be body image conscious and im not the only guy either...

the thing is, i heard a lot of people say looks DO matter... and i gotta agree...

so the guy comes here his first time out and expresses an issue he's trying to understand and gets a mix of responses and all of them would help him, though he'd hafta be pretty enlightened to glean the good from some...

and, he hasnt been back... well, his question seemed to be mean spirited to some and i can see why...

but, now we dont know for sure... maybe it was real hard for him to ask and maybe he isnt satisfied with howit sounded when he finished, but maybe it was the best he could do with his skill set...

these are just my thoughts and ive regretted sticking my nose in before, so this could be one of those times... i wont let myself get too crushed about what gets said cause i cant take that much painmyself...

im just trying to speak for someone who isnt here at the moment but want to give a benefit of doubt to until i get more information...

thanks for listening...

I have the same weigh and the same size as your girlfirend, so I think I can understand her and I can understand you. Has she ever thought about changing her way of life? Not in a diet or sports way but more in a change of job or town? I've always had weigh problem and 4 years ago I had to move for my job. I quit my friends and family and start a new life. 6 weeks after I had lost 20 pounds without any diet or changing my habits. The thing was that I was not happy home and that I was just compensating by eating a lot. Maybe you can think about a change of air during 2-3 weeks and see if there is a positive effect on her

nicely said NW.... I think perhaps because the topic became about body image that it pushed everyone's buttons.

Like you said 'body image does matter.' So much of our self esteem is wrapped up in body image. I've had to recently adjust to being 'petite' instead of being the 'husky' girl I was accustom to being most of my life. It changes a lot about how I see myself and how others see me. I miss my chubby body yet when I was younger I cried about being too fat and wishing I was thinner.

The original poster did make a point about fitness that is important. I may look like I am fit but I'm not. I'm thin right now because I'm sick. When I was overweight by 20/30 pounds and was being nagged to drop them I was much fitter than I am now. Others would view it differently.

My point is we all need to care about our fitness levels. Our body image should not centre so much around weight but rather fitness and health. Adequate exercise and proper diet are critical to wellness. I neglect both and have the appropriate level of wellness because of it.

I was one of the ones who sounded off actually, I saw red only because I have been skinny and now I'm not and people do treat me differently....I am the same person inside and although I'm not obese I could do with losing weight....it is about being healthy and I'm sorry if I sounded harsh or anything.....

it did push my buttons Chocolate, but I should have been less sensitive, it's MY issue that I feel this way ... I'm sorry to the original poster .... I do hope you come back .... NW you always see the good in people, we should learn a lesson from that......

Jin xx

the Golden Rule.... hugs everyone... i am imperfect....

its just that... some of us cant help our body images much... ive weighed the same for 30 years... i eat, exercise, ive tried nitricion programs, etc... ive finally accepted how i look and im grateful mt health is good enough...

i personlly didnt think she sounded unattractive either... but, he did mention health, and health is important to him... he obviously was attracted to her inner beauty despite what he thought was unhealthy habits..

he maybe wanted to help her and this weight thing is so sensitive..

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chocolatelover said:
nicely said NW.... I think perhaps because the topic became about body image that it pushed everyone's buttons.

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I could not agree with you more - for no one (male or female) wants to be disliked due to their body........

and if the original poster had left us feeling like he was more concerned about his gf health than her appearance due to her weight then we could have been more supportive...... but he did not - he said: his gf was over weight at 5' 4" and 145 pound (and that is not over weight by a long shot) and that he was not attracted to chubby girls yet he is with his gf that is chubby (per his eyes).

Now - what really got me, made me feel that Champion was being more shallow than concerned was this statement he made.

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champion said:
I liked her a lot so I stuck with her.

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That sounds like a person that wants his gf to be something she is not and now he feels stuck in this chubby gf relationship........

Perhaps but I also think he is quite young and has much to learn about women and relationships. I guess I'm accounting his shallowness to his youthfulness and hoping he will learn from all the smacks across the head he'll get otherwise.

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chocolatelover said:
I guess I'm accounting his shallowness to his youthfulness

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We can only hope this is the reason.............. maybe he will tell us how old he is one day?

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chocolatelover said:

and hoping he will learn from all the smacks across the head he'll get otherwise.

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And HEY! - have you been looking in my window....... lol lol.

i understand you think you understand what you think i meant, but do you understand, what you think you understand is not what i meant?

raising my own 14 year old boy..... have to reach up to smack him now but I'm still his mother!!! lol

I guess I do now NW..... so what did you mean?... to confuse me.... it's working.... lol.

the guy still hasnt clarified for me what he meant?

ok.... yes that was your initial point... I'd just add I don't think he's sure himself but you are right again.... I've no basis for that opinion. Just think he's young and confused. Would love if he'd come back and fill in the blanks. Meanwhile I'll quit speculating. opps.

((((chocolatelover))))

(((((((((((nowheretorun))))))))))

I am gonna be brave here

he specificly said he was losing his libido and starting to look at other women

this has nothing to do with inner beauty in my opinion

I will also be honest and say that I like hot women also

as do most honest men

but to try to make someone a project is not good in my opinion .... unless they are receptive

I feel that I have given him the benifit of the doubt and the best advice he will ever get from a man ..on how to make her receptive to him

lets not minimize the real issue here

he wants good advice, he has got it

if he wants to respond when he comes back I will be here

not much he could ask/say to me in this department that I wont feel comfortable with

champ.. I also know a lot about working out, as does my wife so may can help there , as well, mabey she don't want to go to a gym and would be more comfortable working out at home like my wife ... I can ask here her routine, tapes etc she uses ..but your girl has to be the one that wants to stay fit, change diet, whatever (not just for you)...the way you described her ...it don't sound like she cares much what you think ...mabey she is not that attracted to you either LOL

just kidding champ ...

quote: champion

It is hard to explain this. I feel good but just not sexual....is that wrong? Maybe I need a new girlfriend after a long hiatus where I learn to appreciate women again and not objectify what they offer. Look at them for their value and not for their sex quality....
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I cut and pasted this from one of your other posts

well I just did not get you untill I read a few of your other posts champ

a lot more to say , maybe by pm

I thought you really wanted a hot chick after reading this thread title ... that you wanted libido for

Hello everyone, I definately did not expect 8 pages of responses. I have not been back because frankly much has changed. I come back now to see if I could find some input. Thanks for the replies.

To clarify, it seems like my estimate was off. She does weigh more than I thought....anyhow, it is not grotesque or disgusting, but damnit if it doesn't bug me.

Its curious, I read a similar topic to this on a mostly male site, nearly all of the respondents replied saying looks were important. In my opinion, they are quite important. What do you do if you are attracted to someone but maybe not so much their body? Its biologic to look for fit mates, unfit mates are naturally not as appealing.

For her there was no exercising, very poor diet, low physical activities, etc. This was a lifestyle that would make anyone overweight.

She was aware of her looks, she was clearly not proud (before i mentioned anything) and she was self conscious. I say this all in the past tense because things have changed.

Nearly all food now is organic, most low/no fat. We are exercising a few times a week, together. This is something we are doing as a team and the response has been very positive. I think she has gone down 1-2 sizes from the way her pants fit, which she was very proud of. She also made some goals for herself.

There are other hot girls around, why not take one of them and leave this girl be....? On most days I realize that after you see enough naked women, they all look the same. Inside though, some make you want to hang around.

Clearly, there are other issues at work here, im sure. Maybe I could just talk to her about it. I wish my thoughts would be clear.