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#26
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__________________
"Twenty-five years and my life is still trying to get up that great big hill of hope for a destination" ~4 Non Blondes |
![]() leomama
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#27
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![]() leomama
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#28
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Well it didn’t work out because I walked away from him in 2019, 2 years after I evicted his stuff from my apartment. I regret my behavior however I also understand it . A friend of mine said if he truly loved me he’d give me closure . He hasn’t done that. He implied I’m the narcissist however I’m not the one denying him closure in 2021. I last had communication with him by text in April or last month. I deleted the message. I wish I hadn’t. It wasn’t nice. It was blaming me for the failure of the relationship. Today I could eat crow and say “fine it’s all my fault, so can we fix this?” |
#29
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I’m not engaged or living with anyone else. I haven’t even spoken to my ex fiancé about my life since I left him. He was living with his wife when we met online. He ignored me before for months , even lied to me about where he was living and justified it. Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk |
#30
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None of them are giving you what you want and both seem pretty unreliable. It's all well and good to have a rosy view re the ex but he wasn't making you happy either.
I would suggest taking a step back from relationships and this urgency to get married. Take time to be with yourself, do personal work (e.g. pattern of going for unavailable or unsatisfying men) and then see if romance comes along. Don't rush into marriage for the sake of it. None of these men are cutting it. |
![]() divine1966, Have Hope, leomama
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#31
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Relationship ended two years ago. I’d work with a therapist on getting to the bottom of attraction to all these unavailable men who don’t treat you right and your difficulty letting it go. |
![]() leomama
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#32
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I’m not rushing into marriage, you misread me, I’m at an age where a relationship without a future is pointless. Also there was no rushing. It was over a year between when I ended the last one for the 2nd time and found myself in the next one. I wasn’t looking for a relationship. Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk |
#33
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He claims to have ended it and yes I reached out to my old therapist. Also, I didn’t understand the attachment my boyfriend has to his mother’s house right off the bat. They would be fine if I moved in there so I wouldn’t say he’s unavailable or that he mistreats me. That was more my ex fiancé at the time I left as he was living in a shelter . Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk |
#34
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![]() leomama
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#35
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I don’t know what the likely percentages but at least in a totally almost everyone I know that has an affair with a married person or is married and has an affair and gets together with The person that is considered the “other woman or man” is often told and promised things about the married person that either is blatantly untrue, or not even possible, or even if it was possible the time involved for that person to unravel and unwind themselves from their current marriage is often longer than they say or predict it will be. I’m just not a fan of cheaters. And sometimes I wonder why people are surprised when cheaters cheat. Previous behavior such a standard and when you were aware of that standard it’s sort of like a pre-warning that you need to keep in the back of your mind should you pursue this relationship. I’m curious as to why you feel you need to run into your ex fiancé or are curious and communicating with him and know that he lives in the same city as you? Does your current boyfriend know of these communications and curiosities? Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
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"I carried a watermelon?" President of the no F's given society. |
![]() leomama
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#36
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Have you had experience ? My current boyfriend has neither proposed to me nor is in any position to propose to me (lives in the house he grew up in with no intent to leave), so in terms of loyalty, it’s not to me. No I’m not in contact with my ex anymore. I was talking about the emotional turmoil I’m living with. Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk |
#37
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He doesn’t drink to excess, he just drinks to maintain. I’m saying his mom would love it if I moved in to her house. I’m not saying I want to marry him, I’m saying he’s not marriage material at all . Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk |
![]() sarahsweets
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#38
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![]() Leo's favorite place was in the passenger seat of my truck. We went everywhere together like this. Leo my soulmate will live in my heart FOREVER Nov 1, 2002 - Dec 16, 2018 |
![]() leomama
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#39
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You think it’s a choice? I’m still in love with my ex fiancé. I didn’t know I was when I walked away from him. That was my second attempt at fixing the relationship. This is my third and it’s failing. Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk |
#40
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I don't just THINK it is a choice, I KNOW it is. I have been there & I know we choose to let go or to hang on to the past that no longer exists.
__________________
![]() Leo's favorite place was in the passenger seat of my truck. We went everywhere together like this. Leo my soulmate will live in my heart FOREVER Nov 1, 2002 - Dec 16, 2018 |
![]() leomama
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#41
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I read your bio. I was the one who pushed my ex fiancé to get a diagnosis and it turns out it was aspergers. I’ve been divorced too. If I let go of the past then I have almost nothing as the present has almost nothing. I am starting therapy again today. There were a couple of moments I should have walked away from my boyfriend but I didn’t and now I’m stuck in the mud. I see that you are also a Christian so I would ask you to pray for me as I struggle once again to find the light. Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk |
![]() eskielover
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![]() eskielover
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#42
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I have not had these experiences. I got married when I was 20 and have been married for 25 years. Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
__________________
"I carried a watermelon?" President of the no F's given society. |
![]() leomama
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#43
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So then our experience is vastly different. Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk |
#44
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So glad to hear you are starting therapy again. Seriously, DBT was the best intense 2 year group with individual therapy I ever had. I learned so many useful skills & learned how dysfunctional my whole life had been which was why I never learned those skills earlier in life. Sometimes we just need to start fresh. Will definitely keep you in my prayers. You can PM me if you want to talk as you struggle to find "the light" again. I was there but when I got free from the past, I was able to spend so much time studying the Bible & experiencing a real relationship with God that I couldn't when my emotions were caught up in the past. ![]() ![]()
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![]() Leo's favorite place was in the passenger seat of my truck. We went everywhere together like this. Leo my soulmate will live in my heart FOREVER Nov 1, 2002 - Dec 16, 2018 |
![]() leomama
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#45
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I think I can understand your struggle. I used to be very stuck on a past relationship while in another relationship. Perhaps the present relationship isn't fulfilling enough for you, and it seems it's going nowhere towards a more permanent future. Perhaps that's why you're stuck on a past relationship that held more promise? Or perhaps there are issues left unresolved from the past relationship, making it harder to fully move on in the present moment? Only you know the answers.... for me, it was the latter - there were many unresolved issues from the past relationship that kept me focused on my past. I have now devoted myself to a more spiritual existence, and it's helping to ground me and to give me hope and peace. Perhaps doing some spiritual work will help you, too, in addition to seeing a therapist.
__________________
"Twenty-five years and my life is still trying to get up that great big hill of hope for a destination" ~4 Non Blondes |
![]() leomama
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#46
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Cool. I did my 2 years + of dbt a while back ![]() Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk |
![]() eskielover
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#47
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Doing both thank you ![]() Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk |
![]() Have Hope
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