I let him back in and now I am kicking myself

On a far more positive note, I found a meetup group, a new group, called "finding friends after divorce" that I am attending on Dec 17th! It's a cocktails gathering at a nearby restaurant/bar and I think it's perfect for me right now. I am excited!!!!

Awesome. It sounds like lots of fun

Yeah, I'm really looking forward to it!!!

.

Our freaking state tax refund came in the form of a check, made out to BOTH my husband and myself. So, I called my bank, which is one of the larger banking institutions (BOA), and they tell me that we need a JOINT banking account in order to deposit the money! NOT ONLY THAT, BUT we have to go TOGETHER to the bank to deposit the money. They will not accept just one person depositing the check. I called another check cashing place, and they told me the same thing - that we would both have to be present.

I was beyond livid when I found all of this out. So, now I have to coordinate a day to go to the bank with him, I have to SEE my husband and we have to do this together as a split up couple! How insane is that?!?!! I am SO annoyed by this. I am calling the IRS this morning to see if there are any other options. I highly doubt it, but I will still try.

Apparently you filed jointly, so the check has to be made out to both of you. Just bite the bullet and go in together. I can tell you that getting hold of an actual human at the IRS can take hours and hours on the phone, and getting them to somehow reissue the check could take years. It seriously isn’t worth the headache. Just arrange to get this done together so you can get it over with.

Plus if it was state tax, thats not the IRS, thats the state.

That doesn’t make any sense. We get it deposited automatically to whatever account we provided. It’s been my husband’s for years. We get city refund too as my husband works at urban hospital and they don’t do automatic, they send one check with both of our names. I always deposit it on my account. Never any issues. Maybe because our state and city refunds are minuscule. Do you get big refunds? I think our city refund is 6 bucks every year lol Why are they sending refunds now? It’s like the end of the year

We don’t have joint accounts. We are each other beneficiaries on bank accounts but that’s about it. Two different banks. Neither has an issue with depositing checks to either account even if both names on the check

State tax isn’t IRS though it’s your state’s treasury

We have filed together AND separately through our 2 separations. In 2021, we filed together, and even though I had provided my direct deposit info, the state just sent us a check made out to both of us. I called the IRS and one option is to send the check back to the IRS, voided, and then they will issue a direct deposit instead - but that could take more time.

I also was just at the bank. We must go in together to deposit the check in one of our accounts. GRRRRRRRRR. I think it's safer to go to the bank together than to trust the IRS hole if we send the check back.

Ah. State tax. Might be different, but still not surprised your bank is being fussy. I’ve been dealing with fussy legal and financial matters for the last few years. Still probably easiest to just go in and get it over with.

I hope it goes well, Have Hope (as well as it can go)

Well, I stopped in at the bank and they said they will not require us to have a joint account because we're divorcing. But, we still have to go to the bank together.

I am seriously dreading this. He does not have a day off until Dec 13, which is when we will go to the bank. So, two weeks.

Bank of America requires checks to be endorsed by both. Typically not for both to show up. Is he tricking you into meeting him? It won’t end well.

I went to BOA yesterday and they said both people have to be present in order to deposit the check. He is not trying to trick me.

I received a barrage of texts from my ex yesterday, trying to draw me into an argument about my reasons for wanting to divorce. I refused to bite.

And of course, he made everything to be about HIM and how HE feels, when it was my father's bday yesterday, I was with family, and I am mourning.

He is exhausting.

One doesn’t need a reason. Not required. One can want a divorce with no reason at all

When is the divorce final?

Good job resisting the urge to engage with him!

I agree - he thinks that because he could convince me 3 times before, that it will work again this time around.

We should be able to file by the end of December, right around the holidays. From there, then we just wait for a court date to get the divorce finalized.

Thanks, @Bill3!

It's extremely common for abusers to try manipulative tactics when they think their target is most vulnerable, distracted or in an emotional state. I know a woman who got calls and texts during winter snow and ice storms because she was predictably stressed about school closings, having to stay home from work and being "stuck" at home.

The solution ended up being that my friend needed to be less predictable and manage stress differently. It's great that you resisted the temptation. It takes some personal work and growth to build your "happy life defense". Keep focusing on your goals, your happiness and your life.

Thank you. I am!

I'm going out by myself again. Two friends who were going bailed and a third friend declined my invite and wanted to stay in. So I am driving an hour south to see music on my own tonight. It's Ok. I don't really mind that much anymore. I am getting used to this, and it's the way it is right now. It's OK.

Good for you.

Thanks! I had fun!!