[black-roses]

Well anyway last night I got a message on one of my photos how are you still single? It was painful to me but to be honest it's only through talking to someone that I realized I have major trauma over relationships, which explains why I hate those shows married at first sight. It just it's so painful to me I guess it's my makes sense with my relationship trauma but also I understand now why I would be on the defensive and see it as an invasive question someone asking that. Like I understand where that's coming from whereas before I just thought it was weird. My biggest fear is being abused in a relationship that's something that I'll always have. I wish I didn't feel that way but it is what it is. It less painful to me to be alone forever than to have a partner even though I also really want one. It is so weird how split I feel about it. I guess I can also see why he'd think I'm a bit paranoid about someone asking me that and me being like is that a genuine question. Will anyway, it's a huge pain and does affect how I even have friendships it's always been easier to just push people away there's no risk of being abused or mistreated but yeah it caused me to isolate myself for years. That's a huge realisation and explains why I often obsess about relationships there's so much trauma there it just explains my fear and worry.

[TishaBuv]

It’s a really old fashioned thing to say that ‘how are you still single?’ I started having people say it to me, too, when I was approaching my mid 20’s back in 1990. It was even a sexist out-of-fashion thing to say then and I found it really offensive.

There are many potential partners for you who would not be abusive. There is hope for you, if you are open to having a healthy relationship. With a therapist, you can work on your trauma issues and be healthy to find someone healthy.

[MuseumGhost]

I agree 100% with Tisha. There are people out there who are kind and considerate. Just take things easy, find people who share similar interests, and see how comfortable you are with them.

I went through a lot of bad experiences with men before I met my husband. In fact, just before I met him, I was swearing-off relationships, period. Even friends had treated me badly. I was genuinely hurt and traumatized, and even a bit bitter about it all.

But we just took our time, and really got to know each other as friends, first. And then I met all of his friends, people he'd been acquainted with, since grade school (a lot of them). They all had glowing things to say about him. This helped a great deal to put my mind at ease, knowing that his character was held in such high esteem by his longtime friends.

My approach to it all might seem old-fashioned, but it worked. I don't think he's perfect, or anything delusional like that. But he's perfect for me. And anything that needs working on, we do it together.

I'm personally doing much better than I was 20 years ago, and he's largely responsible for getting me to this point.

And don't forget---that little voice in your head is a pretty good guide. Don't ignore your gut instincts about people. They can help you a great deal.

I wish you all the best in your healing, and moving forward.

[black-roses]

I was definitely told by someone that knew my family and was my mum's interpreter when she went to court over something she did she yelled in a shop. Anyway, her advice to me was you witnessed a lot of domestic violence and you need counselling for that right now your not ready for a huge relationship just focus on you and I've been really thinking about it. Now I'm actually ready to talk about those feelings. When I see my psychiatrist I'm really gonna double down on needing an occupational therapist and a counsellor just to deal with the feelings around trauma because my PTSD comes more in emotional flashbacks rather then visual flashbacks, so I need to talk about those feelings around the emotional flashbacks.

[black-roses]

I don't know how people see that as a compliment that to me is just confusing and makes me think I should feel self conscious about being single. That's just me. That to me just shows me that there the kind of guy to think women belong in kitchens and should be guarded by men at all times that's my view on it anyway. Not as bad as men who use pet names for women that's cringe.

[TishaBuv]

Originally Posted by black-roses

I don't know how people see that as a compliment that to me is just confusing and makes me think I should feel self conscious about being single. That's just me. That to me just shows me that there the kind of guy to think women belong in kitchens and should be guarded by men at all times that's my view on it anyway. Not as bad as men who use pet names for women that's cringe.

I agree. That comment is meant to come off like a compliment, but it’s an insult. “How are you still single?” Implies that “you” are a catch, too attractive, etc, to still be not chosen by someone. Then the “still single” implies that being single is a bad thing to be, that one must be in a relationship or we are thought of as a non-productive person not engaging in what is expected in life.

I wish I could think of a witty come back for you to say to them next time they say it. How about, “How are you still stupid?” No, jk! Lol

[unaluna]

How am i still single?
Just lucky, i guess!

In america, the happiness levels are:
1. Married men
2. Single women
3. Married women
4. Single men

Just sayin'.

[OafFish]

I can only trick someone into liking me for so long

[unaluna]

Originally Posted by OafFish

I can only trick someone into liking me for so long

My parents insisted that thats how romantic relationships worked. A guy is nice to you until he convinces you to marry him based on these false pretenses, then shows you his true brutish colors. I know you meant it the other way around, but thats how principles work - sauce for the goose, sauce for the gander. Nobody is worthy of love - what a horrible lesson.

[black-roses]

Originally Posted by TishaBuv

I agree. That comment is meant to come off like a compliment, but it’s an insult. “How are you still single?” Implies that “you” are a catch, too attractive, etc, to still be not chosen by someone. Then the “still single” implies that being single is a bad thing to be, that one must be in a relationship or we are thought of as a non-productive person not engaging in what is expected in life.

I wish I could think of a witty come back for you to say to them next time they say it. How about, “How are you still stupid?” No, jk! Lol

Exactly I don't even reply to me because it perplexes me how anyone would be stupid enough to say that lol and on a social media sight where everyone can see. Like it wasnt even in my private messages just embarassing for them. Like I just feel so embarrassed for them and myself for having to read it lol.

[TishaBuv]

Originally Posted by unaluna

My parents insisted that thats how romantic relationships worked. A guy is nice to you until he convinces you to marry him based on these false pretenses, then shows you his true brutish colors. I know you meant it the other way around, but thats how principles work - sauce for the goose, sauce for the gander. Nobody is worthy of love - what a horrible lesson

Gosh I hate to be so cynical but this is actually what happened to me in my marriage. It’s not all relationships though I am sure, many happy couples I think, though I don’t personally really know any.

[Discombobulated]

I totally understand why you didn’t like that ‘compliment’ I agree with Tisha it’s outdated, it infers your worth is decided by a relationship. That’s something many of us were told in the past, I hope for better for your generation.

[RockyRoad007]

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