Why did all my new friends start ignoring me? Are they jealous?

Recently my husband & I went to Spain for almost 2 weeks. We had a great time. We haven’t bern able to travel anywhere out of the U.S for years until now because of finances & the pandemic too.

Anyways, I met 5 or 6 new female friends online. They all were impressed by the pics I showed them. I wasn’t bragging btw. Anyways, all but one said they couldn’t wait to see more pics in person.

None of them made any plans to meet me for over two weeks so far. I have feeling I won’t hear back from them, but that’s OK. They were all very self absorbed anyways.

One lady kept whining about the same issues for the millionth time. She also whined about how she never gets to go anywhere. She didn’t ask me a single thing about my trip.

So I snapped as I had emough of her whining & toldher that I’m offended at how she never asks me any questions or care about what I have to say & that she talks about the same thing all the time. And that she needs to get professional help. This is the moocher lady I recently talked about in another thread.

I wasn’t that mean, just honest. She said sorry & that she wasn’t aware of how she was coming across. Right!
I tried to give her a chance by not cutting her put of my lige as I thought she might try to change as she ‘wasn’t mad & that she ‘appreciated’ my honesty.

She blocked me it looks like a text got stuck on delivered for a long time. She’d answer all texts right away. So I deleted & blocked her number too.

Why would most of these women a t like they ate interested in hearing about my trip then ghost me? I asked them how they were doing & I told one lady that she’s lucky that she’ll be going to England soon.

I can’t stand jealous fake people. I keep attracting thrm though, ugh!!!! Can someone please explain their bizarre behavior to me please?

Some of these women do get to travel & one or yeo seem to be well off financially it seems like. So I don’t understand why they’d be jealous of me.

Is this the same group of friends you've been clashing with already? If so, you need a new group of friends.
'

No. Only one lady brlonged in that group of ‘friends’. They were actually acquaintances I met once up to three other times & that’s it. That one other lady was the moocher I talked about in a recent thread .

I trnd to attract selfish & self absorbed people for some reason most of the time, ugh!!!!

Possibly if you do some volunteer work for a local organization you’ll find less selfish people to have friendships with. Hard to be selfish when you’re helping others.

Finding activities where all participants have things in common (not only virtually) helps in creating real-world relationships.

If you only met few times it’s too early to call them friends.

They don’t particularly know you well enough to show interest in your travels and it’s unlikely they are jealous. I am not surprised they didn’t make arrangements to meet in person to see pictures.

In addition most people don’t find it exciting to look at travel pictures of people they barely know. Not because of jealousy but because it’s not interesting if you aren’t invested in their lives.

I don’t know if they are self absorbed. It could be. But could be also that they are mostly just strangers and can’t be expected to show interest in people they don’t know on a meaningful level. You could try to take it slow and get to know them as friendships take long to build or you could try to make friends irl instead.

You have to build a foundation for friendship and it takes time

This is excellent advice. When I wasn’t working I volunteered (still do) and I gained so much from it. I didn’t really have friends before but I made several solid ones along the way. Focusing on a common goal is a great way to be social.

I really wouldn’t like the scenarios you’re describing, it sounds exhausting, it’s best to walk away in my opinion.

I should’ve used the words aquaintences. Btw, I met all of these women a few times in person. The mooch from my other thread was one of them.

They have only talked about themselves all the time & only teo of them have asked me ONCE this: I’ve been talking so much, what about you?

Then whatever I say gets bounced back to them. Ex: I tell them I used to live in S. Ca. One lady then said that she used to live there too. She showed zero interest in what I said.

I think it’s unfair that they expect me to listen to theit health issues & other problems & they don’t have the decency to show any interest in what I have to say. It’s extremely rude & selfish of them to do that.

I realize that some people don’t cate about pictures or traveling, but thry should’nt whine about never getting to go anywhere. like one lady did.

And the worst of it is that one lady I’ve been talking to & hanging out with since ladt year had the nerve to block me on Instagram after I posted up piics that she claimed that she wanted to see.

I didn’t brag about anything. She made me think that she wanted to hear about my trip. She said that she couldn’t wait to see my pics & then she blocked me when I posted them up! Why would she block me for that? Obviously she’s jealous of me.

Why would she do that? So that makes it look like shes very jeaous of me. Especially since her & her new boyfriend were talking about going to where I went one day. So obviously she is interested in traveling, judt not MY trip.

If my pics were annoying her, she could just restrict me instead of blocking me.

What else could it be?

It depends on the people, like anything else. I've done TONS of volunteer work and it didn't lead to either new, quality friends OR a job, like the opening its touted to be.....

We did have common goals but unfortunately it didn't go beyond that. Much of this advice, which I've heard from other sources too, doesn't work for everyone.

I agree with Disco, I'd just walk away and tell them so.

I did walk away from these toxic women. I should’ve ran from them the moment I met them. I stupidly gave them all the benefit of the doubt though. Never again!

It's either jealousy or she just sucks. I know that's oversimplified but I've had to deal with this for DECADES now as I'm 61. Like you said, there are shallow, selfish, self-involved "people" out there and we don't need them around. I'd rather be alone than with these so-called "friends" because they are NOT.

It’s both, they’re all jealous women who suck, lol! They’re boring as hell too! lol. I’m 50 years old now. I’m to old for this b.s

I feel the same way that you do. I’ll actually tell the next person, look, I can’t be friends with selfish people, so I gotta go now, bye! LoL! I don’t care about hurting their feelings when they obviously don’t care about mine, lol!

Some people are all "me me me me ME i am the most important person in the universe" and cant be happy for others, best to avoid those types

Thsts so true. It often boggles me to how anyone can stand to be around them for long. I can’t believe tgat some of these people are actually popular people with lots of friends, ugh.

It's possible that these women were just being polite and not actually interested in meeting up with you, or they may have had their own personal reasons for not following through, but it's important to remember that everyone has their own priorities and interests and it's not always a reflection on you.

Yes there’s definitely lots of variables, and I do think I was very lucky to meet such lovely friends. I did a lot of volunteering with several organisations (basically to build my confidence which was low) and met lots of different people, most of them friendly and nice but only some of them were open to friendship, and even then not all of them were compatible. Because I had no friends I was quite happy just to volunteer alongside people, the social contact was pleasant for me. The friends I did make came after around 4 years so it wasn’t a quick thing,

We’re all different but I personally would find the scenario you describe OP of women sitting around talking (about themselves or indeed myself), quite stressful, I prefer an activity of some sorts, it feels less intense to me, takes the pressure off (I’m not an extrovert at all). Volunteering or sports clubs have worked well for me, if not friendships but pleasant low level sociability. If that makes sense!

I gave people the benefit of the doubt too. Because of the last 3 years and the isolation for the first two at least, my bs meter is pretty rusty. When you're not around people or even talking to them much, you get out of practice. Only good thing, if I can call it that, is that these recent experiences made me more aware of what to watch out for. Still not everyone is the same about that.


Oh, I got the impression from how those women talk about boyfriends, clothes, etc. that they are MUCH younger, as well as you! But YOU are much more mature than them, even if you were a 20-something. That being said I know not all 20-somethings are immature and all older people ARE mature. I've been around both and also the opposites.

I was about to ask just how old these women are, as it reminds me of junior high. Aren't they ADULTS??!!!!

I'm definitely too old for this and right now I'm so disgusted with the human species. Animals DO make much better friends or companions. They love you no matter what.

This is SO true. Also we live in such an individualistic culture too. What one wants, what one chooses to do, what one prefers or needs, etc.

Although you've met these women in person, they definitely don't seem like the real definition of what a 'friend' means. They seem more like acquaintances who aren't 100% invested in developing a real friendship with you, despite your efforts and clear communication with them, managing both yours and their expectations.

When you've done all of that work, and these women still refuse to reciprocate, then it's up to you to decide if you're willing to allow these acquaintances to treat you with such low interest. If not, cut them off. There's nothing more that you can do at this point. They know how you feel about them. If they choose not to reciprocate the same amount of interest in their connection to you, drop them. No reason to keep them in your life if they bring no value to it.

I am 52 and I am learning quickly that when people mistreat me, it's because they don't like or respect me. Otherwise, they'd show me through their actions that they care about my feelings and want to be my friend. It's just that simple, I believe. People show you their true feelings about you through their actions.

It boils down to whether or not people like you. If they don't like you, then just leave that friendship. When people like and respect you, communication is easy even when there is a misunderstanding, because both people want to stay friends and resolve the misunderstanding together.

Did you just delete a post Mott? I clicked thanks and was about to quote but it disappeared. I refreshed and it's still gone. You had quoted Soniya.

BTW I like your member name as it reminds me of the apple sauce brand. But that's Motts I think. Close enough.

Hi nonnightowl I did delete my post. I tend to blather on LOL and felt like I was being repetitive.

What I did post about was the fact that people's priorities and interests have everything to do with how they treat other people. If the OP's priorities and interests aren't aligned with these women friends', of course they're going to clash personality-wise.

I don't agree with anyone who promotes the privileged (and very misguided) assumption, "It's not about you." Um. Yes it is. That's why we have stigmas and stereotypes and biases. It's always about the 'you.' (The other person)

People are judgmental and mean and biased. There's no denying it, because it's a fact. And, there's no denying that people's treatment of you is based on their perception of you.

If someone likes and respects you, they treat you that way. If they don't like you and don't respect you, then they mistreat you.

The whole assumption that people's priorities and interests are a reflection of them and not the other person, I just don't agree with at all.

Thanks, whew! I thought I'm seeing things, lol.

You're right in that when people treat someone that way, they do not like or respect them. Real friendship isn't that at all.

I do think that when they say "It's not you, it's them", it's true, only in the sense that when someone ghosts a person, it is about THEIR immaturity or lack of courage or communication skills or whatnot. It's also that they don't care enough about the other person to be honest and choosing to ghost instead.

It's true everyone has stuff on their plate, but I agree with you that a REAL friend MAKES time for you. That bs about "I've been busy" is just that, bs. They CAN take the time for you and they would, even if to SAY it's been crazy but they are still thinking about you and wanting to check in.

Anyone who knows me, knows I love to cite sources. :P

Toxic People: 12 Things They Do and How to Deal with Them - Hey Sigmund

Again, my belief is that anyone who uses the 100% lame excuse, "it's not you, it's me," is trying to escape being held accountable for their actions. If people were just more emotionally mature enough to communicate how they feel with each other, then this lame excuse wouldn't be used as an emotional shield, per se, to deflect the other person's emotional response.

i.e. the OP's situation about her sharing her Spain vacation photos. That was a cool trip and she shared it with this group of women acquaintances online, whom she's also spent time with in person.

Instead of congratulating the OP on her vacation and commenting on the photos, and reciprocating the OP's efforts to maintain their connection to the OP, these women just basically ghosted the OP without any context. So, yeah, it is about them not prioritizing the OP's feelings or expression of joy at finally taking a great vacation after the horrible 3-year long pandemic that Covid-19 was.

OP, if you're still reading...those women aren't good friends. They're just 1/2 invested in their connection to you. It sounds like you realized this and lowered your expectations (which is the best response).

Keep trying to find women to befriend. Women friendships are so good for our soul. It's hard because at our age (the 50s), most women have etched out their lives and aren't emotionally available anymore to other women friendships. At least that's been my experience (sorry for my projection).

You're right about them not being mature enough or having the kind of communication skills to be honest about this connection. People who want a more deeper connection will respond in kind, to the other person making that gesture.

True, I wouldn't call them friends---just acquaintances. If they consider themselves friends of OP, then their definition of friendship is drastically different.

I don't know what you mean by women in their 50's have etched out their lives, unless you mean they are just too busy with their lives for a real friendship? If so, not for me. As I posted, I believe one MAKES time for what's important. And if a friendship is important, then it's a priority and other things take a backseat.

I use the analogy of a garden that needs tending to grow. If you neglect it, it will wither and die. It needs nourishment and attention. Similar to a house being sturdy. Without a good foundation, it will crumble.

I like your analogy of a garden/friendships and I agree with neglecting friendships means like a plant, they wither and die if not tended to.

My "etched out lives" comment about women in our 50s, is that by that age, most women have established friendships with other women and don't prioritize room for new friendships. That is a generalization of course, based on my own projection of being 52 with few friends and many acquaintances.

I unfortunately don't have those friendships but many acquaintances. Even so, I always have room for new friendships; I don't believe it's possible to have "too many friends." Being how I've had people pass away, move away, or ghost me, it's always a good thing to be open to a new person. I'm not saying anyone can replace someone else, no way. But too many friends? Not a thing.

I'm almost 10 years older than you and have read it's much harder to make new friends when you're older. Also I don't have the spouses, children, and grandchildren that a lot of women my age have. So they don't have the time to invest in anything new; they have plenty of support and their lives are full.

COVID certainly played a role, with people not wanting to be around other people so you lose that interaction. Or the people you used to see a lot, you don't anymore. So that routine or interaction just breaks down. Friendships to me seem situational at times, meaning it keeps going as long as you see them in a certain context. School is a good example. Back in those days it was easier to make friends since you see the same kids in class or around campus.

But after school ended, so did those friendships. I'm not in touch with anyone I knew in my youth. I envy people who have had friendships with people since kindergarden!