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  #176  
Old Apr 17, 2023, 07:48 AM
TishaBuv TishaBuv is offline
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Thanks Tisha.

I spoke with my mom who said the same thing. I should be speaking to a law office today about it.

Thing is, I'm really not after more money from him. But I see your point, and I will still consult with a lawyer so I am well informed.

And yes, we knew my ex is unscrupulous... but to this extent and level? This is a whole new playing field. Now he's claiming that his lawyer must not be any good... lol.
Again, he is not “his” lawyer. He’s a mediator who doesn’t represent either of you. I’d also address this with the lawyer you speak to because there may be some type of fraud you can prove about this.

It’s not about the more money or not. When you are dealing with unscrupulous people, there is no telling how they can harm you. There’s no limit to what they may be doing and you just don’t know until it bites you.
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  #177  
Old Apr 17, 2023, 08:22 AM
Molinit Molinit is offline
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I'm not street smart. My father was very trusting and naive, and I think I learned it from him. It's gotten both of us into some hot water... we've both been easily swindled and scammed.

I know I need to wisen up. It's hard for me - I always want to believe the best in people, but I understand that's not really realistic. Many scums in this world.. so I need to wisen up.
My mother was one who liked to believe the best in people. She was taken advantage of her whole life.

When faced with one of his stories, since you know you tend to defer to him, do the opposite next time.
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Have Hope
  #178  
Old Apr 17, 2023, 09:33 AM
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divine1966 divine1966 is offline
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Originally Posted by Have Hope View Post
Thanks Tisha.

I spoke with my mom who said the same thing. I should be speaking to a law office today about it.

Thing is, I'm really not after more money from him. But I see your point, and I will still consult with a lawyer so I am well informed.

And yes, we knew my ex is unscrupulous... but to this extent and level? This is a whole new playing field. Now he's claiming that his lawyer must not be any good... lol.
I don’t know if you’ll necessarily get more money from him if you follow legal path but it will be done right. The fact that he keeps increasing the amount of money he offers you says a lot. Now he keeps you on your toes feeding you stories of him going to jail.

I am not surprised he’s shady. He’s been always shady. He’s just very clever with love bombing and preying on your vulnerabilities. But he’s never been highly moral upstanding citizen. Shady

You can’t win with shady people unless you take legal routes. That’s what the justice system is for
  #179  
Old Apr 17, 2023, 09:40 AM
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divine1966 divine1966 is offline
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The point isn’t of wanting or not wanting more money. The issue is that the only way to stop dishonest shady people is to follow the law. You can’t have dealings with them. “I’ll give you money so you don’t hire a lawyer” isn’t working with shady people. It’s just teaching them that they can keep playing their nasty games
  #180  
Old Apr 17, 2023, 10:07 AM
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I will see what the lawyer says. I would have to pay legal fees for a lawyer, which I do not necessarily have. He gave me 2K recently, and that's my rent money for May.
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  #181  
Old Apr 17, 2023, 10:15 AM
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I can have 17K in my bank account tomorrow.

There are other important factors here that I am taking into consideration.

Taking this money from him now will allow me to (1) not be panicked about getting a roommate for May 1st (2) I won't have to keep borrowing money from mom and owing her and (3) this money would cover me financially for the next 4 months, without a roommate and along with unemployment benefits.

These benefits are all outweighing everything else. I am not vindictive and I am not a gold digger.

Sure, ideally it would be done right through the legal system, but it's also not wrong of me to go this route either, considering my priorities.

Going through a law firm will certainly drag out the process and getting those funds will take a long time. This way, I have the money immediately and when I need it.

Thanks everyone for your input and thoughts, but I'm pretty sure my mind is made up.
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  #182  
Old Apr 17, 2023, 10:16 AM
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Free consultation? They might even tell you that it’s not worth it
  #183  
Old Apr 17, 2023, 10:17 AM
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Free consultation?
Yes, I have a call today scheduled with a law firm, but I am not sure if I am actually speaking with a lawyer today. The paralegal made an appt for me for 12:15 to speak with her.
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  #184  
Old Apr 17, 2023, 10:19 AM
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divine1966 divine1966 is offline
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Originally Posted by Have Hope View Post
Yes, I have a call today scheduled with a law firm, but I am not sure if I am actually speaking with a lawyer today. The paralegal made an appt for me for 12:15 to speak with her.
Paralegals could advise you on lawyers behalf.
Thanks for this!
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  #185  
Old Apr 17, 2023, 10:21 AM
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Paralegals could advise you on lawyers behalf.
Good to know...
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  #186  
Old Apr 17, 2023, 11:18 AM
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Wow… this law firm’s fee to dig into the issue and resolve it is 7500. No thank you.
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  #187  
Old Apr 17, 2023, 01:45 PM
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divine1966 divine1966 is offline
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Wow… this law firm’s fee to dig into the issue and resolve it is 7500. No thank you.
Wow. I wonder if they thought you could get something out of it. Imagine if you get nothing. Ouch
  #188  
Old Apr 17, 2023, 02:19 PM
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Have Hope Have Hope is offline
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I can’t pay 7500 - are they kidding??
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  #189  
Old Apr 17, 2023, 02:43 PM
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divine1966 divine1966 is offline
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Originally Posted by Have Hope View Post
I can’t pay 7500 - are they kidding??
You could if you knew you get 50k lol but you might get nothing. No thanks
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  #190  
Old Apr 17, 2023, 04:24 PM
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You could if you knew you get 50k lol but you might get nothing. No thanks
Exactly. It’s not worth it.
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  #191  
Old Apr 17, 2023, 04:55 PM
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Samicat Samicat is offline
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I think accepting the 17K is reasonable. Dragging it out will mean more lawyers' costs with no guarantee of a higher settlement.


Also if you take the money, this is DONE which will be a load off your shoulders.

It's crystal clear that he deceived you and the judge, and for that reason alone I would cut off all contact with him.

I think it would be prudent to still look for a roommate, but at least you are less pressured.

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  #192  
Old Apr 17, 2023, 05:21 PM
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After all this I hope you see that being friends and amicable and hanging out is out of the questions. He should be out of your life for good after he give you a check
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  #193  
Old Apr 18, 2023, 03:10 AM
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Originally Posted by Samicat View Post
I think accepting the 17K is reasonable. Dragging it out will mean more lawyers' costs with no guarantee of a higher settlement.


Also if you take the money, this is DONE which will be a load off your shoulders.

It's crystal clear that he deceived you and the judge, and for that reason alone I would cut off all contact with him.

I think it would be prudent to still look for a roommate, but at least you are less pressured.

Thanks, Samicat.

That's what the paralegal told me - that they cannot predict right now how much I would get if I did pursue it. And a large part of me feels like it's morally or ethically wrong to go after more than what he is offering me. It's HIS inheritance after all.

On the flip side, I tend to agree with you and think that he likely omitted it from his financial statement on purpose.. of course, there's no way to really prove this, though.

I had one woman who says she is 59 call me about my apartment. She sounded more like 69-70 years old on the phone! Not a good match.

I don't really know now about a roommate. I can exist for four months without one. Maybe I will push my search up to June 1 and pause my ads for now. I don't know... I really don't want a roommate, unless it's a good match. My home and my space are sacred to me... my home is my sanctuary, my haven, and I don't want to bring just anyone in here with me.
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Last edited by Have Hope; Apr 18, 2023 at 03:53 AM.
  #194  
Old Apr 18, 2023, 03:11 AM
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After all this I hope you see that being friends and amicable and hanging out is out of the questions. He should be out of your life for good after he give you a check
That's what I want.. is for us to have a clean break and go our separate ways without being in touch. We both need to move on.

When I see him today, (we are going to the bank together), I will tell him that it's time for us to let go and move on.
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Last edited by Have Hope; Apr 18, 2023 at 03:54 AM.
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  #195  
Old Apr 18, 2023, 03:20 AM
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Totally off subject - I've been getting up earlier and earlier this days and it bugs me to no end. I can't sleep... the last two mornings I was up at 4 AM, and now this morning again at 3:45 AM.

My cat scratches at the window shade until I wake up and feed her. I have a water squirt gun I use to try and stop her, but she keeps at it and keeps coming back to scratching at the shade until I get up. It's frustrating.

And I am peri-menopause which causes me not to sleep, which is also frustrating. And because I am up so early, I go to bed earlier. Last night I was in bed by 7:30 PM!

This is all just SO wrong.... I've got to force myself to stay up later so I can sleep later... I even took Advil PM last night, but it didn't help me to sleep in - it only helped me to fall asleep.

ARGH! Getting older as a woman SUCKS.
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  #196  
Old Apr 18, 2023, 04:18 AM
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Ok, so back to the topic at hand....

I am not good at confronting my husband because of how quickly he manipulates, twists facts and rewrites history to suit his own agenda. Arguing with him goes in circles and becomes word salad. He is also very quick on his feet and I am not. It takes me time, days even, to process and then to effectively respond with a good reply and the facts.

Today, and only after we have deposited this money in my account, I will confront him so that I can cut ties with him for good.

I want to tell him that he must think I'm pretty freaking stupid - that he thinks he could pull one over on me so easily. Well, he didn't, and I am onto him.

I am going to confront him with the fact that it's my belief he omitted the inheritance purposely from his financials, to hide it from me and from the judge. I am going to tell him that I CAN still legally pursue it IF I want to. I will tell him he has done very shady things in the past, and that I don't put it past him to have done this on purpose.

Remember way back that he took my credit card and used it to purchase a $300 video game without asking my permission? He knew he was doing something wrong, which he admitted to me once caught, yet he did it anyways. And, love bombing me, telling me how much he loves me and telling me that yes, we will work things out, while simultaneously flirting over text & pursuing another woman, the day after making love to me?!!? SLEAZY! Oh, and of course , I will never forget when he stole a plant holder from Home Depot!

He is a SLEAZE.....

So, no worries, I will take care of things effectively today & will make it clear that I don't want anything more to do with him after this. He doesn't know this yet, he thinks we're on amicable terms, and keeps asking me to hang out, so this will come as a surprise.
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Last edited by Have Hope; Apr 18, 2023 at 04:42 AM.
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  #197  
Old Apr 18, 2023, 05:12 AM
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divine1966 divine1966 is offline
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Originally Posted by Have Hope View Post
That's what I want.. is for us to have a clean break and go our separate ways without being in touch. We both need to move on.

When I see him today, (we are going to the bank together), I will tell him that it's time for us to let go and move on.
Can’t he just give you a check? Or transfer money to your account? What’s this meeting at the bank for. No one meets at banks to give someone money. He is going to start old song again
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  #198  
Old Apr 18, 2023, 05:21 AM
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There is no point to confront or argue. What did these months of arguing and confronting with him taught you? That’s it pointless. What did it accomplish? Except gave him more wiggle room to manipulate you.

It’s also pointless telling him “I don’t want to hang out”. First of all you already told him that and second of all it’s just a common sense. Purpose of divorce is that in absence of kids there is nothing to hold you together. You don’t need to argue and confront about dating ex spouse. Nothing to discuss

In fact I’d not be going to the bank. It’s a game. I had people transfer money to me and I transferred money to them and I gave checks and I received checks. I’ve never stepped foot in anyone’s bank. I don’t even go inside my own bank. It’s been years. Everything done without ever going to the bank. He’s again manipulating you telling you stories how you must go to the bank. It’s yet another ploy among many of his ploys

But if you want to go to the bank, don’t confront anyone or explain. Take money and go.
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  #199  
Old Apr 18, 2023, 06:35 AM
Molinit Molinit is offline
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You've had that conversation with him before. Get the $ in your account, tell him you have an interview, leave and block. Do not answer emails, texts or phone calls.

Continued conversation continues the relationship.
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Have Hope
  #200  
Old Apr 18, 2023, 06:49 AM
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Can’t he just give you a check? Or transfer money to your account? What’s this meeting at the bank for. No one meets at banks to give someone money. He is going to start old song again
Because with our bank, you can only transfer $3500 at a time and a limited amount per week. This way, he can give me a cashier's check at the bank and I can directly deposit in time and before rent is due on May 1st.
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