People getting overly angry at you over small stuff as a sign of disrespect

Would you consider it a sign of disrespect or dislike towards you if someone gets super angry at you over the smallest or pointless things, especially if they don't get angry with others for the same reason? I've noticed that when someone gets really angry at another person over something trivial but they don't get as angry with others for the same reason, it's a sign they may not like you. It's one thing if you're repeatedly doing something and they just get fed up, but it's another when it's a first time thing and it's something incredibly pointless and not something they usually get angry over. It's also obvious when someone does get a little annoyed with another person but they're much politer when talking to that person, yet they absolutely lose their minds if it's you.

When this happens, I can't help but think there's an underlying reason. Maybe it's a form of a power trip or thinking they're better than you, perhaps it's a subtle dislike that they're showing when they're not in the mood to be patient. It makes you want to ask them why they're getting so mad at you but they don't seem to care when it's some else, I know you're not supposed to compare but it's hard not to. I tend to stay away from the person who got excessively angry because I don't want to set them off again especially if they have the tendency to lose their minds on you even if they don't get irrationally mad at others who do the same thing, I take it as a sign that they may not like me or respect me that much so I keep my distance unless I have to talk to them about something.

They are taking out their hostility on you. They are treating you as a scapegoat. You are walking on eggshells to avoid setting them off.

We can all say similar things to a person, but depending on who it is and how they know you, that can play on allot of different levels. If my wife says I need to lose some weight, my reaction might come from an entirely different place because we've had past conversations and its understood when its brought up, its because she cares and there is a concern. If my brother says I could stand to lose weight, my response with him might be more reactionary because he could have a tendency to take jabs, thereby making me interpret the delivery differently.

So if I were in your shoes and see discrepancies on that level, I might ask myself is that person expecting me to give them more consideration because I know them well enough NOT to say those things? I think when you get to know someone pretty well, somewhere in that hand shake is an understanding of how you know each other. And with that understanding, there's places they know you can hurt them that others would not know, so they will interpret those remarks from a different perspective. Does that make sense?

Yep I definitely feel like a scapegoat especially since people know I usually don’t say anything unless I absolutely have to.

Yep it makes sense and depending on how you know someone definitely plays a role. I think the ability to be assertive plays a role too since those who aren’t as assertive may get walked over more.

I think getting angry at one person but not others for same thing could be about dislike of the person, sure, but there might be other reasons too, like if it's in the workplace, the person would be less inclined to blow their stack at the boss but at subordinates, no problem. Or if the person thinks their target won't react, then away they go. Or if the other person is bigger than them then suddenly they remain silent etc. It could be a few things...🤔

Yep I agree, all of those are valid possibilities.

I would say people who do this, and it's not because they're having a bad day, may be due to the fact that they consider you at a lower importance level. This is not a reflection of you or your worth, rather a reflection of them.

This happens to me at work all the time. As I've gotten older, i consider such people immature and not wise. I try not to let it bother me unless they can influence my career. And when it comes to this, it's either a waiting game until they leave or I start looking for other opportunities.

I work in a rather "traditional" field where most people are older than me and have wives who have stayed home and raised their families. Which, is commendable. I don't think SAHW or SAHM get enough praise for what they do - unpaid labor is hardly valued. But, in turn, rather than engage in intelligent conversations about what I do for a living, men comment on what I wear, my shoes, about my hair, etc. I wish they would show interest in what brings me to that place. I would never think to comment on some guy's pleated gray pants... or velcro shoes.

Find your tribe

I agree, I do believe people either think your less than them or see you as someone they can yell at with no repercussions when they do this.

I had a (female) manager years ago who did this to me, looking back I feel it was a kind of gaslighting.

One day she told me I had my name badge on the wrong side of my shirt - no kidding. Later that morning her boss came in and was wearing her badge on the same side as me. Guess what, she didn’t say a word, backs up what Blueowl says about hierarchy. Many other experiences with this woman, and eventually I left the job partly because of the weird dynamics we had. It’s a form of bullying imo. I haven’t experienced it since, it was her not me is my conclusion, but sadly at the time I really thought I was inadequate in some way.

I wouldn’t handle the situation or someone like that in the same way now I hope. I’d advise others to speak out if they experience this too. It is bullying imo.

I agree, it’s not that they dislike you, it’s that they consider you an easy target to take out their frustrations.

Yep hierarchy definitely plays a role, it can even happen between coworkers who are on the same level but believe they can boss each other around.

Yep I agree.

I agree with what everyone else said. It’s a form of bullying. They think that they can get away with disrespecting you for whatever reason. Can you please provide examples?

Do you speak up & tell them to not talk to you disrespectfully when they get mad at you? If not, then that’s probably one of the reasons why they blow up & you & not at other people.

Or there could be an imbalance in your relationship like they’re your boss & you’re an employee. They could just be a nasty sadistic abusive a**hole too.

I agree, it's definitely a form of disrespect and they believe they can get away with it. I really don't say anything especially if it's people much older than me, this is especially true with coworkers. Even though we're on the same level professionally, they're old enough to where they could complain that I was disrespectful even though I wasn't and admin would most likely believe them and not me because I'm 20-30 years younger than my coworkers. Now if it's someone closer to my age and it's not at work, I'm more likely to say something but sometimes that doesn't really help.

There was a time where I said hi to a coworker only for her to tell me she was busy and to leave her alone, seconds later another coworker starts talking to her and they both start talking about what they did over the weekend. Another time a coworker got mad at me for asking a question through text after work, yet she's okay with other people talking to her through text even on group chats. In fact, the latest a coworker texted on group chat was 11pm which is something I wouldn't do since I like to respect other people's boundaries and she had no problem with it. There's been times where she even initiated messages late at night so that's why I don't talk to them unless I absolutely have to, I respect other people's wishes but sometimes people act this way just because they can and there's more examples of this kind of behavior even outside of work.

Sorry to hear that. I think they disrespect you because you don’t say anything about their behavior. And they know that they can get away with being rude & disrespectful to you.

Maybe it has to do with the 20-30 year age gap, idk. They shouldn’t be treating you like that. I’d say something if I were you as nicely as I could. Maybe they might start treating you better if they were unaware of how they were coming across to you.

If you think that they’d just get upset at you though, then just ignore them.

I agree, I really do need to start saying something and obviously be respectful about it.

Sounds generational, where women weren't in the workplace hardly at all. And that reminds me of how women political candidates or lawyers get comments on their hair, clothes, and makeup or how old she looks. Men don't get this scrutiny.

RD, yeah it may be about like or dislike, but if they don't even know you how can they feel one way or another? Maybe it IS a form of superiority, to elevate themselves but if they don't do it to others as much, I don't know.

I haven't had that experience in decades but if it happens now, I'd confront the person about why they are so pissed at me but not others for the same thing???? People are SO full of crap.

If you wonder why this black cat keeps showing up in your threads, it's because, as mentioned, they resonate with me.

Yeah there’s been times where I want to ask someone why they get mad at me over some stupid stiff but not at other people for the same thing. Also I don’t mind you being here and that’s good the threads resonate with you.

I would encourage you to do just that, in fact if anyone takes their temper out on you I’d encourage you to calmly ask them why they’re shouting. I wish I’d done this in my own situation but my confidence was lower then.

Yeah same here and in terms of the work environment, it would be easy for coworkers way older than me to make me look bad. Unfortunately admin is going to believe someone way older, but honestly I do need to figure out a way to politely ask that doesn’t make them want to complain.

You are always so polite and considerate in your posts here I’m sure you can do this politely - good luck!

As an aside I’m an older worker, in my mid years and work with a young team, there is no way I would talk disrespectfully to any of them, they are my equals, there’s no excuse for a superior attitude in workplaces or anywhere for that matter.

I agree and I talk to those who are younger than me respectfully too. Yeah I hate it when people have a superior attitude.

I'd do this, but it'd only be in person because there's no way I'd be aware of it otherwise. Like if it's in a meeting for example. But if it's over the phone or online (you can't tell someone's tone on there though), I'd be oblivious.


I agree. I like how you acknowledge everyone's posts and quote them too. I feel heard on your threads.

And I'm with Discomb on this, as I'm even older than she is and I wouldn't talk down to people---younger or older than me. Because I've experienced it myself, I wouldn't do it to others. I've had people much older than me have the nerve to say stuff like "You're too young for back pain" when they don't know me at all. It's supposed to be a compliment but it isn't. It's condescending and presumptuous. So I'd never say to a younger person their back can't be bothering them. It's so invalidating and I've been on the receiving end of that crap. And grew up hearing it too.

Co-workers are your co-workers, not your subordinates unless you're a boss. And even then respect should be given. Unfortunately not all bosses are like that.

I do feel there's generation gaps, in that someone much younger can't really know what it's like to be my age....and vice versa. And this continues, generation after generation. I think each can learn from the other, but I don't get that kind of vibe out there. Younger people shouldn't assume we can't use technology, and older people shouldn't expect younger people to know how to use it. Actually I hate the words "should/shouldn't" but don't know what else to use here. Maybe I'll say it isn't right to think older people are not tech-savvy. I know enough to get by, and I've used a computer since the 80's even though they were big as refrigerators then.

I agree, coworkers should respect each other no matter how much of an age gap there is and it goes both ways too. Older people tend to see younger people as stupid and vise versa, also it doesn't help that both sides seem to forget that times change and the way things go in life change too. I've been given advice from people who are way older to do something that at one point may have been okay to do but now there would be serious consequences, in a similar way younger people forget that older people may be more knowledgeable about things than they realize. I feel like I'm in the middle, I'm not old enough to be considered elderly but I'm not so young that I can't see the perspective from both sides.