People Suck

My mom's therapist once told her that most people are a-holes. And, in my own life, I have unfortunately found this to be true.

My rose colored glasses about people being good have finally fallen off. I used to believe the best in others. I used to be super naive. Not anymore.

I've had run-ins with multiple narcissists, those with NPD, and those who are simply just narcissistic. I've also had run-ins with other people who lack certain social graces, common courtesy, and let's just say, class.

My most recent run-in was with a woman I hardly knew who invited me away for a weekend of concerts for two days and two nights.

The first day was fine. On the second day, she exploded on me in a rage over absolutely NOTHING. I simply had told her that we needed to move spots, because staff was telling us to move, and that incited her rage towards me.

I tried to calm her down and reason with her at first, which only just enraged her further.

After a while, I got mad in response because it was a concert after all and she wasn't listening to reasoning OR calming down. So I eventually called her a biatch, and that caused her to abandon me for the rest of the concert.

She blames me for this entire incident, while completely denying her part in it.

I figured it out that she has NPD, and that it was narcissistic rage I experienced. Her recent ex boyfriend confirmed with me after this incident that she had done the same exact thing to him, multiple times, and over seemingly nothing.

I have 2 other girlfriends who show narcissistic traits. They both lack empathy and exert a sense of superiority over me. They both behave as though I know nothing about life, and they know everything and must educate me. These 2 women I've known for 30 years, or since college, and we're the same exact age.

Then someone else, a man, became sexually aggressive towards me at another concert I was recently attending. And he's married.

I am tired of running into people with no morals or ethics and people who are NPD and narcissistic. It just seems to be everywhere I go.. there seems to be no shortage of toxic people in this world.

I may try and branch out to meet other kinds of people. I need new people, new scenery, and healthier activities. I have been socializing in a specific type of music scene, basically a drug infested music scene, and I don't think that's where I will find the kinds of friendships I seek.

But right now, it's a very lonely place I am in. I have just 2 close girlfriends who have my back at all times and who are not what I describe above. I have a few other looser friendships that are not what I describe, but really when it comes down to it, I have 2 close friends right now, and it feels pretty darned lonely.

All of this crap makes me want to recoil from life and people. I am tired, and I don't need it.

Can anyone else relate to what I am describing?

I prefer the company of pets...

I'm beginning to feel the same way myself. Pets don't hurt or harm you.

I'm going to say, my experience has been different. I'm lucky to know a lot of good people. We don't share the same religious beliefs, or beliefs about politics or social safety nets necessarily, but their beliefs and opinions come from a thoughtful place, meaning I can see how they rationalize their positions.

But dealing with the wider world of acquaintances and work relationships... Oh yeah, there are a lot of sucky people out there.

I have to admit that a lot of people I speak of come from the bar and music scenes. I have been a part of various music-loving social scenes for decades now. And mainly it's full of misfits. My most recent music scene is full of pot addicts... and now I am seeing just how problematic that really is. Not my thing. I need to change my scenery.

I think you are right that it’s that particular scene that causes these problems as it’s not common to run into that many poorly behaved unstable people in other places. Likely abuse of various substances contributes to these outrageous behaviors. I go to all kind of places and the only time I ever run into horrible behaviors is when alcohol/pot/drugs are involved and on occasion it could happen in the most upscale venues in the middle of the day if people partake in substances-witnessed that!

Having said that I don’t think you must quit music. There are music scenes that are way more appropriate. You recently went to a brewery with music scene and seem to enjoy it? Were they better behaved?

Of course there are jerks in every walk of life. The way to avoid them is to take it slow getting to know them. I bet if you took time to get to know that awful woman, you’d never go on trips with her. If you take your time getting to know people before you go places with them or invite them over etc you’ll avoid many issues. It might appear that people all suck but of course only some do, but you can avoid them

I say two good friends is a good start and honestly two decent people is better than 20 terrible ones!

No animal has ever bullied, mocked, belittled, insulted, excluded, or lied to me.

Animals have occasionally hurt me, but they have never intended to, and they are always sorry afterward. (Yes, animals can be sorry. You should have seen one of my sweet cats trying to suck up after he accidentally bit me.) Whereas, so many human beings in my life who have hurt me are not sorry at all. In fact, they have tried to convince me either that I only imagined they hurt me, and it didn't actually happen that way, or that I somehow deserved it.

And when that happens, it's often an animal that comes around to comfort me and love me unconditionally.

The scene at the brewery was very fun and without incident!

No, I don't have to quit music entirely, but as soon as I get a job, I will branch out into other social scenes like meetups and outdoor groups.

Yeah, that recent horrible woman truly took the cake. I mean, to be miles away from home and abandoned at a concert was horrific. Had I known this about her, I never would have agreed to go.

I feel lucky to have the 2 good friends that I do have. There are other friends of course, but these 2 women I talk to the most and regularly.

I think substances and/or unbalanced people are the culprits here. A new guideline for you before you will agree to attend an event or go away on an overnight trip with someone is you need to have observed them enough to know definitely whether there is the tendency to overindulge in substances OR become angry/behave in an unbalanced way. You do not have to only have friends who don't use. You just need friends who use MODERATELY and are not negatively influenced by substances or become unbalanced in particular situations.

I think starting out as friends doing time-limited activities locally for a few hours is good, and then gradually lengthen the time of the activities as time goes on so you can see how the person is in different environments. This might mean that you don't go to a long-distance event or on a fun trip for 6 months or longer, but this would be like any other relationship (including romantic) - you need solid proof that this person has their head about them before you will agree to a lengthy amount of time with people.

Yep I relate. I'm so sick of people and their bs. Unfortunately most people do nothing but bring all kinds of trouble to your life, not PEACE.

I've learned the hard way TOO MANY TIMES that peace is rarely obtainable with others in my space. It is what it is apparently.

It's so sad because all people have to do is be respectful and NOT treat others like crap. You don't have to be best friends everyone you meet or be super duper nice, just be a decent, respectful human being that doesn't treat people like crap. That's all. But NOPE most people would rather waste energy to disrespect, gaslight, bully, demean, harass, hurt, etc. people around them. They'd rather treat others like crap like that's acceptable! It's ridiculous and I'm done.

I just want solitude so I can have PEACE.

Thank you, and I agree with you. I need to be A LOT more cautious… and this crew I’m a part of is really problematic, likely due to substance abuse. I need to find my tribe.

Thank you for this and I can relate to all that you wrote!! I, too, just ask for human decency and respect, but it seems to be hard to find these days.

I don't go to the music scene but I experience rudeness at wherever I go. Sad to say, it doesn't take much for me to see it. I've seen it at the grocery store, the bank, and other places.

I see or experience it while driving. There are cars that would shoot out in front of me, where I have to slam on the brakes to avoid hitting them. And then that car would go slow in front of me and ride their brakes. Another thing that annoys me is I bike along an avenue that has a good sized bike lane. There would be cars parked right on the bike lane, forcing me to move over to left onto oncoming busy traffic. How inconsiderate!

A lot of rude drivers out there. Somebody whipped out in front of me, causing me to have to slam on the brakes, and when I honked, he stuck his hand out the window and flipped me the bird.

Then there are those who take up two or more parking spaces with one vehicle. There's a whole website dedicated to that. "You park like a ...."

I don't like most people but love animals and especially plants. But maybe I would like the humans in a hundred years. Most people are nice on the surface but they indirectly support a lot of things that's out right cruel and sick.

I agree that there are a-holes in all walks of life.. on the road, there is no shortage of them. In public places, there is also no shortage of them. In every field, they exist. Toxic workplaces that are full of toxic types of people seem to be the norm these days. After having job searched for the last six months and after researching numerous companies and internal employee reviews, to find a healthy work environment is rare. I feel like walking out into the world is like walking out into a mindfield and not knowing where to step to avoid danger.

What test do you use (or could you use) to determine if you've taken off rose-colored glasses, or put on ****-colored glasses, or neither, or both?

I don't know about a test. I suppose a national crisis, food or water shortage is where we may see the goodness in people come out to help one another, but even then, it's only a portion who will help.

What I do know is that all my life, I've naively believed in the goodness of people. And now I feel very differently, so there's a difference between then and now.

I find it curious that you went from believing that everyone is great to believing that everyone sucks. Does it have to all or nothing.

Could it be that some people are great and some suck and we just have to learn to recognize who is who and adjust accordingly, depending if these people you unfortunately must put up with (random bad drivers) or people you don’t need to get close to at all (unsuitable potential “friends” or lovers or bad social circles etc).

I never believed everyone was great, and I don't believe now that everyone sucks.

Previously, in my music circle I thought it was very different than how it actually is. There are many people in this scene who pretend to be peace loving hippies, when in fact, they are not that at all. So many people adopt a facade of goodness. And this is true in life in general.

What I am now saying is that most people suck. What I previously believed was that most people are good.

I am not black and white, all or nothing. I think there's about 1-3% of the entire population that has strong morals, strong ethics, who are honorable, caring, loving, and decent human beings, who are also honest and faithful. This type of person is pretty rare and very hard to find. The other 97-99% of the population is lacking or weak in these areas. This is how I see the world now.

Ok. Well maybe you don’t think it’s all 100% bad but rather 97-99% such and 1-3% is good. It’s very close to all bad, statistically speaking. Like out of 100 people you know only 1-3 are decent people, it’s pretty low number of good people. I wonder if it’s your current situation that contributes to seeing things in such dark light. I hope it improves as things get better

I think that social circle was never really loving hippies and I don’t think they even pretended that much. You’ve been sharing about people from that circle over the years and drama and turmoil surrounding these people never strike me as all that loving. I think you just saw them this way with rose colored glasses. And you can’t really know them well as they are intoxicated at these events. They might be good people but who really knows since they are buzzed/drunk or high all the time, which I am sure they are. But this is just this group. They don’t represent the entire humanity

Taking rose colored glasses off is a good thing. I don’t want you to go to the other side of it. It’s just rough times now and it shall pass too.

Perhaps so.. it could be all the negative experiences I've had lately within this particular music and social scene.

I did not go to my usual Wed night show, and I am glad. I am protecting myself from further harm.

On that note, the bartender who was banned from my music venue recently because her abusive ex boyfriend asked management to fire and ban her? Well, her mother, who also goes to this music venue, reached out to me on Facebook messenger to share details about the abuse and what had happened at the venue with this ex boyfriend. I believe her mother wanted people to boycott the venue as a result of management firing and banning her daughter, the bartender.

I wrote a very heartfelt and lengthy reply to her mom, explaining how I may still want to go to the venue to support the bands, but that doesn't mean I don't support she and her daughter. Well, the mom never replied to my response, although she did read it. I then reached out to. her daughter on Facebook messenger, offering my heartfelt support. She, too, did not reply to me.

Now, as a result of their rudeness, I feel slighted. And to me, this is rude not to reply. It does not show common courtesy. And this is an issue I have within larger humanity. Many people lack proper manners, common courtesy and social graces. If they were both angry that I am not boycotting the venue, they could have at least sent a message in return saying thank you for your message. But I got crickets. And this, in part, is what I am talking about. That's rude, in my opinion, and it leaves me wondering what the heck I said that was so wrong.

What the bartender and her mother are doing is wrong. It’s a narcissistic smear campaign. Yes, it was rude of them to not respond to you. This shows they aren’t really your friend, but are just using you to help them harm the venue.

The hippie pot culture’s motto is “peace and love”. I have found these people are just as likely to be every bit as contrary to that idea as anybody. It is true that nightclub venues where people are drinking and drugging are more dysfunctional than places without substance users.

It’s good that you are focusing on activities that bring out your best. There you will find others that are focused on the same.

The way bartender and her mother go about it tells me that perhaps there’s more to the story. What really happened with that boyfriend and why she was really fired is not 100% set in stone. Who abused who remains to be seen plus what other things went down. Firing just because boyfriend told bartender to fire her is uncommon.

Plus even the most involved parent won’t messaging everyone about her daughters business. And i am not sure if you know these people personally, see them and talk to them outside the venue and if you know them well. Probably not that well. Perhaps I’d not think of them necessarily as friends.

Bartender rudely not replying to you just shows that maybe she wasn’t fired because of her boyfriend.