[sally_j]

I suffered from sever depression 1 year ago. But now i am doing fine. I had problems in my marriage for 2 years basically spiraling out of control. And this is what is bothering me. My husband thinks that i'm at fault for all the mistakes i've made in the past. and he also made mistakes as well. He only knew little stuff that happened and at the time being i didnt have good communicaiton with my husband at that time because we were newly married so i barely talked to him. As far as being emotionally and mentally abused he didnt know about that cuz I didnt tell him.The only thing he kept telling me was that let it go or forget about it and that was not the kind of suport i needed from him and kept telling me your starting it. Which I knew I wasn't doing anything wrong but with these made me feel much worser of no one listening. My parents werent supportive at all cuz they only knew little as well. I"m just recovering from all that went into my life. And I"m not fully recovered yet. And I know that its gonna take time when someone has been abused in the past to really get back on their feet again. My husband and parents have never been abused in their past so they dont know how it feels like. When we get into little arguments with my husband he always threatens me with " dont make me divorce you or i'm having doubts in our marriage" and its like straigten up that's what it sounds like to me. And that's not fair with the way he's treating me. Sometimes i want to break down and cry cuz no one can feel my pain. No one can understand me or listen to me without being judged all the time.
Its like i have to be so perfect on being that wife & daughter at the same time while no one can understand what i'm going through and I dont want to tell anyone on how stupid they make me feel. I dont want to go to therpy because to talk this out because I dont want anyone finding out that i've got problems again. that's the last thing i need in my life.

[Perna]

Sally, your husband and parents are being rude. I would get supportive help in therapy to deal with that if you cannot now. Yes you are responsible for your actions and "mistakes" but no one else gets to tell you what they are as it is your life, not theirs. Everyone makes mistakes, that's how we learn! Your husband does not sound like a very good communicator nor very loving. I would challenge his threats of divorce and that he's having "doubts". Sounds like you need some help doing that do.

Everyone has problems, even your husband and parents. They just don't recognize and get help for theirs. Your instincts sound right, they are the ones with the most problems. Get some help for yours and support against their rudeness. Your husband sounds like a bully.

[BlueFaith]

I think it would be good for you to tell your husband about the past abuse. He can't know how upsetting some of his words are to you if he doesn't know anything about the abuse you endured. It's ok to need help. Telling him might help him understand why things are sometimes more difficult for you than other people. I wish you the best. And, talking to a therapist would be a really good thing. Sometimes we need to let others help us carry our heavy load. I know I need help sometimes. It's hard to keep it all inside and feel like we are alone. Try to open up to your husband a little. I hope things get better for you.

Jenn

[BalishBun]

stay strong, I know I say that to a lot of people but I want to lend my support to all the people that have it harder than I do. Good luck,