My Wife is a lazy _________!

Every morning my wife gets up for 10 minutes to get 2 of my kids off to school, Where she than wont be seen out of the bedroom till after 12:00 pm leaving me with a dirty house to clean and a 2 year old .
Even after she gets up she helps out very little .She would have me walk across the room to get something which is right next to her so she doesn't have to move . This was fine when she was working as a Rn . But she been out of work for 6 months I wont get into why .There are some days that my bipolar makes it very very hard to even do the simples things and I really need her help i tried to talk to her about this but in the end she always goes right back being a lazy

I know there are alot of women out there laughing at me right now because turn around is fair .but I always helped out around the house took care of the kids worked a full time job well putting her .
though school. There are days like today were I feel like my head is spinning off my body I can barely even type this .I really need her help!!!!!!! lazy

I'm not laughing, and it seems that there is something more meeting the eye here for this to be going on so long?

Could postpartum depression (or maybe it sparked off a serious depression) be coming into play here? It's a big possibility from what you've described.

Can she contact her GYN or a p'doc?

KD

No - as a woman I am not laughing as I know and feel your frustration....... and you are not the only man that has had this problem with his spouse, as my brother went thru this for ten long years and it wore so much on him having to work a 12 hour day and still having to come home to do house work - needless to say they are no longer together. ((( hugs )))

I am sorry this are so unsettling right now. I admit when I was going through a serious depression several years ago, my home was a wreck. You probably couldn't tell today if you came to my home. It was horrible, which made me even more depressed not wanting to do anything, which made me more depressed.

You seem like a kind guy and very helpful. Wish you luck!

Dee

Is there anyone who could come stay with you for a while to help with the 2-year-old and the housework? Maybe a family member or friend, or you could hire someone.

She needs help. She's not just being lazy, she needs help.

I'm not laughing either, and I agree with others that it sounds like some kind of depression for her. But this is affecting you also, and not good!

I live alone, but sometimes I just feel overwhelmed by the work to be done around my house, especially with a full-time job. It can get pretty bad here until I can't stand it anymore! Yesterday, on another forum, a woman told me of a website called www.flylady.com. I looked at it, and found it to be a site for organizing your home, as well as feeling good about yourself. Perhaps you and your wife could look at it, in a friendly way for her to get motivation...or she may not want to do this. Just a suggestion.

For me, clutter, dirty laundry piling up, dust balls, dirt, etc., are directly proportional to my mood and self-image. When I get the place clean and tidy, I feel better, loving my surroundings and like being here! I hope your wife can find the motivation to do this.
Patty

ooooooooooooo! This is your WIFE you are talking about; your other half! How would YOU feel if she posted about you in a public place like you just posted about her?

September...isn't that what we're here for? To help people, and in this forum thread, especially?
Patty

not laughing at you either, sounds like she needs to see a T, or pdoc NOW, as for SeptemberMorns reply, sometimes we need a shock to see beyond our noses , get your wife help

September, if he can't say it here, where can he say it?

That attitude is what keeps people bottling their emotions up inside. It's not good.

As a wife myself, I responded with my heart. How WOULD she feel if she knew how he was posting about his other half? I'm sure he can make his point without calling her names. He's done it several times although the name has been left out. Yet, we know what goes in the blank, don't we?

An attitude change or a different perspective is direly needed, IMO, both about his wife and himself.

In please getting back to the subject (as opposed to whatever we personally fill in the blank with)...

trippin,

It really seems that she used to not being this way (being an RN, etc.), so with that, I would think that something is going on with her depression-wise, and whether physical, psychological or both.

Can you bring this up to her (when not arguing) and see if she'll consider seeing someone?

KD

It definitely sounds like your wife has the symptoms of depression. I know when I hit my lowest stage, I couldn't get out of bed for a long time, I had no motivation to clean, and my husband was constantly frustrated by the state of the house, which made me feel worse because I was failing him as well as myself. It got to a point where I had the suicide prevention line on speed dial.

Have you tried getting to the source of this behavior? It could be a cry for help.

I'm with everyone else, I think these are signs of depression. Since you're bipolar I'm sure that you recognize them. I hope that she gets the help she needs quickly.

Mickey - I'm often in the same boat you're in. My husband goes through episodes where he contributes practically nothing. These episodes coincide with his depression and anxiety levels. The pressure from me to get off his butt only makes it worse. He responds best to compassion and empathy - criticizing, threatening, or nagging him just seems to sink him in deeper.

A different way to look at your wife:
- you can enjoy life and feel proud of your accomplishments; she can't. How must that feel to her?
- you can know the pleasure of waking up early in the morning, and enjoying a cup of coffee while listening to the birds sing. Can she know that kind of pleasure?
- you have the peace of mind knowing that you're handling your life responsibly. How bad does she already probably feel about herself, not being able to say the same thing?
- if you need something from across the room, you just get up and get it. How lethargic must she feel to not be able to do that for herself? Can it possibly feel good to have so little energy?
- what does she look forward to in the next day? the next week? What if you had nothing to look forward to? That would be an awful feeling!
- your mind can be at ease, knowing that you're a good role model for your kids. Imagine the guilt she must feel for not being a good role model, and imagine how overwhelmed she must feel for not having the motivation to turn herself around.

She *does* sound depressed to me, Mickey. I can definitely relate to how TRAPPED you must feel in your situation, since I know all too well that you cannot MAKE another adult change at the drop of a hat. But in my husband's case, I know that he needs help and support more than he needs criticism, name-calling or judgment. I have never once called him lazy, because in my opinion, once he feels that I have labeled him, he'll have an even harder time rising above the label. I need him to know that I see him as temporarily struggling, but that there IS hope for him to feel better.

Good luck, Mickey. Remember compassion.

Yes, sounds like she's severely depressed. You should see my house at this point. I find it hard to get anything accomplished and the state of my house drags me down further. I would love for someone to give me a supportive, loving, helping hand. If I had someone around who thought of me as being lazy it further my belief that my existence is pointless. In a severe state of depression nothing matters because you feel so worthless and everyone is better off without you anyway.

She needs help and guidance. She needs someone to say you matter to me, I understand you down and I love you and am here to help you through it but you need to start...

two cents

Posting on this helps you blow off steam I feel. Plus you get some good advice and help from others who have been through it.

When I was married back in 1983, my life was very lazy. She never
cooked, or did house work. She laid around and did her nails, and
pampered herself alot. She did do some laundry.

I don't know how old she is but sounds like something is defintely bothering her. You helped out when you worked and
put her through school. So she should appreciate that. Our you
still in love with her and her with you???

Maybe these are questions you have to ask your self. Get her to
go to a therapist and talk with someone. Go with her if you think
it would help???

But I'm definetly not laughing at you. Actually I went through
it once myself. I then found out she wasn't satisfied being married anymore so try to get to the heart of the matter instead
of putting yourself through HELL....Everyday!

Goodluck
Frozen.......take care....

Same with my husband.