[trippinmickey]

For about 2 years I had a wife and a girlfriend we all hung together. Thing was when my bipolar got very bad I met this girl who was bipolar her self we became best friends and my wife allowed she was have a hard time dealing with my illness on her on this kind worked for all 3 of us it was like having to family and i love them both .I was removed from my house by cys do to my bipolar I was unsafe to be around my kids. So I moved in with my girl friend for a year but as I got better and (I admit I was very sick) plans were for me to move back with my wife and kids thats where it all fell apart.I back with my wife and happy but there a empty hole that my wife just cant fill. How long I searched for someone who understood that part of me not to be friends with her any more is painful.I wont to call her up so bad and talk to her i miss her .What should I do ? I dont wont any body to get hurt again.

[nothemama8]

this could be why your wife has been depressed and not wanting to do housework and care for kids and all, sounds like you both need marriage counseling and fast

[trippinmickey]

Good one frist off my marriage has been great of over 20 years .And its been over with the girl friend for a year now it was just as much my wife fault as mine but then again i dont see as a mistake its what the 3 of us needed at that time we all got something from it made my marriage stronger .

2nd she very lazy not Dep. she is lazy and that is my fault I do everything for her I like take care of her but when Im sick I like someone to take care of me sometimes . which dosent happen .

[TaintedGoth1]

I'd have to agree here...you seriously need some marriage counseling. It doesn't matter who's fault it is--sometimes you need a little extra help in certain areas.

This isn't a blaming game...it's about a relationship that you appear to be quite committed to is falling apart. Have you asked her to do a little here or there or asked for her help in doing something (even if it's as simple as doing the dishes or helping with the laundry)???? I think that would be a good place to start...it also helps get some quality time in while getting stuff done.

[Dancer_in_the_light]

Uh, hello, Mickey. You left your wife for another woman, came back a year later, and yet still want the girlfriend, not to mention your wife recently lost her job, and you think your wife has no reason to be depressed? That she's just lazy? If you don't think that she knows you want someone else, you're fooling yourself. And do you talk to her the way you talk about her here? If you do, then it's no wonder she's unhappy. Maybe the problem is your attitude towards your wife.

Get marital counseling. It's the best thing you could do for both of you. You left your family for a year, and you don't think that might have done some damage to your relationship? Of course there'd be a hole. Of course there'd be something missing. And maybe your wife seemed okay at first, but depression doesn't just appear for people. It can be a long and slow decent.

[heyjoe]

read it again, he was forced to leave for a year, it wasnt his choice

why are these moral judgements made so many times here when the person is just looking for help

[trippinmickey]

I guess its hard for some people to understand. I was with both at the same time they both knew about the other and were ok with it . Me my wife and my girlfriend would hang out together. Call it a 3 way what ever you wont it worked for 2 years all 3 of us were happy. The time came for it to end . But i still miss her she was my best friend .I love my wife and been with her for 23 years but my girlfriend was bipolar and so am I we had a special relationship that I miss now that she gone .We dont need marital counseling there were no lies everything was out in the open.How do I say this my wife need her at the time as much as I did Bipolar a hard illness on a relationship and my girlfriend took that part of me till me and my wife learned how to live with it together if any thing it saved are marriage.

[youOme]

hey joe...yeah, I agree


I sort of understand to an degree because of the situation with my husband and the "thing" I did, and everybody here knows about. A lot of people reacted truthfully, but not so nicely about it. I don't expect it so much from here anymore when it comes to issues people strongly disagree about. I'd rather keep my mouth shut on those issues and deal with them on my own. Even close friends of mine have turned their backs on me because of my marital "thing". Nobody will understand completely, because it's not them.

Anyway, about your issue. I say go where your happier. Life is short. You have to decide. Just be sure to take good care of them babies even if it gets hard. Good luck with everything.

[Dancer_in_the_light]

Sorry, I didn't mean to sound like I was disapproving of what Mickey did. I'm just trying to explain that his wife has legitimate reasons to be depressed. He keeps describing her behavior as lazy, but it sounds like text book depression, and from what he's said, I can see why she might be.

Again, I'm sorry if it sounded like I was attacking Mickey. I really didn't mean to.

Mickey, you say you're having problems with your wife, that there's something missing in your marriage, and you come here for advice, yet you reject the advice out of hand because you don't think it's what we think it is. All I know about the situation is what you've said, and that information tells me that your wife at least should see a counselor. That's all I can say.

Again, I'm not attacking. I know it's hard to hear tone over the internet, so try to imagine this said in a gentle if confused tone.

[trippinmickey]

Thank you ~ Its not marriage that bad but it was the bond I formed with my friend both of us being bipolar and so much alike she understood the hell I was going though unless you live it my wife could never understand the struggle of living with bipolar thats why we both were open to it .Now not having that close bond has left me with a empty spot I wish my wife could fill it but then again I would never wish bipolar on anyone .

Its a long story but at the same time as I was taken out of my home by CYS because they thought i was to sick to be around my kids wich was ******** my girlfriends mom died and her son was taken away it was having each other there that saved one of us or both of us from killing our self things were that bad and both of us were having a very hard time with our bipolar we were each others support and were are each other had .I'm back with my family now and she back with her son and we have each other to thank for that . I loved her and I love my wife I cant change that I only have been with woman in my life I don't play around . This just happen is it that wrong to love two people who care so much about you .

P.S Wife is lazy

[youOme]

Child: I hear ya, I didn't think that, hopefully Micky didn't neither.

Micky: you can always get support in other places, from people who also suffer from bp, I hope you find what you need. Maybe it's something more though between girlfriend and wife that doesn't involve just bp similarities.

I don't necessarily believe it's wrong to love two people, but in societal standards, it's wrong to have a wife...then another relationship with another woman, despite the best of intentions. If your looking to be an up holding societal figure, then YES it's wrong. If you don't give two craps about the norms and wife isn't devastated or displeased, then no...I guess not.

[TaintedGoth1]

I'm sorry...I still believe if you are having issues with your wife, then you still need marital counseling. And repeatedly degrading her doesn't help matters any either, whether it's to her face or here on the boards.

I think that maybe her laziness is really not the issue at all but something deeper.

[Razzleberry]

Do you love your wife? Do you WANT to be married to her?

Why?

---

If it takes you more than 5 minutes to come up with an answer to "Why" that doesn't include "for the kids"....then I think that's your answer.

Counseling could help - if you WANT to save the marriage. But it sounds to me like you really just want to leave her and move in with the girlfriend. Is that right?

As far as no one getting hurt - well, sorry, but no matter what you do someone will get hurt. Your kids and your wife if you divorce, and your girlfriend and likely yourself if you stay like this.

Either way, be honest with your wife. Don't drop a bombshell on her and just leave one day. Tell her what's going on.

I also agree that it's more than just "laziness" going on. But...believe what you want to. We can't see the whole picture.

[trippinmickey]

Fine here the truth .My wife couldn't deal with my bipolar so she pass me off to someone else.My bipolar got very very bad about 5 years ago and i was always the strong one .I took care of her i baby her maybe to much ,so when I got sick there was know to take care off and she didn't know how to take care of me not that i blame her dealing with anyone with bipolar is very hard .There was a out they wonted me removed (CYS. , her mom , my anut and uncles ) because know real knew what was wrong with me I didn't know i had bipolar at the time .They told they would take care of her and kids get her a place to live but she felt bad so she pushed me on my Girlfriend and that all we were at the time was friends but time went on and we had for each other .

Latter my wife found out that the grass was not greener on the other side and knew she made a big mistake but by then it was to late so I kind of split my time for a year or so between the two of them .I knew i needed to make a choice and I choice my wife but I cant just forget
have not spoke to my girlfriend in 6 months but I MISS HER but I love my wife more but it still HURTS!!!

[trippinmickey]

Oh i for got She is lazy for real I clean the house and she watches ER In the last 6 months she cleaned 2. days me 178 days lazy

Im Bipolar i would know if she was Dep. I been there to many times I wont want her to go though what I did I wont wish it on my wrost enemy. So its LAZY

[onlymedid]

You know, i was in a polyamorous relationship for about 8 months. I was with a man who was married and we were all living together, happily for about 3 months before the wife decided she didn't want to be part of it anymore. She also decided to become a man (that's a whole other story)...anyways, we had a lot of fun and it was really nice to have two different people to love. Everyone is different and you love different people for different reasons.

I ended up with the husband (they divorced),but I still miss the wife because I really loved her...In a friendly way. She was fun to hang out with and liked to expose me to different things like art and music.

Anyways, I just wanted you to know that I kinda understand what you are going thru. Maybe not entirely, but kinda.



BJ

[Perna]

I think you have to treat the girlfriend like any other friend that you move away from; you're going to miss anyone you're close to, it's a "breakup". But your girlfriend hasn't come looking for you?

I don't see why your wife should do anything, if you're doing it? Too, usually the person who wants it done does it. Some people don't care if the dishes get washed today or next week whereas other people do care. But if someone wants the dishes washed today, that person has to wash them; the other person isn't responsible for what you want, that's your job.

I would work on your grief over losing your girlfriend, discuss chores with your wife and what you would each like to do to keep the household running (I usually cook, my husband does the dishes; my asthma makes my husband think he should vacuum, etc.) and join a bipolar support group and see if you can make some friends to hang out with occasionally who will understand you better.

[snowflake_48888]

I agree with you that bipolar is hard to live with. My daughter was diagnosised with bipolar and until she learned how to control herself and get the right meds she was very difficult to be around.

I believe what you have with the other person is an emotional affair. I understand that an emotional affair is harder to break than a physical affair. She can connect with you mentally where your wife can not. I do not have the answer but I can understand where you would have this connection. I don't know if you still see this other person but it would probably help to keep your distance from her and probably get counseling to deal with this emotional connection.

Good luck as you find what works for you....

Snow

[heyjoe]

what perna and snowy said