[trippinmickey]

Got in touch with my ex- girlfriend its been 6 months since we last spoke . I know I shouldn't but its mothers day and I was with her last mothers day after her mom died and she had a very hard time so I wonted to make sure she was ok. Oh by the way I'm married for over 20 years .My wife hates her but understands that i care for her .Keep in mind that when my bipolar was at its worst( right after my mom died ) My wife turn her back on me, dump me ,Handed me off to my girlfriend who is bipolar to and moved on with her life .We got back together less then a year ago I think she found that the grass wasn't greener on the other side that without me her life was a mess. But now i have feelings for someone besides her I. I'm in love with two woman and know I should pick one but for me love was always very hard to come by . How do you just stop loving someone ?

I guess being BIPOLAR I always had a hard time getting close to anyone I don't have many friends and I don't talk to anyone in my family they just don't understand mental illness .So both my wife and girlfriend are the only 2 people I have had feelings for .How do I just give one of them up when they mean that much to me .

[pachyderm]

I don't see that loving more than one is bad. It probably is not that uncommon. It does make things more complicated, though! I think that not condemning yourself for what you feel might make it easier to straighten things out eventually.

[50guy]

No, loving more than one woman is not wrong. We have the ability to love more than one. You love your wife and girlfriend. What is the level of love for them. Do you love one more than the other, no. You love each of them differently but equally. Your heart is capable of great love for many people of both sexes. It does not make you a bad person or a strange one.

I have love in my heart for many women, 13 to be nearly exact. I say nearly because I don't know what the future holds and there are many more people out there that I can love.

Remember that love is limitless and unconditional and then you will be able to accept the love that you have for others. It is not wrong and it is not immoral. That is something we learned by society's rules. I live by universal rules.

Have a great day.

[Lenny]

Would it be OK with you trippin if your two women were contronted with the same dilema?

Lenny

I know I wouldnt share, so loving more than me is a no no.

[katiescarlett]

I wouldn't share either. Though I did unknowingly before I got married. But now I am married and have a new baby and four kids in the house. I don't know how to handle his disinterest in me and I have no idea how I will stop loving him. Things are not black and white. Either way in my life now would be a total disaster, Dammed if you do and dammed if you don't. In my honest opinion, you will reach your breaking point just as I might some day.

[holdingon]

Well I think caring about someone's well being is different then loving them...and there are different kinds of love. In my opinion it is not possible to be in love...truly be in love with more then one person. Too many times people want to have more then what they have got and instead of working to improve and strengthen what they have, they start looking elsewhere and that does nothing but hurt their current relationship. You got back together with you wife so in that sense you chose HER by doing so. It is your job to stick by that promise and if you cant then leave her and be with the other woman if you know you can keep that promise to her but do not string them along. It is very unfair in many ways.

[sunrise]

katiescarlett, I agree, sometimes you just reach a breaking point. At some point, I became unable to tolerate my husband's lovers. I did last for a while being just one of many, but it was not a good longterm situation for me. Very hurtful. I'm glad I am on my own now. I'd rather go solo than be cheated on all the time.

[MyBestKids2]

I agree, there are so many different levels of love. Sometimes, I feel like I love everyone in the whole wide world. Then, there is the love for my friends. Love for my husband. Of course, the ultimate for me is the love of my children.

I think its great you are able to talk about this and are receiving such great support!

[nightbird]

because you can do something doesn't mean you should.

think about all the things we all can do, but honesty or a moral fiber or commitment (being a person of our word) prevents us from caving in.

when we think about someone else doing what we want to, like out kids, for example, and there will be pain or anguish involved, we can see we probably need not get started.

plus, there is the premise of - what if the other person was to do to us what we are doing to them?

see, lots of behaviors can be eliminated by following the thinking part through to the consequences of our actions.

love is healthy. sex is healthy. a wholesome relationship is ideal.

married and lovers?

it just doesn't work, and you can pull your head out from any cranial inversion.

once, when there was a world to populate, men had to have many partners to spread his seed. yes. that was so long ago, and it isn't funny to even try to fly that line by anyone today. for so many obvious and various reasons, it doesn't work.

try thinking about your actions and the results they bring, all the way to the consequences and pain it causes somebody at some point, and if you think it doesn't (anyone agreeing this is ok), think about how many women's low self esteem is reinforced by this behavior, how humiliating it is, and how - to be an object is not ones life goal ... women are so much more than sperm receptacles.

peace in disagreement.
nightbird

[AAAAA]

trippinmickey – Only time and space can heal that wound, it would probably be easier if you picked one and gave it your all. I understand what you’re saying and I’m not blasting you for it. A life time ago I was on that fence myself. Even after I made my choice, when things would get hard I would wonder, would things be different if I’d made the other choice. But the truth is all relationships are hard, there’s no avoiding that. Oddly enough recent events in my life have made me reflect on my choice and I absolutely made the right decision. I realized that there is nothing left for the other man I am able to see with that wonderful hindsight that he wasn’t really that great of a guy, a heel in fact. I cannot tell you what decade I stopped wondering what if.

Given the information, frankly I don’t know who I’d pick. Your wife doesn’t sound like she was very supportive when you needed her the most. But if you and she have made a commitment to work those things out kudos, I really hope that it works out for you both!

Having a friendship with a former lover can really be hard on all people involved. Is the gf wondering/waiting to see if things work out with you and your wife? Is your wife wondering if you’re giving a half hearted effort because you have someone waiting in the wings? No one knows where they stand.

My husband has the patience of Job, and I am fortunate in that. I’ve often thought about how things would be different if the situations were reversed. And if I’m being honest, I would have given up on our relationship very quickly if I thought he was wondering about someone else. Double standard I KNOW, wrong I KNOW.

I wish you luck, friendship and happiness.

[50guy]

AAAAA<

There is so much powerful truth in your message I really don't know where to start because I can't add much.

Reflecting on what could have been is something I think we all do when things are not going well.

I really like the statement "having a friendship with a former lover can be really hard on all the people involved." That is so true.
Also having feelings for someone else while you are married is difficult. The situation must be evaluated throughly. The desire for momentary pleasure is dangerous. I am not perfect and I know that there are others out there with feeling like I have.
The harm comes when we act on those feelings. Having feelings for other people is not wrong, what action you take can be.

You have good insite, thanks for sharing,

[nightbird]

I may have come off very harsh, mickey, and i apologize.

I was on the receiving end of a cheating husband once upon a time, and every chance he had.

One such affair lasted seven years.

It broke my heart in two.

If only he left for her and stayed there - or stayed with me (and true) - life would have been bearable with him, and our finances would not have been in the dumpster, and the happiness of everyone in the family would have remained intact-

All I'm writing from is my past experience ... hope I haven't stepped on your toes ... it's not my intention.

peace,
nightbird