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#1
Apr 23, 2009, 01:18 PM
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I have been marreid for a few months. I was reading through my husbands email and found that he had two "emotional affairs" or maybe even "cyber sex" with two different women one of them three months before we married. Both were while we were engaged and living together. This is one man that I never thought would do something like this. I trusted him with everything I have. We are both near 40 and have children. If I had found out before we married, the wedding would have definately been put on hold.Now that we are married, I don't want a divorce. I want to trust him again. I never thought I coudl love anyone this much. Do you think it is possible to cheat and then be faithful....I don't want to be a fool.
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#2
Apr 23, 2009, 03:52 PM
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I do this reading emails and I feel so guilty about it....very bad idea... I think now that you know, it's better you tell him and be nice about it and be mature....tell him that you read his email and you found out and you are hurt and ask him why? It's better he has an answer for it then.... the other option is, just leave the situation as it is and watch him if he did one more time, then you bring it up.... Probably, at the time that you were engaged, he wasn't that serious still....but now that you are married with him, it's different! good luck Marjan |
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#3
Apr 23, 2009, 04:39 PM
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The reading of his emails was wrong as well, it would be hard to bring up to him unless he knows you have access to it. You should sit down maturely and tell him that you are sorry that you saw it, but you need to discuss why he did what he did. As angry as you could be come across as if it was not a big deal because he is probably extremely embarrassed and my explode into an argument if he finds out you were in his emails. Ask him if there is a reason to why he felt he needed to do that, and that it hurt you. What he did was very wrong but he may feel like that since it was not physically that it does not count. Some people have strange views on these things. You have to talk to him about it but be prepared for him getting angry at you violating his privacy. I wish you all the best and hope you both sort this out!
Best Wishes
__________________
*Sally* |
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#4
Apr 23, 2009, 04:46 PM
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I think it is possible for a person who has cheated to be faithful again. I cheated on my husband and the guilt and shame of that kept me from even looking at another man. I realized that I hurt the man I loved and I am determined to not do that again
__________________
Dx: PTSD, Panic Disorder, Obsessive Personality Disorder. A Do Da Quantkeeah A-da-nv-do |
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#5
Apr 24, 2009, 12:59 AM
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a. If the answer is yes, you have every right to confront him on it regardless of how you found it. If it is something that you both have discussed & viewed as cheating then to me that is such a higher betrayal of trust that you reading his email is irrelevant. b. If you did not discuss this there is an honest chance that he does not view this as cheating, thus thinking he did nothing wrong. This would be trickier because he's then going to see you reading his email as a violation of privacy which is probably viewed worse than a miscommunication or failure to communicate. |
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#6
Apr 24, 2009, 01:02 AM
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You know he must love you because the statistics of men that get back with a woman that cheats on them is only like 17%. Women are more forgiving of cheating...I'm glad it worked out 
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 thunderbear
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#7
Apr 25, 2009, 05:27 AM
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I have been through this and I know how you feel. I am of the opinion that computers and cell phones just make all this crazy, sneaky, keep it from your wife or husband, or significant other easier. No matter how we look at it, it is not right, it is an affair, it hurts, and it is a cause of many divorces. I survived, but it is not the same as it was before between us. There is always that little man in my head saying, "Could this happen again." I am sorry this happened to you. It is not fair, and you should not feel quilty or be made to feel that way for finding out no matter how you found it. Something inside tells us when things are not right.
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#8
Apr 25, 2009, 10:06 AM
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I'm so very sorry this has happened. It is a terrible thing to be going through. What made you look through his emails in the first place? Was it innocent or was there some suspition that sent you there? How long did these emails go on? Was it a very short period of time? Could it have been a point where he was scared of getting married but then realized you were the one he wanted to spend the rest of his life with. I do feel like you need to deal with this though. Decide how much you want things to work and if you will be able to let it go. It will most likely be on your mind continually for awhile, but hopefully it will ease with time. I wish you the best of luck with things my friend
__________________
======================================== wishing peace, love, happiness, and well being to us all....... miray |
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#9
Apr 25, 2009, 12:53 PM
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 Just an added thought.... Even in this case I guess it depends on what kind of stuff is said....If he's talking about "loving" this person or talking bad about you then I doubt there is an "honest" chance of misunderstanding... |
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#10
Apr 26, 2009, 12:22 PM
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Personally i think that this latest fad of condemning so called emotional affairs as cheating on the level of a physical relationship is rediculous. It may be a breach of trust depending on what is talked about, but equating it with having sex with someone else as being the same level of infidelity just doesnt fly with me. People have been flirting with each other for millenia, now its also via a computer or text messaging more often than not instead of face to face. The people engaging in this are having some need fulfilled that is not being fulfilled in their personal relationships. This doesnt mean its automatically time for ultimatums or divorce. The notion that a person should only communicate with their spouse about everything they are thinking or feeling to me totally discounts human nature and is unrealistic and may well be what leads to a break up. This is a very complex area and not given to facile generalizations that fit every situation. ON another note it is illegal in many states to read anyone else's emails or text messages spouse or not and people have been prosecuted for doing so.
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#11
Apr 26, 2009, 01:35 PM
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I think once a person cheats they are more likely to do it again. I wish you luck in dealing with this and hope it all comes out well.
__________________
I'm here to deal with my "issues". 
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This is an old thread. You probably should not post your reply to it, as the original poster is unlikely to see it.|
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