[Joannof3]

Hello everyone , I have posted here before but to help people remember me .IM THE CRAZY ONE WHO MOVED 3000 MILES FOR A GUY ...well,tonight I told him its over ! Not easy as I love him so very much ...I moved here first by myself .I was here for 6 months ,,I lived with him in his parents home..then my kids came to live with me and from then on the kids and I have lived everywhere but with him..he just built a home behind his parents home BUT, we cant live with him because he said" He wont and cant support my kids" two of them are grown but have had problems with the divorce of thier father and I ...they dont do drugs ,they dont drink the problem is they are shy and need guidance..he knew I had kids ..I also have a son who is 11 and he does very little with him..The kids and I live in a terrible apartment complex ,alot of violence ..while he lives in the country ..I asked him tonight if we were ever going to be together? he said"When the time is right and that is when the kids get self sufficient ..I understand in some ways but I work and He doesnt do anything for them now ,,I do it all...I told him we needed to end it tonight and too never call or come over again..I dont want him to support them but I need emotional support to help me guide them in the right direction,,it hurts for me to tell him goodbye but for 2 1/2 yrs I have been here with no family except for my kids and he has never stayed onenight with us..Im scared to do it all by myself but I will ...I cant go home now because I dont have the money to get back home ...anyways ,,I just wanted to know if anyone knows how to get over someone who you still love ? I cant take a man over my kids..they have nobody else .thier father is in rehab and Im all they have ....please can you help me?

[shakes]

Bee,
I think it is so wonderful that you are choosing your children over a man. A lot of people would have not made the same decision.
As far as "getting over" someone...there are no easier answers. I wish there were. I know that you have heard the saying "Time will heal all wounds" but it is true. I have broken up with people that I thought I would never get over....but I did and you will too.

Stay strong and keep posting here,
Jessica

<font color=blue>The worst is over now and we can breathe again
I wanna hold you high, you steal my pain away
There’s so much left to learn, and no one left to fight
I wanna hold you high and steal your pain</font color=blue>
~Seether and Amy Lee

[gloria]

You must be an increible mom to give up this man you love.
I have to say your children must be special too!!!
When a woman has children she comes with a package, and if somebody trully loves you, loves you with everything else that comes along with you!!!!
It sounds to me your children rescue you from the "wrong guy". And eve, you are hurting now, this shall pass too.
Hung in there and love your children. The right man will come along one day.

gab

[Joannof3]

hello everyone, Thank you so much for your replies to my post..its been 5 days since I have seen or talked to him,It is extremely hard for me not to pick up the phone and call him BUT,I'm keeping myself busy and spending lots of time with my son ..the girls are older and doing thier own things but I see them when they are home..I just dont understand why he didnt send me back home to california if he felt the way he does? I'm having a hard time believing there is such a thing as TRUE LOVE..I have accomplished so many things on my own even though I have the anxiety disorder and I WONT GIVE UP NOW! If I do find my TRUE LOVE I promise to let you all know ,,,take care and thank you so much for being here for me ,,You have helped me alot ,,,bye 4 now ,,,Bee

[shakes]

Bee,
Good for you for showing immense strength and willpower to not call him. ((hugs)))

Jessica

<font color=blue>The worst is over now and we can breathe again
I wanna hold you high, you steal my pain away
There’s so much left to learn, and no one left to fight
I wanna hold you high and steal your pain</font color=blue>
~Seether and Amy Lee

[saudade]

May I humbly suggest that you look at it as detoxing.

Detoxing hurts, it makes your body hurt and suffer really bad; not just your psyche.

And sometimes you're gonna crave for it once more, so stay strong. The girls have written plenty of good advice here and if you can print it and refer to it when you feel you're craving, it might help, as well.

love
peace

[whois333]

It sounds as if you've put blinders on for this guy for some reason....maybe ask yourself 'what is so great about him' that even though he is totally shutting out your kids, you stayed with him this long. Like someone mentioned above, you are a PACKAGE DEAL. He knew that at the beginning and personally, I would be REALLY pissed if anyone told me we couldn't live together until my kid was gone. I'd say SEE YA. It may also be that you've placed all your feelings of 'security' in him, even though he's actually NOT giving you any security at all. Your best bet is to stay away.. I KNOW how bad it hurts to not have them call you saying they'll change,etc. It really sucks. I've been waiting for my ex to grow up and choose to be a father to our daughter and a future husband to me over living the single life and partying...he's 31 and still can't make the commitment...and it's HIS OWN DAUGHTER. It makes me sad, mad, depressed, resentful, hurt, you name it. I just keep telling myself I've made it this far without him (6 years), and hopefully I WILL meet someone else someday soon. I'm tired of being alone, but I'm NOT willing to jump right back into anything w/ him, even if he WAS willing.
Men are a different breed. It's really hard to understand the way they think sometimes. But I have learned that if you LET them get away with disrespecting you and you still hang around in spite of it, they'll KEEP disrespecting you until you respect yourself and let him KNOW that you are MAD at the way he's treated you and you CAN get on without him. Believe me, there are PLENTY of good guys out there (somewhere!) that will love you AND your kids!
Just try to find happiness with yourself and your kids first, no one else can control your happiness but YOU.
Don't give anyone the power to make you miserable. You DESERVE to be loved and accepted along with your kids, instead of the 'conditions' put on you by your ex. That is just mean and self-centered on his part. He sounds really immature (esp. if he has to live right by his parents still!)
Run as fast as you can and don't look back!

[galadriel]

(((((((((Bee)))))))))

It is very hard at times to move on but I think you have done really well. Good on you and good luck for the future.

[seeking]

Hi Bee!

You must have gone through a very difficult time. Moving house, setting up again, making new friends, getting a job etc. I don't know if it is true but apparently next to divorce, moving house is the next most stressful experience.

I can give you my penny's worth but not sure if it will help. My situation has been similar to yours in some ways.

I re-married 10 years ago when my daughter was a teenager. Her and my husband never got along, I suppose personality conflict but also because I was very protective over her and took full responsibility for her financial/emotional/social welfare. My daughter and I have had a good relationship over the years, she is now 25 and self-sufficient. They still don't see eye to eye and make the basic conversation when she visits, which is once per year for about 2 weeks. For the time my daughter lived with us I was torn in 2 most of the time. Never knowing who's side to take, always in a conflict situation.

My husband's son age 18 came to life with us more than 2 years ago. He has major problems of his own, drugs, drink, self-esteem, sex, motivation etc. We seem to have this triangle all over again but instead of my daughter it is his son. Being on the 'other side of the fence' so to speak has given me some insight into what my husband must have experienced while my daughter lived with us. There is the constant 'not being informed' about his child, which I was also guilty of to a certain extent. The reason I never wanted my husband to know about my daughter's business was because he disliked her so much and I was in a way trying to protect her. Similarly my husband will not inform me about his son's business because he thinks I will only criticize.

If I had to do it over again..... I would wait until my child was grown up. The resentment, conflict, constant bickering, criticism and lack of support is not worth it. The love has to be a VERY strong love and the 2 people involved must be very understanding of each other and of each other's situation to make this work. It has to be an unconditional love to make your situation work and already conditions have been set.

Keep posting Bee

[Fuzzybear]

Hi Bee, I was wondering how you are doing? (((((((((((((((Hugs)))))))))))))))

[Joannof3]

hello everyone! I hope you all are doing well.As for me,hmm not sure ,,,,the guy I posted about is still in and out of my life ,just when I find the courage to move on he starts doing the things I wish he would do from the beginning ,,he tells me he loves me all the time and I have went to his house to visit a few times ,,,I dont see me or my kids in his house at all ,,,the house is arranged so neatly and very much set up for him ...for instance the room that would have been my sons room is now the b/fs computer room ,,I asked him where would my son go if we moved in later on ? he said" theres another room " which was suppose to be the room for my girls should they ever want to stay with us ...hmmmmmmm I know I have the answers that I'm searching for ,just dont know how to give him up all the way..we are good friends and that is the hard part ,,,if you can help me ,I'm all ears,,,,thanks for the concern and I will yack at ya all later ,,,take care Bee..p.s ...he gets very upset with me if I talk about my problems to anyone so thank you for being here for me cause I know I'm safe here talking about it

[Wants2Fly]

Bee -- Why does he "get upset" when you talk to others about your problems? Separating a person from family and friends, so that he becomes the center of your universe, is a sign of an abuser. Can be emotional abuse, not necessarily physical violence.

[vaginy]

Post deleted by bptoo

[SweetCrusader]

Just adding a trigger icon to this thread because of the inappropriate content above