[vetswife]

What do you do when your "better" are days that turn out non-disastrous? That the worst just keep on coming? Sometimes I find it hard to keep my head up. Dealing with a disabled husband (mentally, physically disabled, medicated impaired husband). I feel I am too young to not do the things that couples do (husband and wife, mother and father). I feel I have too much life in me to not use it, I don't want to throw in the towel but I feel that I have no choice. I feel as though "I" have died. Am I being selfish? I feel like I am. Here my husband suffered a great loss physically and I'm thinking of myself. I feel I owe myself to him all he has done for our country and I also feel responsible for his accident. Has anyone been in this situation and can you get through it without losing yourself? His accident was eight years ago and it (our relationship do to the accident) is worse now than it was then.

[sarahlilianne]

(((((((((vetswife)))))))))))
Could you have someone to take care of your hubby a few afternoon a month? It's important that you get some time for yourself. I wish I could help you
Lily

[vetswife]

He can take care of himself for the most part. I guess I painted too grim of a picture of him. He walks, talks and even drives his one arm is paralyzed and he has a head injury. I think he's got some PTSD from war (stashes knives everywhere stuff like that). He's got a combo of problems including abusing his medication. His/our problems are really hard to put in words. Almost like a child that has no memory or a selective one at best. Sometimes I think he plays me, he probably does. I really don't know if it's a mental, physical, relationship or medication problem or most likely all of the above.

[iamtwilight]

Living with someone who has an addiction is really tough. I should know. I tried it with my best friend (amphetamine addict) for 5 months and I got worn out so quickly that I had to walk out. Addiction combined with PTSD makes it worse. Honestly, it would be best dealing with the addiction first.

I remember you posting a thread about Oxycontin. Is this the med he is abusing? Does the prescribed dose not have the pain relieving effect anymore? Either way, it would be good to discuss it with a doctor.

However, he really might not be playing with you. Dissociation makes us forget things that are very traumatic, like war in your husband's case. BUT when you get back home, you have learned that dissociation is a handy mechanism and you do it without even knowing it in situations where you don't need it anymore.

Not to mention Oxycontin at high doses can weaken your memory.

Ahh, hope I'm not coming off as too much of a wise *****, after all this is mostly speculation. (Though I have read all these things somewhere, I just can't remember the resources)

Best of luck to you and your husband vetswife.

[bebop]

I was like 30 or so when my late husband became sick. it was the hardest thing in my life I had or have had to go thru in my life. yes I felt like a part of me was lost. his illness I could handle. it was the alcohol abuse that got me. that and his addiction to his medications. mostly the alcohol I could not deal with. I finally started getting sick myself from being around it 24/7 and I do mean 24/7. he would take a 6 pk to bed and get up to get more. I do advise you to get some counseling for yourself. I wish I had done it.

[iamtwilight]

I do advise you to get some counseling for yourself.

I completely agree with Bebop.

[vetswife]

Yes it's the oxycotin (percs too (I have no idea how to spell that one and I'm not going to atemp to)) he takes too much and not the "conventional" way. His doctor doesn't care, if he did, he wouldn't be prescribing him medication at all, he would send him to a pain specialist.

[50guy]

Percoset , Percodan and oxycodone are some the most difficult opiate meds to withdraw from. I was addicted to them for years. It was the need anymore it was the high and comfort they gave me that I craved. I have been off them for about 15 months but, they are so powerful that if given the chance I would take them again. I had a Doc that just gave me whatever I wanted. Last year he retired and this new Doc won't give me any. The withdraw was hard but, I made it this far. I would advise getting him to a pain specialist at the VA or a referral.

Yo are to be commended for your great sacrifice in the care of your husband. In sickness and in health is a vow for life. Sometimes it is a difficult row to hoe but, you are entrusted with caring for him as he would for you. I know it is hard and having kids to care for and raise is another matter but, this is your station in life. Do you have anyone that can relieve some of the pressure, like a family member that can help out? Any of the kids old enough to pitch in? Even some simple chores can relieve some of that burden.

I wish there was some way I could help you. It must be frustrating sometimes and very tiring. I will remember you in my prayers.

Have a great day,

[vetswife]

I have an eleven year old son, who is great and helps me a lot with chores and the two younger ones. I don't want to rely on him too much, I already feel that I do, he's just a kid. He's going to make some girl a great husband one day lol. I also worry about what he's exposed to, my husband can be mean to him, I try to keep my son away from him as much as possible. This is a whole other story! I want so bad to just close my eyes and be somewhere else. I feel that I got myself and my children in this big mess and I don't know how to get us out of it except to try to get through to my husband that he needs help.

[youOme]

I have an idea of how you feel. Truly, though, life is incredibly short and to live life unhappily is such a waste. This is what I've been telling myself to get through all the guilt I've faced with not "loving" my husband anymore. I also feel I owe him everything because he has put me through college, it's a %#@&#! feeling. But you have to out weigh whats most important....hopefully you can discover that easier then I can.

[vetswife]

I wish it was as easy as getting up and leaving. There are consequences to that action. You then have to share custody and I am not comfortable leaving my children with him (he falls asleep eating dinner). So I kind of feel like I'm stuck.

Maybe my sacrifices are more selfish then they appear. Am I staying with him because I love him and want to help him or am I staying with him because I don't want to go through another divorce and split custody with the kids? I don't think I could bear leaving my children alone with him I would go insane. And that's if I get away with leaving him. He is already a depressed person, who has combat pstd, who is physically and mentally broken, who is heavily medicated. If I left him it would add to his stress, he has told me that he would hurt himself and he would be taking people with him. I really don't want to push any buttons with him, he's not stable, and he knows I won't push his buttons. So the answer for me is there is no out, I am stuck in this Hell hole of a relationship.

So I’m not this great person that is standing by her man, there are more selfish reasons why I’m staying with him. Sorry to have deceived some of you I think I even fooled myself.

Thanks for all of your replies and I'm sorry if I've repeated myself from other posts. I just get feeling this way and talking to you guys gets my head back up and some new ideas on how to cope with my situation.

So thank you everyone!