Why? *may trig*

Oh grr! I come back from Hawaii with all these issues, don't get me wrong I had a WONDERFUL time but, things came up. First off I ended up making out with this guy that I started to like and thought that things were fine... then I find out that he's leaving for florida in less than a week for 7months. HOW do I do that? the past FOUR people I've liked have to LEAVE it just sucks soo bad... he said he took the friend ship too far or whatever and that he dosen't want to be the person that screws someone and leaves. and that hes not promising me anything but would be cool if I had a boyfriend when he returned. I said that I didn't wanna wait around or anything. I'm just soo confused as to what he means. does he like me or what? and what do I keep doing... plus I Freaked out and cried about it all and started to hint that I might committ suicide. Then he told me how many meds he's been on and slitting his wrists and said he didn't want me to do the same. Then I told him how I cut... and I just freaking met him... I dunno WHAT went wrong and I feel like I totally scared him off with my loads of issues. *tears*

KATT: Please be gentle with yourself. It was a vacation romance, just a little difficult to disengage. Seems you both have "issues." Therefore he was more able to understand your feelings. I think it's kind of nice you two could share about those problems. Sort of a sweet coincidence. Sounds like you will not want to tell everyone about your issues from now on, however.

Lasting relationships usually require a willingness to postpone sex until the people get to know each other well. That means learning to endure sexual tension for quite a while. The urge to merge is more than sexual. It's the urge to ignore the problem of boundaries and the problem of needing to truly investigate and learn the needs and ways and personality of the other person. And to risk the chance that person might not be right for you.

You're very young, I think, to be choosing a life partner. So you are still in the process of discovery, finding out what sort of boyfriend you like. You are also learning, a little bit, that postponement of gratification is a good idea because it helps you make better choices. Also...it's not fair to yourself to always be thinking about his preferences and whether he wants you. It's very important that you consider your preferences and whether he meets your needs.

If your need is stability, you need to go slowly in order to find out if the other person is ready for that. There is no quick fix.

If your need is for a fast vacation romance, with no strings attached, then it's okay, as long as you are able to take responsibility for responding in a way to bring that about.

Please don't feel bad, dear Katt. You did nothing wrong. You're only human. There is no law, you know, against a little brief happiness in the beautiful island paradise.

Adieu

SpazKat -- I agree with everything that Adieu has so beautifully stated. A bit of romance under the stars -- in a tropigal paradise -- two young people exploring life and romance -- who had the good sense not to take things farther than might have been good for them -- sounds like you and he did everything right.

thanks that makes me feel better!

Sometimes when we have a lot of issues of our own the last thing we want is to be around someone who has even more. It's hard to take care of yourself when you have to care for everyone else. I wouldn't take offense to it. For instance, the last thing I need in my life right now is a boyfriend who is struggling with depression. I need to care for myself first. The best way to do so it to be around people who won't bring us down. Also, it was a vacation fling. You might want to look for a stable relationship with a stable, yet very understanding person.
Good luck and take care.