Should I just tell him how i feel? Mixed signals confusing me..

Hi,

I was seeing this guy. Things were going well. We were in contact A LOT at the start. He was even joked about marriage 3 times (e.g "Should we just get married") I think he said things he didn't mean! He was totally upfront. And gave me the wrong impression to what he wanted.

He then seemed to get distant a bit mainly via online/text/calls but when i actually saw him, he was fine and great! The sex stuff start very quickly (not good). We didn't always have sex when we saw each other.

He said that he is scared to get close to anyone. He felt we were to quickly. he said his last relationship ended very badly and he was depressed for a long time.

I think there has been a lot of mixed signals. I think he thought i wanted more than i do - he just wants to hang out, not label anything at this point. And im fine with that, but i dont think he knows it. I was very happy just hanging out. Just thought we'd do it more....

I spoke to him about it, but he made me tell him over the phone, and i didn't say everything, as i was caught on the spot.

We spoke the next day, and i think we agreed to be friends, but he mentioned that we can still have sex.

Few days later he contacted me and asked for a huge favor (massive) and opened up a bit. He said he doesn't like to tell people his problems and bottles things up.

When we catched up - and i helped him with his favour which he knows is a big deal - We seemed to agreed to be friends, But then he said "for now/not ruling it out". I feel like he's keeping me on a string.

Then minutes after, he still continued to rub my leg. And did a peck on the cheek, but then went in for another, but missed the cheek. It wasn't one of those pecks on both cheeks. He said "we'll talk soon" or "we'll talk about it soon"

The last week, he's still rather distant. He contact me on Friday and asked for a lift home. I got the message to late tho. So he obviouslly doens't have any problems in seeing me in person. Earlier this week He said he "just feel depressed" and "needed to get away from it for awhile" When i ask whats wrong, he says "im ok". He doesn't respond to text messages much anymore. Where he used to be really good. I guess he has a few problems - no job, no money, no car....

But there are things that he has said very very recently that tells me he is still interested. He is confusing the hell out of me.

Should i just tell him how i feel? how he's making me feel with his weird behavior - he was very different at the start.

I keep worrying about it and its making me ill. - im loosing so much weight

If he just wants friends, thats ok, but he's keeping me on a string. He might not even be aware of it.

At the start, he made me so happy. I was smiling for no reason! and i know he was too.

Should i just take the risk, and tell him how i feel, the confused messages he is sending....i want him to know im there for him too, coz i think something else is up too. All i need to know is there any harm in telling him?

Should i just go for it? Do i have anything to lose really? Is it better to tell him in person, face to face, or via msn or a friend sugested to write it down on paper and get him to read it while im with him.

i cant think of anything else. Its always on my mind.

I dont want to be dramatic or make a huge deal about it. Im not this kinda girl. Im easy going, but he's making me doubt everything.

thanks.

P.S there are a lot more other things going on that makes this a lot more confusing and complicated for me. Its too much to go into!

thanks for any advice.

Tell him, guys arn't good at expressing the whole emotion thing. He might not even realise he's giving mixed signals. People are not mind readers either so speak up, say it all & more. Tell him not only how you feel but also how what he does affects you. Explane how what he's doing appears, draw out of him what he thinks/feels. Relationships are built on comunication, even friendships are, better such things done in person tho. In person there is time for silences calls don't alowe, a letter or email only goes one way. To resolve this is an interactive thing between you two that the monolog of email or letter don't alowe. Work on it if nothing else it will deepen your friendship if lucky might make for a potent love.

would have to agree with ujaz.

it's ok to tell - besides, it might save you from a lot of hurt that comes from keeping too much inside.

to add a bit of humour - does this sound like him?

http://www.okcupid.com/personality?type=DBLD&g=1&o=1

i hope not.


twilight

Thank you Ujaz...!!!!

Ive posted similar posts elsewhere and keep getting different responses..like not tell him, just let him be.

Its affecting me so much. I cant concentrate, my work is slipping, im not eating - and loosing weight (like 5kg in 3-4 weeks. no exercise). I think its just from the regret and worry. I cant keep going on like this! he made me feel soooo happy at the start.

Even if he doesnt feel the same any more thats ok, im sure we can be friends, but friends dont act this way, this distant. Ive got friendshsips where there is no communication, everything is swept under the rug. Nothing is cleared up. I dont want it to be this way with him, coz i really do think hes great.

when i tired to speak to him before, i asked when i could see him and he just wanted me to tell him over the phone. it wasn't right, i had a bad day that day (at work) lol, and wasn't clear enough in my mind. I haven't felt any better. I need to feel better and i think if i keep it to myself i wont.

Thanks , i will speak to him face to face. The letter/paper idea was by a friend, and wasn't to sure which is why i came here!

Oh and i also think, all the confusion i am having is because this is the first guy i've been with. I am 23 tho, but ive never had a boyfriend. He was the first guy to show interest! lol. Ive got no experience with guys to fall back on. I am very shy in person!

thank you so much.

Hey iamtwilight!

haha na that isn't really him.!

thank you. its eating me up inside! ive felt like crap for weeks. i cant go on like this for much longer...its making me depressed!

now i just gotta see him.......

(((be be)))

hope it won't take so long.

twilight

Work out the wording before you speak to him, so you don't accidentally say the wrong thing or unintentionally come across as rude or something like that.

thank you.

me too. He is the worst person to get hold of too!! One of these people wh are very vague about plans and making them! He lives 45 mins away, doesn't have a car and works weekends/nights. I work full time, so its tricky. Hate it.

Im probably being pushy, and he's probably getting sick of the text messages but oh well, i'll keep trying to see him so i can sit him down and tell him he's confusing the hell out of me. ..... i got nothing to loose really huh! lol. I hate not knowing where stand. Im not this kinda girl who cause's drama, but he's making me so confused. .... and to make things worse, he was my first in everything. lol. Im feeling so much regret.

Once i know least then i can move on lol. or try to. I dont think i can with this eating me up.

Thank you

Yeah i will, i have been trying to...writing it down and trying to memorise it.

When i spoke to him over the phone, i tried to tell him i wanted to speak with him in person but he kept saying to tell me now your freaking me out. I didn't say what i wanted to. He caught me on the spot, i needed time to work out what i wanted to say. This time i will.

Ive got nothing to loose by being completly honest with him really. I can't think of anything else. is always on my mind. making me sick.

Even if he just wants a friendsship, thats ok, but im not sticking around for a friendship to be treated this way... done it before, not again. lol

and the thing is, he asked for a VERY big favor (to borrow money), yes im stupid right! lol. But i care too much about him i guess and he told me that he was threatened about an old debt. He might have got me hook line an sinker with that ! lol. I made it legal, so hes gona pay it back, but coz of that, i can't just get him out of my life! lol.

I guess, i'd do anything for a friend, but tend to get walked over/used to often and i think if thats what he's doing to me, im never going to be able to trust anyone again.....................

Sounds like it'll be a huge relief once you finally ask him, hope you get a good straight answer.

oh i think it will be!! I've been feeling this way for like a month. I'd feel like i am now, then see him and he'd be so different in person and i'd be so happy, then it'd go back to what it was.

When i spoke to him before, i was left more confused than i was before. I know he isn't looking for a serious relationship, i think he may have thought i was, but i was really happy just hanging out with him. Then with saying about going for friends then said "for now/not ruling it out", it feels like he's keeping me on a string.

just the other day, he said "i still smile when i look at your photos".......wtf? seriosully, why tell me that?

now i gotta get hold of him. it is so hard. but as i said. got nothing to loose. gotta see him to speak so i can get over it. he might not even be aware he's making me feel this way....

thanks again!

well.

i dont feel any better! lol

he came on msn. i said i need to speak with him. he goes "not this again". He thinks im trying to get "attention" Load of bull ****.

He then goes 'yeah i havent been feelin so good lately,sorry just dont take it personal hun.."

i told him a bit. I haven' been well either. I nearly had to go to hospital the other day. he said nothing. Just said "be back in a bit x". That was an hour ago.

i so feel like giving up....on everything. he has made my life a nightmare.

i'm sorry (((be be))) - you told him the stuff you said here?


twilight

I didn't get to tell him much. Hardly anything. I hate doing it through msn. Its not right. All he kept saying was "i have a lot going on, haven't been feeling too good lately" "just dont take it personal hun.."

He said "you can tell me..im here" when i said a few things. but he doesn't say anything. lol. its coz its through msn, u dont know if they are at the computer.

He said "be back in a bit x" He never came back, haven't heard from him.

I know why im feeling like this. Regret. he was my first. and i really regret the way it happened (it was ok but it scared me - he wouldn't know that tho), and the way he's been acting has just made that even worse.

It always seems to be about him. how he's got a lot going on, how he hasn't been feeling too good. If he said "got a lot going on at the moment so if i seem odd thats why"...i would have been aware, but it kept making me think i've done something.

but each time i try to tell him, he thinks im making drama, or "saying extreme things to get his attention". Im suprised he said that. Couldn't be further from the truth . . .

im so over it. im so over feeling like this.

im just gonna disappear.....see if he contacts me. he probably wont. he says he cares, but his actions dont show it.

I was going to just disappear, not contact him - no calls, no msn, no text messages....

but........................


is it a bad or good idea to send a text wishing him a merry christmas on thursday?

What would a butterfly do if you chased him....?

Lenny

ok i get ur point! lol.

arn't i being a bit...cold/mean tho?

but then again, i guess if he doesn't send me one, that kind of shows/tells me!

That is very sweet of you be be...really it is...To offer kindness in spite of feeling used...You get a star in the big star book for that....

But one of the great things about butterflies is that there is seldom just one of them...take that wonderfull compassion of yours,,grab your net and get out in the field again...I hear there are some Monarchs out there...Prizes for sure...Unbelieveable wing span!!!

Make yourself a Merry Christmas....

With Care,

Lenny

Hi lenny,
thank you. that was very nice of you to say.

i think i spoke to soon. he's a jerk. he totally played me.

see my new post - http://forums.psychcentral.com/showthread.php?t=85804

im probabyl being dramatic, but i feel terrible right now lol.

have a merry christmas!

thank u again.