Guys only...what do you want in a girl for marriage

men confuse me a great deal. Girls have always been fed the story to keep their guard up if a guy pursues you. That all men only really want sex and that is their main goal. Guys go after women who are vulnerable....men are so difficult to understand...for me anyways....a lot...not all watch gross shows (I don't understand why they love them) what do guys really want in a relationship??...and how do you know if he loves you or even wants to marry you...I know tons of people ask this question...but...I would really appreciate hearing the truth from a guys perspective. I try not to annoy my bf and I try very hard to change. Sometimes I ask him the same question over and over...not to bug him just because I don't understand something...or I get grumpy for the stupidest things...I even admit they are stupid...I guess I just want to know that I am loved...I don't want to test him...I just want to know that he will love even the darkest parts of me...

I'm a guy. Quit worrying about what a guy wants and go after your own desires. Guys really don't know what they want. They have to be educated by a woman. Just don't make yourself into another person trying to impress a guy.

Men only confuse you because they're confused. Time to end the subservient mode. Real men like women that are equals, not giving in to them on everything.

.... Oh Boy ,, Oh Boy ,, Oh Boy !!!!!!! * Pop Quiz * ,,,,, Love these things .

What was the question ??? Oh Yea ,, Guys.

Guys are visual in the * hunt * mode .... Buuuuuuuuuuuut ,,, See if they actually have some substance . i.e. >>>..... Can they actually carry on a conversation ,, that does not include the words ,, " I will " ,, " I would " ,, " You are " ,, and the all time favorite .... " Do You Like Girls Too "?

Soooooooooooooo ,, we have just narrowed the focus ; ,,, Now ,,,,,,,, mmmmmmm????? [ Did I say I LIKED pop quiz stuff ? ].

A guy that takes oooooooo say half a year to be your Friend and make you a daily part of his life ,, all the while not going for the ,, That all men only really want sex and that is their main goal.
,,,, then ya have reason to see where it may take you .

In conversation around your friends or his ,, He better make eye contact with you if he even remotely thinks he has just * put his foot in his mouth *
And apologize with sad puppy dog eyes ...... He Will learn ,, to not do that twice ...

Best cooking and cleaning chores are divided equally most the time >> but not an absolute [ only applies when checking out ,, * can we live together * scenario ].

Now the give and take aspect ; ,,,, That is part of a lasting relationship .

.....waits for test to be graded ..... LOL.

This may not have answered your question ? .... But in Life ? .... Always be willing to Laugh at ourselfs and foibles ,, and Not mind when our significant other does the same .

WMD.

Tough question, but I like Lenny's answer. I think he hits a great point about pursuing your own desires. What every guy wants really varies with the individual guy. Some are out for nothing more than pleasure, others seek women as "ornaments" (trophies) others are looking for a "second mother"

Be not discouraged though, there are some like me, who seek a true equal, a partner in the creation of something greater than the sum of us individually, a boon companion, who you can fully make yourself vulnerable too and know for certain they would never harm you. One that will accept all that you are, the good and the not so good. One that you know will always be true to you and will stand by you, in health, sickness, good times and hard times. I want to be a hero always in her eyes, and she a goddess in mine... it is beyond appearences, for age takes that from us all, it is about an inner spark you can see in a first glance glance, a feeling of warmth in their smile. and burning passion in their soul, igniting the fires of love and romance only she and I can share. I was lucky enough to find a good woman who can satisfy those needs.

sorry to wax on like that

TJ

...oh ,, I forgot one more of the * i. e. s' * ....... When a guy speaks * highly of his self [ words N E V E R count ].

A picture speaks a thousand words ,,, But the true gift >> was the action !! of painting it,, that shows .

1. Friendship
2. Loyalty
3. Self Respect
4. Patience
5. Tolerance
6. Independence
7. Curiosity

Oh,,,and good posture...

Lenny

I love Lenny's list. Also,

Good self-esteem and love of self (not the same as self-centeredness).
Intelligence and ability to want to learn.
Sense of humor (everything is funny to some degree).
Someone who doesn't easily give up.

Much of this is based on up-bringing. So, if I would go back to my teen years - what I would do is try to spend as much time as I could with my gf's parents to learn their personalities as best as I could. I've found that almost all my girlfriends and my wife now have basically 'turned into their parents' to a large degree. This is something you can only cover-up so much - you will be like your parents so get used to it

thanks for your insight. This makes a lot of sense. But what if that girl honestly tries to find something she cares about...but she is lost in life and has no real direction. I've felt guilty for a long time about dating this one guy. He is obviously way above me...and I've told this to him many times. He's smart handsome and has top notch morals. He's 24 and I'm 19. I feel that I will enver be good enough for him...and that there are so many other women who deserve his love. I have no clue what I want to do with my life and to be honest...all I really want is to have babies. I am going to school right now...and I pay for tuition...I live on my own but my parents pay for rent and food. I just...don't really know what to do with myself...I'm scared to just give up school...because although I am not really interested in my studies...I am able to complete my studies...I dunno...I feel like there is something wrong with me...I'm not a girl who has any crazy high ambitions...yet I am with this guy who wants to be a doctor...i am definately not his equal...I don't know really what I am

To answer your question here, I wouldn't sweat it if you're not as ambitious as your boyfriend.

My wife is an accountant and wants nothing more than a steady, reasonably well-paying job that she can stand, time to read books and watch movies, and time (when the time comes) to raise a family. I, on the other hand, recently went back to school, and am hyper-ambitious about succeeding in my chosen field. And we complement each other fantastically.

Two type-As in a relationship can end in disaster. The important thing is what you want out of life...and for your relationship, if your boyfriend loves you for who you are, then you shouldn't compare yourself to him. Few people fall in love with others who are exactly like them.

thanks for this..I mean...I know all these women who want to do all these great things and I think it's wonderful. I feel I have the potential to do something great...but I'm too scared...and I don't feel I have the resiources to do it (money)...I don't mind giving support to a man who wants to do great things...I would stand by his side and make him feel loved...that is what I feel i have to offer. I was also thinking about doing charity work...or just finding out what I really like. I didn't have certain opportunities or a big fmaily growing up....I was often left on my own...growing up an only child. it was hard for me to make friends...and I just feel I don't even know what I want. All I know is that I want someone to love me and understand this....I feel I can do anything if I have the love of a husband

Everyone would like to know they are loved and trusted. Lack of either may play a role in why some of us come to this site and/or seek professional help.

Don't test your friends-it breeds resentment.

What I want? To be appreciated/liked for being me. Honesty. The usual things I suppose. Someone to bring me peace with a smile, an infectious laugh, willingness to take a walk when the weather permits.

You have to make yourself happy before you can be happy with anyone else-thats why i'm still single.

Thanks for your reply St. John Wort. I am scare of making mistakes. I've seen my sister fail at both her marriage and career. She was a violinist in an orchestra at school. She was dating a guy who wanted to go into medecine. He dumped her and went for a women who was in nursing. My sister was crushed and almost commited suicide...but my parents had her stomach pumped. My sister got married really young...I guess because she was afraid. She ended up on welfare and is divorced with three children. I don't want to end up the same way. My mom always said it was because she didn't feel like working....I don't believe this is true. I felt my sister could ahve done lots of things with her life. I thought she was smart funny and beautiful...and she is...she was working as a nurse for people with mental disabilities. I mean...I think my mom was too hard on her...I don't want to end up the same way. I don't want my bf to leave me because I'm not like him...or because I'm not good enough...I think this has relaly traumatized me

Hey, you know what? You're young. You say all you want to do is have babies? Well, to do that you need a guy who has a good income that will withstand the economy. You have a good start there. What I think you need is someone who can also help you become a stronger you. The bf and then husband has to be able to let you grow into yourself. What you do need now is to build up (through working on it) your self esteem and determination. You must have goals rather than a series of wants. You must be happy when you reach a goal so you can then go on to the next. You must (MUST) be happy if you fail to reach a goal too. That's a life lesson. You cannot let missed goals, failures, screwed up attempts get you down. You have to laugh both at wins and losses. Gains and failures. Life is very very funny - and very very sad. At the same time. Only you can create those feelings inside you. Your bf will not leave because you're not like him. He may feel you're a good match (hey - he's there now right?). My wife and I are nothing like each other. We're together, it's not a "full marriage" but it's what it is. You did say your mom was hard on your sister - look at your own relationship with your mom & family and find out "is there something that they do that makes me feel the way I do?" Something where if you don't do something your mom approves, you feel down, degraded and "wrong"? Possibly your feelings are results of "training" you got from your mom. We're all a result of the "domestication" our parents put us through. It's kind of like how a circus animal acts - on queue and as the result of many repetitive loops around the same obstacle course. It can be broken.

Do you know if someone in your family helped create your feeling of self worth? Did a dad/mom/brother put you down when you failed at something? This may be a problem you have to address with a therapist. I grew up an only child with a mom who was not really strict - but rather had her own "thoughts" on life. Our conversations typically went like this. She would talk and I would say u-huh, yeah, uh-huh. She would tell me "you don't want to be like them", "why would you do that?" and so on. With only one mom to "enrich me" and someone who was not really into social adeptation, I was a bit lost in terms of life. I had to hide my first girlfriends from her thinking she wouldn't approve. Eventually she met two of my girlfriends and then my future wife. I don't tell her about my finances because hers are doing so well, but my debt has climbed pretty good. I've been trying to deal with growing my self esteem all my life. Been pretty hard but it's possible. Growing self-worth, boundaries, goals, strengths and a good attitude is really essential in life.

Start by saying "hi" and smiling to everyone you meet. Seriously - this can make you feel a lot better throughout the day. If you are happy even if they aren't - you can nuture yourself and be able to know you're starting to get on the right track.

At this point in time, I might be a little confused on where I stand in life, but for me...A faithful companion, a best friend, and someone that I can laugh with. Sex is on the list, but shouldn't the basis of a relationship.

With all due respect, I know many women who do just fine with economics. What is needed is a guy who works at whatever is needed to help the family work.

IMHO.

Lenny

Will add to ,, what has mostly been said ??

Ya going with education for your security >> no mater what ,, That will always be there for you .. Diploma and finished .

And a Guy that is going for his path that he enjoys .. [ same thing ] Diploma and Finished .

Why not go with the At the moment >> yous are doing good with it and seems you both fulfill the others needs and wishes ...

man I hope I read the replies right .

Seemed ... You two are Cool Friends >> g/f & b/f >>. insert >> * future together * ...

WMD.

I can sort of understand how you feel.. except i'm the one in my relationship that wants sooooooo badly to go to college and get an education.. and just do soo many things. I've always had big dreams and expectations of myself. I want to be a doctor as well.. right now, my husband is the only one working--he's in the military. We just moved so I'm totally lost. And right now, he's doing what he's always wanted to do. But I know my turn will come.. and you know what? I can't wait.

He jokes about when I graduate and become a doctor and he can just sit on his butt. Haha.. It used to kinda bother me, til I realized that not everyone's the same. Some people are happy being parents, staying home and taking care of their children.. I think my husband would prefer this.. I, on the other hand, want to wait for children for like 10 years! hah. Being a stay at home mom would make me miserable.
You said that you just want to have his children, and that would make you happy. That's great. You'll make a great mother.. most mothers now a days become mothers by accident and can't wait for their child to be 18. You want to stay at home and raise his children and support him. You'll make a great wife.

I think you should talk to him about it. Let him know that it worries you that he'll leave you because of your differences.. you never know.. He probably appreciates the fact that he has someone who is willing to give up school or a career for him to advance in his.
Good luckk <3

We've only been dating 9 months...so i don't think he's prepared to hear that I want to have his kids...I don't think he would appreciate it much if I told him...look...I want you to go to work and i will stay home and be a mom for your kids...I think now a days...people look at stay at home moms as lazy...it's not that i'm lazy...it's just...I don't see myself doing great things...I don't see myself as a doctor...maybe a librarian...I'm getting an education right now...and I worked as a server...but...I dunno...I've dreamt of getting married and being with my one true love...I am a romantic I guess...

..I've dreamt of getting married and being with my one true love...I am a romantic I guess...

......and nothing wrong with that .

The cool thing about dreams ? >>..... They can be >> The desires of the Heart .
That can be fulfilled ,,,, as jolie says ,,, Talk to him about it .


WMD.

I definitely think you need to tell him what you want. If you want to be a stay at home mom/wife, tell him. You have to make it clear what you what out the relationship and out of a marriage. For example, I am the total opposite of you. I hate staying home and cooking and cleaning. I'm a terrible cook lol. So before I got married, I made sure that I made it very clear to my then boyfriend that I wasn't going to change just because we were getting married. That way, he knew what he was getting into. I told him exactly who I was and what I did and didn't want out of marriage. So you just need to let him know.
Maybe he won't like it, I don't know.
But I actually think that most men want a wife that is willing to stay at home, because most women now don't want that anymore, unlike the old days. Most men (not all) want a wife that will cook for them and just love them. Seriously I know this because some guys don't like that about me.. which is why I ended up with my husband. lol..
But if he doesn't like it and it doesn't work out.. don't worry about it because even though at first it will be difficult, you'll get over it. And one day, you'll find someone who will appreciate you for you who you are and what you want out of life. You deserve to have someone who wants the same things as you do in a marriage or relationship.
He might be that person.. but you'll never know it unless you talk to him. =D

The bottom line is....you can GET WHAT YOU NEED...love that song!!!

Best Wishes,

TJ

What I want?
1. respect
2. devotion
3. Love
4. Mutual goals
5. Honesty
6. Her to be Independant
7. commited
8. faithful
9. Happy
10. Excited

Not in any particular order.

I guess that says it all lol

So so very true, believe more in the actions of a man then his words, for many words are cheap, it is the actions and the thought that counts. And, if all he talks about is himself and his achievements, turn and run, you want someone who is equally interested in you and your life, you will only find a true partner and lover in a man who displays this quality.

for some....talk is cheap, and words come easy