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#1
Feb 16, 2009, 06:40 PM
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Alright.....more drama in my life so turning to you guys...again...still
The woman/girl I've been talking to online since October says she wants to be at the airport when i come home. I'm all about it. Her and I talk everyday through Yahoo messenger, send each other cute messages and stuff. The other day she said she was stressed out about school and she is in a little financial pickle, so i sent her a gift certificate to a spa. She and I both admitted to each other that we have feelings for each other. I realized it when she was at a party, and she was texting me saying that she was so drunk that some of her male friends wanted to help her get into her pj's. I know I shouldn't have gotten mad or upset but i did! Hardly a month before that, I found out my soon to be ex-wife (its over between her and i DEF now) had been running around on me AGAIN. Well Jen, the online girl, and I still talk everyday and she has admitted she has gone out on dates with other guys. She said it doesn't feel right to her and she mainly thinks about me when she is out with them. A few weeks ago, she said she was stressing about something and I for one, at the very least would like to have a friendship base first. She ageed (she helped me out and was there for me for the seperation since her and i started talking). Well she admitted that she was thinking about giving her ex bf who used her for sex a second chance. And some other stuff with the other guys but this one guy urks me. I haven't met him, dont know him from the man on the moon but something about him just.....doesnt sit right with me. Well for one, lets just say he wears the same thing to work I do, and is stationed where I want to be stationed (NC) and he has cheated on her and since my wife is a HUGE cheater....well i think i just answered my own question there... Jen has told me a few times that she has stopped seeing other guys bc she cant see herself with them later down the road, only me. But then she goes out with them again. I feel bad bc she said she stopped going out with guys for a guy who is deployed right now and her and i havent even been face to face yet! At least not in the flesh.....So I actually encouraged her to go out and date. She said she won't bc it doesnt feel right only to find out a few weeks later....she has. It's not so much that she has been out on dates.....but she says that she has stopped and then she hasn't. She says she has stopped dating the guy but still sees him as a friend from time to time. Now I do not know what to call her and I/us because we havent touched, hugged, kissed or anything yet! and its driving me crazy! I have never felt like this about a girl that i never met in person before.....I can see myself with her later down the road but i would like to figure out what to call us/her and i. Oh yeah one more thing.....I won't be able to leave Japan and be stationed back in the US for another year and a half. It is asking ALOT for a girl to remain single for that amount of time....and especially for somebody you will only see for a few weeks (when i get out of the sandbox) and then its back to talking for hours and hours on the internet/phone. I really care for her, I really do. What to do??
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you cant see tomorrow As long as you're lookin' back |
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#2
Feb 16, 2009, 07:53 PM
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You won't like what I have to say....
I have learned from experience that it is best not to jump from the frying pan into the fire. Some alone time is definitely wise. Also, this girl with whom you connected via the internet sounds like your wife multiplied....texting you while at a party that she's so drunk her male friends are offering to put her pj's on... You don't need this right now. You need time to heal and gather yourself emotionally. Patty |
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#3
Feb 16, 2009, 09:37 PM
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Yeah....I told her before that she does have characteristics of Ashleigh (the exwife). When I told her that before, I meant it in a good way meaning the things I liked in Ash, I saw in her.
But now I have started to see the not so good ones. I'll give Jen this much though.....she came out with what she had done. +1 point maybe?
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you cant see tomorrow As long as you're lookin' back |
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#4
Feb 16, 2009, 09:40 PM
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How do I attract the same woman????? Do I have a neon sign on me or something??
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you cant see tomorrow As long as you're lookin' back |
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#5
Feb 16, 2009, 10:46 PM
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Ummm....not to be mean but no, not 1 point for her for coming out with what she had done. She did it. Woo-hoo that she told you. Sweety, take the time. Let the divorce be final, let yourself find yourself and spend some time without a female. It doesn't make for a good relationship going from one right to another relationship....especially when there are such similarities. I often have felt like I have "doormat" stamped on my forehead, so I know what you mean about wearing a sign to attract certain types of people.
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____________________________________ "We can't talk at the same time! It doesn't work like that! I talk, you talk, I talk, you talk!!" ~ Peanut 
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#6
Feb 17, 2009, 12:56 AM
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 I see red flags going up all over the place! 1) I agree with those who have said she's similar to your ex. She's player, too.2) You need time alone to sort our your feelings and to try and figure out why you were attracted to your ex-wife. Chances are, it's the same reason you attracted this girl. 3) Long distance relationships like this one never work out. You haven't even met her yet! What you are infatuated with is what she comes across as. That's not the real her, believe me! 4) She gets drunk to the point of being so sloppy that men want to help her undress? YIKES! You'll have this fight from now till dooms day. She isn't going to change. 5) She sounds quite immature to me. Five red flags enough for you? I sure hope so! Please take care of yourself FIRST. Good luck!  PS Don't worry about even calling her "friend" because she's not. She's out for herself.
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Psalm 119:105 Thy word is a lamp unto my feet, and a light unto my path. |
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#7
Feb 17, 2009, 02:28 AM
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nycguynva,
DUDE!!!! Kick this one to the curb before you get in another mess. Take some time to figure out what you want. You need to reflect on the mistakes made by both you and your ex-wife before you can move on. Think about a therapist, I know you're probably on a remote base. We were stationed at Misawa and that was concidered remote, but they still had therapists. I know the Marines used to frown on those things, but hopefully they're more enlightened now. Until you can figure out what attracts you to these distuctive relationships you're going to keep repeating them.
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I've been married for 24 years and have four wonderful children. |
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#8
Feb 17, 2009, 06:43 AM
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****sigh*** I know how frustrating all this is for you. I know you want companionship, even just online. You are right, she is more open and honest than your wife, and that's great if you are willing to have an "open" "swinger" type relationship. It doesn't sound like that's what you want though. Please take some time for you, to enjoy doing the things you want to do (I know, you want to make someone else happy, build a relationship with someone). Explore different activities, get involved on base in different things. Live for YOU.
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____________________________________ "We can't talk at the same time! It doesn't work like that! I talk, you talk, I talk, you talk!!" ~ Peanut
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#9
Feb 17, 2009, 04:37 PM
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Quote:
An open swinger relationship....although i am not looking for a BIG committment, a "swinger" or open relationship is not something that i am looking for.
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you cant see tomorrow As long as you're lookin' back |
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#10
Feb 17, 2009, 04:43 PM
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I could just squeeze you right now! You sound like you are on your way. You've got it, the idea of what you want and need. Way to go! (Don't forget we are here when you just feel lonely, too). I'm so happy that you are heading in a healthy direction.
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____________________________________ "We can't talk at the same time! It doesn't work like that! I talk, you talk, I talk, you talk!!" ~ Peanut
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#11
Feb 17, 2009, 05:28 PM
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I mean there is nothing wrong with taking a lady friend out a couple times and expecting nothing BIG out if it is there?
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you cant see tomorrow As long as you're lookin' back |
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#12
Feb 17, 2009, 09:53 PM
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"Lady"? hehe She's hardly a lady, but I guess if she wants to be used, go for it. Just be careful!
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Psalm 119:105 Thy word is a lamp unto my feet, and a light unto my path. |
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#13
Feb 17, 2009, 10:00 PM
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Taking a lady friend out once in a while is fine...it's making sure the expectations are the same that's important. And--just remember this is my opinion only--you should wait until the divorce is final and pick the lady friends carefully.
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____________________________________ "We can't talk at the same time! It doesn't work like that! I talk, you talk, I talk, you talk!!" ~ Peanut
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#14
Feb 17, 2009, 11:50 PM
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Dude, I'm at Camp Lejeune/Jacksonville right now and have been for 30 years tattooing Marines.
When the cat's away, the mice will play. If she's doing this to you now and you have doubts, think how it's gonna be when you get stateside. She's saying one thing and doing another. Whether you say okay or not. Every guy she talks to is gonna make you wonder - did she or didn't she? I know being away from home/loved ones is tough, I've been there (USN 73-75;Nam Vet) but you gotta keep your head screwed on straight. Stay friends till you get back, then see where it goes. Someone once told me to "watch the feet". Meaning that if she wants to go further or be more with you, she'll move in that direction. If not, she'll move further away. But you ain't gonna be able to mentally be sure in Okie, or in the town you both are in. Either way you'll have your answer. Reminds me of the old Native American story about the 2 wolves. The one that lives in you, is the one you feed. Or the yin yang. Do you favor/feed the light (good) or the dark (bad) side?
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Three can keep a secret if two are dead. Last edited by tat2doc; Feb 18, 2009 at 01:06 AM. |
 cantstopcrying
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#15
Feb 18, 2009, 02:39 AM
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yeah i know jackonsville all too well
 been many a nights i think im going home with a woman and they pull into Tarawa Terrace or Midway Park and I'm like oh hell no!thats my plan....stay friends and if its meant to be its meant to be
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you cant see tomorrow As long as you're lookin' back |
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#16
Feb 18, 2009, 08:32 AM
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Well, I hope it works out the way you want it to. Just remember that communication is the key. Swap concerns about what you want and what you expect. But don't make them impossible to live up to. Or feel cheated if she falls short.
You both are only human! If you're coming back to LeJeune and I'm still around, look me up. I don't drink but we can go for coffee. I've been here since 79 & Court St was the hot spot. My lil Bro is a Master Guns on mainside right now.
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Three can keep a secret if two are dead. |
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#17
Feb 18, 2009, 02:14 PM
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yeah i was there back in 2002-2006, and then went to Quantico and got married on PCS leave....and now overseas (not in japan though if u get my drift) and stationed in japan. I was hoping to go back to lejeune after quantico too but didnt have that rocker quite yet.....but i will in about two months
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you cant see tomorrow As long as you're lookin' back |
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