not sure how much more I can take !

I just don't know what to do anymore. We seem to argue about everything lately & when this happens I get the silent treatment for days. He has family here and I left all mine for him. The holidays are a nightmare because I'm so used to being with family and we never do anything. This is his world , his territory, and when we are fighting I realize it even more. I have 3 children ( 2 are grown & one lives with me ) I hate it for my son because he never gets to do the things that kids should do at his age ( 15) We sit here day in and day out....while he goes and does whatever ..He promised me things would not be this way and it hurts that he doesnt care enough to get more involved with my son or try to make things alittle more comfortable for us. I left him once and he begged me to please come back ( things will be different) I trusted him and loved him enough to come back and try again...My family is 3000 miles away so its not like I can get back home and he knows this...I just dont know what to do anymore...I have tried to make friends but they all have family too...I just feel really lost ...I really want to go home but its easier said than done...I'm really mad at myself for comming back here. I just don't know where to go or what to do anymore....He doesn't even try to talk to me and that doesn't help at all....just venting here....wish I knew what to do & I feel so trapped....Its my fault because I have issues that cause me to not drive at this time but I really feel he likes it that way......

Hi Lostnbigcity,
I know it all too well that feeling of being trapped and not knowing what to do. From what you describe it sounds like, it's all about him and you and your son are left coasting along. It's sounds like you lost yourself and you're like a tree pulled out of the ground with it's roots exposed. If you know for sure this relationship isn't going any where, then you an your son should go back to your family. Life is too short to spend it in limbo just living half a life. I know what it's like. All the best to you and your son.

Thank you so much Lynnp,
It's a very complicated situation. I have suffered with anxiety for yrs now and this life I'm living has brought it back to a high ( before I could deal with the anxiety ) I dont want to fly and I'm jobless so I have no money to get home on...He told me "If I wanted to leave he wasn't going to help me " It's so uncomfortable living in his house and him not speaking to me...My son & I just walk around on eggshells. He's not abusive just we try to stay out of his way. I did have a job at one time but because we got into argument he refused to give me a ride and I lost it...I'm working on something and right now its looking pretty promising ...I will share when I know for sure it is going to work out.....Thanks again for your response...It helps to get opinions of others...I would never think I am perfect but I sure as heck don't diserve to live like this even if I am alittle messed up with my anxiety...I clean his house ,wash his clothes,help him with his too doo list, do all the grocery shopping so I kinda feel I'm trying to do my part...if only he would communicate..I just don't get it.

I too know how you feel some what. Me and my boyfriend have been together for a year an a half we have a child together and before when I was pregnant he would always go hang with friends and wouldnt be back untill 5 in the mourning. I put up with it because he was the father of my unborn child. We would argue and hed say go out and do something yourself. Which he drove all my friends away because he didnt like any of them and I didnt have my own vehicle so what was I to do. He knew I couldnt do anything. Then I had the child and he will do some of his old stuff and he always makes it sound like he has it so rough. He doesnt have a job and I work go to school and he says he cant handle our daughter on his own. Its hard and I love him he gave me a beautiful little girl but sometimes I cant stand him. I know this doesnt help much but i know kinda in a sense of what you are going through

Stay strong and find a job, that has to be your first priority....try to look for a job in your home town where you have family and friends to support you....then you can tell him that you are moving....I know it's easy to say, but you got to do something....
It looks like you are on an unhealthy relationship...so, all of us are in bad relationships sometimes in our life...
Right now, I am in one of them...I even don't know if I'm in a okay relationship or bad one....but he does stuff that is pretty much pissing me off....I don't like the fact that he's too much into clubing and dancing and women....ah...it makes me feel throw up....but he's a new relationship and I got to see how it goes....but I don't think I'm in for all his b.s...
We got to be strong and when you act strongly, they are all over you....trust me...
take care
Marjan

Thanks again for all your responses...update.....Today I went to talk to someone about a job that I applied for some time ago.....he showed me around and gave me a uniform and before I knew it I was hired ! I'm alittle nervous but feel I can do it....More nervous about telling the b/f of what I went and did....so today, I come home and told him....well, he has been in his room ever since...and I'm sure we wont talk for a few days...really hurts because I thought he would be proud of me .....my stomach is so torn up and I'm almost thinking about not taking the job because I don't want to argue about it...I was wrong because I didn't tell him of my plans to go talk to this person ..but, him and I weren't talking for the past few days so I thought what would it hurt? ..I'm so confused ...alittle more info....I have a daughter who is due anyday now and she has been having some hard times...one of the reasons why I wanted to find a job was to help her out alittle because she has alot going on right now...by me working I wouldn't have to ask the b/f to help her out ....I feel so bad as a mother to not be able to help her out....not looking to support her but just help her with alittle money from time to time....he doesn't have children so I don't expect him to understand ...I just really feel lost.......sorry for going on about this ....thanks for listening....

I do understand where you are coming from and I know how much it hurts but just pray on it and God will direct your path. He will order your steps.

Hi lostnbigcity

I do understand when you feel like you are lost, because someone that you really love is just not there. Sometimes they know when they have you right where they want you. This is how they like to control you, and you are feeling trapped. What I can suggest is to find that place where you feel comfortable and go to it also reach out to your family. You will be surprised what they will do for you if you have had enough. Just pray on it and ask for direction. You will find the answer.

I can see that you are in very vulnerable situation but I'm sure you can stay strong and you can do it by yourself....you know what tell yourself that so many other women are in worse situation that yours and they've done it...so, you are one of those many....you got to be strong and stand on your feet...you can make money yourself rather than relying on him for it...in this way, you are on control not him....it looks like he has control and he's enjoying it...very bad!
Yes, praying and asking God to help you is the best way...but also, you got to try to find a way...to find a job and change your situation....
It's so great that you found a job, I'm so proud of you...good for you...and ignore him...
take care
Marjan

Dear,

Please acquire enough money to get out of there, you and your child deserve better and his problem is that of control. He is not happy unless he is controlling you and he has done that by isolating your from others! Get out of that relationship as fast as you can because he is doing nothing but destroying your self-esteem, you can work on the anxiety when you are around healthy people... Healthy people do not act like that!

Best Wishes,

TJ

[quote=lostnbigcity;994081]
If you have to... copy/paste your page.... it says it all..

Communication is so important... Does he even know how you feel?.... or does he think its just a passing whim?

You have to get it across to him how much your hurting.

g/l...