[Michah]

I had a dream.......

It is taking much for me to share this and I know that I should post this on the Dream Interpretation forum........but is not so much about the dream, it is about........divinity.......and the desperation and heartbreak I felt.......

A vampire appeared before me.......

He feels like God.......in my bones.....he is divinity and speaks as if he knows..
He has something to tell me, so important about Life, about my life....he has answers that are universal, fundamental, and pure.
I reach for him to hear what he has to say for I am desperate to hear, I am terribly afraid and exhilarated......I am furious, and sad and out of my mind.......for the noise is blocking out his words....he is yelling at me as the noise becomes deafening and I am screaming "Do not leave, ANSWER me........WHERE IS GOD!!!! I need to know about the answers to LIFE!!

I wake covered in sweat, loathing and heart break........so deeply sad...

2 reasons.....

The answers are within and and I am looking out(fundamentally, I know this)

I am not spiritually mature enough to know the answers, for I am merely human and would not recognise divinity anyway......

Please understand that this has deeply effected me.......for I rarely dream and remember with such clarity.......did God appear to me in the form of a vampire? What is He asking of me.......I hear him and know that I am on the verge of something great, no matter how much my heart breaks......

In accordance to the guidelines(I think) this can be a philosophical question.......and please respect my unusual relationship with divinity......please be kind in your answers.......for I am confused and lost today, as it is.......

Thanks,

Michah

[Michah]

Just had a chat to my local parish priest........much spiritual counsel

Much, much better.......feel free to tell me thoughts, please......

Michah

(((Michah))))) Dear one.....Im not sure about your dream....that does not help much..
I can you this I think you are searching for answers which will come to you.
Sometimes wondering about life as we all do ...and God or spirit it brings questions...many of them.....know you will find the answers with you and what you believe...i think as we all are unique we may believe in different ways..which is great imo it mostly comes out the same to Love....god or spirit loves us..or whatever the person believes. I hope this helped some....you are a good person. Please know as always I care.

[Michah]

Originally Posted by muffy

(((Michah))))) Dear one.....Im not sure about your dream....that does not help much..
I can you this I think you are searching for answers which will come to you.
Sometimes wondering about life as we all do ...and God or spirit it brings questions...many of them.....know you will find the answers with you and what you believe...i think as we all are unique we may believe in different ways..which is great imo it mostly comes out the same to Love....god or spirit loves us..or whatever the person believes. I hope this helped some....you are a good person. Please know as always I care.

Thank you my sweet.......so true......

As I said to the priest I spoke to, the reason it frightened me so, is becuase for all the years I have subconsciously sought God.......

HE found ME.......and asked for me to practice divinity within so that I may practice it on the outside........but in an obscure and human way in my dream.......that all my years of hate and rage are behind me and I must LOVE......

The timing of the dream coincides with the moments I have of divinity(they are speeding up) in the eyes of a child or animal(innocence), the sun peeking brilliantly through the leaves, the wonderment of a spiders webs........and the scientist in me knows the chemical structure, the division of cells, the carbon being the precusor to life.......but the divine is noticing how BEAUTIFUL it all is........so much beauty that it feels like it will kill me......

I asked the priest......."Is it God?"........It could be, he said. You know in your heart if it was.......but dreams are also a reflection of your experience. Start listening to your heart as well as your head.......it is time......

he was wonderful........and caring........and he had two funerals to go and minister to! But he spoke to me and I cried and I talked.......and he said.....

God......is with you........and I cried and laughed with joy.......

I have to say babe.......I thought "get the thorazine!!". I thought I was losing my mind......but I have not lost touch with reality this time.......in fact, this is the most real I have felt in a while.......it is a sign, for whatever reason........I must be patient.....

Thanks, as always, for your kind and warm words my friend.......big hugs back to you for your soulful kindness......much love

Michah

(((michah)))))))))))))))))))))))((ty))
So true what he said to you ((( he said. You know in your heart if it was.......but dreams are also a reflection of your experience. Start listening to your heart as well as your head.......it is time......)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
God......is with you........ so very true my friend..always is
you are right my friend so much beauty in all and Love

you said (..in fact, this is the most real I have felt in a while)))))))))))))))))
Good .my kind friend ........follow your heart...as he said

[Michah]

Originally Posted by muffy

(((michah)))))))))))))))))))))))((ty))
So true what he said to you ((( he said. You know in your heart if it was.......but dreams are also a reflection of your experience. Start listening to your heart as well as your head.......it is time......)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
God......is with you........ so very true my friend..always is
you are right my friend so much beauty in all and Love

you said (..in fact, this is the most real I have felt in a while)))))))))))))))))
Good .my kind friend ........follow your heart...as he said

Thanks babe.......going to stop crying now.......for I fear that my sinus is going to crack

I am to move through this day in wonderment and joy.......thank you for sharing it with me, Muffy......

Big Hugs to you

Michah

your most welcome ((((Michah))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

[VickiesPath]

Michah: " for I am merely human and would not recognise divinity anyway......"

I don't know you well nor do I even presume to understand the point of view from which you are experiencing your spirituality, but the quote above really confuses me.

It's really not necessary for you to respond to my query, but it seems to me that throughout history, no matter which one of the major religions of the world one might identify with, or even if one chooses a spiritual life of less restrictive definition, it is not God's nature to hide Himself/Herself from us. Indeed, the God I know and love wants us to know Him intimately.

Like I said, it is only an impression that is puzzling to me. I am glad that your elder or priest was able to put some of your angst to rest.

[Michah]

Originally Posted by Vickie in Phoenix

Michah: " for I am merely human and would not recognise divinity anyway......"

I don't know you well nor do I even presume to understand the point of view from which you are experiencing your spirituality, but the quote above really confuses me.

It's really not necessary for you to respond to my query, but it seems to me that throughout history, no matter which one of the major religions of the world one might identify with, or even if one chooses a spiritual life of less restrictive definition, it is not God's nature to hide Himself/Herself from us. Indeed, the God I know and love wants us to know Him intimately.

Like I said, it is only an impression that is puzzling to me. I am glad that your elder or priest was able to put some of your angst to rest.

Hi Vicki.......nice to see you!

I shall try and answer your question........

As the Father told me today, the divinity I catch glimpses of are called "signs" and they are everywhere for people to witness......but the spirit must be receptive in order to see......divinity.....I knew they were significant, but couldn't put a spiritual meaning to them.......I mean, I started to look past the wonderment of science, and see divinity in things that were not there before......such strong feelings about everyday things.....and I thought i was maybe delusional or extra sensitive.......not for a minute did I think that they were a "sign of God".

My relationship with God has been rocky......a bit of history to explain my angst.....

I went to strict Roman Catholic schools all my school life.......I have been a "scientist" since I was a child and spirituality was not really important.....when I got to high school, I excelled in Theology even if my faith was conflicting. The nuns and priest encouraged me to join the Convent when I had completed my Bachelor in Theology.......maybe they saw something in me, and asked me to become the head of the Liturgical Committee at school.

I organised masses, arranged vestments for the priest, and become very involved in the organisation.......I even picked passages from the Bible to analyse and picked Theological Essay questions for the younger grades(remembered all of this today, had not thought of it for a while).....

All the while I fought with the Nuns and questioned and rallied.......my faith like a tennis match......back and forth.....I loved God intensely, but could not assimilate that He existed.

At 16 I lost my mind to a degree......the horrors of my childhood rose up, my mother had an affair, and I felt such deep moral rage, that I became imposssible.......I lashed out at my beloved priests and Nuns more and became openly defiant, even aggressive. They became worried and strongly suggested to my parents that I see a psychiatrist......that hours of Confession did nothing for me and only made me more distressed.....so I did see one but was pulled out after one session, due to my mothers secret fear of being exposed I suppose.

So, I left school and shunned dogma and the Nuns cried.......I was not angry with God, but our love was over.

Now, I have wondered recently what kind of Nun I would have made and would my divinity experience been any more powerful if I had been? To answer your question, how did I go so far from God......and what kind of divinity am I allowed to witness? Things are surfacing and I am being asked to face them.......I am sure that all spiritual beings from whichever denomination experience this at some point in their lives.......

I am not dogmatic but still study Theology.......and occassionally I speak to my priest and my spiritual angst is removed for a time........

Thanks for asking Vicki.......sorry for the long reply......but I thought a bit of history might help you understand where I am coming from.....

Hugs

Michah

[VickiesPath]

Originally Posted by Michah

Hi Vicki.......nice to see you!

I shall try and answer your question........

As the Father told me today, the divinity I catch glimpses of are called "signs" and they are everywhere for people to witness......but the spirit must be receptive in order to see......divinity.....I knew they were significant, but couldn't put a spiritual meaning to them.......I mean, I started to look past the wonderment of science, and see divinity in things that were not there before......such strong feelings about everyday things.....and I thought i was maybe delusional or extra sensitive.......not for a minute did I think that they were a "sign of God".

My relationship with God has been rocky......a bit of history to explain my angst.....

I went to strict Roman Catholic schools all my school life.......I have been a "scientist" since I was a child and spirituality was not really important.....when I got to high school, I excelled in Theology even if my faith was conflicting. The nuns and priest encouraged me to join the Convent when I had completed my Bachelor in Theology.......maybe they saw something in me, and asked me to become the head of the Liturgical Committee at school.

I organised masses, arranged vestments for the priest, and become very involved in the organisation.......I even picked passages from the Bible to analyse and picked Theological Essay questions for the younger grades(remembered all of this today, had not thought of it for a while).....

All the while I fought with the Nuns and questioned and rallied.......my faith like a tennis match......back and forth.....I loved God intensely, but could not assimilate that He existed.

At 16 I lost my mind to a degree......the horrors of my childhood rose up, my mother had an affair, and I felt such deep moral rage, that I became imposssible.......I lashed out at my beloved priests and Nuns more and became openly defiant, even aggressive. They became worried and strongly suggested to my parents that I see a psychiatrist......that hours of Confession did nothing for me and only made me more distressed.....so I did see one but was pulled out after one session, due to my mothers secret fear of being exposed I suppose.

So, I left school and shunned dogma and the Nuns cried.......I was not angry with God, but our love was over.

Now, I have wondered recently what kind of Nun I would have made and would my divinity experience been any more powerful if I had been? To answer your question, how did I go so far from God......and what kind of divinity am I allowed to witness? Things are surfacing and I am being asked to face them.......I am sure that all spiritual beings from whichever denomination experience this at some point in their lives.......

I am not dogmatic but still study Theology.......and occassionally I speak to my priest and my spiritual angst is removed for a time........

Thanks for asking Vicki.......sorry for the long reply......but I thought a bit of history might help you understand where I am coming from.....

Hugs

Michah

Michah,

I cannot thank you enough for taking the time to write to me and explain your background. I found it most interesting and intriguing and can definitely understand the conflict that you experienced throughout the years.

I am a member of the Episcopal Church. I was raised an Episcopalian. When I left my parents' home, I did not attend church but did go to a Methodist sponsored university. There, we were not required to attend chapel or study theology. But the campus minister was a dear friend of mine who has since passed away. But, I once told him, you could see the influence of Christian values everywhere on the campus, from the way the student life was designed to the way the teachers cared for the students.

Later in my life, I grew closer to God, oddly enough, when my mental illness became worse. I was misdiagnosed for years and did not receive proper treatment for years and spent many, many bad times alone, on the verge of suicide, and the only thing I can attribute to my salvation was a voice inside of me that kept telling me that life was not supposed to be this hard and to keep hanging on one more day. Sometime later, I realized I was self-medicating with alcohol and took myself to AA and it was in working that program that my faith grew very, very strong.

Currently, some twenty or so years later, I am married to an Englishman who attended Anglican schools in the UK. I was not aware of the questioning he had going on inside of him because he had always told me that he was agnostic. It was only in the last 1 1/2 years that he told me a story of his conversations with the vicor at his school and the confusion he felt upon leaving. He was raised a Methodist in the UK, which is nothing like our Methodist church here. Anyway, long story short, the Episcopal church here (I'm sure you know) is the only church in the US sanctioned by the Church of England and recognized by the Archbishop of Canterbury. Around a year ago, my husband announced one day, out of the clear blue, that he decided that he does believe in God and he wanted to start going to church and it needed to be the Episcopal church. Well, you could have knocked me over with a feather!

The reason, dear Michah, that I have written all of this is to tell you that in our small parish (350 or so members) we have many former Catholics who, for one reason or another, have converted to our congregation. We even have two Catholic priests, one who the bishop has agreed to allow to become an Episcopal priest, and one who has petitioned the bishop but has been refused for the time being. The odd thing is, my husband has completely become absorbed into this parish and is enjoying it immensely. I, on the other hand, am involved in a ministry of service work involving the mentally ill in our community.

I do enjoy going to worship service but still, my faith does not depend upon it. It is very personal. And I depend upon it implicitly daily. I also have an acquaintance who was a former nun who left the order to marry and have a family. We've talked and she gave me a glimpse of the struggle she experienced.

Thank you again, so much, for sharing with me.

[Michah]

Originally Posted by Vickie in Phoenix

Michah,

I cannot thank you enough for taking the time to write to me and explain your background. I found it most interesting and intriguing and can definitely understand the conflict that you experienced throughout the years.

I am a member of the Episcopal Church. I was raised an Episcopalian. When I left my parents' home, I did not attend church but did go to a Methodist sponsored university. There, we were not required to attend chapel or study theology. But the campus minister was a dear friend of mine who has since passed away. But, I once told him, you could see the influence of Christian values everywhere on the campus, from the way the student life was designed to the way the teachers cared for the students.

Later in my life, I grew closer to God, oddly enough, when my mental illness became worse. I was misdiagnosed for years and did not receive proper treatment for years and spent many, many bad times alone, on the verge of suicide, and the only thing I can attribute to my salvation was a voice inside of me that kept telling me that life was not supposed to be this hard and to keep hanging on one more day. Sometime later, I realized I was self-medicating with alcohol and took myself to AA and it was in working that program that my faith grew very, very strong.

Currently, some twenty or so years later, I am married to an Englishman who attended Anglican schools in the UK. I was not aware of the questioning he had going on inside of him because he had always told me that he was agnostic. It was only in the last 1 1/2 years that he told me a story of his conversations with the vicor at his school and the confusion he felt upon leaving. He was raised a Methodist in the UK, which is nothing like our Methodist church here. Anyway, long story short, the Episcopal church here (I'm sure you know) is the only church in the US sanctioned by the Church of England and recognized by the Archbishop of Canterbury. Around a year ago, my husband announced one day, out of the clear blue, that he decided that he does believe in God and he wanted to start going to church and it needed to be the Episcopal church. Well, you could have knocked me over with a feather!

The reason, dear Michah, that I have written all of this is to tell you that in our small parish (350 or so members) we have many former Catholics who, for one reason or another, have converted to our congregation. We even have two Catholic priests, one who the bishop has agreed to allow to become an Episcopal priest, and one who has petitioned the bishop but has been refused for the time being. The odd thing is, my husband has completely become absorbed into this parish and is enjoying it immensely. I, on the other hand, am involved in a ministry of service work involving the mentally ill in our community.

I do enjoy going to worship service but still, my faith does not depend upon it. It is very personal. And I depend upon it implicitly daily. I also have an acquaintance who was a former nun who left the order to marry and have a family. We've talked and she gave me a glimpse of the struggle she experienced.

Thank you again, so much, for sharing with me.

Vicki,

Thank you for sharing that.......it gave me much to think about.......I like to hear of others faith in a calm and heartfelt manner......

I still claim my Roman Catholicism because of my long standing history of the Church and have never thought of converting.......as you said that everyone is different and it is a very personal thing, faith. However, due to my curious mind, I have studied Paganism, Islam, Buddhism and follow quite closely Taoism(which is more a philosophy than a religion). Taoism is a wonderful and resonant philosophy and is the basis for some quantum theory to satiate my scientific mind. I have found many consistencies throughout each religion.......despite our differences, we are all pretty much one in the same........for we are all human and the Human condition is universal........just my understanding.....my personal view.

Do I digress? Sorry........all over the place I am so glad that you have found much joy in your faith as does your husband........it is so warming to see the unquestionable faith in you.......gives me hope.....

So, I still swing back and forth with dogma, but never question my odd relationship with God.......it is how it is, and will be the way it is meant to.......I am loved and I love.......but still conflict.......I wonder if it is more my intellect, my inability to have unconditional faith, for I believe in free will and that God is not responsible for my failings or my trauma or my joy.......He is beside me to teach me to love......despite it all. It is the relinquishing of the heart that troubles me so........and the intellect gets in the way......

But as the Father said, Think from the heart........funny how this has risen up all these years later, and I am still battling the same conflicts as in high school.......and unless I recieve it in all its glory, the same conflicts will keep rising up........as I try and approach most things with a degree of spiritual maturity, I shall approach this the same........and ACCEPT.....and love more that I ever thought I could......I have found that the more I try and run away from God, the stronger He becomes in pulling me back......the more of life expreince keeps pushing God in front of me.......strangely, over my life, I could be standing in a full room of people and at the end of the time, the priests and I have gravitated towards each other and we are arguing in the corner about philosophy! They are as attracted to me as I am to them! Weird......

Sorry babe........rambling on.......I am more thinking out loud, for resolution to a degree, is called for so that my mind can have periods of rest. Thanks for indulging me and I wish you much peace on your journey.......you sound very inspired......I like it

Big hugs

Michah

[DocJohn]

Just a gentle reminder that this forum specifically does not allow the discussion of specific religions, religious beliefs or faiths. Please refrain from doing so in the future, thank you.

DocJohn

[Michah]

Originally Posted by DocJohn

Just a gentle reminder that this forum specifically does not allow the discussion of specific religions, religious beliefs or faiths. Please refrain from doing so in the future, thank you.

DocJohn

Sorry Doc,

Will keep that in mind.......still a bit confused though.......should I have sought the advice from a select few by PM instead to seek spiritual counsel?

Michah

[(JD)]

Michah, I personally believe that when God appears, you KNOW it is God without questioning. I also doubt He would appear to you as something evil (which, in our society, a vampire is.)

I think the dream presents to you the typical good vs evil, and from reading your other posts, it seems to apply to your real life. You know so much, yet you feel you have yet to find God. I tend to agree with you.

I don't know what you were thinking before you went to bed that night...or what movies you may have watched recently, or books you read or even what conversations some have had with you...but I would suspect that something reminded you of a blood sucker or maybe of people who are out for "your blood" or against you? I think you are seeking help from God, but are confused as to how to find Him?

Go back to your roots... with what you know, meditate on those things...and ASK GOD to show Himself to you. He will, I'm sure of it. I will also that you will learn of Him personally so that you may have the peace that He gives.

[nowheretorun]

((Micah)))))) i think God (the presence of ultimate goodness) is present in all things... this is what makes all things sacred... for you to find the goodness within your dream, is your path to the higher understandings you search for.. remember to always find the good (not as easy as it sounds) and that is the path you must follow to reach your ultimate destination... know from the beginning that it will end in a place of positivity.. sometimes it is better to envision the place you are wanting to arrive, what it feels like to you, even tho right now it is a little foggy or hazy... work with your vision as much as able, meditate and practice breath exercises while you use the positive imagery and your higher sense will lead you in that direction even tho there may be obstacles in your path to overcome... spiritual growth is sometimes disturbing but keeping a positive objective helps guide your way... i hope this helps some

[SeptemberMorn]

{{{{{{{{{{{{{Michah}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}} Hope the scariness of your dream is gone now.

As per our PMs, you know I stand behind _Sky and Vickie all the way.

You're in my prayers, Hon.

[Malady156]

Nothing useful to add, but Michah it really loves your dream in the OP.

[Michah]

Sorry everyone if I have not replied individually as normally is my custom.......but I feel a deperate need to be silent at the moment.....

Not a conscious decision, just a motivation to stillness and quiet contemplation.......forgive my absence.......

Not as afraid.......just very, very still....

Can't thank you all enough for your contribution.......it has been enlightening, heartfelt and interesting.....

September Morn, I did get your message sweets........but my brain is made of silly putty.......thanks for your PM........I am not usually remiss in correspondance.......but there are some unusual things at play at the moment.....

Got therapy today........phew.......my poor therapist!

Big hugs to all

Michah

[Malady156]

Moriah bes a victim too here you know. It suffers its own afflictions as you suffer yours.

But it will leave you alone if you don't want it near you. It bes quite accustomed to that from you humans.

[(JD)]

Originally Posted by Malady156

Moriah bes a victim too here you know. It suffers its own afflictions as you suffer yours.

But it will leave you alone if you don't want it near you. It bes quite accustomed to that from you humans.

[Elysium]

Micah....

That sounds like quite a thrilling and disturbing dream.

I'd just like to offer you some thoughts...Maybe this Vampire that you dreamed was the bits of God that reside within us all?

I believe that whatever you want to call it, God, The Goddess, Malta, Alla, Jesus, Buddah....whatever name you give to it to symbolically address it, I believe that there are spiritual pieces of it's essence/being in all of us and in everything.

I have found, so many times, that I feel confused and I think I don't know the answers, only to find out later that the answers were there all along inside of me, it just wasn't the time for me to know them yet.

Maybe you are getting close to some internal awakening and this Vampire represents the life sucking fear that comes with such a change. On one hand, you want to know the answers and you feel ready, on another hand you are terrified and want to block out the answers with the noise?

This is what I think of when I read your post. Give it some time. The answers are there. Your God is there as well and when you are ready, not just in mind, but in spirit, your God will provide the answers within.

Blessed Be...

Willow (one of many) & Crystal

[VickiesPath]

Originally Posted by DocJohn

Just a gentle reminder that this forum specifically does not allow the discussion of specific religions, religious beliefs or faiths. Please refrain from doing so in the future, thank you.

DocJohn

I'm sorry, DocJohn, did not mean to disrespect the forum regulations. Will be sure to refrain from it in the future.

Originally Posted by Michah

Sorry everyone if I have not replied individually as normally is my custom.......but I feel a deperate need to be silent at the moment.....

Not a conscious decision, just a motivation to stillness and quiet contemplation.......forgive my absence.......

Not as afraid.......just very, very still....

Can't thank you all enough for your contribution.......it has been enlightening, heartfelt and interesting.....

September Morn, I did get your message sweets........but my brain is made of silly putty.......thanks for your PM........I am not usually remiss in correspondance.......but there are some unusual things at play at the moment.....

Got therapy today........phew.......my poor therapist!

Big hugs to all

Michah

((michah)))))))))))))))))) sometimes i think we all need that a time to reflect and understand ,,,,,,,meditate....you my friend are a enlightened person and full of heart...and kindness .... you are loved

[VickiesPath]

Originally Posted by Michah

Sorry Doc,

Will keep that in mind.......still a bit confused though.......should I have sought the advice from a select few by PM instead to seek spiritual counsel?

Michah

Quote from Vickie: "a ministry of service work involving the mentally ill in our community."

Although I do not want to disobey the rules of the forum, I'm not sure exactly if this does so or not.

Kinda sounds like a mental health professional doesn't it?

I would have to say, however, that my most meaningful spiritual inspiration is the metaphysical experience. I think it rather ironic that I was a person who spent a good portion of my life in professions which required analytical thinking and evidentiary validation, yet one of the things that I am most sure of is the existence of life after death and the description life after death that is prescribed by the most expert psychics and mediums. This, to me, is more meaningful than any picture of the afterlife that I have learned from conventional religion.

Anyway, such a large subject, such a small cyberspace........

[nowheretorun]

sending you peace (((Micah))))))))