Support Prayer Plse

I am tending to one of my ponies that is sick. I have already had the vet out twice, I can't even affort that. I had to have her come out at 3:30 this morning. I have pretty much been up all night.

This is one of the ponies that was injured from the dog 4 years ago. She is colicing and the vet doesn't know why and suggested taking her to the hospital. I cannot take her to the hospital as I truely cannot afford it. This was sudden and she did have some damage from when she coliced from the dog 4 years ago.

Oh, I don't really have anyone to talk to. I am praying that whatever is making her sick will resolve. I am having a hard time with this because I am the kind of person who does what is right for the animal. I don't have a diagnosis telling me what is wrong other than she is colicing (which means digestive track pain anywhere from stomach all the way out).

I don't know if she is going to get worse or better, the waiting is very hard, the not knowing is very hard.

This was not something I had expected, I have been giving her special care and she was doing fine and then this.

This brings me back to the chaos that presented me with PTSD.

Open Eyes

Open Eyes, praying your little pony will recover & you can continue to take care of you.

(((((kindachaotic)))))

Thank you so much I have been checking in for prayers, I am scared and am tending her alone tonight. I get very upset when I see her suffer and I don't know if she will recover.
I am trying to keep her as comfortable as possible.

Open Eyes

Will keep praying for you both as you get thru the night.

I am a night owl, aka insomniac, and jump around the forums.
Please message me so I won't over look how things are going tonight.

Keep posting.

Thanks kindachaotic, I am struggling to stay awake, I will be up all night as I have to keep checking on the pony. I can't let the pony get uncomfortable and roll, she could twist her gut and that would be extremely painful and it would definitely be the end of her. This could go on for a few days. I don't know how it is going to turn out, I am doing my best. I have only had two hours sleep in the past two days.
At least it stopped raining in case I have to walk her. Last night I had to walk her for a while and I had the vet out as I think I said at 3:30am. After the vet left and had injected her with pain meds I took the pony for a trailer ride until sun up. Often a trailer ride will jostle them around and can help pass gas or give them comfort.

Thanks,
Open Eyes

(((Open Eyes))) Still here & still praying that all will turn out well for both of you.
Are you able to stay warm in your barn? It's pretty cold here in Tenn & you're a lot further north.
Tomorrow, well Wed. is a new day, hopefully your pony will have improved some.

Still sending good thoughts & prayers your way.

PS Gotta go now& try to sleep some.

Crying.........the vet wont come out because I can't pay her, how embarassing. I can't blame her, I don't know what I am going to do now. I am so tired, been nursing this pony around the clock since Sunday morning. This debt handed to me is suffocating me in every way. I can't take my medication because I have to stay awake.

Im really tired, I don't know what to do now and I can't seem to think because I am so tired.

you go to sleep. you are of no use if you are exhausted. no use to yourself to make sane, rational judgements. no use to you animal. no use to you family.

you take your medication. it keeps you sane & level headed.

ok at some point you had to have known the vet would have said this. you have had animals with colic before. so use your knowledge & treat the horse as best as you can....with the tools you have.

it is not the vet's fault. not your fault. it is what it is.

for now, make the horse comfortable & sleep.

where is your husband? daughter? GET THEJM INVOLVED IN THIS IF YOU CAN.

& sleep.

the horse has had meds, been treated, been looked at by a vet, been carded for etc. you have done what needed to be done up until this point. put the healing/rest in god's hands now & let yourself recharge so you can make sane,educated choices.

Yes stumpy, your right I have seen colic before, I have seen them roll and twist a gut, I have seen them die and have seen some recover. And it is always frustrating and often exhausting to treat. My husband helps when he can, he works two jobs. My daughter doesn't live home and only managed to stop by as her plate is full too. I only have one more dose of pain medication and I am not sure where I can get more as it is bought from vets.

I am trying to think how I can get more meds, this is just .......

Well my husband called the vet and asked her to come he put it on HIS charge card.
The vet could not give her a complete rectal as her small intestine is full of gas, something is going on but she is just not sure, could be a twist up high or an obstruction but she just doesn't know and we have to consider scar tissue build up from the damage caused from when she coliced badly after being chased by the neighbors dog. It has been four years and the scar tissue could just be building causing issues, I guess it just keeps building and that could be causing the obstruction which can cause a twist. This past January that part of her intestine where that scar is was giving her issues, she told me it makes her more prone to colic. She had been doing so well with the feeding progam I had her on. If this treatment tonight doesn't help the only thing left is surgery and that would be at least $5,000 and that is just not an option. Her heart rate went up, not a good sign, but it is not so high that there is a big alarm.

In an hour I give her some medication than pain meds again at midnight. Maybe then I can catch some zzz's if she stays quiet and I don't have to walk her.

Thanks for those that just listen, I would rather think about the problems of others than my own.

Open Eyes

(((((Open Eyes))))) hope you & your pony are getting some rest right now.
Still praying this will work it self out.

If you want a distraction... Visiting my parents for holidays, they live 6 hrs away, they are 78 yrs old. My father is cranky, has a short fuse & can barely hear. Now, my mom is getting some pretty significant adult dementia. The combo of the two of them can range from funny to explosive, it's a walking on eggshells situation. We do have to watch mom tho cause she looses stuff, keys, wallet twice now, cell phone, & burns things on stove & oven, ect.
After I got out on my own, in 1979 ... she became my best friend & my mom. I still have a mom just not the one I've had all these years, so sad.
Next story will PM you.

Take care of yourself & keep posting.

Thanks for those that just listen, I would rather think about the problems of others than my own.

Open Eyes[/quote]
i am sorry...you sounded exhausted & posted that you were sleep deprived & didn't know of a course of action. i posted what i thought would help...which was sleep & your meds. i also knew that you had been in this situation before based on your experience with horses.

obviously my help is not what you want or need to hear. i will not respond to your posts again, as i believe in offering concrete assistance rather than vague offerings...which are nice but don't really provide guidance when one is in need of direction.

i have been in your situation as well...with dogs..bloat is a scary situation. as is being financially strapped & sleep deprived. sorry i thought i could help.

i do hope things turn out well & your horse heals up.

It is ok Stumpy, the fact that you took time to even try to help is enough.

I am trying to help this pony and I dont know if she is going to make it, I am frightened and it is a very difficult situation to address.

I basically just wanted some prayers, I just feel so alone with this. This is hard for me, I am a mush and I just want to do right by this little pony that depends on ME for her well being.

Horses and ponies cannot throw up like dogs and other animals and humans. So, if there is something that is preventing the pony from getting food out of her stomach to digestion it can be dangerous to just add more. Typically one of the procedures is to pump mineral oil and water into the stomach so that if there is constipation that could help soften up the stool so that it can move just like in humans. If there is constipation it would also present gas so another thing to try is administering something that can help discipate the gas that can build up.

Unfortunately there could be many different reasons for a horse to present colic (upset stomach digestive issues)so it can be extremely frustrating to treat. And the pain can be so disturbing that they can lay down and thrash around which can twist thier gut and make it even worse. So, it is very important to keep a vigial and try to make sure that the pain is managed.

I am trying to do just that and right now I am also trying to feed her via syringe with a very watery
food to see if I can give her nourishment gently and see if I can help her regain function in her digestion. And it is somewhat guess work and a lot of hoping and praying that what I am doing isn't going to aggrivate her system even more. And I have to walk her as well which can encourage gas release and motion in her system. Constant monitoring is a must, one cannot just medicate and walk away, it is a very draining process.

I am praying that what I do works and I can get her resolved, however there is a lot of unknowns.
I am also praying that I can get her stable so I can do a job tomarrow as I need the money desperately.
I am praying that she doesn't take a turn for the worse and I have to address that along with trying to do the job.

It is a very stressful situation and I don't handle stress very well right now. I am trying my best.

Open Eyes

(((Open Eyes))) How is the pony tonight?

You have so much going on & I know you are just trying to hang on at this point. This sweet animal knows it is loved & that is a comfort to both of you.

Hope this afternoon & evening has shown some improvement.

Still praying over several of your struggles.

The pony is somewhat stable but still struggling. I am very afraid, she has not made any manure, will only nibble grass and I don't know if she is obstucted and cant process. I wish I could take her to the hospital but I just don't have the means. I don't like this at all and I am flashbacking to memories of one I lost and tried so hard to help recover. I feel like I am failing and she depends on me so much, this is so hard. And it is just a reminder that she got so sick when chased by my neighbors dog, it just created digestive issues for her that I have been addressing ever since. I am so tired of being trapped with all this aftermath, it just never ends.

Thank you for your prayers, I am trying not to let this aggrivate my PTSD and that is so hard too. I shake alot from nerves, I hate how I can't seem to control it. I just keep trying to be in the moment and when I cant do that I run to PC and just try to post and think about something other than this. This is truely hard. My brain doesnt know what to do, I am trying to diassociate in a healthy way? If there is one?

I am in the dark here, I don't know the pathology I cant get that so I am at the mercy of hope. And I don't like not knowing what is going on inside her.

Open Eyes

Sigh......., I am still addressing the pony and she is trying but still uncomfortable. I am syringing fluids in her and some watered down grain and some applesauce diluted with warm water. I had the vet out last night and she still has a lot of gas, her heart rate came down a little from the last time the vet came out. She did one small poop yesterday, none today so that is only one small poop in 6 days. She is such a good pony trying hard to please, trusting me as always.

Sigh.....either she will recover or take a turn for the worse, I hope she recovers, she is trying. Lots of days of worrying here trying to get sleep when I can and posting to get my mind somewhere else away from the stress.

Open Eyes

Still the same condition and confusing both me and the vet. I am trying to keep my head straight with this, it truely is a challenge, testing my hypervigillance and I wake up in the middle of sleep with severe chills from nerves. And every time I try to express my feelings my husband quickly pushes buttons to "just deal" which triggers me badly as that is what I am truely trying to do. It sure brings back some bad memories of how I was treated before when I was just in shock, just reacting to a bad situation of a lot of loss suddenly. It has been several days now, it is truely draining and not at a point to make a decision of euthanaisia. And the vet is demanding money again and its not there. This is awful.

I wonder about my prayers and why they are not being answered, why is this going on and on? I am only just understanding what I am dealing with in PTSD. What is the right way to think so that I dont fall into PTSD deeper, not knowing it? And I can't believe my husband is going back to making snide remarks that truely trigger the past, even when I try to tell him I am doing my best. I hate how people don't get what PTSD means. I hate the confusion of it myself. It sure has been such a challenging year.

Open Eyes

Sigh.......guess its going to be another all nighter.....by myself. Her stomach is swelling now, not a good sign. This is not my strong area I just feel too much.

Oh i'm so sorry, Open Eyes...this is so much to go through...

I just said a prayer for you and your precious pony.

May God watch over you both.

Thank you I am very tired and I don't know what to do. This is very hard. This pony started my business with me and took care of my child.
I have had her for 21 years and she has always there through many difficult times for me. She is trying and I honestly wish I could take her to the hospital as the vet that comes to my home doesn't know what is going on inside her that would be presenting all of this. I hate not knowing, it is so not me. I truely feel so confined and helpless.

I just feel like I am letting her down because I just cant afford the hospital. I should have seen that dog running my horses/ponies that caused so much bad. I just feel like I am never going to break free of this. I am tired, truely tired. I just wish I knew what is going on, I just feel so helpless and I feel like I am letting her down. And it is embarrassing talking to the vet who's trying to say I need to take her to the hospital. Its been going on so long its torturing my conscience.
And I am all alone with her, it is ME that has to be responsible.

I hope I am not triggering anyone here, I am just at such a loss, I don't know what to do with it in my mind. I don't have someone telling me that I need to be merciful and euthanize etc. so I have to address this like she is going to recover. It is just going on so long.

Open Eyes

I was just sitting here wondering how I could help you and your pony, and then I saw this post by Doc John. Do you think you might qualify for this grant to help with the vet bills? Bless you both...

Thanks, I am very overwhelmed at the moment. The pony is getting worse and will most likely be euthanized. I am pretty torn up right now, but I will look at it when I can think.

That was very nice of you.

Open Eyes

I know whatever you decide is from your heart and wisdom...so that will be the right thing to do for both of you...

Please don't forget to take care of yourself, Open Eyes. You'll be in my thoughts.

Well we gathered last night thinking we were going to put her out of her misery. As we watched her trying and my daughter had to make a decision my daughter just couldn't make up her mind and wanted to try one more thing. My daughter slept with her pony all night patiently waiting for some kind of decision to come to her heart. So many memories, so many things we were able to do because of this one little life now hanging in the balance. This one little life that began a life path for all of us leading to so many things, more than we ever could have imagined. And so many hearts were touched by this one little life. So many little girls that learned how to ride on her and went on to grow up around horses and eventually own their own.

I can remember my daughter just six years old climbing on this pony's back following me on my horse through the woods thru streams and over logs and that whole time this pony just allowed my little daughter to have so much fun, safe fun. And I remember how we dressed her up in red,white,and blue and took her in the parade with my daughter on her back and it was such a great experience for my daughter.
This one little pony that was there with me as I started my business and it slowly grew and all these years it allowed us to finance years of my daughter riding and showing and learning so much on the back of different horses over so many years.

As I struggled in trying to address my husband's issues with alcoholism and infedelity, this pony provided me with a way to be productive, a way to make my own life amongst so many struggles. A whole way of life that I never thought I would have, all made possible with this little pony that came into our lives.

All that was changed one night when a neighbor's dog chased all my ponies, so many years of finding special animals to make up my business, so many different injuries and this little pony got so sick, and she was just never the same. Something happened inside her all those days she was sick, and the pony and I have been trying to find ways to manage it for over four years now. And each time it would act up we would change her diet and we managed until whatever damage occured, built up scar tissue some the vet could feel some we could not see, made it too hard for her system to funciton properly, no this time she just couldn't recover. And it was hard to hear the neighbors selling their christmas trees and laughing while I was trying to save my pony's life once again because they didn't fix their fence, just let that dog out while I slept to come over and chase away my lifes work, my special little ponies that took years to find and train. Honestly, I have yet to find a way to overcome how someone didn't care enough to respect so much of my hard work. And hearing people just a few feet away laughing and picking out christmas trees, knowing that I was so nice and decorated my ponies in christmas decorations to give pony rides to help him open his christmas tree business just months before so much damage is beyond my comprehension. Why couldn't they just be responsible, why did they not fix that containment system for almost three months, have to wait until so many of my animals were injured and left crippled to finally install a new electric fence?

Now my little pony rests next to her best buddy, one that also lost her life due to damage from this dog. Sigh....it seems that has been my life now, more tears, still looking after damaged animals and drowning in the debt of it. So much debt that I could not take this pony to the hospital, had to just do my best with a vet coming here to do her best. This vet fell in love with the pony too and we all cried, it was so very hard.

How many times do I have to see my daughter so upset, tending to her damaged show horse, having her years of work ripped out from under her just when she was finally seeing all her work come together and was planning on finally getting to go to compete and see her dreams and hard work come true. And everything, more than I could ever imagine has changed in my family, my life because someone just didn't want to be responsible, just was too lazy and didn't care.

Honestly, I don't know how to process all this. It has presented me with something I am trying to understand. I just couldn't process or wrap my brain around all of the damage, everywhere I looked, in my animals and in the eyes of my daughter and my husband and in the mirror looking at my own eyes and tired face. For over four years now I have been struggling to find my way with all this. I don't know how to think where it wont somehow not process in my brain right. How do I stop my own brain from reacting and presenting this condition that I am trying so hard to understand and overcome?

To my little pony I have lost, may she rest in peace. Her long battle is over, I have done the best I could to help my little friend that gave me so much, so many memories, years of so many things I did with her, things that were able to happen because of her.

Open Eyes so many hearts touched by one little life.