[Deilla]

I'm not sure what's wrong with me. I feel stressed, lonely and depressed. I don't have much energy either.

[Breaking Dawn]

This time of year, in spite of the spirit of giving & love, may be filled with memories, unfinished grief, unfulfilled wishes, & not enough sunshine. So let us comfort each other & find strength in our own special ways. I am so grateful to be here. I wish all of you your dreams come true!!

[Deilla]

I feel cut off today. There's been a major explosion in a nearby city. Phone service is down, including 911. I was trying to talk to my vet about my cat. She's been crying today. And my half-sister is supposed to call today. I wanted to talk to my mom. I can't do that. And I'm worried that if I needed help with anything, I have no way to reach out. I'm going to ground myself. There's nothing I can do. I don't know how long the outage will last. I think the carrier's building was destroyed. That's scary to think about.

[Deilla]

I'm having a difficult evening. I thought it would be nice to play a game for a while. But I can't get into it. My mood is off. I feel sad, tired and lonely. I wish I had someone to talk to. I tried talking to my sister yesterday, but she never did respond. I asked her today if her phone was okay. She told me she keeps her phone on silent. So that's great! I really needed her yesterday. I don't understand it. If I have my phone on do not disturb, I check it. I feel hurt. Oh well! Can't change it. Can't change people. I just wish I felt better tonight. Maybe I just need to go to sleep.

[Deilla]

My day is getting better. I started off in pain. I took some meds and I've mainly been taking it easy. It's a pretty day. I'm sitting right next to an open window. I have everything I need to doodle and color. So I will spend some time doing that. I hope everyone is doing well. Happy New Year's to all!

[SlumberKitty]

Happy New Years!

[Breaking Dawn]

I think my day is moving along in the up direction, little by little. I've been reading for information & for pleasure, & working on a small goal that has been a challenge for me. And Happy New Year to you, too!!

[Deilla]

I'm a little sad and lonely tonight. I couldn't sleep. I've been trying to find things to do until I get tired. It's just too quiet. I really wish I had someone to talk to. I was hoping to hear from my half-sister this weekend, but I don't think she will call. I saw something the other day on TikTok that is influencing me. It said, "Never beg for anyone to give you time. If they wanted to they would." So if my sister cared, she would call. I've reached out to her enough already. Same with my sister C. Same with all the friends who once spoke to me but then disappeared. They were never really my friends, to begin with.

[Deilla]

I feel good today. I'm in a lot less pain. I've been using my walker. Now I can do stuff around the house. My cat Jazzy thinks it's someplace to sit and ride. She's so funny. I think I will have a good day today. I'm working on chores. And what's really great is I don't need pain meds.

[Breaking Dawn]

I think about therapy, maybe when the pandemic is done. Meanwhile I'm finding articles on the internet for new ideas to consider.

[SlumberKitty]

Doing okay. I have a Pdoc appointment tomorrow. Trying to decide how much to tell him about the hallucinations. I have 25 minutes. I should use them instead of always being like, "Everything's fine."

[Deilla]

I'm doing chores today and working on my Etsy store. It's been busy. I hope to relax soon. I am getting tired.

[~*glass_owl*~]

I'm doing okay. New Years and Christmas went well. I'm worried about my relationship right now, but after spending so much time with him over the holiday I'm deeply in love. I've never felt so vulnerable.

[Deilla]

My emotions have been all over the place lately. Playing my game is both good and bad. I feel so alone in my game but I have such fun too. Maybe I need a relationship, but I know I can't find one until I am right with me. I have to get used to my own company.

[~*glass_owl*~]

I spent the night with my boyfriend. Mom dropped by in a panic this morning thinking I wasn't okay, because I was late calling her. My apartment is full of food, which I'm happy about. I'm doing a grunge thing with my hair. I can't seem to finish a game of chess with my boyfriend, I get upset that my boyfriend seems to be winning and I give up. I donated money to a dive bar/music venue, because my mom talked to me about it and convinced me it was a good idea. Which now I regret, because I'm sober and I supported a bar, instead of giving that money to keeping people sober and saving their lives. I'm sort of pissed off at my mom about that, but mostly at myself for letting her convince me to give money to a bar when I'm in recovery. She thinks it's fine and sweet and cool and everything and that I did nothing wrong, because they have music.

[Deilla]

I'm struggling. I had a really bad day. Physically, it was challenging. I signed up for a class this morning, but after I struggled with housework, I realized I don't have time for a class. All my time goes toward cleaning the house and self-care. It's pretty depressing to think about. I'm too tired to pursue interests. My only outlet is my game. I feel pretty useless. At least I'm making a home for my cats.

[Breaking Dawn]

I received good news twice today, which lifted my spirits both times.

[WastingAsparagus]

I am doing fine. Just need to do more with my life. Perhaps I need some new interests or other things to do. I have been quite bored lately.

[Deilla]

I don't feel well today. But I am going to try to relax and take care of myself. I have an early morning appointment, but I don't think I can make it. I don't feel well enough to go. I really need to focus on self-care today.

[SlumberKitty]

Tired today. Didn't want to come to work but made myself adult and come to work.

[~*glass_owl*~]

I'm going to see the pulmonologist today, not about corona virus. I've been sick so much at work I don't know if they know what to do with me. Still hopeful for my artwork, but my desk is a mess and I still need to make my boyfriend his Christmas present. Pulling yourself up by your bootstraps is hard, when your boss can't seem to do it. I'm supported by disability, so I'm not worried about rent. I just want to do more with my life than collect disability and I can't even seem to keep up with volunteer work or hobbies sometimes. I've been playing chess and watching movies with my boyfriend and doing these posts, so I guess that has to be good enough.

[Deilla]

This evening I am very stressed out. I'm not sure why. I just want to sleep. I'm sure if I took my night time meds and went to bed, I would feel lots better.

[Deilla]

I just figured out something really awesome. I noticed over the past few weeks that The Voice isn't there bothering me. It normally hums and says nonsensical stuff. But I don't hear it anymore. I kept wondering why and I just now remembered I started Buspar a few weeks ago. That's the reason why. What if The Voice was anxiety? That's what Buspar treats. But who's ever had a voice because of anxiety? I don't know. I'll mention it to my pnurse. I think I will start cutting back on my AP.

[~*glass_owl*~]

I was feeling unwell yesterday (I think I did a forum post). I slept through the night last night with no problems. I don't know what happened the night before. I ate three vegan quesadillas today and took a shower. I even did my dishes.

[SlumberKitty]

I'm frustrated today.