[Breaking Dawn]

I did pretty good most of the day today. At the moment I am dealing with a difficult challenge, so I'm trying to focus on the belief that it's temporary & things will be better again in a while.

[Deilla]

I feel very sad and lonely today. I have too much on my plate. But my mom said she will help me tomorrow. It will be good company too. I haven't seen anyone since November.

[Intuitively_here]

I haven’t been here since October. Been struggling emotionally since the weekend. Was triggered by something on Saturday and the anger made way to sadness. Was able to identify it and find ways to cope. More upbeat this afternoon.

[Deilla]

I'm very down. My mom never showed up. I waited and waited. I'm never asking for help again.

[Breaking Dawn]

Originally Posted by Deilla

I'm very down. My mom never showed up. I waited and waited. I'm never asking for help again.

I'm so sorry it turned out this way, @Deilla! She said she was going to help you, & you were so appreciative! Maybe you can call your stepmom? She seems to be a better mom. Take care, dear Deilla! Hugs & love to you!!

[SlumberKitty]

Was a bit paranoid yesterday. Feeling better (so far) today. Hope everyone is doing well.

[Deilla]

Originally Posted by Breaking Dawn

I'm so sorry it turned out this way, @Deilla! She said she was going to help you, & you were so appreciative! Maybe you can call your stepmom? She seems to be a better mom. Take care, dear Deilla! Hugs & love to you!!

Thank you for your support! I appreciate it. My stepmom won't help either. I've asked her before. I'm on my own. Maybe if we get the stimulus money I can pay to have someone help me. That's always an option.

[Breaking Dawn]

I'm so sorry, Deilla, even your stepmom! I'll be crossing my fingers for you, & visualizing help coming your way.

[Deilla]

I feel angry. I tried to forgive my mom and just try to have a normal relationship with her. I asked her how everyone was doing. All she said to me was, "ok". Nothing about anything. She didn't even ask how I was. She does that a lot to me. Last year I shared some good news with her. I told her I published a book. I worked hard on that and I was proud of it. You know what she said? She said, "ok". Not congratulations or I'm proud of you. Or what kind of book? Nothing. I hate her!

[AliceKate]

You feelings are entirely justified imo @Deilla I am sorry this happened.

Does your mom sttruggle with mental illness, too, or is she just a .....?

[Deilla]

Originally Posted by AliceKate

You feelings are entirely justified imo @Deilla I am sorry this happened.

Does your mom sttruggle with mental illness, too, or is she just a .....?

Yes, she has struggled with MI in the past. She seems to have BPD in my opinion. But she has no official diagnosis. I feel less angry this morning. She is who she is. I just have to limit contact. That way I feel less pain.

[bpforever1]

I am doing well. I am working and supporting myself. I don't make much but am doing ok. I pay for all of my bills. Life is ok. I'm getting more work because I opened my schedule to get more work. So, I will be working over 20 hours a week but in reality am working about 25-28 hours a week because I need to prep for classes. So, I'm doing ok. I am compliant with my medication and have been for over three years now. The only problem I am having is with men on online dating apps. One of them is stalking me now. I feel disgusted. He wanted sex, and I did not. He is also 67 years old. What a waste product!! He is so aggressive yet has nothing to offer in return. But, I can go on forever about how appalled I am. So, I will try to refrain from doing so. I made a mistake and admit it. Nobody can be trusted. So, I have to live in fear for awhile. I hope he forgets about me. I don't want to be a statistic.

[WastingAsparagus]

I am doing pretty well this morning. Just doing stuff this morning such as listening to audiobooks. Planning on accomplishing a lot today.

[Deilla]

I feel stressed and a little sad today. I've had a busy morning and this afternoon I'm having a difficult time trying to relax. I'm beating myself up for not doing things I think I should be doing. I really need to show myself some compassion. I'm doing the best I can.

[Breaking Dawn]

Me, too. I beat myself up all the time. It's so weird.

[bpforever1]

I'm doing well and just went out on a date with a nice man. It went well, believe it or not!! I am happy so far. I hope he asks me out again. He did not push sex either. I like him a lot and hope it works out. My work is not too stressful but my schedule is not good still. So, life continues. I am happy overall with my life. I'm still compliant and am doing ok. I am exercising every other day for over an hour each time. I eat well also. I'm doing pretty well and have no complaints. Life could not be better and am finally getting used to my routine.

[Breaking Dawn]

I'm so glad for you, @bpforever1!!

[Deilla]

Today is a much better day for me. I've been taking things slowly. I finished up all my chores early. It's a nice sunny day and my slider is open.

[WastingAsparagus]

Originally Posted by Deilla

Today is a much better day for me. I've been taking things slowly. I finished up all my chores early. It's a nice sunny day and my slider is open.

Good to hear!

I am doing pretty well these days. I was able to work about 4-5 hours the past few days for my job, an accomplishment I'm really proud of. I am hoping to be able to work more this week.

[Deilla]

I'm in a panic this morning. I have an appointment today. I think I am prepared. I just wish I could go now and get it over with. Maybe I need to meditate to calm down.

[WastingAsparagus]

Originally Posted by Deilla

I'm in a panic this morning. I have an appointment today. I think I am prepared. I just wish I could go now and get it over with. Maybe I need to meditate to calm down.

I'm sorry you're in a panic - is it any help to write stuff down to say in the appointment? I know sometimes that helps me if I have a plan for what I want to talk about... Seems like you're prepared though, so that's good.

[Deilla]

Originally Posted by WastingAsparagus

I'm sorry you're in a panic - is it any help to write stuff down to say in the appointment? I know sometimes that helps me if I have a plan for what I want to talk about... Seems like you're prepared though, so that's good.

Thank you! I suffer from agoraphobia. So it's traumatic every time I have to leave the house. Having to catch cats and get them in the carrier makes it worse. I ended up distracting myself until it was time for my appointment. That helped soothe the pain in my chest. I have to do it again next week. Now I know what I can do to stay calm.

[WastingAsparagus]

Originally Posted by Deilla

Thank you! I suffer from agoraphobia. So it's traumatic every time I have to leave the house. Having to catch cats and get them in the carrier makes it worse. I ended up distracting myself until it was time for my appointment. That helped soothe the pain in my chest. I have to do it again next week. Now I know what I can do to stay calm.

Do you have a therapist who can walk you through experiences like the agoraphobia? It can sometimes help to have a supportive person, even if it's just sending that person a text message or a message somehow when you're leaving the house and just to check in for support reasons.

[Deilla]

Originally Posted by WastingAsparagus

Do you have a therapist who can walk you through experiences like the agoraphobia? It can sometimes help to have a supportive person, even if it's just sending that person a text message or a message somehow when you're leaving the house and just to check in for support reasons.

Yes, I have an online therapist and I have friends I talk to. I find that helpful. The emotion of it and the worry in my head make it difficult to deal with. I'm reading up on DBT and mindfulness. And my therapist told me just yesterday that she had similar issues at one point in her life. Exposure helped her. I've been afraid of exposure therapy. But current circumstances are making it a reality. I have to leave my house twice next week. And one more time this week. Thanks for your support!

[bpforever1]

I'm busy but doing well. The new man is still in touch with me so it is promising! I am happy!!I have too much work though and am tired. But, life continues. I am still compliant and am symptom-free for now. I feel fine. Life is not that bad! I hope all of you the best!! Please hang in there!!