Need help with schizophrenic boyfriend!

Hi everyone, I'm new here and I'm going to repost my original intro to make sure everyone knows my whole situation and then I will put some additional background about myself afterwards.

Repost: I'm trying to figure how to proceed with a long-term relationship with my schizophrenic boyfriend. We have been talking about marriage for a long time now. He is a great guy, very sweet and loving. Not mean and non-abusive. I love him so much. He's doing well with his health, recovery and daily life too.

I am new also to learning about schizophrenia and I've been reading up on the subject for over a month now. I want to find ways to emotionally support my boyfriend, find better coping skills for myself and through advice from others figure out if its possible to have a good life with my boyfriend (hopefully future husband).

Lately I've been learning about the specific challenges that go with having a mentally ill partner from the perspective of others by reading other women's stories and it all seems frightfully negative. I'm starting to worry about what am I possibly in for here with my boyfriend as time goes on. He's staying very strong and optimistic and trying to help me stay calm about the future but I can't help but worry more and more.

However, at the end of June my boyfriend started contacting me less after 7 years of being super involves and talking and being together everyday. The decreased contact started because he got upset with me because I pointed out that he didn't give me a birthday card (which he always gives me) and he got an attitude with me and said he was busy fixing his computer. This shocked the hell out of me because he's always so pleasant and never gives me attitude! WTF?

But at least he did leave a nice voicemail. He gently alluded to breaking up in July, which scared me so much. I`d been so hardcore depressed and crying everyday since then and trying to hold back my tears in even normal situations. Finally at the end of August, weeks before fall semester began for both of us at different schools. I began a relentless search about everything I could find on schizophrenia to see if being distant is some kind of symptom. Sure enough I find that this is happening to other women. My research has yielded the most horrific stories of women suffering abuse from their ill partners. I got so scared wondering if my sweet wonderful man could turn into such a monster. The thing I found out is no one knows for sure. In September the communication picked up speed which was encouraging. Now that it's October, talk has dropped again and the lack of communication is making me worrried even more and I as of today havn't heard from him in 7 days. The last e-mail I got from him was sweet. He`s still kind, loving and amazing right now but much less conversant and it bothers me so much he's such a chatty personable guy. He told that he has been given more responsibilities at work now and school is pretty challenging. So I don't know if that is trigging stress that is making him have an episode.

And since I am in school finishing up my degree and in a lot of debt with school loans and I have very big career goals in a creative field I wonder how I can take care of myself and make sure my bf's needs are meet, is it even realistic for me to maintain my goals when faced with the reality of being with an ill partner? He has goals too he is in school to be a software engineer. Yet he has told me I should scale back me goals to stay home with him. He is very high functioning now but is so emotionally dependent on me. I would love to just stay home and be with him all the time but I need to make a living to support myself and to do something I enjoy and have time AWAY from him. The biggest challenge is meeting both our needs and helping him understand that I have needs that have to be met too. I know I am going to need therapy for myself pretty soon but for now reading tips and advice is really helpful.
End of repost

I've asked a question on the Answer portion of this website and also made a comment on another topic in the schizophrenic forum section. The responses are positive and encouraging which I feel is very comforting and kind.

But I am also a realist and I want to know the cold harsh reality of situation. I've been living with the cold harsh reality for 7 years! So far I've read that women with schizo husbands and bfs get treated like crap for the most part and they have to hold out hope things will get better. I've read a story written by a woman whose husband won't have sex with her, another woman has been assaulted by her husband and he has threatened the life of their child!!!

If I marry my bf, he wants to have kids and in general, I don't want kids and especially not with him because I grew up with a really emotionally unstable dad, who was cold, unloving, uninvolved, distant and angry all the time. I think he had post traumatic stress from being in Vietnam. I was afraid of him till my early 20s!! But My dad is doing better, I'm not afraid of him anymore and he's nice now :-). I don't want my kids to have an experience of having an unavailable, possibly psychotic (if my bf snaps one day) father. I know my bf is a totally different person and not my father but I just don't want to risk it.

All I've ever wanted was a guy to love me and some one who I can love. And so far I've had nothing but BS and turmoil in relationships. Even though my bf is a sweet wonderful man at heart his illness has gotten in the way of me being able to enjoy him as a person for very long.

I learned about a week ago that the paranoid/delusions are an involuntary response and are not his fault. But even so its caused me to not keep in touch with male friends because my bf puts such a guilt trip on me for contacting male friends. In fact I can't mention any males without him getting very worryied, he thinks that every guy wants to have sex with me and he thinks that I want to leave him, he even has a problem with me being social with women too (not sex related though), at one point he said he was sad because he thought I was having fun without him and he said he was sad that I posted on y facebook that I had fun at an event before I told him how things went. He even told me he looked (snooped!) in my lady friend's facebook photo album to find new pictures of me (going behind my back was so messed up!) but I didn't make a big deal of it or ask many questions because I knew if I did he might stop telling me anything else he's up to.

Its so hard to constantly reassure him of everything, it's getting so old and tiring, I can't live my life having to apoligize for trying to build a social life! As I get older I've really blossomed socially and I just don't want him to try to guilt trip me and isolate me if we get married.

However, I started out with OVERWHELMING low self esteem, hardcore shyness and no friends when I started out with him and I was spending ALL my time with him because he demanded it. I've endured a lot of emotional pain and had been forced to be his councelor when he refused getting professional help after I begged to get help for the first 4 years in the relationship when he went undiagnosed.

Also, having him detail how he planned to commit suicide everyday for about a year and then threating to SURELY do it if I left him, was the most gut wrenching, sickening, heart breaking, traumatizing experience of my life. And of course I stayed because who could leave when you think someone's death could be your fault?! It really messed with my head for a long time, but last year I was able to just let it go and be free of the anger and bitterness I had for my bf for putting me through such emotional torment because it was eating me alive.

I told him how that impacted me and he refused to believe that his psychotic episode could cause such a damaging emotional trauma to me. He said and I will never forget this, "I didn't mean to do that, so you shouldn't feel hurt. I can't apoligize for that because I didn't mean to hurt you!" I felt like that was such a cold calous response, ill or not I think he was a jerk for saying that! Well the damage had been done reguardless and I told him that, I don't think he will ever get it or be able to accept it!!!

I before I met my bf I've been in nothing but unhealthy relationships with men where they just try to use me and emotionally abuse me. So have a LOT of baggage myself, my personal issues have impacted the relationship greatly as well, so it's not like I'm just trying to blame my bf. I know this is my fault for not be smarter but I am now trying to correct my choices and make sure I stay on the right track.

I guess what I'm trying to do is just work through why I want to leave him but it's hard to just really leave him because I just keep making up reasons not to leave and trying to be hopeful.

If I can get to a place where I feel at peace to leave on my own terms I can begin the task of fixing myself so I can be a good partner to someone else, eventually.

I also just feel really guilty for wanting to leave my bf, he's a good guy but his illness has caused him to be an unhealthy partner and I just want to have a normal relationship so much.

Above all, what I really want to just be able to have BETTER skills to cope and deal with my bf but if all else fails or he takes a turn for the worse I have to make peace with leaving to preserve my own sanity, health and emotional wellbeing.

I want to reinerate that my bf's behavior that traumatized me lasted the first 4 years of the relationship, pre-treatment and after the diagnosis and treatment 3 years ago he has paranoid/delusions that are sporatic and spread out and less drawn out, now they last maybe a day or several days as oppose to delusions pre-treatment that lasted long months or some even several years! So there is much progress.

I don't believe he actually does know he is paranoid/delusional, I know he just thinks the only problem is the voices in his head. How to I point out that he does in fact have paranoid/delusions? If I point something out negative, even in the nicest way he thinks I'm being mean and he's ultra sensitive.

Anyway I'm sorry for such a long, mixed up post, it just really reflects how I feel inside. Thank you in advance for your time and patience everyone.

hi sakura, your bf cannot differentiate between real and unreal. telling him it's not real may not compute in his head. the delusional world to him is as real as his real world.
my ex-husband is paranoid schiz. i caretook him last year. his pdoc gave me the advice above, so i'm sharing it with you. others may have another opinion.
i came to this site originally for support as his caregiver. i received wonderful support. i am sure you will too. you might want to post in "relationships" forum too so more ppl will review your post.

Hello SakuraLi,
I've read through your post a few times now and there's a lot going on in it. One thing I found was that it was as much about you as it was about him. I also found that very little of it seemed to me to have much to do with schizophrenia. The issues you are facing strike me as fairly typical for two young people who are separated by distance, actively involved in building their own lives, plagued by ordinary doubts regarding their partnership, and considering moving their relationship to the next level.

You noted that you'd heard some horror stories and I guess that's par for the course. You ask any sample of women about their marriages (to, presumably "mentally well" partners) and you're going to hear some horror stories there too. You're going to hear some heartwarming stories as well.

It should be noted that many people are married to other people who are considered to have some degree of mental illness in their lives. (Judging by what's in the DSM, there isn't a person on this planet who isn't "mentally ill" at some point in their lives.) Some of those are happy marriages, some of them are not. All marriages however will face or have already faced significant life challenges including births, deaths, careers, jealousies, financial stressors, etc. Some of those marriages will fall apart in the face of those challenges. Some of them will stay together.

I'm not certain what the magical ingredient is that makes for a marriage that can endure through the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune but compatibility does seem to play a role. In terms of you and your boyfriend there do appear to be some possible incompatibility issues -- specifically, the fact that he wants you to be a stay-at-home wife and you don't want that for yourself, and the fact that he wants children and you don't. These sorts of variances in personal life choices may have a far greater impact upon your marriage than any diagnostic labels.

You also speak of your own childhood and how it has affected your relationships with people of the opposite sex. I suspect it would be helpful for you to explore some of these issues in a formal or informal supportive environment. I think it's quite likely that they both color and distort your present perception and until your own issues are addressed, you won't be able to see his for what they really are.

Meantime, at least some of the examples you provided struck me as not having anything to do with schizophrenia. For example, you mentioned your boyfriend is working and going to school and has become more distant and less communicative since then. I think this is quite normal behavior for anyone and not evidence that he's experiencing any kind of psychotic episode.

You also spoke of a disagreement you and he had in the past, noting that you were very hurt when he said he didn't mean to hurt you with his words so he couldn't apologize for doing something he didn't intend to do. This strikes me as insensitive but again, insensitivity is not the same thing as schizophrenic. Many young women voice similar complaints about their own partners. Perhaps he's simply a young man who hasn't yet figured out how the process of give-and-take works in a relationship.

Even his jealousy is not necessarily an indication of an episode for there are many young (and old) men and women who are insecure, prone to jealousy, controlling even -- but that's not schizophrenia either.

All things considered, if someone is intending to choose a partner and build a life with that person, most people seem to feel rather happy about that. They seem to feel like they're getting a remarkable person and they're incredibly fortunate to have found that person for themselves. I'm not getting the impression that is the way you feel about your boyfriend. What I do hear is a lot of affection mixed in with a lot of confusion and uncertainty.

I may be wrong of course, for I couldn't possibly know you, your boyfriend, or the entirety of your history through the few words you have shared here. Nonetheless, this is why I suggest it might be most helpful to sort your own issues through before you try to determine what his are.

Thank you Madisgram and Spiritual Emergency. Your insights have been very helpful. Madisgram you make an excellent point about my bf not being able to differential between real and unreal, but he's not always like that, it's just when he's having a delusion. Fortunately post-treatment my bf does NOT operate in a constant delusional haze. Stress and pressure triggers it now on occasion. I thank God he is a pretty clear thinker now after treatment.

I must point out that ALL his paranoid/delusions over the time I've known him are based so heavily in reality and so directly applicable to what is happening between us or in his interactions with others that I don't know if it's illness related, just his insecurities or if he has a naturally obsessive personality.

I know for a fact he seems to have several natural qualities such as jealously, insecurities, shyness, selfishness, no high ambitions, non-competitive etc. I know those are not caused by his illness but the illness seems to heighten the affect of some of these qualities.

He even made it clear early on that he pretty much wanted a passive woman who would agree with him and not really give him any back talk or opposition, well I refused because I'm not going to be like that for anyone. Every time I didn't want to go along with what he wanted he'd get mad and he'd said, "well I don't think we were meant to be together!" He'd always tried to control me and dominate me pre-treatment but I refused. He seemed to have a real problem with strong-willed women, which is surely insecurity related.

A really annoying insecurity he had was that he told me everyday for 4 years pre-treatment that he was worried that I'd leave him for a black guy because I'm black and my boyfriend is white. This could be very understandable if someone is super insecure but the way he relentlessly hounded me about it EVERYDAY seemed illness related. When I met him he was in a phase where he was obsessed with black women and black culture in general and wanted to be a hip-hop singer and songwriter.

Another thing pre-treatment, he was hardcore obsessing about blond haired women he said because his mom has blond hair and he would always harp on the fact that she has blond hair and he’d go on about his ideas about blond women because of how his mom acts. And he was constantly obsessing about what his mom says and he was convinced she hated him because she is very bossy, critical, loud and over bearing (according to him). Again this is understandable! In and of itself that does not seem ill but the constant harping and saying all blonds act the same as his mom, it seemed like an unhealthy obsession.

Pre-treatment he was obsessing for an whole semester about a (blond) lady professor he had, he thought she was cute and he was going over these whole scenarios of whether he would be able to get with her or not and if she liked him (even though she had a husband and I am his girlfriend!). Again this is understandable, and more callous and disrespectful to our relationship, not necessarily ill per se.

The only thing that was so badly psychotic was his suicidal faze and that was a scary nightmare. And also it was scary that he kept saying that his dog had a tumor and it was getting worse and worse by the years and he refused to get her medical treatment until she could barely function and he had to get her put to sleep! (all that suffering his dog endured because he thought she was going to die if she got surgery and leave him alone in the world!)

90% of my bad experiences pre-treatment with my bf are just super annoying where I had to keep assuring him I wouldn't leave him and trying to help him not be so obsessed because he got so hardcore obsessive about lots of other things, most of the other obsessions where mild and fleeting though.
In my other relationships and involvement with men they didn’t give a rat’s *** what I was doing or with who, just as long as they could try to use me for what ever they wanted.

But my bf NEVER shared with me anything out of the ordinary like government or alien conspiracies so I originally thought he might just have manic depression because he'd have months when he'd really be amazing and great then he'd have months of intense obsessions and he’d feel so low he didn't know if he wanted to live anymore and that would go on in cycles of about 3-4 months each of good and bad times, for the 4 pre-treatment years.

I also totally agree with you spiritual emergency, that many of the problems that I presented for me and my bf are not even schizo related. I know that his natural behavioral tendencies couldn't be all 100% illness related. I'm just trying to figure if the illness heightens those things or not. I’m pretty sure the intense obsession could be illness related or a separate problem in and of it’s self, maybe OCD. But the doctor didn’t diagnose him with that so I don’t know.

I believe you are also very perceptive and right on all the points you made too, spiritual emergency. You have been very helpful to me in pointing out some additional things that I didn't even realize yet.

You were right on point when you said, "All things considered, if someone is intending to choose a partner and build a life with that person, most people seem to feel rather happy about that. They seem to feel like they're getting a remarkable person and they're incredibly fortunate to have found that person for them selves. I'm not getting the impression that is the way you feel about your boyfriend. What I do hear is a lot of affection mixed in with a lot of confusion and uncertainty."

I do love my bf very much but that emotional roller coaster of the early years had sent me into such a tailspin and changed my view of him. And the problems I brought to the table didn't help either. Plus, the fact that I tend to seek the approval of men while refusing to be submissive to them at the same time isn’t a good thing.

Right now he knows better not to try to control me and there are so many behaviors that he has changed from the past, I have changed some of my behaviors but I am still working daily to change.

With that said, the major thing I’m am trying to work on now with myself is to let go of all the anger at the other men from my past and my bf for being the way they were and not letting my past color how I deal with men in the future. But the biggest overall challenge remains for me to stop believing that most guys are mean, unstable and abusive. I’ve already been able to make peace and forgive my dad, so that’s a good step.

Since I posted the initial post, I've been thinking and I'm not so confused anymore. I just would like my and my bf to come back together as a stronger communicating team rather than drift apart. He had been kind and positive in the last e-mail he sent 7 days ago but I can’t reach him on his cell or email, which is unlike him, so I don’t know what’s going on. The only thing I know for sure is he’s not good at managing a lot of major things at once but he has previously had always been super good at the relationship, managing schoolwork and his job.

He has a really hard class and a big test to study for now and more job duties but I don’t see how a 5-minute call or even a voicemail could take away from his progress. Things like this don’t make any sense to me and if I tell him that the lack of communication bothers me and he’ll probably withdraw more and get all depressed (which has happened before). I know now that men naturally withdraw for various reasons, but it is so frustrating. And when they do it they act like only their feelings count.

Anyway thank you again both for your help. :-)

SakuraLi: Since I posted the initial post, I've been thinking and I'm not so confused anymore. I just would like my and my bf to come back together as a stronger communicating team rather than drift apart. He had been kind and positive in the last e-mail he sent 7 days ago but I can’t reach him on his cell or email, which is unlike him, so I don’t know what’s going on. The only thing I know for sure is he’s not good at managing a lot of major things at once but he has previously had always been super good at the relationship, managing schoolwork and his job.

He has a really hard class and a big test to study for now and more job duties but I don’t see how a 5-minute call or even a voicemail could take away from his progress. Things like this don’t make any sense to me and if I tell him that the lack of communication bothers me and he’ll probably withdraw more and get all depressed (which has happened before).

It sounds like when those communication lines falter, that triggers some fears of your own. I'm wondering if the next part of the equation is that when you do finally hear from him, he hears a lot from you about how worried and concerned you were and this, in turn, produces stress in him, to the extent that he withdraws because he was already feeling overly stressed.

Could that be the cycle that has come into play?

If so, in order to break it, both of you might have to make some modest changes. For example, he might have to be willing to ensure communication stays in place. I'm certain that even a simple text that he was stuck in his room studying would be enough to address your concerns about his state of mind.

And you might have to be willing to not share all your fears and concerns with him at the point he does call. For example, maybe you could say, "It's so nice to hear from you," as opposed to, "My god! Where have you been?! I was so worried! I've been trying to reach you for days!"

Admittedly, I can understand your concerns -- I'm a mom and we are specialists in the panic department. Nonetheless, I've learned that if my kids feel guilted out when they call, they're less inclined to call and that's not what I want. So now, when they do call, I thank them for calling, thank them for letting me know what's happening for them/delayed them from calling, express my sympathies as appropriate and enjoy the opportunity to re-connect. When I altered my own behavior, they altered theirs and we both got our needs met. You may find that a similar approach works well for you and your boyfriend.

SakuraLi: I originally thought he might just have manic depression because he'd have months when he'd really be amazing and great then he'd have months of intense obsessions and he’d feel so low he didn't know if he wanted to live anymore and that would go on in cycles of about 3-4 months each of good and bad times, for the 4 pre-treatment years.

It may be helpful to know that labels are very slippery-slidey things. This is because, in spite of the hype, experiences like schizophrenia and bipolar disorder are not specific illnesses like diabetes. There is no diagnostic test that can be done (like a blood test or brain scan) that will deliver a conclusive result that so-and-so has schizophrenia, bipolar disorder, depression, etc. Rather, diagnosis is based on the presenting, troubling symptoms and because these can change, the diagnostic label can change along with it.

I know many people who have gone from being schizophrenic, to being bipolar, to being schizoaffective to being DID. In my own child's case, the initial concern was that they were schizophrenic. Then it became bipolar. Then it became schizoaffective/bipolar. At our most recent meeting with their psychiatrist however, their psychiatrist shared that they're not sure if any of those labels are appropriate because my child is doing so well. They think that maybe it was just the challenges of Life stressors as combined with my child's use of cannabis. The stressors have since been reduced, the cannabis use has been stopped and my child is doing well.

They are, incidentally, engaged to marry someone who carries a diagnostic label of "schizophrenia". Like your boyfriend, that individual is very high-functioning, capable of working, going to school and maintaining intimate, emotional relationships. My child is happy and does feel they have found a remarkable person to share their life with. I share their sentiment. They have found a remarkable person -- someone who is good for them, someone who has demonstrated they can hang on during the tough times, someone who is skilled, knowledgeable, intelligent, capable of developing and following through on their goals, empathic, kind, and strong. I have no objection whatsoever to my child marrying someone who is considered to be schizophrenic in this culture/society. I feel they have chosen well.

I have a similar situation except that last year(2014) my bf saw me in the hospital and not only blamed himself but deliberately started staying away from me because he thought that I would die just like his wife, step son and parents did all in the space of five years....in July after he told me how deeply in love with me he was, he filed an injunction of harassment against both me and my son in what we believe was an attempt to keep us alive in his delusional mind because then we wouldn't be able to have any contact with him for a year...but I took it to a hearing. Although it was withdrawn, the judge made us informally agree to not see each other for a whole year..this has been the worst thing that has ever happened to me and I am 65 and have been married twice before...I am devastated and don't want to live...I have been emailing him since late October and he alternatelyblocks and unblocks my son's and my emails but never responds..in December we sent him Chanukah gifts that we found under my car the next morning..is there anything I can do to shake him out of his delusion that we will be harmed or does he even have that delusion anymore...I am so upset and confused and turned around and don't really want to live anymore.I am also in a lot of pain and handicapped but my son is also very upset..Michael was the best when he was around..though he was a snot in court and asked the judge if it couldn't be longer than a year for the injunction..I am heartbroken and confused...to the lady who posted about her bf, I would say that YES love is worth it..if you have found it with this man then do everything you can to keep it..it may never come again..

Hi. Unlike you I have found most posts NOT helpful..I have this wonderful BF or did anyway until he filed an injunction for harassment against us...I am so heartbroken..I am 65 and he will be 64 in two weeks. His wife died in 2011 and we connected so well in 2013 until I was in the hospital...then he just left and when I visited him in february yelled at me and chased me out of his store( he is a merchant). then when we went to visit him in May he was angry and told me and my son he didn't want my birthday cake but after we talked to him awhile he began to be friendly again. He was confusing though and talking to people in space and then told my son that he had been in the Middle East fighting giants that were as tall as skyscrapers and that he was exploding them with light beams and that they were falling to the ground in pieces...OY VEY! Anyway, I would say, stay with him if you love him..don't let anyone tell you differently no matter WHO they are..this is YOUR decision...anyway.. those are MY thoughts..

this thread is from 2010.

I thought I was being honest and truthful but kind. I'm sorry that wasn't what you wanted.

Wow. What a surprise to see a post from SakuraLi. She left this forum long ago.

Martamiriam, I'm sorry you're finding your boyfriend's reaction so painful. Unfortunately you can't force someone to be in a relationship with you, even if you believe his reasons are delusional.

I would suggest you seek help for yourself if you feel you can't go on.

No it wasn't. I still love him and am going to hope thta after this injunction is over we will reconnect. The psychiatrist I have been talking to says that the email I send next week MIGHT help to bring him out of his delusions but again he is paranoid because of the injunction. I do NOT believe in bailing from the best man I have EVER known simply because he has schizophrenia..why does everyone want me to do that?? My T and my case manager said that I might be the only one who could help him..he is totally alone and is not used to being single as he was married for 20 years..he WANTS to be married...and so do I NOW...so why are you suggesting I bail on him? We cannot see or contact him for another seven months but my son also wants to be with him as he loves him dearly too. He filed the injunction while he was delusional with the help of a so called "friend" who wanted to hurt us and me in particular...I am dying here and do NOT want to live without him...I lie in bed day after day praying to die and wanting to die..in fact I tried committing suicide over this so why would you want me to just give up because we cannot see each other from a legal standpoint? You don't know this man...we do...I was looking for support to stay in the game because if I don't my life is over PERIOD!

I HAVE sought help to no avail...I am not sure why people don't get that we have an injunction between us now...that is why we are not seeing each other....and I don't care...we are emailing him now and he is keeping his emails open which to him as we know him, means he wants to hear from us...what is so hard to understand about this everyone? Why don't you get it? The psychiatrist said that we can make his delusions weaker by not emailing him for at least a month so that is what we are doing...his delusion was that we would die if he was near us...I suspect he gave us the gifts back for that reason or that he was afraid of the court finding out...he was so good in 2013 and I know that this disease waxes and wanes....I am NOT going to give up..if I do that I WILL complete the suicides I only attempted last summer....thanks for nothing guys...

you're being rude. you posted here asking for advice. you got people's opinions and advice. just because you don't agree with the responses you got does not mean you can act rude to people on here

Marta, you seriously need to look for help. You are a danger to yourself. I suggest going into the ER and saying this and getting hospitalized. The storms and stresses for you are too much to bear at this moment. You can't think rationally and need extra care. For your son, go to the hospital. If you can't take care of yourself how are you suppose to take care of him?

Dude I am hurting and I am sick of people telling me to give up on the only man I have truly loved in all of my 66 years...I WILL NOT DO THAT! Surely there is a better way and I was NOT being rude....I was just stating a fact and my feelings so get over yourself..

No no no..Not EVER going to that ER again..they stripped me naked and let me slip on my own urine after giving me the finger and denying me access to a bathroom and water...I am NOT SUICIDAL!! NOT EVER GOING TO HAPPEN>>>someone needs to figure out what I can do as I am not giving up on this man..DO NOT TELL ME TO GET OVER HIM NEVER GOING TO HAPPEN! I was in the ER and the psychiatric unit twice over this and they just abused me and tried to put me on anti psychotics..my son is 24 and he feels the same way about this man who was supposed to be his Dad..do you think that drugs and the ER can fix this?? It has been going on for a whole friggin year..you people are useless....

I am thinking rationally...what the hell?? Because I love this man I am not RATIONAL??WTF?? I have been on drugs and in the psych ward twice when all I am suffering from is a broken heart...if he was back in my life I wouldn't be feeling this way..what is wrong with you people?? I thought you would be helping me but all you can think of is getting me to the ER where they abused me and denied me access to the bathroom, denied me water and I slipped on my own urine? WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU GUYS? I just want to know what is going on with him that he unblocks his emails and never responds..gives me my Chanukah gift back GENTLY and where it would be seen and told me he was deeply in love with me..is that too much to ask? I need to know if he still is in love with me as he said in May? He filed an injunction and we aren't supposed to see each other and I am in torment as I love him so much..is that too hard to understand?

k
good luck in life
bye

I also say if you love him and want to stay you should, it would be hard life to live, i am proud that you studied up on this disease, i have it too. I am so lucky to have a husband like mine, he is real good to me and sensitive to my illness and helps me get through my rough times.

Interesting