Roll call

Here and doing ok after a bit of rough couple of days.

My swimming teacher said something that irritated me on Tuesday evening. I felt like I was being put down. I tried to work with the feeling, but it just wasn't letting up. Yesterday I was stressed all day, because I knew I was going to have swimming class again in the evening. I even talked it over with two of my more sympathetic coworkers. Nothing helped. I was wondering why I was getting so caught up with something which was very small in the greater scheme of things.

Then last night my son talked to me about something a coworker said to him at work yesterday which mildly upset him. Because I'd been struggling with something similar for the last two days, I think I was able to be more empathetic in my response.

Sometimes I wonder if we have negative experiences just so we can be more understanding of other people's struggles.

That certainly is a very positive way to look at our difficulties, and when considered like that, I'm sure we are better positioned to make something good out of it for someone else's benefit.

what I went thru yesterday that made me feel weak, tomarrow will make me strong.

It is hard to see when I am in the middle of a storm how it will strengthen me when I am out of it. How I manage during the storm shows where my foundation is. If it consumes and devoures me, my foundation was weak and built on the sand, if I am able to rise above it and remember that it will strengthen me, and I have a firm foundation built on rock.

Im am here and looking above the clouds to see the sun is still shining.

Here, okay.

Here.

For some reason the last few Saturdays, I've woken up and had the panicky thought that it's Friday and I have to get up and get moving. Then I remember it's Saturday. I can relax.

Here and wondering why I'm suddenly experiencing olfactory hallucinations. I thought I was done with this. Maybe lack of sleep is triggering it. I long for sleep. Reading the book Synchronicity by Dr. Kirby Surprise.

Here and okay, although I just stepped (barefooted) on the head of a dead mouse that one of cats left in my path while I was going to make my morning coffee. While I'm grateful the mouse is no longer running around my house, I'd prefer the corpse be left elsewhere.

I was sick mentally when I awoke, but I have gotten into a better mindset now.

please listen...

thank you

brook

I'm listening right now. Really nice.

It's funny how we can wake up in a mood, then it dissipates like morning fog. Yesterday morning I woke up with the funniest idea. I felt like life was a giant pinata, and if we whacked it hard enough it would break open and all the goodies would come raining down on us. Such a funny idea and so unlike my normal way of thinking it makes me want to laugh. I wonder how that thought wandered into my head.

Which mood do I pick... sometimes they come and go so quickly I can't even catch one long enough to know it was there...

doing okay today

i visit the site alot but i rarely post. i am back on meds, trying to build my life, and maybe be more social.

Here.

Let's see. How am I? Woke up earlier than I wanted to. Must have been having a dream inspired by Tsunami's thread yesterday and my mildly stressful day at work, because I woke up thinking that life isn't perfect sometimes but you just have to do the best you can on the bad days. Not a cheerful start to the day I suppose but at least it's ... what? ... I don't know. Wish I'd got that last half hour of sleep.

Now for some coffee.

Edited to add: The morning's not improving. Sat down to meditate it the same spot I sit every morning and there's a light shining in through my window where there hasn't been before. It was driving me nuts! So I drove out to find its source. It looks like the county has installed a new light down at the lake at the boat ramp. Grrrr!!!! I live in the country so I can avoid lights, and they install one right where it shines into my window!

You know the one about making lemonade when life gives you lemons? I don't know if this will help you sleep, but how about making a gobo out of card and hanging it from your window so it makes shadows of funny things on the wall opposite your window?
Then every time you want to go to sleep you have to try to stop laughing at the silly shapes you made.

As a teenager, when I was struggling with haunting thoughts that the dragon I painted had come to life, and had an evil spirit that wanted to torment me, I would look out of my window, with curtains open, and watch the moon until I fell asleep. (That was after I burned my painting and killed the dragon ).

Thanks, Tsunami. I'd never heard of a gobo before. I'm pretty obsessive about darkness at night. I even cover all the lights in my room - like the clock radio and the little light on the tv - when I sleep. I think I'll just pull the shade down.

I honestly don't understand the human need to light up the whole freaking world at night. If God had meant for us to have light at night, he'd have made the sun shine all the time. Furthermore, we manufacture melatonin at night and light inhibits that.

P.S. I've driven to work now and been irritated by several other drivers. I've decided to treat this day as a gift. I've been trying to cultivate equanimity. Here's my chance to practice.

P.P.S. Whenever I think about equanimity, that George Bernard Shaw quote leaps to mind: "The reasonable man adapts himself to the world; the unreasonable one persists in trying to adapt the world to himself. Therefore all progress depends on the unreasonable man."

I wonder if the unreasonable man enjoys equanimity. I wonder if the unreasonable man is happy. I wonder if the unreasonable man would get a bb gun and put that damned light out. I wonder if Shaw is right that all progress depends on the people who persist in trying to adapt the world to themselves. What is "progress" anyway, and why do we want it? And why can't I decide to cultivate equanimity without getting into a philosophical debate with myself?

Why would it take an unreasonable man to be a little proactive in getting a good night's sleep

Here and sleepy. I think I'll call in sick today. Or maybe just go in a bit late. I hate to waste a whole day.

hello I'm sleepy but functioning. I slept around 3-5 hours last night I believe. I took my meds. I took my multi-vitaman pill. I bought the paper, but have yet to read all that I want in it. I've had breakfast and coffee.

I feel good overall, and I am optimistic about my future.

Here, alive but not kicking too high!

If I can endure for this minute
If I can remain calm and quiet
If I can keep on believing what I know to be true
That darkness will fade with the morning
That this will pass away
Whatever is happening to me
With all my world crashing about
No matter how heavy my heart is
Or how dark the moment may be
Secure in the knowledge that my God love's me
I can suffer whatever is happening
For I know that He will break the chains
That are binding me tight in the darkness
trying to fill me with fear
There is no night without dawning
i know that my morning is near

you sound right lil wings to me.

I'm back

Thanks for the people that messaged me - sorry I wasn't up to replying

I'm so glad to see you back, Kureha.

Hope things are going well for you.

costello - i was able to request the city turn off a light at the end of my driveway at my old house that was bothering me. they might say no, but maybe it would be worth asking?

kureha - so glad to see you! hope you are well.

step 2 done, but stalling on 3 (the most important)