[KUREHA]

I really think something will happen, the student counsellor has had time to turn people against me and make a plan to hurt me or get me kicked out.

Then the camera on Friday that really freaked me out and I think that has a meaning, it was raping my mind, they are ready to attack. I'm going prepared. But it won't really stop them, if this is it.

I don't really want to talk to people tomorrow. I can't miss it, because they'll throw me off the course.

It sounds to me like your thinking about your couneslor more than your counselor is thinking about you. The "sleeper cells" seem to be closing in, I guess? They are planning an attack on you tommorow, yes? I wish I could hold you and make you feel safe from those evil sleeper cells, silly. Besides you sound like your not afraid to defend yourself. I'd worry for them, if I were to worry. I'm not worried for you. You sound awesome. It sounds like your fun to "hang out" with. Certainly not boring and serious all the time. Imagination is important, more important than people currently believe, I think. I mean, with imagination a cheap meal can be from a four star resteraunt, you know what I mean. It works for me. It seems to me that with imagination, people could save lots of money on plane fare and hotels. Just imagine themselves somewhere else, far far away. Simple as that.

The impending doom you seem to be experiencing, I guess your aware of therapy and pdocs. Well, lets use our imagination then. Where will the sleeper cells attack from? What will their weapons be? How many ageressors will you have to contend with? You better know the answer to these questions, if you wish to repel their attack and escape.

Is there any other emotion you are feeling, besides fear?

[KUREHA]

She's a **** ***** - she just joined with them, for no reason at all.

They will have their best agents tomorrow, not the expenable ones, specially trained agents, the better sleeper cells.
I don't even know if I'm going to get a chance to defend myself, if they shoot me with a poison there isn't much I can do.
I'll take my knife - but it might not make any difference.

Your angry at a woman who sells her body because she joined the sleeper cells and is going to attack you tommorow? I think selling my body is essential to my survival. I mean, If I do not sell my time and self-respect to work, I don't get paid. I can't hate myself about it. I'm the guy behind the counter, Its OK to ridicule them, it seems to me that some feel and teach. I have people mock me and ridicule me, and then I have to home and keep it to myself. My wife and son are both sick. They can't help. Then I have to get up and allow myself to be ridiculed and mocked the next day. Then go home, and try to be unaffected. I can't hate myself like they try to, the customers.

The way I feel these days, if they come and decide to process me, for whatever reason, I'll remain calm and say, "where have you guys been, your late." I will embrace their hell. I am in my home, it is their loss. I'm their last hope for hope from what appears to me to be a very, very alone and guilt filled and painful future of forever for evil doers in this world today. The choice is theirs. I can be a natural resource, or me. I can't choose for them. If they tie me to a stake to burn alive, I'll sing. I'll rejoice. I'll express my love and gratitude to all that has sustained and nurtured me in my life, thus far. I'll express to the world how wonderful she is. I'll love her till my dieing breath, and I will die without regret in my heart.

...

[newtus]

hm. i say protect yourself but dont do anything violent unless you see them coming after you. you know? if you sense something i would just use your hands but not a knife. only use the knife if you see it not sense it. its gotta be on the line of defense. you know?

[KUREHA]

She isn't literally - she's just a counsellor.

I'm not sure I know what you're talking about - I'm good with metaphors though.

Newtus - yeah it's probably best to wait until I'm definitely sure they are sleeper cells and see them coming, they'd love me to be wrong.

So your counselor is a women who sells her body? She betrayed you?

I've been told I'm a good listener

[KUREHA]

Well she isn't my counsellor anymore - she refuses to talk to me. She doesn't sell her body - she's too old anyway.

She tried to turn my psychologist against me - it didn't work - don't know about the nurse though.

She joined with the sleeper cells - she didn't even try to deny it.

I have no idea what the sleeper cells are doing - they are flying cameras past my house, disappearing then appearing again, brightlighting me. This means something.

I don't think Kureha meant the counsellor actually sells her body..it was just a metaphor.

So your couselor communicated to you psychologist. You did not agree with what she told you psychologist, something like that? Your counselor will not meet with you, at this time? Are you willing to meet with your psychologist?

[KUREHA]

I don't want to see the counsellor anymore, well only to see why she is against me.

No my psychologist couldn't take her call, my psychologist doesn't believe lies either.

I just think everything is going on for a reason, they didn't recruit the student counsellor for no reason and the camera is not there for no reason either.

I always meet with my psychologist, she understands me.

I feel relieved that you are able and willing to talk to your psychologist. There is, from my view, and the view of many sane people, no shame with mental illness. Nor should there be guilt. It is just chemicals in the brain that aren't quite working properly. I mean shakesphere goes in and hemingway comes out. The mind of people like us doesn't filter information received properly. Too much info. Not info info. Info that has changed since entry through eyes, ears touch. No shame. No more pain. No more pain...

[newtus]

im behind but why did you goto the student counselor again?

[-Astral-]

Am glad that you are still meeting with your psychologist and that you can trust her .

[KUREHA]

I was seeing her because my teacher asked her to come see me, I only saw her about 3 times - she didn't understand me at all.

My psychologist is way different.

Dark Asylum - liking the pictures I love Underworld, Kate is awesome in them.

[-Astral-]

I have only seen the first underworld and i loved it want to see the others as well as soon as i get a chance
Kate is well suited to that role.

[newtus]

ooh i see. i had a stint like that in high school. many years ago now. well actually that and in college too but that was still a year ago. haha. and then they kicked me out and said it was because "low grades". nope

it was because i exposed corruption in their nazi regime. secondary to power next to govermental forces.

[mgran]

I saw Underworld at the pictures when it first came out. Completely and utterly creeped me out! Good movie though, very atmospheric.

Maybe I'll watch the movie, Underworld. It might look familiar, ha ha. I've got to loosen up. I'm going to work. Enjoy!

[mgran]

I've stopped watching that kind of film... the violence and occultism has a tendency to set me off. But if you do see it I hope you enjoy it. I appreciate well made films.

Right now I'm watching something completely different... Inspector Murdoch mysteries. He makes me want to move to Canada... and back in time!

I can't watch movies, lately. I walk a lot. I listen to the radio. I go to the library. I can't understand much anymore. Even books, I just drift off. I'm doin time on earth. I'm not sad about it. It is a pretty place. Maybe I'll heal, not today I guess. Maybe after I pass, I'll be loved in a lovely world. maybe. If not, well guess it is better to not think about what isn't. why, you know...why. I mean it has all meant nothing, everything that has been created, it meant nothing. why, why does creation have no meaning for humanity, cept me, I guess. Guess we will die and suffer together, it and I. We matter together. its not bad.

[KUREHA]

Well nothing happened - I saw them, but they didn't start anything. The counsellor didn't turn the teachers against me.

It's like calm with her- there's going to be something big happen - I know it, false sense of security.

I basically lied to the nurse about everything - except college going ok - I just have to know who is ok to trust, the wrong thing could ruin everything.

I decided against the bullet proof vest - I look cool in my fake one, but they are going to know and nothing will stop them going for my neck or head.

The nurse sounds like a good listener, Kurah(sp). I think you need to provide yourself with a safe place. It sounds to me that where you are, you do not feel safe. I'll continue to read and respond to your posts, unless my life becomes busy or something like that which would prevent me from posting online. I can't make you feel safe, I don't believe I can anyway. I can share my expereinces and thoughts. I studied a bit of history in college, so I have a little training there. I studied a little business also. I've learned, in therapy, about mental illness. I can share what I've learned about that also.

I am concerned for you, based on what you post here. I wish I could help, I feel helpless about your fears and confusion. I hope you receive help soon. Good luck and I hope to read good, hopeful news about your life soon

[KUREHA]

I am getting help.

I just have a hard time seeing it their way - but I don't see why my point of view is always wrong.

Anyway I don't think someone that pretends to want to hear what I'm saying, but really is thinking "yeah - whatever" is someone I should trust, unless I say the wrong thing then they listen and make a big deal about it, if they had listened in the first place, they would understand why I'm talking about it. I have to repeat a lot.

[Shoe]

Hi Kureha, I was just wondering what do you think the sleeper cells motivations are for stalking you ? When I hear the term sleeper cells I think of radical Islamist or something along those lines.

Originally Posted by KUREHA

I am getting help.

I just have a hard time seeing it their way - but I don't see why my point of view is always wrong.

Anyway I don't think someone that pretends to want to hear what I'm saying, but really is thinking "yeah - whatever" is someone I should trust, unless I say the wrong thing then they listen and make a big deal about it, if they had listened in the first place, they would understand why I'm talking about it. I have to repeat a lot.