Trig) Not doing as well as I thought

You know there's a Madness Radio interview with a guy who played soccer to work out his emotions and whose mental illness essentially started when he injured himself and didn't have that outlet anymore.

Ha! I suspected as much, but now I have it straight from the horse's mouth - pun intended.

You know, I'm starting to believe there is a Madness Radio show about everything.
I wish I knew what started my "mental illness". I believe it was psychiatry, but it's counterproductive to believe that because I can never change that or find a replacement.

Are you calling me a horse?

I'm not really sure what it is with runners and running at ungodly hours, though. I just accepted the doctrine that I may only call myself a runner if I run before even the rubbish collectors are out of bed.

There is!

I think it's the kind of question that could torment you for life.

There are worse things than being a horse.

I think running should be added to the DSM.

<ducks and runs from the room before fish can throw something at her>

Eh, just one more pathology to add to the ever-growing ranks. *sigh*
Curiously, I once had a psych suggest that running was my form of self-harm.

I think a delusional disorder -- 'the practice of psychiatry, or overwhelming urge to do same' -- should be added to the DSM, but I feel likely to be overruled on that one.

I'm going to go on and be like, THE LAW DROVE ME MAD. MAD BONKERS IN THE NUT, I TELL YOU!!!! IT IS EVIDENCED BY MY RUNNING!!!!!!!!! *oooOOOOooooOOOOooooo*

/avoiding exam revision

You mean I have 60+ more years of this? No thanks.
I feel like if I could figure out what the original problem was, then I could just prevent it specifically in the future instead of taking my current blanket approach. Oh, how relaxing that would be!!

I'd rather be a pig.

At least I'm not playing Angry Birds. My friend missed his PhD viva because he got so engrossed in Angry Birds waiting on the train platform he forgot to get on his train. I was like

I have this running list of things I need to change about myself. Right now, it has 150 things on it . . . I don't normally tell people about my list because it sounds mad. I dunno, I'm obsessed with it though. I'm hung up on a lot of the things and 150 things to change is a huge undertaking. A lot of them are very drastic changes and will cost a large amount of money to fulfil (several cosmetic surgeries, for example). Some of them are never likely to happen (have diagnosis rescinded, apology from psychiatrists). I don't know. I wish I could let this stuff go, but I can't. Just . . . can't.

Hey fishsandwich

People from all walks of life can be effected by schizophrenia. I don't think people can just point you out as schizophrenic. That is if you are even schizophrenic at all. The only advice
I can give is to listen to your doctor. Even If you don't trust him completely.

People with schizophrenia are special. We see things in ways that nobody else can see.
Sometimes it's best to just keep it to ourselves.Others don't understand this disorder.
Hang in there fishy. It gets better.

Hugs to you

sardean

Thanks Sardean I can't ever trust a doctor again - never mind actually see one - but I'll keep beavering away at life, I guess. Not too keen on it today. But eh. As you say, life goes on.

i seem to think otherwise for myself.

I had this conversation with my son yesterday. He seems to think everyone can tell that he's weird or different just by looking at him. He doesn't look any different than your average person. No one would give him a second glance. And, unless you get into a long conversation with him, he doesn't necessarily say or do anything particularly odd either. Sometimes he gets a little confused because he doesn't quite process what's being said to him, but even that's not as huge of a deal as he thinks it is. It's only when he gets really self-conscious that I think people wonder if there's something a bit different about him.

I imagine it's the same with you.

He asked about you yesterday btw. He said, "How are Newtus and Kureha doing?" Which proves he occasionally actually listens to me when I talk.

well...
i always get looked at a lot. im always told im weird by most people. im either called weird or people think im autistic/aspergers. nevermind trying to make actual conversation go well.

as for my appearance...
well i dont deny i can dress weird. but it seems to be my behavior that attracts people. i dont know why! every single person ive ever known has had to tell me the way i act attracts a lot of attention. the ONLY thing i can say is maybe...is maybe that because im not around people my social skills/whatever are not good. but it doesnt explain how ive always been like this. ive had severe social problems since i was a preteen at least. so yea.

i always wondered what kurehas real first name was. i suppose you talk about us the most then?

Kureha, I haven't got much to add other than that just because people judge you for something doesn't mean it's a problem with you. Doesn't make in any easier, sure, but it maybe helps you have a thicker skin to think that way.

People judge each other on how they dress all the damned time. It's ridiculous. My rule has always been that if you don't stink, aren't showing the world your naughty bits, and all your open/festering wounds are covered, you are dressed well enough. If others don't like that it's their damn problem.

i remember some times when id go to the grocery with short sleeves on (extremely rare) and my arm would be cut up from my wrist to my sleeve cuff from self harm. like a tattoo sleeve. but....with cuts.

i wish i had the balls to post a pic of me.

oh wait i did actually. a few months ago or something.

I was being a bit hysterical about the open wounds thing. That is . . . a lot of cuts, though. I don't think it's functionally different from tattooing, but I don't get tattoos so eh. You OK hun?

this wasnt recent. im a long time cutter though. since i was 13.
i pretty much could be considered having scarification tatooing.
except i never meant it to be tattoos...

I just started yesterday, but I've decided it's not a fantastic idea. Costello posted a neat list of avoidance tactics a few pages back.

im dxd with an impulse control disorder. i have trichotillomania. ive had it since i was 9 years old.

i always think about what caused me to start doing something to drastic and self harm at 9. i think it was trauma. just guessing. but idk what from...

i think its rare. even at a psych hospital i get a lot of "wow" expressions from nurses/psychs because they say they rarely see it.

also i always think about how they stripped me to do a strip search 100% naked and the nurse/tech ladies were all looking at my stuff man....

Yeah they did that to me too. Extremely distressing. They wouldn't let me shower without a nurse in the room and often the nurse they'd provide was a male nurse . . . so I just stopped showering. They took that as a sign of lack of self-care. Then I got raped and the game was just all up.

Wow is hardly a helpful expression.

You'd have to ask her.

I actually don't talk to him much about anything here. It irritates him. That's why I was so surprised he remembered anyone's names.

why does it irritate him