Roll Call 19

sunshine please understand that I am not trying to upset you or make you feel bad about yourself. I just want you to believe in your heart that you deserve to be treated with respect by your son. You cannot allow him to continue to mistreat you! It is not healthy for you to continue to go through that nor is it healthy for your son to think that it is okay to treat you that way.

I hope u don't get mad at me but it's probably bc u haven't taken ur meds in a couple days. It's just gonna continue on this cycle until u take the meds. I know it's not easy and it sucks that we have to take meds but the alternative for me is hospitalization and starting all over. And with u it's FORCED hospitalization and then you'll be right where u are today. You really need to take ur meds on schedule everyday. I know it sucks. I'm on more meds than u. I have to take a ms, a ap, congentin for the side effects from the ap, an AD, and sleep meds. I really think if u take ur meds as prescribed things will only improve. You may be able to go back to college or anything u want. Ur still so young. I'd hate to see u waste ur life on this med merry go round. I know it's hard.

Man I don't want that bc like his old t said he may think it's ok for him to treat his gf that way. He doesn't have a gf but u know for when he does. Thanks for caring.

well im on an AD and an AP and an antianxiety and sleep med. i been forgetting to take them all except for the antianxiety. except for the sleep med the doctor didnt call that in yet but im prescribed that. every aspect of my life goes downhill on meds. thats why im so reluctant to take it. i get less energy. gain weight. lose intelligence (so to speak). lose all sorts of functionalities.

but i dont want to be in hospital no. im wondering if theres some herbal stuff i can take instead to cure my schiz. or "help" it.

That's what I was thinking too. One day he will have a girlfriend and maybe even a wife someday. And then he may have children too. So if he mistreats his girlfriend or wife and his children grow up in that environment then the emotional abuse continues. Then they think that's how a woman is suppose to be treated. The cycle of emotional abuse just continues on. It's up to you to put a stop to it now! It's never too late to start over. Even at 18 years old your son can learn how to respect you and treat you right.

I don't know of anything herbal that would help sz but you could try researching it. I know your number one priority is to stay off of forced injections and stay out of the hospital so you're going to have to do whatever it takes to reach those goals.

im gonna take my meds right now. i actually remembered my AD this morning when my alarm went off. yay to me. but i always forget my AP. because i was told to not take it in the morning anymore. to take it at night now. cuz of sleepiness.

Idk about herbal stuff for sz. I think u need an ap that doesn't have all the side effects u don't want. Even on the latuda I have side effects. But I've tried so many that had more side effects that I'm willing to settle with the latuda side effects.

You are so intelligent and no offense to anyone but I find u to be the most interesting person on all the forums. I wish I knew u irl bc I think we would get along great. Please don't let the sz win. Use every arsenal u can come up with to fight it. Write out all the meds you've tried and the side effects. Figure out what one u can deal with then stay on it as prescribed. Please....

thats nice of you to say. ill take that as a compliment.

but getting back to that. i did write down everythhing i took and the side effects. haldol has the least amount. its just...theres an element to psychosis that id like to bottle up and be able to let out on my own will. you know? like use to my advantage. is that even possible? idk. but haldol does make me very tired. ive been drinking coffee and caffiene related products like crazy since i been on haldol. it works a bit.

yeah I told him we are going to have a long talk when he gets home. Oh it's so hard

I know since I've been on the meds I get bored easily. And I used to love music and now I could care less. I'm still passionate about some social issues though. I had to tweak it to find the right amount to help with my symptoms but didn't take away me, u know? I think u can do that too. And yes it was a compliment.

Yes it is very hard but it can make things better for the both of you. I wish you all the very best

I wish u could bottle up the psychosis but unfortunately it doesn't work that way. It's just like I wish I could get hypo manic at will but I tried that and unfortunately it doesn't work that way.

I drank too coffee now I'm all wired up. I'm really putting off cleaning, lol. I just need help with it. It gets too overwhelming. God I hate having mi.

Maybe you could just do a section at a time. That works for me when I'm not able to do all my cleaning at once.

well i WISH i could. maybe its only a pipedream. but i feel like i dont want to give up on it.

See the thing is he harrasses me. It's not that simple to just stop it. I've tried many ways of dealing with it. I'll do my best but honestly he doesn't treat anyone like he does me. I don't think he will treat his gf that way. I'll try my best. It's not easy when u say no then get harassed until u give in. I've tried going to my room but he just follows me. That's why I just let him take over. I just feel like ur putting a lot of pressure on me. This is why he's been living at his dads. Bc he makes my symptoms worse. I have severe bp and ptsd. It's a fact and I do the very best that I can.

Well until u let go of the positives of the psychosis I fear you'll continue on this med merry go round.

im taking my medicine though. i took it now. and i remembered it this morning.

I was just trying to be helpful sunshine. If my suggestions put too much pressure on you then please disregard everything I said. I just thought when you made those posts that you were seeking help. I'm sure you're doing your best

Good. Do it everyday. U just have to. Don't let the sz win. You can have any life u want....u just have to take ur meds for that to happen. I tell myself just one day at a time. I need my meds today.

Thanks for trying to help. I don't think I need to disregard everything u said. I'm just hoping u can appreciate that when u have a severe mental illness it's really hard to be the parent u need to be.

Yes it sure is

Have u ever went into psychosis? Ur able to work. My mi has disabled me. I go through periods where I'm so depressed I can't even move. It's better now to a point but even on the meds I still struggle. I'm not weak bc I have these issues. I try really hard to be the best parent I can be. But unfortunately with my being untreated for so long these patterns my son and I have are really hard to break. That's why everyone thinks it's better that he lives with his dad. The only one that doesn't understand that is his dad. But my whole family, my therapist that I've had the psych nurses I've had have all said its better he lives with his dad.

I drank too much coffee I'm having the spins. I need to go lay down.

sunshine I hope you'll be able to find a solution that will make your life better.