Roll Call 20

Does anyone have any ideas on why these doc's think ppl are faking it? Why would anyone want to fake those kind of things, I just don't get it.

Hope everyone is doing ok. I've decided I'm gonna try invega. The latuda gives me insomnia and anxiety and I just can't deal with that. So I'm taking risperdal today and until I see the psych nurse. It sucks bc risperdal works so well for me, but the hunger is never ending. But I'm really tired of being anxious, paranoid and having insomnia.

I've had people think I was "faking" it. All I have to say to them is "**** you".

And I know u guys don't know me all that well, but I've missed being on here and getting to know everyone, Ive just been dealing with lots of paranoia.

I took that risperdal and already I'm starting to feel better. In a couple hours though the hunger will kick in...

I must be naive or something about this bc why would anyone want to fake it? If anything most probably don't seek help that should.

@Willow - i missed your question about my sleep meds, sorry. I always pick 2 or 3 nights per week to go without so i dont become accustomed to them and they stop working well. I almost always pick Thurs. as one of those nights because Fri.'s at work are not usually very busy, plus its my last work day in the week, so it doesnt matter too much to me if i am sleepy.

How on earth can a 14 year old consistently fake the same hallucinations and delusions for 3 straight years is what I want to know.
Having a T look at me as if we are to blame is the most humiliating experience to have to face.

To look into my childs eyes as she tells me she is tired of living because it never stops is heartbreaking. She has the mind of a 10 year old. She is a child in a teenagers body.

The only good to come out of all this is that the previous hospital is now being questioned by 3 agencies that know Bean enough to know that she is really not well and that now she is in a safe place where she is getting help. I dont ever want to go through that with her again.

Willow, I wish there was something I could do for you. It is horrible. oxox

The weirdest thing just happened...I logged onto Facebook and there was a picture of Punky Brewster posted by one of my high school friends saying her daughter dressed like that now. I think it's really interesting because I haven't heard anyone talk about that show in years and it's the day of punky's return to the forum....the universe is so strange sometimes...

I don't understand why people would fake something like this either. It just seems beyond pointless to me. The medications they give for this stuff are awful even if they do help, I hate taking them and I wish every day that I wasn't so ill to need them.

I'm not sure why they would think that in the case of willow or bean but have read that some pdocs especially at the VA get people faking it to claim disability or people who get some symptoms from illicit drug use that mirror psychosis and could be treated by cutting out those drugs but would prefer disability. The thing is they probably don't plan on taking meds long term...most people are not forced to but you kind of have to in the hospital. I read an account of one guy that did this and went back complaining to his doc after taking an AP he said he felt trapped in a box or something like that...never faked voices again.

Exactly. Who wants to be on these meds? Nobody that I know...

Breaking my little vow of silence because I have 3 essays to write and I'm procrastinating. :P

I had a doctor who thought I was faking because he thought my symptoms were "unusual" (the only thing I can think of is that I told him I had musical hallucinations, but I think he misunderstood that. I hear clips of songs or song lyrics that have personal significance/are messages or instructions. I don't hear instrumental music if that's what he was thinking.) and he thought I was emotional/had BPD because at the time I was self-harming because I picked it up from other girls in the hospital. Other than that one week period, I haven't self-harmed for the purpose of "release" or whatever reason most people do it. I also don't have the other symptoms of BPD, though I do get more depressed and anxious when I'm in the hospital.
So I guess BPD patients are more likely to fake something like this? Still can't see anyone maintaining this in the long term because like Atypical said, meds are hell. A necessary evil in my world.

punkybrewster6k, I wish my parents were as understanding as you. If I thought mine would understand, I would have told someone about the voices a long time ago and maybe stopped things before they got so bad. I remember trying to fake colds/sore throats just so I could see a doctor and tell SOMEONE what was going on without going to my parents. My dad even accused me of faking...

Which brings up another point about why faking it in the long term just doesn't make sense. Why would anyone intentionally shame themselves by getting labelled like this... I am humiliated by this disorder. I don't tell people I have it because I know no one will listen to what I have to say once they hear I'm schizo or "psycho" or whatever...

yea im nervous to travel

Oh, (not sure if I said this already?) and I finally met another schizophrenic person my age in the hospital. Whenever she described having a bad psychotic episode, she called it "schizin'", like a verb. As in "I was schizin' and accidentally told everyone I had AIDS."

I'm so using that the next time I have to explain myself. XD

no she is a girl.

well i met with T and pdoc. they decided to up my seroquel at bedtime and give me one during the day. the voices were mad in his office and they were telling me that pdoc is poisoning me . it was scaring me and i started to cry. i told them i didnt like it in his office and T let me leave. he said i looked pretty miserable in there. i asked T if he would tell me if pdoc was poisoning me and he siad that he would tell me and that pdoc is not poisoning me. i trust T so i dont believe the voices

my voices arent so bad today but they are still here. mumbling and laughing.

You should sue the sh_t out of that hospital for putting Bean, you, and your husband through that!!! They should get into trouble for the way they treated your family! It makes me very angry!

its hard to sue a hospital and actually get something out of it because their claim is "youre crazy".

Hopefully those other agencies that are looking into it will get on their a_s about how wrong it was to treat Bean, Punky, and her husband like that. Accusing the parents is just flat out evil in my book! And to stress Bean out like that and upset her to the point that she wants to give up is evil too! They are suppose to help not make things worse! This situation makes me so angry because it reminds me of something I went through years ago with my oldest daughter when a pdoc had her on Abilify. I've talked about this in Roll Call before a long time ago. Long story short I had to get my daughter off the Abilify because it affected her very badly and I had to get very aggressive with the pdoc. I had to demand him to write a script with a lower dosage to help get her off gradually. This pdoc treated me like I was clueless. I know my daughter better than he does. He wrote the lower dosage script and I googled how to get her off safely. We did it and never went back there.

Stories like Punky's, my daughter's, mine, and what I hear others go through here on PC makes me afraid to trust a pdoc or to take medications.

i understand cracking i really do

I know you do Newtus I know you've been through hel_l with this too

my dad told me to wear my medical bracelets on my trip. they say my name and my allergies and "schizophrenia" on them. hes worried ill be put in the hospital in cali while im there. im worried my extended family wont understamd my weird ways and quirks. and my panic attacks. or when i hear voices or get paranoid. they dont really know about my diagnosis and theyre the family i sent those psychotic weird letters to when i was really sick. especially this one family member who is actually pickingg me up from the airport.

im also so scared ill be one of those people to panic on the plane and get apprehended for it. god forbid duct taped to my seat by other passengers like that one guy was on the news.

I think wearing your medical bracelet is an excellent idea. Do you think your mother might have talked with this side of your family and explained your situation? Maybe if they knew then they'd understand how to help you if you were to panic, etc.

thats a cool idea...a medical bracelet for mental illness. one time i got in a horrific car wreck and they asked me if i was on meds and of course im on a lot of them and they freaked out and thought i was on all of them at once driving my car. i had to tell them i have psychotic disorder and ptsd. it was embarassing

Re: faking it- especially among young people, by this i mean teenagers and people in their twenties, but it can happen among people of ALL ages, i have observed that it has become more and more acceptable, even trendy among some, to display some types of mental iillness symptoms such as self harm and talking about eating disorders. As this acceptance occurs, in order for someone to get attention for mental health symptoms which are less than genuine through shock value, they have to up the ante. This can include faking - or claiming- things such as hearing voices, hallucinating, having paranoid thoughts, etc when they are not really experiencing these things. This attention seeking behavior can then cause doctors to question people with legitimate symptoms. This to me is really sad. It threatens the care of people who really need help, and trivializes their suffering.

*Note- I'm sure there is no way to avoid someone taking offence to this, but i wanted to say it anyway because i DO see it happen. This post is in no way directed at any member here.

no she wont. shes very...idk..whats the word...secretive with her family. i think shes embarrassed by me too. so she wont talk to them about it. especially not that openly.