Roll Call 20

I took the night off yesterday because work has been over working me and I felt a breakdown coming on. It was nice to have a night off and relax, I feel a lot better now.

We had a guard dog....he was just a pet but part Doberman part lab so he looked intimidating....neighbor on one side used to tease him through the fence so he got aggressive to those outside the fence....anyway a few years later neighbor girl on the opposite side reaches through the fence to "pet" him and gets bit. This girl was an ***** she once burned my little 9 year old sister with a cigarette so who knows what she did to the dog. She needed 2 stitches and we lost our homeowners insurance and almost had to have the dog put down because it was labelled aggressive....if there had ever been another incident even though he was on our property he would not have survived despite the fact that the neighbors were abusive. The law favors humans in this one...

There was a drone outside my house last night, kept shining a light at my window and I didn't get a good video.

I talked to my boyfriend about doing a roomshare and he said no because I have mental illnesses. He said I show my symptoms too often and that it wouldn't work out

Trying to read this book on anger management....it's actually making me angry! So for the most part I've been mellow but our new post doc opened the last case of one of our cell culture supplies and I asked her if she knew how to order more and she's like oh there's half a case left...well when people don't order more when they open the last case then someone later has to figure out what the right number is and no one assumes a case on higher shelf is half empty. So basically I'm like do you know how to order and after like three tries she finally answers the question I'm asking instead of giving some alternate excuse. The problem is if we run out of this supply the lab will cease to function for like a month...so now I have this note to myself to double check that she actually orders it but given her personality I have in my own mind decided that she will simply forget and that is making me angry. I had more of less forgotten about it myself but this book actually takes you through the types of anger you experience etc and telling you why it's bad and it's just ticking me off even more because now I have to remember all this garbage I was I think justifiably angry about in the first place. Roar! All it is doing is reactivating old anger and putting me in a mood!

Wow sorry,Just take a break from reading the book,No need to stir
up emotions like that. I have had that happen before I had this story
about these ghost children it made me cry and I was so sad about it
that I decided not to read it again for a while. I love to read btw.
But sometimes when I am having (flare ups) or (bad episodes)
and Am in a certain mood I just don't read at all. But it's always cool
to read something funny,you should take breaks and read comics
Like garfield the cat or charlie brown or something,I love me some Garfield.
Garfield.com has a date base of like all their comics ever made. I find myself
reading them for hours on end sometimes.

(Btw Hi again! I am just browsing through the forums)

i feel a migraine trying to come on again and i feel sick to my stomach again but i think ill be alright today with that.

i heard more voices

Hi! Newtus what is your avatar a picture of?
It looks like slowpoke from pokemon kinda.

(Oh sorry I forgot to introduce myself,I am new here my name is Kala.
I am just browsing around posting randomly in the forums )

its the drawing of simba from the lion king

Oh hey! I totally forgot about that movie
I used to love it,it's been a while since I've seen it

Thanks I did take a break and watched a dancing cockatoo on youtube for a bit I'm now into the cbt portion of the book but even using the techniques I'm not sure I see things differently. I still feel I'm right about the situation but wonder if she may be incapable of doing what I'm asking in which case accommodations should be made so she doesn't ruin things for everyone else...still my gut reaction is why should she work for us at all? Certainly it's very little effort to note items that are running out and write it on an order sheet...it makes me wonder if she is competent to run experiments reproducibly if she can't remember small details. I have to admit I'm a little less angry after writing this out and find that instead I am concerned she may be inept at her job. Maybe I should look for a book on better management skills instead of anger because I think my anger was alerting me to a genuine problem in this case. Alternately I'm wondering about mindfulness meditation...it's supposed to make it so you can think even when you have strong emotions like fight vs flight...

Hello everyone! I hope everyone is having a great day. I am coming down with a cold I think. Sinus stuff and an annoying cough. Ugh! I don't feel too well today.

Hey Sometimes Psychotic: I can understand being upset about someone not doing their job properly
I have a doctor who put my mother on an insulin needle and she didn't need one
yet now she is screwed and has to use it. That infuriated me really. Meditation is great!
I like to meditate sometimes. But it's hard to find the time to do it and the proper amount of Silence.
have you tried yoga? sometimes yoga can help you feel calmer I prefer to do Yoga when I feel tense then I meditate.
Oh here's a good meditation that you should try!Start by taking about 3 or 6 deep breaths and hold them
for a count of 3 or 6 (depending on how many you want to take) then release them out slowly.Then picture
yourself light as a feather drifting all the way to the ground,when you feel isolated from the outside world and
like you're in a large room then you need to Foucs And picture a golden light,like the sun warm and bright enveloping your entire being,then picture the darkness or negativity departing from your mind and aura. Then embrace the light energy and draw it into yourself. That is a aura cleansing meditation. those really help in clearing your mind and clearing away stress or anger. (Sources: I am a spiritualist) Oh and to bring yourself out of this medium mediation just wiggle
your fingers and toes (Always works for me)

I have tried yoga and loved it just haven't done it in a while...the local dance studio sent out an ad for fly-yoga which sounds super cool. That is an amazing meditation it actually made me tear up a bit just thinking about it. Awesome you're here and welcome!

Thanks and You're welcome! you know the awesome thing about this meditation is that once mastered you can apply it to your loved ones as well. Basically you picture your loved ones face you can meditate with a picture of them in front of you (btw I forgot to mention it's best to do the meditation on a bright and sunny day) you can do it outside or you can do it in your room with the curtains drawn so you can feel the sun on your face as you do it. To apply it to a loved one you start the same way as when you do it to yourself. but this time, picture them and their aura, and then you picture yourself drawing the negativity out of them and sending it off (making it dissipate basically) then you mentally draw the sun energy into a giant ball and gently send it their way to envelope their aura. I have done this for my loved ones and it works I even saw a change in them. Once you do the meditation on yourself you will see a great positive change in the way you think and feel the meditation should be done whenever you start feeling heavy again (heaviness is the onset of negativity re-entering your aura)

On a side note: I taught myself to do yoga from these training videos I have
It's so much fun I like to take my yoga mat out on sunny days and do yoga
in my backyard. it's very enlightening and relaxing.

Oh no! I left my poop scoop in a spot where things melted and refroze! I've been chipping at it with a shovel, but so far cant get it out! Looks like the shovel will have to do double doo-ty on yard clean up !
Tons of rats today. I'm okay with that. I do feel lonely so they are something, anyway.
Taking a break to unfreeze my hands and look for gloves.

Can you pour hot water on it?

Monday is the day I am gonna see a Psychiatrist to discuss my problems wish me luck and good vibes everyone. I gotta go to the store and pick up some groceries have a good rest of your saturday! byeeee

Thanks and good luck!

I took a shower which I haven't done in a few weeks, I put away the dishes away, and completed a scholarship essay. I feel pretty good today and soon will be taking a nap since I work tonight

Has anyone here gone to a meditation group before? I've been thinking about going to one because I want to belong to something and to help my symptoms possibly. I was thinking of going to a church, but I'm not religious so idk if that would be a good fit. I really want to belong to something and a lot of scholarship organizations like people belonging to organizations.

I like that

Nevermind

I couldn't get the bottom part out, but i got the top part out and paired that with a shovel and improved the yard. Ive got a lot of mean "people" and voices.

I feel bad saying so but i am a little mad.
I took dogs for a walk earlier but had to cut it short because i am having tunnel vision. Its not safe to walk them f i cant see things coming in my peripheral vision.

Now I feel really weird posting that.