Roll Call 24

my dads not off today.

he said as long as its safe and people arent scheming you online. i said "they arent. they encourage me to take my meds and help me."

i think he was just concerned cuz its he internet. but i have NEVER told anyone until right now. i told him cuz he said i need to start looking to recover from my illness.

Wait...is he thinking you haven't been trying or something?

i guess so. i dont tell him everything. i think par t of it has to do with my not taking my meds but he said i need to look to recover so idk.

Yeah...I mean from an outside perspective it often looks like meds are the answer because they control the obvious symptoms but they really increase the negative ones...so it's not that simple...I imagine he's worried about you but doesn't know how to handle that...and his only advice likely comes from pdocs...

yea im sure thats true. he does look online sometimes and has tried to get me on herbs before for my sz. but i was scared to take em so i didnt.

Yeah I don't know much about herbs except that you have to tell your pdoc because they can interact with meds...

Did you get your diet tea?

me? not yet. its coming in from austrailia. its a colon cleansing tea

Oh yeah I was just wondering....I didn't realize they didn't have suppliers here...

i have a hard time dealing with dramatic ppl. sometimes i feel a lack of empathy. or like i dont believe what they are saying an dthey are just exaggerating things. it sort of bothers me. that i cant be empathetic. idk

I have to say I agree with you...once you've actually been through hell and back and someone is having a first world problem of some sort it's hard to empathize.

Hi Newtus,
You can tell your dad, you've been an inspiration to others. I've been following your posts and think you're one very strong woman. No matter how many times you fall, you pick yourself up and keep on going.
I really admire your honesty and your willingness to share. I know it's not easy talking about MI, but you put it out there for other people to see, that's very brave of you!
I have watched every one of your videos and admire your strength, every time I watch them.
You have no idea how much you have helped me and I thank you for that.

thank you jolisse or your welcome!

I lack empathy entirely. I don't think it's anything you need to beat yourself up over.

f_ck this sh_t. its like everyday i feel bad. everyday theres something wrong with me

just started haldol again.pretty tired.hope every1s ok

So what's wrong with you today?

my paranoia between a 1 and 10 is a 9. im so afraid of the police and special agents and fbi following me around. and coming to get me. my anxiety is so high

idk if you were bein sarcastic

I wasn't.

I'm sorry your paranoia is so damn bad. That just sucks.

thank you. i swear theres special agents waiiting for me around the corner of my house. i walked around the house in special gloves and a gas mask.

Newtus

there are special agents everywhere

Deleted.

me trying to enjoy a cigarette